Do I let her sleep or wake her up?

[sassenach]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock. I went in 40min ago and flipped on her light. She sat up, said something and then I walked away. School starts in 20min and she is still in bed. She walks about 3 minutes to get to school. Shall I follow this one all the way through?

[unsinkable]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock. I went in 40min ago and flipped on her light. She sat up, said something and then I walked away. School starts in 20min and she is still in bed. She walks about 3 minutes to get to school. Shall I follow this one all the way through?

 

If you let her sleep, will she think she can "sleep in" and then be late whenever she wants?

 

If you want her to have the consequence of being late, I'd let her sleep until you are sure she'll be late but then still get her up, KWIM?

[Hedgehog]

I think it depends whose head it will come down on if she's late. If it comes down on hers, then yes, leave her. It's a consequence. If it won't matter to her, but will come back to you, then I think you should wake her up.

 

FWIW.. when I started secondary school (11yo), my mum gave me an alarm clock and expected me to use it. I am NOT a morning person AT ALL, but a few mornings of being left behind by my dad (he sometimes drove me the 4 miles to school), and I began to catch it from my tutor and year head; I had to pull my socks up. JMO.

[rootsnwings]

I think its your responsibility as her parent to see that she gets to school on time. But here you have to go before a judge for repeated tardiness. :glare: Actually, I'd have her butt up at 6am catching the bus out in the freezing cold, but I'm mean like that! :)

[NanceXToo]

I think its your responsibility as her parent to see that she gets to school on time.

 

:iagree:

[Celia]

My parents used a cold glass of water when I wasn't getting up!

[NanceXToo]

By the way, does she HAVE an alarm clock? And if so, is it loud enough? And if so, is it in a place where she has to get up and walk across the room to shut it off, as opposed to being able to reach out an arm, flip a switch, and fall back asleep?

[SailorMom]

My ds is in ps 8th grade (first year back to school after 6 years of hs-ing). He has to get up at 5:45, and his bus comes at 6:25. I've never had to wake him up and he's never been late....

I thought this was pretty normal until I started talking to other paretns!!! :lol:

Every kid is different, but I'd warn her a few times and then stop waking her up. She's old enough to set an alarm and be responsible.

[Ritko1]

I like to wait till my DD17 (she's a senior) has just enough time to throw on her clothes and head out the door before I wake her. If she wants time to do all the primping and fluffing she feels is necessary, she can darn well get herself up earlier.

[AuntieM]

Well, this won't help you this morning, but maybe she can face some consequences and still get to school on time in the future.

 

Every morning that she is not obviously awake and out of bed at a certain established time, go ahead and wake her up. But on those days when you have to wake her up, she must turn in early... in her room, no electronics, no phone, nothing but a good book... even if it means missing out an a favorite evening activity. Even if it's a Friday night and she doesn't have to go to school on Saturday.

 

I believe that success in waking up early starts with a reasonable bedtime the night before. I know that's harder for teens, but this is the habit I'd put my focus on.

[Sahamamama]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock. I went in 40min ago and flipped on her light. She sat up, said something and then I walked away. School starts in 20min and she is still in bed. She walks about 3 minutes to get to school. Shall I follow this one all the way through?

 

I think that 13 is certainly old enough to be responsible for using and responding to an alarm clock. I remember years ago (about 30 :blush:) when I was babysitting my neighbors' children. The girl was 8 years old, the boy was only 6 years old. But every night, those children would wind up their own alarm clocks, set the time for the alarm, and pull the stopper out. I was so impressed by this, and a bit ashamed. Here I was, a big 14 year old, and I didn't have my own alarm clock. I actually used to wake up to the smell of my dad's coffee pot! LOL! I remember going out and buying my own (wind up, very LOUD) alarm clock after that... with the babysitting money. :D Lesson learned.

 

My husband's family is from Egypt, and he says that mothers there will wake up their grown children... even into their forties. :001_huh: I think it comes down to what you expect from a young person.

 

One idea: Assign her a wake up time based on how long it takes her to get ready for the bus (e.g., 7:00 am). Give her an alarm clock, show her how to set the time and volume, etc. Then step back.

 

The consequences for (a) getting up late, or (b) dawdling to get ready are the same: You go to bed that much earlier that night and the next. Obviously, you need more sleep, ;) so you will get more of it on the earlier end. So if her usual bedtime is 9:00 pm, and she gets up 30 minutes late (or dawdles 30 minutes off the target time), then she must go to bed at 8:30 that night and the next. What 13 year old wants to be sent to bed early? :tongue_smilie:

 

I would also explain the legal consequences of her being tardy to school. Here in New Jersey, parents have to go to court and/or pay a fine. My sister's 13 year old son was repeatedly tardy last year :rolleyes: and she had to go to court (no fine, though, because she had a letter from the pediatrician that her son's epilepsy interferes with his organizational skills, which is true). But your daughter is old enough to know that there might be something coming down on YOU, if SHE is late to school all the time.... and that YOU will not be her alarm service. She's 13 now, time to grow up a bit... Good luck with it!

Edited December 14, 2010 by Sahamamama

[bettyandbob]

I'd let her sleep, go to school tardy, unexcused. For most kids, the consequences at school (zeros on the day's assignments, detention, whatever the school does) would be enough for the kid to pull herself together. If it's not then you have to come up with consequences at home. But I think it's find to start with letting her face school consequences first.

 

Alarms: my two oldest each have a version of an alarm called the sonic boom. it is quite loud and it has a vibration attachment that goes under the mattress. Dd only uses the vibration.

[Catwoman]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock.

 

Is it really that big a deal to go in and wake her up? My mom always woke us up in the morning, and if we happened to doze back off, she would remind us that we'd better get moving.

 

If she's nasty about getting up, I withdraw my previous comment, and suggest (as others have already said,) that you get her a LOUD alarm clock and put it across the room from her bed so she has to get up to shut it off.

 

Cat

[Sahamamama]

http://www.amazon.com/Sonic-SBB500ss-Vibrating-Alarm-Clock/dp/B000OOWZUK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1292344244&sr=8-1

[Ravin]

I'd wake her up with just enough time to put on shoes and go. No breakfast, no getting dressed or primping. A day at school in PJ's might motivate her to get up on time tomorrow.

 

Then there's the boot camp alarm clock: banging very loud metal trash can lids, pots and pans, or similar, right next to her. She's not officially awake until she's out of the bed standing at the foot of it.

[Catwoman]

I'd wake her up with just enough time to put on shoes and go. No breakfast, no getting dressed or primping. A day at school in PJ's might motivate her to get up on time tomorrow.

 

I think that is unnecessarily mean. She overslept; she didn't refuse to go to school. We've all accidentally fallen back to sleep, and I don't think this deserves a punishment that will embarrass her in front of her friends and teachers.

 

Cat

[MaMa2005]

Well, this won't help you this morning, but maybe she can face some consequences and still get to school on time in the future.

 

Every morning that she is not obviously awake and out of bed at a certain established time, go ahead and wake her up. But on those days when you have to wake her up, she must turn in early... in her room, no electronics, no phone, nothing but a good book... even if it means missing out an a favorite evening activity. Even if it's a Friday night and she doesn't have to go to school on Saturday.

 

I believe that success in waking up early starts with a reasonable bedtime the night before. I know that's harder for teens, but this is the habit I'd put my focus on.

 

Excellent idea!

[bettyandbob]

I think that is unnecessarily mean. She overslept; she didn't refuse to go to school. We've all accidentally fallen back to sleep, and I don't think this deserves a punishment that will embarrass her in front of her friends and teachers.

 

Cat

 

I agree. I would never make one my dc go to school in pjs. No primping maybe, but neither of mine primp. The first few times a student is late the consequences tend to be detention, that's enough for some kids. If it's not in your house come up with more--charge taxi fare for driving her when she misses the bus.

[KidsHappen]

Unfortunately, the law in almost every state holds the parents responsible for not only making sure that your children go to school and get there on time but also that they stay there. I once had a run in with the school because my son was ditching school after I drove him there and took him to the office and handed him over to someone in charge and insured that they took possession of him. It was my opinion that if I got him there, it was their job to keep him there. The legal system informed me otherwise.

 

I have to take drastic measures to wake one of my dd everyone morning (sometimes waking her at least five times) and get her out of the house on time and it really doesn't matter how early you send them to bed if they can't fall asleep. Research shows (please don't ask me to look it up right now) that school hours are not in sync with the average teenager's bio-rhythms. This really puts both parents and children in a very difficult position and there is not a whole lot we can do about it. :glare: I'm sorry but making sure she gets to school on time really falls on your shoulders.

[katilac]

I think that is unnecessarily mean. She overslept; she didn't refuse to go to school. We've all accidentally fallen back to sleep, and I don't think this deserves a punishment that will embarrass her in front of her friends and teachers.

 

Cat

 

Plus I'm pretty sure any teen is going to go ahead and put clothes on, even if it makes them late ;)

[mom4him]

I think its your responsibility as her parent to see that she gets to school on time. But here you have to go before a judge for repeated tardiness. :glare: Actually, I'd have her butt up at 6am catching the bus out in the freezing cold, but I'm mean like that! :)

:iagree: I would also ask myself why she is sleeping so late. Is she not feeling good, not getting to bed on time, going through some physical changes that might be requiring more sleep.

I rarely wake my kids. Normally they are up in plenty of time for whatever we need. Once in a while one will sleep until 9 or later but normally it is associated with one of the above reasons.:001_smile:

[katilac]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock. I went in 40min ago and flipped on her light. She sat up, said something and then I walked away. School starts in 20min and she is still in bed. She walks about 3 minutes to get to school. Shall I follow this one all the way through?

 

Depends. Have you done the training for this, or did you just get tired of trying to wake her up? If you've woken her up in the past, I think it's unfair to suddenly allow her to sleep through homeroom.

 

If you don't want to be her alarm clock, then figure our a new routine, with clear expectations on both sides. Be sure to check local laws before devising this new routine, as apparently being tardy is a big deal in some areas! "If you don't get up by 6.45, this is what will happen . . . "

 

heh, I have to admit that I did not own an alarm clock until I went to college. I am a mostly functioning adult today, ;), so wake her up if it doesn't bother you, don't wake her up if it does. But come to an agreement, don't just suddenly refuse to wake her up (saying "I'm not your alarm clock" over and over again, while functioning as her alarm clock, does not count :D)

[Mejane]

Some people just have a really hard time getting up in the morning, too. If my mom hadn't dragged me out of bed every morning, I'd never have gone to school. Now I do it for my son. (Mom, I'm sorry!)

[Celia]

Well, this won't help you this morning, but maybe she can face some consequences and still get to school on time in the future.

 

Every morning that she is not obviously awake and out of bed at a certain established time, go ahead and wake her up. But on those days when you have to wake her up, she must turn in early... in her room, no electronics, no phone, nothing but a good book... even if it means missing out an a favorite evening activity. Even if it's a Friday night and she doesn't have to go to school on Saturday.

 

I believe that success in waking up early starts with a reasonable bedtime the night before. I know that's harder for teens, but this is the habit I'd put my focus on.

 

I think this is a great approach!

[sassenach]

Answers and update:

 

Yes, she has an alarm, which is out of reach and loud enough for most humans. She may very well need a louder one.

 

No, this wouldn't be some shocking and cruel turn of events. I have told her that this is coming.

 

No, I wouldn't go to jail for letting her be late once. Yes, she would get lunch detention and yes, that would be unpleasant for her. No, I would not let her be chronically tardy to prove this point, but I do believe that at school consequences would be more powerful than at home consequences in this case.

 

Yes, this is a big deal to me. I have to get my special needs guy ready for school in the morning. He needs me to do everything for him. He is physically at a 3 month old level and weighs 50lbs. She MUST learn this skill.

 

She gets herself up happily when she feels like it. If it's a big day at school, she will be up curling her hair at 6am. She can, she just doesn't. She has also begun to pride herself on her ability to get out the door in 10 min flat, so the wake her in the nick of time approach has already been done and it's not effective.

 

All that said, I do appreciate the input and the bedtime consequence ideas are something I am keeping in mind. I ended up going in to wake her when she would have been a solid 10 minutes late. She is running a fever! So there goes that. :tongue_smilie:

[AnitaMcC]

My oldest is in ps. I have repeatedly told her that I am not her alarm clock. I went in 40min ago and flipped on her light. She sat up, said something and then I walked away. School starts in 20min and she is still in bed. She walks about 3 minutes to get to school. Shall I follow this one all the way through?

 

 

This seems to be a rite of passage for all kids. At least with mine it is true-LOL.

 

I usually wake our kids up every morning once. If they don't get up then they receive a consequence. All our kids have alarm clocks... and they are to use them. I just feel better for myself if I make sure they don't sleep through their alarm clocks. I wake my 6th grader up at 6am and he leaves house at 6:55am for the bus. I wake 4th grader at 7:30am and let him do his dawdling for a bit. I get up at 8:10am to make sure 4th grader is getting ready for school and I wake up twins (homeschooling 10th graders). I drive Ds to school at 8:40am.

 

I would call the school and inform them of the "life lesson" that my child is learning. I would let her sleep and be late for school.

 

For our middle school it is a 4 mile walk and not safe so our kids had to pay my nephew to drive them (he worked nights and would get home at 7am, they had to be in school by 7:30am) -LOL.

 

Let the school dish the consequence. I find that it is more effective than anything I could do to my kids-LOL. First and second tardies, they received a detention. Third tardy in a quarter they received a Saturday 4hr detention.

 

A consequence that does seem to make some impact: for every minute they were imposing on someone else (nephew driving them to school when they missed the bus, causing someone else to be late to an activity due to dawdling), they would owe the imposed person that time. After about the 6th time twins missed the bus in a month, nephew had the twins clean out his car (yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!) over the weekend. It "cost" nephew about 20 minutes each trip to drive them to school so the twins owed him 2 hours-LOL. The twins didn't miss the bus for several months-LOL.

Edited December 14, 2010 by AnitaMcC

[Twinmom]

Well, you'll have to take this with a big YMMV, since my DD is in private vs. public school, but here goes. My DD was sleeping in/procrastinating/refusing to go to school on time for a few days in a row (she had better plans at home, apparently! :glare:). I got seriously sick of the fight, so I let her "hang herself" at school.

 

DD would sleep late, then go into school with a made-up, plausible excuse and head on in late to class. Being the kind folks that they are, they believed her the first time. Second time, I was on to her. I waited till she was off to class, then marched into the office and told them exactly why DD was really late. I told them that I would personally call and give them the REAL reason why she was late each and every time she was late, so no excuses. They were to count all tardies as unexcused and give her whatever natural consequences the school normally gave to such students (including for the lying). I'd reinforce that at home.

 

After two unexcused tardies and a warning that any more would land her in detention as well as a lost horseback riding lesson for the lying, she was done with that little game! The school sent me a note saying how appreciative they were that I was teaching my child good values! ;)

 

Don't know that you'd get such a note from a ps, but if you go in, explain how you are handling the situation and enlist their help, I'd hope that reasonable folks there would back you up!

 

(Or, just slap me if I am too optimistic about ps! :D)

[Twinmom]

Just read about the fever...oh, well. Try it again next time! ;)

[gardening momma]

I think its your responsibility as her parent to see that she gets to school on time. But here you have to go before a judge for repeated tardiness. :glare:

I agree.

 

My dad would come to wake us up in the mornings. He'd turn on the light, and I'd say, "I'm up" and then when he left the room I'd lay back down and go back to sleep. But if I didn't come downstairs in a decent time, he or mom would come back to make sure I was up. Even when I had an alarm, they'd come to make sure I was up if I overslept.

[AnitaMcC]

All that said, I do appreciate the input and the bedtime consequence ideas are something I am keeping in mind. I ended up going in to wake her when she would have been a solid 10 minutes late. She is running a fever! So there goes that. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

That explains her not getting up!!!! I hope she feels better soon.

[Starr]

Answers and update:

 

Yes, she has an alarm, which is out of reach and loud enough for most humans. She may very well need a louder one.

 

No, this wouldn't be some shocking and cruel turn of events. I have told her that this is coming.

 

No, I wouldn't go to jail for letting her be late once. Yes, she would get lunch detention and yes, that would be unpleasant for her. No, I would not let her be chronically tardy to prove this point, but I do believe that at school consequences would be more powerful than at home consequences in this case.

 

Yes, this is a big deal to me. I have to get my special needs guy ready for school in the morning. He needs me to do everything for him. He is physically at a 3 month old level and weighs 50lbs. She MUST learn this skill.

 

She gets herself up happily when she feels like it. If it's a big day at school, she will be up curling her hair at 6am. She can, she just doesn't. She has also begun to pride herself on her ability to get out the door in 10 min flat, so the wake her in the nick of time approach has already been done and it's not effective.

 

All that said, I do appreciate the input and the bedtime consequence ideas are something I am keeping in mind. I ended up going in to wake her when she would have been a solid 10 minutes late. She is running a fever! So there goes that. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol: Sorry, isn't that always the way of things...a fever! Good luck next week.

[Catwoman]

I hope she feels better soon!

 

Cat

[clarkacademy]

I feel it is the parents responsibilty but then again, when does it become hers? If she is late for school she gets in trouble at school and in your home. End of story. 13 she needs some reponsibilty. You can't hold her hand forever. If kids were as responsible as they were back in the day, we would have less problems. I have never really understood the whole blame the parents. She is 13, she is old enough to get her bum outta bed.

[katilac]

Yes, she has an alarm, which is out of reach and loud enough for most humans. She may very well need a louder one.

 

Yes, because she's not a human being, she's a teen being :D

 

No, this wouldn't be some shocking and cruel turn of events. I have told her that this is coming.

 

Then you're all set!

 

I ended up going in to wake her when she would have been a solid 10 minutes late. She is running a fever! So there goes that. :tongue_smilie

 

LMAO! Yeah, the one time you really get annoyed . . . hee. Oh, honey, I knew something had to be wrong when you didn't wake up promptly, I just knew it.

[Night Elf]

I'd let her sleep, go to school tardy, unexcused. For most kids, the consequences at school (zeros on the day's assignments, detention, whatever the school does) would be enough for the kid to pull herself together. If it's not then you have to come up with consequences at home. But I think it's find to start with letting her face school consequences first.

 

My local public school considers anything other than a doctors excuse to be unexcused. When my oldest dd was sick and I got my youngest dd to school, the school marked her with an unexcused tardy. 3 tardies make an absence. Some number, though I can't remember, of absences gets a call to a social worker. That means the parents are in trouble, not the kids. This is yet another reason I'm happy we homeschool. They have some stupid rules at school. :(

[Laura Corin]

Is there a reason why you won't be her alarm clock? My boys have to get up early, so I try to wake them gently, sing them awake, offer cuddles, put them into warm clothes and persuade them to breakfast. It's a sweet time of day and a gentle beginning to our routine.

 

ETA: I just read that you have to concentrate on your other child, but perhaps waking her earlier (before your other child) but more gently might be an option.

 

Laura

[Mejane]

Is there a reason why you won't be her alarm clock? My boys have to get up early, so I try to wake them gently, sing them awake, offer cuddles, put them into warm clothes and persuade them to breakfast. It's a sweet time of day and a gentle beginning to our routine.

 

 

 

That's so sweet. My mom used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell. :D

[LisaKinVA]

Is there a reason why you won't be her alarm clock? My boys have to get up early, so I try to wake them gently, sing them awake, offer cuddles, put them into warm clothes and persuade them to breakfast. It's a sweet time of day and a gentle beginning to our routine.

 

Laura

 

That sounds idyllic... althought it would wake up and scream in terror! I'm a fairly light sleeper. When someone is trying to be quiet or gently wake me, it scares me to death. Slam a door, and let me know you're there! :D

 

13 is plenty old to get oneself up and ready for the day. My kids do it every day (I'm usually sending them BACK to bed, because they are up at 5:30 or 6:00am... with the sole purpose of sneaking in a computer game or an on-line show without me knowing).

 

I think you've gotten plenty of advice, best wishes :D Sorry about the fever!

[AnitaMcC]

My local public school considers anything other than a doctors excuse to be unexcused. When my oldest dd was sick and I got my youngest dd to school, the school marked her with an unexcused tardy. 3 tardies make an absence. Some number, though I can't remember, of absences gets a call to a social worker. That means the parents are in trouble, not the kids. This is yet another reason I'm happy we homeschool. They have some stupid rules at school. :(

 

 

Depends on the school and district.

 

My kids on average missed 20 days a year each. Never once got a visit or call from truant officer, or school (did get the automatic generated letter but never went beyond that). But I made sure I was good friends with the school nurses-LOL. My kids asthma would cause major issues and so before school started I made sure their pediatrician wrote a letter to the school reguarding the asthma. I also made sure that each time the kids got sick, their doctor wrote a note for the school.

 

My kids were very rarely tardy to school. If they were not there on time... they were sick.

 

When I talked to the school nurses they tell me not to worry about those letters. That the truant officer would check with the nurses to see if kids with numerous absences had health problems.

 

But too many unexcused absences I am sure would have been a huge issue and I would have gotten into "trouble".

[3littlekeets]

That's so sweet. My mom used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and yell. :D

 

Geesh, I'm pretty sure my 12 and 9 year old don't have WTM accounts...but I sure do resemble that remark :lol:

[clarkacademy]

Oh wow I just read about your son so let me rephrase that- My 13 year old daughter would be getting herself up as well as helping me with her brother. We are a family, we help each other, we pull our weight etc. I would not be her alarm clock at all. She is 13 she knows you have things to do that is just selfish imo. A good book to read is Have a New Kid By Friday. My bff maadrose swears by it. I have a disabled son and if my able bodied daughter was acting like that I would freak.

[Laura Corin]

That sounds idyllic... although it would wake up and scream in terror! I'm a fairly light sleeper. When someone is trying to be quiet or gently wake me, it scares me to death. Slam a door, and let me know you're there! :D

 

 

I do that anyway, especially for the teenager.

 

Laura