I love my husband dearly, but he stinks at giving gifts....

[Aubrey]

I think your dh needs a shopping buddy. Someone to at least bounce ideas off of, if not physically go w/ him. Preferrably not another man, your mil, or anyone single/attractive (unless they're only helping online).

 

(I **LOVE** helping people figure out perfect gifts, so y'all feel free to give your dh's my email address. At least then if it doesn't work out, you guys can both blame it on me--you know how a common enemy brings you together & all?) :D

 

ETA: If your dh isn't proactive, feel free to email me yourself. I'm not going to kick him in the pants (you'd need to email Remuda for that), but I can email him & try to help out. If you want, I can even disguise it as spam: Get Your Wife the Perfect Gift, presented to you by World Market (etc).

Edited December 20, 2010 by Aubrey

[Laurie4b]

Do you want to hear another side to it? (I recognize sometimes people just want to vent). If that's you, feel free to ignore this.

 

Honestly, I would really hate those kinds of expectations. I would feel like I was always on trial for what I could or couldn't figure out you wanted. If I buy you the things on your list, you're unhappy because I didn't find something else. I would be :confused: The ability to figure out suprises is not always a measure of love or thoughtfulness. If you want bday presents, tell him ahead of time that you do and give him some ideas. The easier you make it for him to succeed, the more likely he is to begin to "get it." Drop really heavy hints if you don't want to make lists. Tell the kids what you want knowing they will tell dad.

 

For some people, like me, giving and getting gifts just isn't a measure of love.

How does your dh show love to you? If gifts aren't particularly important to him, his brain may not be wired to really think about it much.

[Aubrey]

Do you want to hear another side to it? (I recognize sometimes people just want to vent). If that's you, feel free to ignore this.

 

Honestly, I would really hate those kinds of expectations. I would feel like I was always on trial for what I could or couldn't figure out you wanted. If I buy you the things on your list, you're unhappy because I didn't find something else. I would be :confused: The ability to figure out suprises is not always a measure of love or thoughtfulness. If you want bday presents, tell him ahead of time that you do and give him some ideas. The easier you make it for him to succeed, the more likely he is to begin to "get it." Drop really heavy hints if you don't want to make lists. Tell the kids what you want knowing they will tell dad.

 

For some people, like me, giving and getting gifts just isn't a measure of love.

How does your dh show love to you? If gifts aren't particularly important to him, his brain may not be wired to really think about it much.

 

I think this is completely valid. I finally realized one year that expecting dh to be *great* at gift-giving (as an expression of love) would be like him expecting me to be great at singing. :001_huh:

 

Still, though, I do believe in a) *thinking* about ea other & b) love languages. If someone does express that gifts are important, it would be pretty thoughtless to just ignore that. Knowing that someone made an honest effort & just isn't good at it is different, though, than no effort at all. :001_smile:

[LG Gone Wild]

Surprises are great BUT they usually end up duds. I prefer to get what I want (exactly) otherwise it's just a piece of clutter that I have to keep around and pretend to like. I am very particular so I just flat out tell dh.

 

I prefer that dh just flat out tells me what he wants although that's not always a success either. He's such a garage monkey that I can NEVER UNDERSTAND what it is he wants. Seriously, you try ordering specialized, aftermarket car parts :confused:. Poor man ends up with socks and cologne! :tongue_smilie:

[Denise in Florida]

:lol: I have a vacuum on my wish list. I always want house stuff for gifts. One year for my birthday, I got a new front door & I loved it! Another year a new chandelier. It's the only way I can justify spending the money. I'm frugal.

 

Yes, this is how I feel exactly. I would love a new door. I think my dh has started to understand after all these years. He took me shopping at Lowes for black friday. We got a new 'above the range' microwave and a new toilet for the girls' bathroom. I was so happy, :001_smile:.

[Lizzie in Ma]

The few times we have had money to get things for each other has been hit or miss. He is usually pretty good at looking at my Amazon list. The first time I emailed it to him though, he thought it was spam and deleted it because he didn't know my Amazon user name, lol.

This year the money he had put aside to shop for me just went out the window on an unexpected $150 vet bill Saturday. The dog hurt herself.

It's ok though, so very blessed and I lack for nothing.

[JFSinIL]

My hubby was raised in a house with six kids where the emphasis was NOT on gifts - and it shows.

 

I was raised in a house with three kids (and more money to spend) and much thought was put into not only getting everyone gifts they would love, but also "enough" gifts (so even if a kid got one big expensive item, the folks would still make sure there were more presents to unwrap even if only socks, a cheap gag gift, candy, etc.)

 

I am trying to raise my kids to be more gift-giver oriented than their dad. I think the girls "get it" - the boys I have to spell it out a bit more.

[BikeBookBread]

Haven't read past the original post, but this used to really, REALLY bother me, too. I grew up in a gift-giving home. Christmas was an excuse to go overboard in the gift-giving department, and it was WONDERFUL... but it was unusual. We didn't buy a ton the rest of the year, so well, Christmas was HUGE. I was an only child and it wasn't unusual to spend 4 hours opening presents, and that was just at home. There was another 2 hours at the extended family present opening. Some families are just like that.

 

DH's family wasn't one of them.

 

It caused a lot of pain on my part for him for the majority of our marriage. I changed, though. And I'm glad I did.

 

Now, he tells me what he wants, and I get it for him. I tell him what I would like, and he gets it for. I have wrapped my own presents before, and he's wrapped his own. And it works for us! I think that sometimes you just need to change expectations... I know it has made for much more pleasant holidays, anniversaries, birthdays the past 3 or 4 years now that the unreasonable expectations are gone.

[Murphy101]

My dh will buy me absolutely anything I ask for if it's even remotely possible he can afford it. Makes me nauseated to contemplate the debt he would be happy with if he didn't know it'd make me puking sick to have it.

 

He LOVES shopping for people. ANY people. He always gets MY friends the perfect gifts. I say I want to buy for so and so, and he makes it happen.

 

But I SUCK AT GIFT GIVING! I HATE surprises. Really I do. I don't like them at all. Getting or giving. If I happen to see something that I think so and so would like or needs, I just get it and give it and move on happily. But the stress of having to do it by a certain date or whatever completely freaks me out. And hoping I don't disappoint them. And I hate crowds and shopping. I do not shop. I buy. I have my list, I go in, get it, and get out pronto. No detours. And I truely can't think of a single thing not necessary to staying alive that I'd camp outside a store or elbow little old ladies to buy for another person. *shudder*

 

My poor dh. He is likely disappointed every gift giving event, which is double sad bc we rarely do official gift events. Years go by without a birthday, holiday, valentines, or whatever gift exchange. If we can afford something, we just get it. If we can't, then the special event won't change that.

 

I don't know... I guess let go of the disappointment and be happy your dh just wants you to have whatever you said you wanted.:grouphug:

[Murphy101]

Surprises are great BUT they usually end up duds. I prefer to get what I want (exactly) otherwise it's just a piece of clutter that I have to keep around and pretend to like. I am very particular so I just flat out tell dh.

 

I prefer that dh just flat out tells me what he wants although that's not always a success either. He's such a garage monkey that I can NEVER UNDERSTAND what it is he wants. Seriously, you try ordering specialized, aftermarket car parts :confused:. Poor man ends up with socks and cologne! :tongue_smilie:

 

My dh did that to me last year. I went to Sears and looked for the first old man with a bit if dirt on his shoes and he was kind enough to walk me through the store for every item on the list. He thought it was so cute to see a young wife buying tools for her dh. Said his wife after 40 years was still buying him cologne and he was still wearing it, but he'd sure have appreciated a good wrench.:lol: