How to stop toddler biting?

[k2bdeutmeyer]

DS (18 months) is a biter and has been since he was old enough to bite. He does it when he's angry/frustrated and usually only with his siblings, though he head butts me frequently. He is behind some in his speech skills (he has a VERY limited vocab - think only 10 or so words), so I know that's part of his frustration, but poor DD gets bit all. the. time!

 

I know the whole biting them back technique is not really recommended (and we haven't done it). I try to stay on top of them when they're playing to intervene before it ever escalates to biting, but I can't watch them constantly. I do have to make dinner and teach some, and DS is VERY stubborn. He will continue trying to bite no matter how hard you try to distract him. I have tried time outs (he doesn't seem to care and just jabbers at me while I make him sit), and even the occasional spanking (only a time or two). Nothing seems to work.

 

I've been working with DD on her sharing and how to trade if she wants something he has, but only if he's willing. However, she is 3, and like most 3 year olds, is selfish and wants what she wants. Normal sibling things.

 

He is the first one of my kids to be a biter - I am 100% inexperienced in this arena. So, if you have successfully gotten a biter to stop, how did you do it??? Poor DD had her nose bitten a week or so ago. If it hadn't been my kid and I was so upset that he did it, it might have been kinda funny. UGH! I just don't know how to handle it.

 

Thanks!

[Amy in NH]

I know the whole biting them back technique is not really recommended (and we haven't done it).

 

Putting myself out here to be flamed, but that is the only thing that worked for us. All four of my kids went through a biting phase. With each child, we did everything we could think of otherwise. Biting them back cured it very quickly every time.

[RahRah]

Putting myself out here to be flamed, but that is the only thing that worked for us. All four of my kids went through a biting phase. With each child, we did everything we could think of otherwise. Biting them back cured it very quickly every time.

 

:iagree:

 

DS wasn't a biter....but nephew was - until his twin sister bit him back, pretty hard (but didn't break skin)....that stopped it.

[3littlekeets]

I always removed my boys from the fun for a few minutes. The child is "communicating" frustration, anger, etc. and they need time to collect their emotions and it is the perfect time to model how to do that. I don't believe in biting a child back anymore than slapping a child, but that's just me :D

[WarriorMama]

DS (18 months) is a biter and has been since he was old enough to bite. He does it when he's angry/frustrated and usually only with his siblings, though he head butts me frequently. He is behind some in his speech skills (he has a VERY limited vocab - think only 10 or so words), so I know that's part of his frustration, but poor DD gets bit all. the. time!

 

I know the whole biting them back technique is not really recommended (and we haven't done it). I try to stay on top of them when they're playing to intervene before it ever escalates to biting, but I can't watch them constantly. I do have to make dinner and teach some, and DS is VERY stubborn. He will continue trying to bite no matter how hard you try to distract him. I have tried time outs (he doesn't seem to care and just jabbers at me while I make him sit), and even the occasional spanking (only a time or two). Nothing seems to work.

 

I've been working with DD on her sharing and how to trade if she wants something he has, but only if he's willing. However, she is 3, and like most 3 year olds, is selfish and wants what she wants. Normal sibling things.

 

He is the first one of my kids to be a biter - I am 100% inexperienced in this arena. So, if you have successfully gotten a biter to stop, how did you do it??? Poor DD had her nose bitten a week or so ago. If it hadn't been my kid and I was so upset that he did it, it might have been kinda funny. UGH! I just don't know how to handle it.

 

Thanks!

 

Most of the biters I know are younger siblings. I think it's pretty common - everybody around you is bigger, and rambunctious. You have no methods of defending yourself or even really expressing yourself, so when you get overwhelmed, you bite. Sounds like that's probably what going on with your little guy. (I have met a few aggressive biters, but they're usually older...)

 

I don't know if there's much you can do other than be vigilant when he's playing with someone likely to get him riled up, and wait for him to outgrow this stage. If you're doing something else and they're escalating to that point, separate them. Baby gates or a playpen...

 

Just my two cents. An 18 month old isn't going get it - you have to remove him from the situation.

[astrid]

I always removed my boys from the fun for a few minutes.

 

I only have one child and she was not a biter, so the only experience from which I can draw is training dogs. Say what you will, there are an awful lot of similarities, behaviorally-speaking, between a toddler and a puppy.

 

And in our house, puppy biting results in immediate removal from the fun. Puppy bites, we immediately shut down and turn our backs, thus eliminating any interaction both positive or negative.

 

Now you'd obviously have to tweak this for a child, but I'd think that the basic premise would be the same. Biting = no fun.

 

astrid

[LizzyBee]

My oldest was my worst biter, although the other 2 did it occasionally too. We just removed the offender from the situation for a few minutes each time it happened. Once they became more verbal, the biting stopped.

[SonshineLearner]

My daughter bit when I started dating my now husband... She was almost 3 and the girls (step :)) were 6 and 9. It was the 6 year old she bit all the time. I tried all kinds of things... My son bit when he as 6!! Never did before, but in this one situation he couldn't get himself out. I talked to him about it and disciplined him... But I just had to not put him in the situation again. (After 2x of him biting... DONE! )

At 18 months.... It's hard... If you go the biting route, I'd suggest putting their own hand or whatever... in their mouth and pressing down..... And more of a "OUCH.... huh??" No biting... or something. I had a friend who did that.... and it seemed to work after a couple of times..

 

:(

[Crimson Wife]

Tell the child in a very LOUD, STERN voice and with a MAD face: "OUCH- biting HURTS". Then put him/her in the crib for a time-out and shut the door.

 

Same technique works for hitting, pinching, and I would imagine head-butting as well (never had a toddler do that, knock on wood! ;))

[coffeegal]

Tell the child in a very LOUD, STERN voice and with a MAD face: "OUCH- biting HURTS".

 

:iagree: We're having success with telling our toddler dd in a stern voice, "No Bite!!" as she's gearing up to bite. Our goal is to catch her before she bites. ;) The few times she's gotten a bite in on ds 8, I've gone overboard in comforting ds and ignoring dd. She rarely bites now. :001_smile:

[Crimson Wife]

We're having success with telling our toddler dd in a stern voice, "No Bite!!" as she's gearing up to bite.

 

One thing to keep in mind as a general parenting rule-of-thumb is that young children often pay the most attention to the last word of a phrase. So you may be more successful with "biting HURTS" rather than "no biting". That way the child focuses on the "hurts" part rather than "biting" :)

[kalphs]

Putting myself out here to be flamed, but that is the only thing that worked for us. All four of my kids went through a biting phase. With each child, we did everything we could think of otherwise. Biting them back cured it very quickly every time.

:iagree:

[specialmama]

What worked for us: I put lemon juice in a spray bottle and sprayed in the mouth immediately after every bite and a prompt time out with zero attention for a few mintues.

 

Also, this trick was given to me by my midwife when my baby started biting during nursing, but it worked fine for an older child when lemon juice was not around and the chompers would not let go: take hold of their ear lobe and pinch as hard as you can. Try it on yourself: there aren't many pain receptors there so you can't even injure a baby, but it does shock them a bit (they may cry) and it is very theraputic for a mom to do if she feels she has to use force quickly. It's a great trick to have up your sleeve for those impulse retaliations and it doesn't leave a mark. ;)

[MaMa2005]

Putting myself out here to be flamed, but that is the only thing that worked for us. All four of my kids went through a biting phase. With each child, we did everything we could think of otherwise. Biting them back cured it very quickly every time.

 

 

:iagree: Our grandson (who is now 16.5) became a biter at about 24 months. No one in the household would do anything about it. One day, while I was washing the dishes, he took a chuck out of my arse. He learned just how quickly Grandma could turn around and bite back. That was the LAST time he ever bit anyone.

 

Fourteen years later, the biting story is still told during family dinners :lol:.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

LOL MaMa!!

 

Thinking through my normal reactions, I think I usually say "no biting". So, maybe I need to change those words around a bit. Also, interesting.....if I catch him before he bites and remove him from the situation he will often bite himself (his hand). Immediately after, he is calm and relaxed. It's like that bite is a release for him for that frustration he's feeling.

[Mejane]

I'm not an advocate of spanking for every little offense, but when my then-3yo daughter bit her new baby brother hard enough to draw blood, it was the occasion for one of the three swattings she ever got. She had been lightly biting him before that, and we'd talked to her about it; didn't take. After she was "spanked", she didn't bite again. I do know people who bit back and said that was also effective.

[FO4UR]

My youngest was a biter...he still bites toys and things, but thankfully not people.

 

Like yours, my ds's favorite person to bit was his big sister (14mo apart).

 

I took his chubby little cheeks in my hands and gently pressed them as I took a finger and pointed to his lips and sternly said, "NO!" Just saying it didn't work. Holding his face got his attention, there was no doubt that the reason he was in trouble was b/c of his mouth when I pointed to his lips. (He's a very physical learner still LOL.) This didn't hurt him, but he REALLY didn't like it...so it was very effective. I watched him closely and put a hand to his chin if I saw him wanting to bite. The physical reminder was usually all he needed to get himself under control.

 

There were a few times he left a mark on dd (never on my ds who is 3 years older...). I showed him her ouchie and made him help her feel better...get her ice, her special toy, and a hug.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

My youngest was a biter...he still bites toys and things, but thankfully not people.

 

Like yours, my ds's favorite person to bit was his big sister (14mo apart).

 

I took his chubby little cheeks in my hands and gently pressed them as I took a finger and pointed to his lips and sternly said, "NO!" Just saying it didn't work. Holding his face got his attention, there was no doubt that the reason he was in trouble was b/c of his mouth when I pointed to his lips. (He's a very physical learner still LOL.) This didn't hurt him, but he REALLY didn't like it...so it was very effective. I watched him closely and put a hand to his chin if I saw him wanting to bite. The physical reminder was usually all he needed to get himself under control.

 

There were a few times he left a mark on dd (never on my ds who is 3 years older...). I showed him her ouchie and made him help her feel better...get her ice, her special toy, and a hug.

 

I have done all of this!!! He stares at me when I grab his face and tries to jabber through his squished cheeks. Like he's trying to tell me "I was just...." LOL.

[FO4UR]

I have done all of this!!! He stares at me when I grab his face and tries to jabber through his squished cheeks. Like he's trying to tell me "I was just...." LOL.

 

:lol: You are up a creek without a paddle...:grouphug:

 

idk except for tomato staking him...just never letting him out of your sight and stopping it before he bites.

 

If he truly seems to need some kind of physical release (biting), maybe try redirecting *what* he bites??? Give him some plastic toys (teething toys) to chew on.

 

If it's typically just the 3yo he bites, I might take turns having one of them in sight at.all.times. It's HARD (I know!).

[k2bdeutmeyer]

He bites mostly the 3yr old, because most of his interaction is with her. However, if my 10yr old tries to take something from him (usually something he's not supposed to have in the first place), he will try to bite her. For whatever reason, he doesn't usually try to bite me (he will occasionally), but head butts instead. Ouch!

[Unicorn.]

Putting myself out here to be flamed, but that is the only thing that worked for us. All four of my kids went through a biting phase. With each child, we did everything we could think of otherwise. Biting them back cured it very quickly every time.

 

:iagree: Only thing that worked w/ my biter too. She didn't understand that it hurt, until she got bit back. She never did it again (well, maybe a couple of times, when she got older....and w/ full intention of causing pain...:tongue_smilie: )

[lailasmum]

My best friends dd bites my son all the time. We've been trying to figure out why she she does it and come to the conclusion that she feels like its her only way to get back at him as she is really tiny.

 

She is a few days older than my son, they are 3 in february, but a lot lighter and weaker than him and biting is her go-to for handling her anger or getting her point across, or just self defense.

 

She draws blood regularly. I do wish she would stop as my son has seizures when he gets hurt (Reflex anoxic seizures) and has had a few as a result of bites.

 

I don't really think there is any miracle cure other than growing out of it. being told off by her parents hasn't made any difference but she does seem to be doing it less as she gets older.

[specialmama]

So, pardon me for being potentially hurtful here, it is truly not my intent. I am not about to presume your son has anything "wrong" with him, so bear with me and I'll explain.

 

My son has severe autism. We have had extensive training in many different therapies (IBI, ABA, Floortime, PRT, More than Words, etc.) As you are probably aware, kids with autism need special strategies. But the key thing is that all kids could benefit from some of the same strategies used for kids with autism. Allow me to share what happened to this one family who was showcased in a teaching seminar.

 

Little boy (4) repeatedly pushed his baby sister down. She was just learning to cruise, and had been badly hurt several times from the tumbles. The parents were at their wits end. Little boy could not communicate effectively... well, actually, he was communicating, loud and clear. Unfortunately, it wasn't in an acceptable way. So this is what the therapists did. They demonstrated the following to him: one person stood near baby sister, another crouched down beside him. They had him approach her and the therapist prompted him to say "move!" and he said an approximation of "moo". The other adult promptly picked baby sister up and moved her. This made little boy happy because he learned his words have power. It made baby happy because she did not get hurt. It made mom happy because it wasn't long before little boy could be heard using his words (not just in this situation either) and little girl even learned what she should do when she heard "move!"

It did not take long for strategies to be in place (read: warning for mom when she heard MOO) and the pushing and shoving stopped. She had to react quickly, but at least there was warning and she really appreciated that.

 

I share this with you because I believe your son is trying to communicate and it is up to you to show him that his words (even approximations or sign language) have power and can get him what he wants. It will also keep your other dc safe. Hard work at first, lots of diligence, but it may be a strategy that would work in this situation. :grouphug:

[k2bdeutmeyer]

Thank you Karyn! I really believe that THAT is the issue. He needs words. He doesn't have them.

 

However, he has recently established "mine" (sounds like "mememe")! So, he will approach DD 3 and want whatever she's playing with. He will grab it from her and when she resists (because she had it first) he will say "memememe". When she does not respond to his statement of "mine", he bites. So, he IS using his words, she's just "not listening".

 

On the one hand, giving in would prevent the bite, but really....she had the toy first and should be allowed the right to keep it. It has helped in that hearing "memememe" does give me that warning that things are about to escalate. Hmmm.....

[lionfamily1999]

I bit dd and felt terrible about it, but it worked.

 

Dd bit older ds, felt no guilt, but it didn't work. He was our worst biter (they were all biters). I started punishing him decisively every.single.time. We spank, and he got a spanking every time he bit. I normally believe in privacy for punishments, but this was too bad, he was dangerous, so he was punished infront of whomever he had just bitten. It took about a month to get him nearly broken. He stopped by the time he was three, but still bit on occasion :glare:

 

Older ds bit younger ds, felt terrible, but it worked (go figure).

[SonshineLearner]

Oh, and when I was in early childhood training, they suggested getting an apple and putting it within toddlers reach. Then, when you see that "build-up" you just say "apple" and they run grab the apple to bite. (You kinda explain in toddler words something like "when you get angry you bite apple")

 

:)

[specialmama]

Thank you Karyn! I really believe that THAT is the issue. He needs words. He doesn't have them.

 

However, he has recently established "mine" (sounds like "mememe")! So, he will approach DD 3 and want whatever she's playing with. He will grab it from her and when she resists (because she had it first) he will say "memememe". When she does not respond to his statement of "mine", he bites. So, he IS using his words, she's just "not listening".

 

On the one hand, giving in would prevent the bite, but really....she had the toy first and should be allowed the right to keep it. It has helped in that hearing "memememe" does give me that warning that things are about to escalate. Hmmm.....

 

*phew* I'm glad you took that the right way, thank you!

So in that case, what if you intervened for now by allowing turns. If he's getting upset, try distractions and heavily praising him for patience when it is her turn. Don't think that you're training him to always get his way. The priority right now should be to keep kids bite-free and unharmed. The rest should follow with proper attention to good behaviour. Kids are naturally selfish and both legitimately want the toy. Sure, one had it first, but think of it this way: you're teaching them to share, to take turns, etc. Their tolerance will build when they see that yes, they do get a fair turn as well. :grouphug:

 

ETA: for your kids ages, I should think a 1 minute turn each would be ideal. After a few turns, one will lose interest really quick. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Edited December 13, 2010 by specialmama