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Boy Scout gift exchange didn't go quite how I thought it would


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I made the detective's kit for my Ds6 to take to Boy Scouts this evening. I ended up including a fingerprinting kit, flashlight (a nice heavy duty adult one), magnifying glass, several codes with papers (like a booklet on hieroglyphics and some stationary with pyramids on it), lemon juice and cue tips for invisible ink, and some odds and ends. This was all nicely arranged in a small tool box.

 

When Dh and Ds got home tonight, I asked Dh how it went over, because I was a little nervous about sending something homemade. Now if Dh had said, "Honey, maybe next year you could just send a nerf gun or matchbox cars like the other parents," I would have felt bad for sending the kit, but it wouldn't have upset me that the kid didn't like it.

 

BUT, what makes me :confused: and just a bit :banghead: is that an 11 yo GIRL got the gift and said, "Oh, I got a tool box." Will you tell me why a GIRL was participating in the gift exchange? Actually, I know why. Dh said she was the leader's daughter. But, WHY? And should I feel badly about the gift I sent? I mean, would she have been happy with the matchbox cars?

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I just attended an *ornament* swap at the admiral's house. One of the wives ended up with a Terry's chocolate orange?!? My son would have loved your kit, don't worry about it.

 

Eta: Is she part of the scout troop? I know girls can be in some cases. If she's not, then I agree that she should have not participated, it should only be for the scouts.

Edited by Mrs Mungo
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Er, yeah, an 11 year old girl should not have been participating in a boy scouts gift exchange, IMHO.

 

And, no, you shouldn't feel bad about it- it sounds really cool!!!

 

Actually, I think the girl just didn't realize what it really was, and once she gets home and has a chance to really explore it, she'll probably appreciate it more, too! I say this because I know my 10 y/o daughter would love something like that!

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1. You didn't give a tool box you gave a detective kit. She would have known that if she had bothered to open it up. (My dd9 would have been over the moon with a detective kit, btw).

 

2. She shouldn't have been participating. Even if she was the leader's daughter, she's not a boy scout.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

What Jean said.

 

And my ds would have loved it.

 

Honestly, at that age, I would have loved it, too! What kid doesn't want a detective kit?

 

I'm not sure what a GIRL was expecting to receive at a BOY Scout gift exchange. :glare:

 

If you knew you were supposed to get a gift for a girl, you might have chosen something different, but I can't imagine that any of the parents would have thought that the leader's dd would be participating -- and even if they knew about it, unless you had "assigned" gift recipients, I would assume that most parents would have brought boys' gifts.

 

Cat

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I just attended an *ornament* swap at the admiral's house. One of the wives ended up with a Terry's chocolate orange?!? My son would have loved your kit, don't worry about it.

 

Eta: Is she part of the scout troop? I know girls can be in some cases. If she's not, then I agree that she should have not participated, it should only be for the scouts.

 

 

Dh says not. Our dc are all still fairly young, and I don't have a lot of experience with group activities yet. This took me by surprise.

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Our troop's gift exchange is open to siblings as well... maybe there was a missed message somewhere?

 

Not that I think there was anything wrong with the gift... and if it were open to everyone, they should have had a specific message about price, and labeling a gift as "girl" "boy" or "either"

 

Of course, ours is also supposed to be white elephant style???

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The only stipulation on gift was price. There was no mention of siblings participating and she was the only non scout to participate. From what Dh says, all gifts were piled up on arrival and then each kid was handed a gift from the pile later in the evening.

 

I'm not mad that she was allowed to participate; I just don't know what she was expecting from a gift exchange where everyone else was a younger boy. I was already a little apprehensive about the gift I sent so her reaction made me wonder why?? she was involved in the gift exchange at all.

 

 

ETA: I'm no longer concerned about the gift since everyone seems to think it was a good idea. I do hope she has some fun with it.

Edited by Meriwether
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Our Pack meeting, with gift exchange is tomorrow. Siblings are allowed to participate. I am not sure that girls are allowed to join Boy Scouts, I am thinking I read they are not.

 

But I do know that the organization is all about family involvement, so perhaps that is why siblings are allowed to participate at a Holiday function.

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I thought girls are allowed to fully participate in boy scouts. And the fact the name says boy scouts is simply the fact the name hasn't changed with the times. Like YMCA is not just for young men.

 

Not exactly..... Venturing Crews are part of Boy Scouts, and are open to boys and girls age 14-21. The girls are not eligible to earn the Scout ranks though, at least not the normal ones of Boy Scouts.

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sounds like a neat gift and my 11yo girl would like it.

did you get an email or note saying it was just for the troop or was it for siblings too? if it was just for the troop than mom should have explained to her daughter that it was just for the boys or better yet have founded someone to watch daughter until after the party.

now a days parents are too busy and go for the quick fix of buying a gift instead of making it. i have enjoyed making little baskets of fun stuff for special occiasions.

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I thought girls are allowed to fully participate in boy scouts. And the fact the name says boy scouts is simply the fact the name hasn't changed with the times. Like YMCA is not just for young men.

 

Everywhere but the USA, Scouts is a singular organization for boys and girls. In the US, the Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts are completely different organizations, and girls can only participate in Boy Scouts in the Venturing program after the age of 14.

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In the past our Boy Scout Troop included siblings as a separate group. Only the Boy Scouts exchanged gifts with each other (white elephant style) and the siblings did their own group. This year they said no to siblings.

 

I thought your gift was quite creative! Don't feel bad.

 

I'll tell what happened this year for us. We have generally had a $5 limit on gifts. This year they said $8, but given the kind of gifts I had seen in the past, I decided not to spend that much. In fact, I got to thinking that what boys might like most is $. So we thought we were being cleaver by putting a $5 bill in a toilet paper tube with a couple of small rocks inside to make noise. That was wrapped up and then put inside a clear tube with a couple of more rocks and wrapped up again.

 

Well, it backfired. The boy who got it didn't look further than the rocks and put it in the garbage! My son saw what happened and told him about the money. It's always a big joke around here to wrap something up with several layers to get to the final prize. Not so for that guy I guess.

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Everywhere but the USA, Scouts is a singular organization for boys and girls. In the US, the Boy Scouts and Girls Scouts are completely different organizations, and girls can only participate in Boy Scouts in the Venturing program after the age of 14.

 

Actually, here in the UK, where scouting began, boys and girls have separate organizations. The whole thing started with a guy starting a boys' scouting group. Later the girls version started and the idea spread internationally.

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Actually, here in the UK, where scouting began, boys and girls have separate organizations. The whole thing started with a guy starting a boys' scouting group. Later the girls version started and the idea spread internationally.

We have scouts and girl guides, but Scouts is open to girls too. Thank goodness, I don't think that DD is a guides kinda girl.

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My son would have loved your gift!

 

My dd goes to the scout meetings because dh and I are leaders but she would not have participated in the gift exchange! I would have brought her a little gift though and wrapped it in pink for her to choose. ;)

 

If the big sister ends up not liking the gift, she can always give it to her little brother but I think that gift was good for a boy or girl.

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My DD participated in our Den gift exchange this past week.

 

She picked out a cool man-toy and expected to receive a man-toy.

 

She participated becuase I am a leader and I have no where else for her to go on Mondays AND because it is Cub Scouts. Cub Scouts is a family activity - and I was told there would never be any problem with her attendance while in Cubs. My kids are 15 months apart - so her age an interests are the same as the Den. Both of my kids have also been taught to be gracious and thankful when receiving a gift - even a random one. If it were Boy Scouts she would not have participated. Boy Scouts is for boys and we all understand that.

 

I will add though - that if anyone has problems with leader kids being in attendance - there is always room for more leaders. If you don't like what's being done - then take the time and become a trained leader.

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I will add though - that if anyone has problems with leader kids being in attendance - there is always room for more leaders. If you don't like what's being done - then take the time and become a trained leader.

 

I don't think anyone had a problem with the leader's dd being there; I think the objections were to her attitude about the gift she received. Meriwether brought a gift for a boy because it was a Boy Scout gift exchange, and she felt badly because the gift went to a girl who didn't like it. Had the girl loved the gift (or at least been gracious about it,) I don't think Meriwether would have ever started this thread.

 

I do think, though, that the leader should have brought her own little gift for her dd, instead of having her participate in the boys' gift exchange, unless the dd was fine with the idea of getting a gift that had been purchased with a boy in mind.

 

Personally, I thought Meriwether made a very cool gift that would have been a lot of fun for boys or girls.

 

Cat

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Boy or girl, that sounds like a wonderful gift! If someone didn't like it that is their loss.

 

I would have loved it too! What a great idea.

 

I don't think anyone had a problem with the leader's dd being there; I think the objections were to her attitude about the gift she received. Meriwether brought a gift for a boy because it was a Boy Scout gift exchange, and she felt badly because the gift went to a girl who didn't like it. Had the girl loved the gift (or at least been gracious about it,) I don't think Meriwether would have ever started this thread.

 

Cat

:iagree: Perhaps she has not learned proper socialization skills. :tongue_smilie:

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I am sorry if my reply was terse - I got curt off by a kid needing help...

 

I wanted to add that I think your gift was unappreciated because of the context.

 

Most kids that I have seen do NOT like handmade or different. Most don't appreciate or enjoy the thought that went in to it. I will admit that at that age I wanted to fit in and didn't appreciate the handmade sweaters my mom knit. I just wanted what everyone else had. The kids prefer store-bought over homemade. They pick Chips Ahoy over real cookies. My niece won't eat real mac and cheese or cake from scratch - just the box versions. At camp I was horrified by what the kids ate and how they turned their noses up at normal, real food.

 

Homeschoolers are different. Most appreciate handmade things and the time that goes into them. I think that's why so many people here agree that we and our kids would love your gift. Often we have less income (with a parent home schooling the kids) so we get resourceful and enjoy it. Handmade puzzles and crafts are normal, awesome gifts from my kid's friends. Most, if not all homeschoolers are grateful for the thoughtful nature of handmade gifts.

 

I guess what I am saying is --- the fact that it was a girl is pointless. You gift idea was great for either genders - it just was given in a place where most kids would not have appreciated the thought and work you put into making it. I am sorry it was poorly received. You did something very kind and thoughtful and it was lost on the receiver. I can only hope that when the recipient looks at the gift again they realize how cool it is - you never know!

 

 

[FWIW I hate the random gift thing too - especially with young kids who all have too much stuff anyway!]

 

I also appreciate you sharing this so we can make sure our kids are briefed and trained on being gracious and enthusiastic - even if they don't initially LOVE the gift. It's a great lesson to share this time of year - thank you!

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I just attended an *ornament* swap at the admiral's house. One of the wives ended up with a Terry's chocolate orange?!? .

 

I would have loved to get a Terry's Chocolate Orange. :D I love those things!

 

As for the scouting thing, the girl should NOT have participated. And no, you shouldn't feel bad about the kit. Last year Indy had an Indiana Jones birthday party (are you surprised?) and his FAVORITE gift was a kit that our neighbors put together that had a flashlight, a head lamp, magnifying glass, binoculars, compass and field notebook in it. All that went straight into his Indiana Jones bag and he still uses it. He would have been over the moon to get your detective kit.

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In our pack, all of the boys get their pinewood derby cars at the Christmas party. They are all wrapped up and "Santa" brings them. I'd hate to have a gift exhcange. Ugh.

 

Because our den meeting is in our home, most of the parents stay and hang out. Some bring sisters, and they play games with my daughters in the other room. They don't expect to participate in the Scout activity. My dh keeps is all very "manly," anyway, so I'm not sure they would want to. :D Most of them are in Girl Scouts.

 

I think it's a modern thing to have everyone have to particiapte in every activity. There's nothing wrong with a sibling being told that something is for their brother and not for them. It is good to learn that we can't have/do everything. It's a valuable life lesson that many children are missing out on. She didn't need to participate in the gift exchange, as it was for Scouts. My mom's Ladies Noon Optomists club quit doing their annual movie night for area children, because they gave away a few big door prizes (bikes, mp3s, etc.) and parents would complain that only one of their children won and their other child was upset. :001_huh:

 

You gift was great; it wasn't your fault that a girl got it. You were planning on a Scout getting it.

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Last year, all of our boys got their pinewood derby cars from "Santa." The tagalongs in attendance got Dollar Store activity/coloring books.

 

This year the boys are caroling at an Alzheimers' home. We will have a short awards ceremony afterward and the boys are getting small belt bags to hold their neckerchiefs and slides (because we got a great deal on them and all the parents are tired of having to buy new slides all the time because the boys constantly lose them).

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