Is this rude? Nintendo Ds issue

[simka2]

Let me give you some background. At one point the twins spent the night at a friends house. They were asked to bring their DSs as all the other boys had them to. Well a few days later we noticed they were short a game.

 

I asked the boys where they lost it...and it was at this party. Itold them they needed to resolve it the next time they saw their friend. Well, the friend insisted it was his. So from now on I put their initials on their ds games.

 

I didn't go to the parents. I didn't want to accuse their son. It seemed rude to me, plus I didn't have any way to prove it was ours. My boys learned a lesson in taking care of their stuff. (and we learned to check their games before and after visits)

Fast forward a year...I just got an email from the mom saying "Long time no talk...our son is missing a ds game and since your boys took one before...I thought you might have it."

 

"Huh?" :001_huh: First of all...they never took a game. And secondly...it's been a year!!!! and you know they were the last to play with it.

 

My reply was a bit stiff. We've moved to Tx...and we don't have that game.

 

So what say's the Hive...if something goes missing months after you had someone visit, do you ask them if they/their kids took it?

 

It seems really rude to me...but maybe other see things differently.

[Aubrey]

If it's been months, I'd think it would be ok to ask (politely!) but I'd figure the chances of getting it back (IF this person has it) are low. That would be aggravating, but MY problem, not theirs.

 

Something like this should be fine: Hey, have you happened to notice if your kids wound up w/ an extra DS game? We're missing Happy Pumpkin Jumpers, & I've looked everywhere--I know it's been a while since your guys have been over, but I thought maybe it could have ended up with your boys' things by accident. :001_smile:

 

Then you say something like, Gee, I don't know--I haven't seen it. But I'd be happy to check. :001_smile:

 

And she says, Oh, don't go to any trouble! I just thought I'd check & see if you had a stray show up. :001_smile:

 

You say: I haven't seen it, but I'll be sure to let you know if I do. :001_smile:

 

No accusations, no weirdness. Why does she say your boys took one before? Is that something that has been discussed? Does she mean that they "tried" to take the one that "belonged" to her ds--maybe he told her about it?

 

It's very weird. I'd tell her--I have no idea what you're talking about. :001_smile:

[WarriorMama]

:confused: I can't imagine saying "because your boys took one before" without actual proof. What on earth is she thinking? Maybe she has you mixed up with someone else?

 

I don't think it would be rude to email someone a BRIEF time after a get together mentioning you're missing something and asking if they could check if it got mixed in with your kids stuff or whatever. Things like that can happen.

 

But some epic time later? And with an accusation that they've stolen from her son before???

 

WEIRD. And yes, totally rude!

[Pink Fairy]

Too bad you already replied, but if you hadn't...

 

"Dear Wow-That's-Quite-A-Pair-You've-Got,

 

Since my boys have never taken a game from your son, and since we haven't even seen you in a year, you must have us mixed up with a different family.

 

Sincerely,

 

Don't-Even-Think-About-Bothering-Me-With-This-Again"

[Mrs Mungo]

I agree with everyone else. If you're missing something and you say "hey, we're missing X, do you think maybe you guys took it home by accident?" Isn't rude. Saying, "I figure your kids took it since they've taken games before," especially when nothing like that has happened before, is incredibly rude.

[Aubrey]

I had a friend lose a book one time, & she was kind-of freaked out by it, not because it was hugely expensive or anything, but because it made her feel like she was going out of her mind, lol.

 

She & I loaned ea other books a lot, so she called & asked, "DID I loan you that book? I can't find it anywhere!" She called a couple of other friends the same way, & I think she was the only one who was bothered by it--because she couldn't remember who she'd loaned it to.

 

In the end, she thinks it was "accidentally" taken home by the child of a neighbor who was over for a party one night around the time she lost it. But she was still complaining about losing it years later, lol. I finally found one at 1/2 Price & sent it to her, but she's like a sister, so it was fun, not obligatory. :001_smile:

 

Just saying--I think there's an OK way to ask about something after a great deal of time has passed.

 

Otoh, there are times when it's not ok--we exchanged kid clothes w/ another couple at one point (it was clear we were ea borrowing them), & after we returned theirs, they began going to another church. Although I've got their contact information, I've never seen them again. There was never an un-awkward time to ask about it, so I let it go. It was actually a huge relief--I hadn't realized I was worried about it.

[kalanamak]

:confused: I can't imagine saying "because your boys took one before" without actual proof. What on earth is she thinking?

 

 

She's just going by what her darling told her.

 

I'd reply "No" and then make a teeny bit of chit chat. "Now that we are in XX, we like the winter much more....:001_smile:" and call it a day.

[elfgivas]

aren't you sooooo glad you moved....

[Margo out of lurking]

So what say's the Hive...if something goes missing months after you had someone visit, do you ask them if they/their kids took it?

 

 

:eek: No.

 

We had a similar situation in that a new neighbor/friend thought my ds had taken a DS game. Ds told them we didn't have it, and the boys remained friends for several years. But a few years later, the sister made a comment to my dd about it, and we realized they still believed my ds took the game. (As if he could hide anything like that from me, seriously.)

 

However, if my son came back from a party missing a game, I would have assumed he misplaced it, or another boy misplaced it somewhere. Assuming I know the boys, it would not cross my mind that someone actually "stole" it, so I'd ask the family to keep their eyes open because we were missing a game.

 

In your case, I would have double checked with the parents, "Please keep your eyes open for this game," thinking they may clue in if their ds suddenly has it.

 

Yes, it seems shockingly rude of the mom to send you an accusatory note months later, particularly with the added comment about them taking one before. Maybe that's why her kid is the way he is though. :(

[myfunnybunch]

Yes, it is rude. She is accusing your boys of stealing the first game and of possibly stealing the second.

 

As others have pointed out, there are many ways to ask in a polite non-accusatory way.

 

Makes me wonder if the same child at the sleepover went home with your kids' game and one of the host child's. Since your kids asked about their game, I can see that conversation being repeated to the mom and twisting into a misunderstanding about who took which game.

 

I think your reply was just fine, short and to the point. Since you know your boys didn't take the game and you've moved away from this family, don't give her another second of your energy. :grouphug:

 

Cat

[WarriorMama]

She's just going by what her darling told her.

 

I'd reply "No" and then make a teeny bit of chit chat. "Now that we are in XX, we like the winter much more....:001_smile:" and call it a day.

 

I don't know - saying it all casually like that makes it sound like the OP was supposed to know her kids had taken something previously. I can't imagine saying something like that unless it had been a proved accusation that both sets of parents were aware of...and even THEN, it would be a rude way to approach the situation.

 

Weird.

[Unicorn.]

I agree with everyone else. If you're missing something and you say "hey, we're missing X, do you think maybe you guys took it home by accident?" Isn't rude. Saying, "I figure your kids took it since they've taken games before," especially when nothing like that has happened before, is incredibly rude.

 

:iagree: This woman is beyond rude.

[NanceXToo]

Something like this should be fine: Hey, have you happened to notice if your kids wound up w/ an extra DS game? We're missing Happy Pumpkin Jumpers, & I've looked everywhere--I know it's been a while since your guys have been over, but I thought maybe it could have ended up with your boys' things by accident. :001_smile:

 

Yep, something like that would have been totally acceptable. The way she worded it was definitely obnoxious!

[Murphy101]

Anything a YEAR later and after you have moved and no contact in between?

 

Not only would I think her rude bc of the way she did it, I'd think her a bit off her rocker.

 

After more than a couple weeks, I'd have to have some pretty convincing information to make any accusing statements with even slight certainty.

 

Geez. My kids have a hard time keeping their socks to the hamper after taking them off. No way would I feel comfortable about where anything of theirs is after more than a couple weeks. And that's iffy. A year later? It's assumed it's in the same bag as all the lost left socks the aliens keep stealing.