Anyone feel up to giving me some feedback on my daughter's writing assignment?

[NanceXToo]

So, my daughter just turned 10 in October. She's in 5th grade but if her birthday had been one day later, she'd have been in 4th. (She attended public school for K, 1st, 2nd, and most of 3rd. I pulled her out toward the end of 3rd and homeschooled her for the rest of 3rd, all of 4th, and currently we're doing 5th).

 

One thing she's never wanted to do/done very well with was independent writing assignments. So I usually give her a decent amount of handholding and feedback through them. I'm trying to do that less this year.

 

Today I gave her assignment, read the instructions to her, made sure she was clear on what she was supposed to include, and asked her to go write a rough draft entirely on her own.

 

I'm curious if you would consider this way below average for her age or anything.

 

The assignment:

 

"Write a story in the first person, past tense, in which you pretend to be Paul Revere. Tell what you were feeling on the 18th of April in '75, as you raced through the countryside warning your fellow colonists. Use specific examples and plenty of emotive words. Include a statement from his perspective on why he was personally involved in this endeavor, and what it meant to him."

 

She wrote:

 

On the 18th of April 1775, I, Paul Revere, was so excited I got to ride my horse through the country side warning other colonists the British were coming.

 

I begged to get involved so I could help my country get their freedom from the British. It meant everything to me, freedom is great to have.

 

When I was riding I saw soldiers. I was confident I could get past them, so I went as quickly as I could and got past them all! Victory! I also picked up my friends John Hancock and Sam Adams.

 

Before, when I saw the lanterns I rushed to get where I needed to go. I rushed to the harbor, I rushed across the water, I rushed to get to my horse, I even rushed on my horse. I did it, I warned the colonists, I told them to put up the lanterns. We all fought for freedom! We were all victorious. I, Paul Revere, did it.

 

---

 

That looks pretty short huh? lol. She wrote it in four paragraphs that took up most of the first side of a sheet of looseleaf paper. Anyway, I really have no idea what a kid of her age "should" be able to write completely independently in regard to content and/or length and have nothing to compare it to. Thanks for your thoughts!

[NanceXToo]

You guys are gonna give me a complex here. 38 of you looked at it and NO-ONE has a comment? Is it THAT bad and you don't want to tell me? :lol:

[Jennifer in MI]

I'll comment! There is NO way on this green earth that my 10 yo ds could write this! NO WAY! We're still working hard on dictation. So, from this end, it looks like you're doing a great job! I love the repetition of "rushed" in the last paragraph. It makes me feel "rushed" - KWIM?

 

But, I'm definitely not the writing expert. I farm out writing starting in 7th or 8th grade!!

[Robin M]

Looks great to me. Sounds like something my 5th grader would write.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Here's my feedback:

 

She's doing fine. She wrote it in first person. She wrote it in past tense. She did a good job "being" Paul Revere. Assuming that you did not clean up grammar or spelling when you typed it here, she did great on the mechanics of writing. She uses lots of emotive words and used specific examples. She wrote why he was involved and what it meant to him. I didn't see a length requirement listed so I wouldn't be concerned with how short it is. In fact, she did a great job in a concise manner!

[Dawn in OH]

There is no way on Earth (sorry to sound so much like Jennifer in MI) that my 9 1/2 year old son could write anything even remotely like that. I of course find this odd, because I KNOW I was writing better than he is, at that age. Despite all my efforts, my kids cannot write like that yet.

[NanceXToo]

Thanks so much for the comments! I am relieved to hear that you guys think she's doing well enough for her age.

 

When I was her age, I used to LOVE to write, and would write all these elaborate stories, and I don't think she's writing like *I* was. But that was the only thing I had in my mind for reference.

 

I don't have anyone else her age/grade level to compare her writing to, to know whether it's at age and grade level as opposed to being 'behind' or something... and no I didn't clean anything up or fix anything here, I typed it how she wrote it (and then afterward had her adjust a few commas, that was pretty much it).

 

Anyway... thank you :)

[Margo out of lurking]

I would be tickled by it. I have no idea what writing this age "should" look like. I would be looking to see if the child followed instructions, used proper capitalization and punctuation, and proper sentence construction.

 

If this were my child, I would comment (all positively) about:

-the use of the date.

-"I, Paul Revere"; nice, gives clarity, good thinking.

-"begged"; great verb!

-"Victory" as a one word sentence.

-nice touch to add in Hancock and Adams.

-use of "I rushed" repetitively emphasizes, well, that he rushed!

-good choice to put an exclamation point (at that sentence near the end).

 

IF my child asked what they could do better, I would ask for clarification of that first sentence in the last paragraph. Otherwise, I'd just ignore that the one sentence doesn't make sense to me.

 

:)