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I WAS going to wait til next month, but these are too good not to share now :D

NanceXToo
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NanceXToo

NanceXToo

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This month, I decided to start maintaining a list of the Funniest/Best WTM Quotes, and then posting them on a monthly basis for fun. I compiled these in December and was GOING to post them in early January, but I just can't wait anymore (patience is a virtue, but it's not one of mine!) and I'm going to share with you the funniest/best quotes (so far, and in my personal, humble opinion) now.

 

I will add to this list as things come up, and you are certainly welcome to add to this list at any time, too, as I don't read/see every post!

 

Without further ado:

 

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Funniest/Best Quotes Of The Month,

December, 2010,

According To Nance,

For Your (Re) Reading Pleasure

 

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I'm still waiting to see if mine is self-cleaning. It's been ten years, but I'm patient.

 

Sharon In Austin, 12/4/10, in the "How often do you clean your oven?" thread.

 

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Because they want to. Because Christians don't own the day or the season. Because axial tilt is the reason for the season. Because it was a special time of year long before Jesus or Christians existed. Because it has little to do with Christ. Because there's no reason not to. Because each day is what you make of it and everyone has a right to celebrate what they want to and none of us need permission from anyone else. Because our children are just as deserving of presents and fun as Christian children. Because we exist.

 

Secular Mom, 12/4/10, in the "Why do non-Christians celebrate Christmas?" thread.

 

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Maybe we should be called Hallmarkers, because we celebrate most of the Hallmark holidays.

 

Night Elf, 12/4/10, in the "Why do non-Christians celebrate Christmas?" thread.

 

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10. I will not take Mama's school supplies without permission.

11. I will not take Mama's shcool shuppliesh without permission.

12. I will take Mama's shcoot shuppliesh wittout pemission.

13. I ain't gonna snitch Ma's hoojywhatsits widout a permit.

14. I would not dare think of purloining my Mother's possessions.

15. I won't take Mama's stuff without asking first.

16. I don't think I'll steal Mama's supplies without asking.

17. I will not take Mama's school supplies without permission.

 

Dulcimeramy, 12/4/10, in the "You must read my 10 year old's sentences, written for punishment" thread.

 

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With the week you've had, I would have been making Jack Daniels smoothies for breakfast daily.

 

nono, 11/19/10, in the Xanax prescription thread. (I know this one wasn't from December but it was brought to my attention in December and, darn it, it was funny).

 

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A sick day? You go throw up and try to remember to take the baby with you.

 

Starr, 12/8/10, in the "How do you take a sick day?" thread.

 

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Just face it: chickens are evil. You can see it in their beady little eyes. They may hide it for a while, but their true nature eventually reveals itself.

 

katilac, 12/8/10, in the "What to do with a mean chicken" thread.

 

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"Look! A fight about Christmas! Wait til the inlaws arrive, folks."

 

One Of The Moderators, 12/9/10, as a reason for deleting one of the "Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays" debate threads.

 

(Later in the evening, after someone posted a thread saying how funny they thought that response was, and after someone in said thread complained that they'd never been involved in a deleted thread, said thread was deleted. The reason given by the moderators? "We only deleted this thread so that danybug could say she'd posted in a deleted thread.")

 

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"You know how to clear a room? Talk about two things...your child's dried animal droppings collection and the mountain oysters you are cooking for supper. THEY WILL STAY AWAY FROM YOU!"

 

FaithManor, 12/9/10, in the "Dealing With HS Group Mothers" thread.

 

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"I love the one where the dad explains to Cleo about money. There are some great episodes. ETA: Oops, I mean Theo! Cleo is on this board, Theo is on the Cosby show. Must remember!"

 

Stripe, 12/9/10, in the "The Cosby Show- Any Warnings?" thread.

 

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"I guess I never realized that some people have "personal beliefs" that are anti-tampon?"

 

ThatCyndiGirl, 12/10/10, in the "Explaining Female Cycle To Young Boys" thread

 

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I had a maternity [photo] shoot today, and I could have done so much better if I had seen this yesterday! It never even dawned on me to ask if they had a dead turkey or a watermelon.

 

Nakia, 12/11/10, in the "If You Need a Chuckle" (Awkward Pregnancy Photos) thread.

 

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Perfume is my thing. I wear hideous orthopedic shoes, a dreadfully thick pair of bifocals and generally rock the wardrobe of a babushka but wear only the finest perfume.

 

Elizabeth, 12/11/10, in the "Exotic, erotic, spicy perfume" thread.

 

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Oh brother. Here we go again. Someone always has to get bent out of shape about diacritical markings.

 

Daisy, 12/12/10, in a post Aubrey started wherein she only put a "." resulting in a bunch of joking "I'm offended by your post!" replies.

 

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Karyn, thanks for posting this juicy story. It wouldn't be a fun day on TWTM board if we didn't have a villain to be outraged at.

 

Rebecca VA, 12/15/10, in the "Engaged on Christmas Eve = ripped off?" thread.

 

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Last night I had a nightmare that SWB was a psychotic murderer chasing me around with a knife.

 

newlifemom, 12/15/10, in the "I Think I Am Spending Too Much Time Here" thread.

 

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I wish you could come over here. I wouldn't make you bake or homeschool. I'd even be willing to *not* clean my house, just to make you feel better about yours. (I cleaned up the poop running from the living room to the bathroom already, though. Sorry.)

 

Aubrey, 12/16/10, in the “I’ve Had Enough” thread.

 

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In response to a quoted line which said "IMO, it's like bringing your own drinks to a bar"- "Now, I know I'm not the only person who has done that as well, right? When you're young and poor and don't have the money for bar drinks, because you spent it all on the fake ID?"

 

-katilac, 12/17/10, in the "How Wrong Is It To Sneak Snacks Into Movie Theaters?" thread.

 

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Seriously? Just because your dh is an attorney and agrees with you makes your argument the right one? ...(snip)... What would you say if someone one-ups you and says their dh is a judge and he says it is wrong.

 

-Parrothead, 12/17/10, in the "How Wrong Is It To Sneak Snacks Into Movie Theaters?" thread.

 

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LOL I agree. Tho I think it takes a different turn if the person drinking has had to resort to sneaking their drinks into dark theaters. Kind of screams unhealthy issue going on, kwim?

 

-Martha, 12/17/10, in the "How Wrong Is It To Sneak Snacks Into Movie Theaters?" thread. (In response to someone asking, "Do people really think those that drink alcohol are so unruly and horrid to be around?")

 

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Start a controversial thread, then go watch some shows online, & come back to see what's happened to your thread. *Highly* entertaining. I'd suggest shopping carts. Or grammar.

 

Aubrey, 12/17/10, in the "I Am Possibly Stranded At My Office For The Night"/what should I do while I'm here? thread.

 

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My little Christian-schooled K girl brought home her December journal. On one page she was to draw an illustration from the Christmas story. She chose to draw the angel speaking to Mary, telling her that she was miraculously with child. So dd drew a stick angel, a stick Mary, and a caption bubble by Mary's head with these words:

 

"How can this be, for I am a vegan?"

 

-AuntieM, 12/17/10, in the "Something I Never Knew About Mary" thread.

 

(I don't think I will ever hear/see the word "virgin" without thinking "vegan" again. Thank you. LOL.)

 

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That's like sextuplets dog style. - joannqn

Now I have to go to confession. -librarylover

 

12/17/10, in the "Can You Believe This?" thread (depicting a large litter of English Mastiff puppies).

 

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Too bad you already replied, but if you hadn't...

 

"Dear Wow-That's-Quite-A-Pair-You've-Got,

 

Since my boys have never taken a game from your son, and since we haven't even seen you in a year, you must have us mixed up with a different family.

 

Sincerely,

 

Don't-Even-Think-About-Bothering-Me-With-This-Again"

 

Mamabegood, 12/17/10, in the "Is This Rude? Nintendo DS Issue" thread.

 

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Thanks. I'll have to drive over the frou-frou store. I go to the local somewhat-run down place right next to the mental hospital because my son LOVES to see the patients.

 

kalanamak, 12/17/10, in the "Where do you get helium balloons?" thread.

 

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Yah...see, I wouldn't ask my neighbors to call the cops if I was being attacked, so I certainly would never borrow anything from them.

 

3littlekeets, 12/17/10, in the "Borrowing while baking" thread.

 

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I should just get cards printed up that say, "Sorry if my children made your grocery shopping experience unpleasant."

 

farrarwilliams, 12/17/10, in the "I Am Shaking Right Now" thread (re: conflict with someone in a grocery store)

 

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I'd rather do anything than that. Gimme pain, gimme a rash... just don't make me puke.

 

mejane, 12/18/10, in the "Stomach Virus" thread.

 

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I completely agree with you. Our core curriculum is Sonlight and unfortunately, I think if my kids saw a standardized test... I'm afraid they would read it, discuss it, make a painting of it, create several lapbooks, write a haiku poem about it and create their own Snap Circuit lesson where the musical doorbell sings about it. Our school district would think we were insane. We're so weird.

 

Starrbuck12 (submitted by freerange; I'm not sure of date or post title)

 

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Darn you, people, I really don't need any more annoying characters for my book. I'm surrounded by enough already.

 

Sebastian (a lady), in the "Boy Scout Vent" thread. (This one was from November but I'm including it at the request of Suzanne who submitted it)

 

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***NOTE*** PLEASE GO TO PAGE 7 OF THIS THREAD FOR MORE FUNNY QUOTES!

Edited by NanceXToo
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NanceXToo

NanceXToo

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I'm flattered that my 'didn't realize people were anti-tampon' remark made the list. I'll try to stay humble. :tongue_smilie:

 

And I was going to ask for your autograph! But that would just swell your head! LOL.

 

Hilarious...do I see a book in the making ? :-)

 

Ooh. Should I market it to SWB...?!

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fairytalemama

fairytalemama

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A sick day? You go throw up and try to remember to take the baby with you.

 

Starr, 12/8/10, in the "How do you take a sick day?" thread.

 

 

 

 

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

 

I only get on the forum once a day so it was nice to laugh out loud at all the gems I missed. The one above made me smile :001_smile:

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WarriorMama

WarriorMama

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I'm flattered that my 'didn't realize people were anti-tampon' remark made the list. I'll try to stay humble. :tongue_smilie:

 

That's the one that nearly made me choke on my lunch. :lol:

 

On another note, I clearly should have been reading the movie theatre snacks thread! I think I know what to do when the toddler naps this afternoon..who needs to wrap Christmas gifts, anyhow?!

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missesd

missesd

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My vote for 2 best LOL moments are:

 

10. I will not take Mama's school supplies without permission.

11. I will not take Mama's shcool shuppliesh without permission.

12. I will take Mama's shcoot shuppliesh wittout pemission.

13. I ain't gonna snitch Ma's hoojywhatsits widout a permit.

14. I would not dare think of purloining my Mother's possessions.

15. I won't take Mama's stuff without asking first.

16. I don't think I'll steal Mama's supplies without asking.

17. I will not take Mama's school supplies without permission.

 

Dulcimeramy, 12/4/10, in the "You must read my 10 year old's sentences, written for punishment" thread.

 

And...

 

My little Christian-schooled K girl brought home her December journal. On one page she was to draw an illustration from the Christmas story. She chose to draw the angel speaking to Mary, telling her that she was miraculously with child. So dd drew a stick angel, a stick Mary, and a caption bubble by Mary's head with these words:

 

"How can this be, for I am a vegan?"

 

-AuntieM, 12/17/10, in the "Something I Never Knew About Mary" thread.

 

There were some really good ones in the theater thread though... I might have to go back and check it out ;)

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Dawn in OH

Dawn in OH

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That's was great. Thank you. I especially enjoyed this one:

 

My little Christian-schooled K girl brought home her December journal. On one page she was to draw an illustration from the Christmas story. She chose to draw the angel speaking to Mary, telling her that she was miraculously with child. So dd drew a stick angel, a stick Mary, and a caption bubble by Mary's head with these words:

 

"How can this be, for I am a vegan?"

 

-AuntieM, 12/17/10, in the "Something I Never Knew About Mary" thread.

 

(I don't think I will ever hear/see the word "virgin" without thinking "vegan" again. Thank you. LOL.)

 

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scrappyhappymama

scrappyhappymama

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Start a controversial thread, then go watch some shows online, & come back to see what's happened to your thread. *Highly* entertaining. I'd suggest shopping carts.

 

Aubrey, 12/17/10, in the "I Am Possibly Stranded At My Office For The Night"/what should I do while I'm here? thread.

 

 

 

You forgot the "or GRAMMAR" bit. That was the funniest part!! :lol:

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GoVanGogh

GoVanGogh

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May I add one?

 

I have no idea who said this or what thread it was in - and now I realized I saved it November 20th, so it is 'old' but still worthy of a laugh.

 

Darn you people, I really don't need more annoying characters for my book. I'm surrounded by enough already.
So applies to my life right now. :glare: :lol:
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Murphy101

Murphy101

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HILARIOUS!!:lol:

I cannot believe I missed seeing so many of these....I thought I was on here at least a dozen times daily....:glare:

 

I've been quoted. [sniff, sniff] You like me, you really like me. :D

 

 

Thanks Nance. All too often I miss the funny ones. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

:iagree: I can't believe I was quoted or that I missed some of these as much as I've been on here lately! The only reason I knew about this thread is bc someone in another thread mentioned it!

 

Now I'm curious as to the tampon reference on a subject of sex Ed for boys?!....

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C_l_e_0..Q_c

C_l_e_0..Q_c

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"I love the one where the dad explains to Cleo about money. There are some great episodes. ETA: Oops, I mean Theo! Cleo is on this board, Theo is on the Cosby show. Must remember!"

 

Hey, I made the list! Although I'm not the person who wrote the above... I totally missed the original. Where was that posted????

 

I guess I should come up with how my dad explained money to me...

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