I cannot handle my youngest!

[Faithr]

About the attention thing. My youngest dd gets lots of attention but she has a psychological NEED for attention much more than my 4 older kids. I don't know if it is her temperament or just the result of being the youngest (and always wanting to 'catch up' to them.) Maybe both. So even if your dd does get a lot of attention perhaps it isn't the right sort or perhaps there is something else that needs to go with the attention. I don't know. . . as you can see from this long thread, yours is not an uncommon problem. Many of us have been there! And I really think it has little to do with how many kids we have or how we parent. Some kids come out of the womb fighting!

[redsquirrel]

Both my boys were hell on wheels at that age. I swear I cried more than they did. Oh, but they were not easy babies. I like to say that our family doctor cursed me by mistake, lol. I was talking to him about my first and he was very kind and reassuring that i wasn't doing anything wrong etc, etc and then he said 'cheer up! you only get one child like this." and so he cursed me. I had another one just like the first.

 

Three and four were HORRIBLE. I just focused on my kind word and loving attitude. We modeled empathy, loving words and consistent behaviour and expected it as well. I can honestly say that it was some of the hardest work, the biggest challenge I have ever faced. I can also say that at 10 & 5 my boys are wonderful. They are loving brothers, the best of friends, and delightful sons.

 

I vented a lot, drank a LOT of wine after hours, lol, cried in private. My husband likes to say that we did 10 years of parenting in 4 years but things are SO MUCH BETTER now.

 

My best friend has four and her motto is 'thank God for my hard kids.' She has two who have always been the easiest kids imaginable. The other two...were not. She can now reflect on how much they taught her. They kept her humble, reminded her how little control she really had, showed her how much she had to learn. I took my lead from her.

[Tarreymere]

Sounds like you have my daughter's long lost twin. My daughter, Hysteria, is seven. Okay so that isn't her real name, but honestly it could be. She isn't the youngest, either. The only thing that has worked the least bit with her is to keep firmly repeating that her behavior is under her control, and until she is back in control of herself she needs to be in time out in her room and away from other people. There is no blaming others for her reactions and outbursts, she is held accountable for her actions and her verbalizations. It has been a long, long road. Uphill.

 

But she is better now, not great but better than she was and I hope that eventually she will be even better. She is my screamy child. When I started latin with her we went through picking out a latin name. She liked Aurelia, but she couldn't quite remember it exactly so later on when dad came home she proudly announced to him that her latin name was 'Ordealia'. Yep, that worked, she sure is one heck of an ordeal!

[girligirlmom]

I'm so sorry, it must be very frustrating. I can relate to the attention needy kids, I know a couple :glare:. I started with homeopathy which has helped significantly, to the point where I prefer and enjoy the same children I formerly did not want to be around. I have just been learning about a way to help permanently heal which sounds drastic but I have become convinced that will work for us!

 

Have you ever heard of GAPS - Gut and Psychology Syndrome? I recently saw Dr. Natasha Campbell-McBride (neurologist & nutritionist) discuss this unusual modern phenomenon. Many children have an unbalanced gut (bad bacteria and flora that has overtaken the good guys) and it makes them behave unreasonably. If you work to heal their gut (she calls it leaky gut at times) - the unusual behaviors go away. GAPS is a fairly strict protocol, but I met so many who had healed their children not only with Autism but ADD, ADHD and other children who act out a lot that I'm convinced that it works and works well and is worth the hard work.

 

It could be colors, dyes, sugar, HFCS, processed carbs or even complex carbs, dairy or fruits or many other things that are not allergies but cause children to behave unreasonably. The only way to truly know is to remove all possible causes, then slowly add back one at a time to see if there is any reaction.

 

It may sound drastic but please consider looking into to it.

 

Temporarily you could try Homeopathic Pulsatilla in water follow Dr Luc's homeopathic protocol. If she is very dramatic it might help her balance, but if it's her gut it needs to be healed. If she is more anger prone and has especially if she has any or had any skin rashes it could be Homeopathic Sulpur that she needs. I have a child that needs Pulsatilla, one that needs Sulphur and third that needs Calc Carb. I would have gone insane the past few years without it. I did consult a classical homeopath (ask around for references) and she told me what each child needed. This was after I started taking a remedy myself (Sepia) so I could deal with it all!

 

I wish there was an easy answer.

Edited December 14, 2010 by girligirlmom

[sarahli]

:bigear:

 

My son just turned 4 and is hyperactive and on the OTHER end of sensory processing- he seeks out stimulation by constantly jumping, spinning, chasing other kids, etc. I have to be completely calm when handling him because any reaction from me- anger or excitement, will fuel what he's doing. The only way he will fall asleep is in a pitch black room. The weird thing is that he doesn't have anger issues- he's actually very affectionate. Instead he laughs hysterically at everything, and tries to run away when he has to do something.

I've found the books "1-2-3 magic" and "Positive discipline for preschoolers" to be the most helpful so far. A LOT of structure, I can't leave him alone- I say ok, now put your plate up, ok, now wash your hands, now sit for a story... It seems to help. If he's getting too hyper, he can no longer control himself, it doesn't matter what I say he doesn't seem to hear me. He has to be removed to his bedroom and I come in for a couple minutes to talk to him.

Two physical things that have helped are getting enough sleep, and avoiding chocolate (I don't know why chocolate? The first time he had chocolate milk he stayed awake until 5am:confused:) Caffeine actually has a calming effect on him though.

[johnandtinagilbert]

I haven't read the thread, but wanted to offer my :grouphug: Frankly, sounds a lot like my 13yo whose in serious puberty pools of hormones right now, so I sympathize. Imagine the tantrums turning into well thought arguments about loads of crap.....it will get better and you can do it. We're here for you.

[Testimony]

Is this a vent post or are you looking for advice?

 

I want to support you. I just wanted to know. You are in a tough situation. It is not easy especially since they are so close in age. I was thinking that I would teach them all at the same time. I mean, you could teach them all science and history together. You can do several activities together. She can do school now, if you wanted to.

 

It is your choice. I was not sure what you wanted in your post.

 

I pray that you will find strength and encouragement.

 

Sincerely,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[rwilliams]

When I hit a what seems like a brick wall with my son even though I seem on paper to be doing everything right, I just try something different that is slightly unorthodox and a touch crazy. For example, he is nine and has been lying to me to stay out of trouble and telling wild stories that are not true. None of the normal things seemed to work. So recently, off the top of my head, I just started adding to his stories usually in front of other people and telling him lies of my own usually about non-important stuff. It actually has been fun for me to break the rules in a humorous sort of way. And I stopped worrying if he would grow up to be a liar. All of of sudden, he has started to tell the truth. It seems like when I finally gave up on so much effort and let go, I got what I wanted. Maybe a strategy that gives up control and responsiblity for the outcome may actually crazy as it sounds help.

[mama27]

This child doesn't hate you. This child is just difficult. It has nothing tpo do with YOU as a parent or all of your children would be exactly the same. She is just the way she is.

Maybe she does this to get attention and NOT because she doesn't get enough but because it's not enough for HER. Just like some people are never satisfied with what they have. If they have a 2 year old car they are always looking for a 1 year old car. if they have a 3 bedroom house they want a 4 bedroom house. then they get these things and still, they are not satisfied. I'm sure you know adults like this. the only differnce is adults whine and complain and 4 years old stupid and scream.

I agree with the putting her in her bedroom thing. Not saying that will STOP the screaming but at least you won't have to see her.

I read somewhere that this woman would put her child outside when she acted like this. I wouldnt do that cuz if she's a runner she'll take off. (I have 3 runners) but at least in her room she will be in another area. Just make sure you DO NOT speak to her other than to CALMLY say when you stop you can get out. Even if she can't hear you cuz she is screaming that is her problem. I have done this with mine and EVETUALLY they realize they can come out, on their own, when they are done being ridiculous. Ok, so it may take awhile, lol. So be it. ;-)

At least now you know you are not are alone. Don't know if that helps or not!!!!

[Momma H]

I have two of these. I keep saying 3 will be better, 4 will be better, 5 will be better. They are both adopted and were drug and alcohol exposed. I know my 5 yo is ADHD although there is no official diagnosis, yet. It is comforting to know, I am so not alone. It makes me feel even more that you are all friends! We will get through this. I think we are going to do some formal stuff here, my 5 yo self esteem is starting to wane because he is constantly told he is obnoxious. He is. But we love him! Just know you are not alone!