A thread for families who don't watch TV, play Wii, videogames or DS etc.

[rafiki]

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[Karen in CO]

Her frustrations are not that she wishes she was like them. She simply wishes they were more like her.

 

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Exactly. My older dd wants friends that have interests more like hers. My younger hasn't noticed yet .

 

When my ds was in ps, he was still the weird one. Now that he is in college, he has finally found a group of weird kids to hang out with.

[Ritsumei]

Originally Posted by Daisy

She finds it frustrating that her peers never talk about anything else. When I give her suggestions of things to bring up she responds with, "Mom, they already think I'm a freak. If I bring up books they are going to think I'm even more crazy." Sigh. Her frustrations are not that she wishes she was like them. She simply wishes they were more like her.

 

 

Yes. This exactly!

 

I sometimes feel this way, as an adult. My family used to be a very-limited screen-time household, but as my Dad's health has deteriorated there's been more and more until now it seems like someone is always watching something, either downstairs or on a computer. My sister in Chicago & her husband watch tons, and they've introduced Lost, and I'm, well, lost in the conversations they have about it. And CSI/NCIS. And Dancing with the Stars (OK, that's more friends than family), and the Office, and there's a new one that I don't remeber the name off.

 

It gets frustrating to be excluded, even unintentionally, from conversations.

[JoyfulMama]

We don't have, nor do I intend to have, an e-free home. However I don't feel that a child needs to be plugged in daily. In our home the rules are different for different ages.

We don't have tvs in bedrooms - not even the master. We do have a computer. We most likely will own more than one computer at some point, however currently it is not needed.

Individual computer time is limited for the children. However we do use the computer as a family - news, streaming video, creating signs, some school.

We do own cell phones - not fancy ones, but they work. I wouldn't mind a fancier one, but, frankly, I'm cheap. :D My children don't have them, and I don't know when I might feel they would need to carry one. I'm not there yet.

 

I enjoy when the electronics assist us, but I don't enjoy when they rule us. That is what I want my children to learn from the decisions we have made to limit use in our home.

[Ritsumei]

I love telling the cable sales man that I do not have a TV when he ask if I want to sign up for the latest cable deal.

 

:lol::lol:

[ChandlerMom]

With all due respect, I don't think there are many children who live a life where they might be eaten by wild animals if they're not careful while they play.

 

And you'd be surprised how many people, even in rural areas around the world, can access a shared TV.

 

I think it's easy to romanticize village life, but it's not necessarily accurate. Also I'm not sure it's relevant to say that people in rural Vietnam don't do such-and-such; your child is not living there. It's better to deal with cultural norms a bit closer to home in trying to understand your child's feelings. Which is what this is about, not percentages of world television and Wii usage.

 

Oh, they make a point that it's tough for those pocket native communities to avoid the influences of the outside world. And I don't think worried about being eaten is "romanticizing". :D And yes, in large parts of the world a leading cause of death among children is wildlife, behind lovely realities like dysentery, malnutrition, and malaria.

 

Most of the world does not like CLOSE to the lifestyle we do. The US has approx 5% of the world population, compare that to ~20% in China -- where the majority don't have reliable electricity to run a fridge let alone a Wii. Sure, tv is ubiquitous there, but not outside of the cities.

 

I disagree that the only thing that matters is what is happening in your own neighborhood, especially in the age of globalization. Heck, a bad think can't happen to a kid 3,000 miles away without it being on the news day and night (one reason why no news on tv when the kids are awake). I grew up in a house filed with PanAm posters from around the world, a globe, an atlas. I didn't travel the world until I was an adult, but my parents did a good job of instilling the marvel of a world greater than my neighborhood. It's a lot easier to accomplish today than then.

 

I expect my kids' greatest sense of what is "normal" to be the world we create at home. Actually, some times they remind me of Jane Goodall observing the gorillas. :lol: Like some other posters have mentioned, they occasionally ask why others do things differently than us, not the other way around! But even at 7yo they are old enough to understand different rules at different homes.

 

I have to say they haven't been unsupervised with any child that would tease them, and when one or two neighbor kids outside have asked or teased my 7yo DD has handled it splendidly, matter-of-factly, and explained that teasing is unacceptable and if that girl needs to be nice or she can't play. Teasers tend to pick on everyone sooner or later, so the group decided to turn on the teaser and keep playing with DD rather than join in the teasing. DD also stood up to one girl when she was picking on someone else, left the group to play with the ostracized girl and the net result was everyone likes my DD because they know she won't ever be hurtful to them. I observed all this over months and have to say I'm proud of how she handles herself. Don't forget these are all opportunities to build character and learn lessons and most likely that peer pressure was a reason we chose to HS.

[ChandlerMom]

To feeling out of pop culture: I don't have an hour to waste on whatever is water cooler fodder of the day, but when I worked in an office I did have 2 minutes to read the episode synopses so at least I knew what would be blathered about briefly at lunch. :D Was just good office politics. ;)

 

On the lighter side: public libraries here are inside the schools. Dh stopped by one last week and was amazed watching all the kids literally fumbling around trying to find door handles, etc, because they were too glued to their cell phones and ipods to look up. :lol:

[stripe]

Oh, they make a point that it's tough for those pocket native communities to avoid the influences of the outside world. And I don't think worried about being eaten is "romanticizing". :D And yes, in large parts of the world a leading cause of death among children is wildlife, behind lovely realities like dysentery, malnutrition, and malaria.

Really? Source?

 

The most common causes of death for children are dehydration due to diarrhea, pneumonia, malnutrition, malaria, and other serious health problems. There are also deaths due to things like abuse and car accidents (hard to be a pedestrian in many parts of the world).

 

"The top five causes of injury and death are road crashes, drowning, burns, falls and poisoning, according to the World Report on Child Injury Prevention 2008," reports the BBC. I don't see "animal attacks" on that list. I also did not see animal attacks (or "wildlife," as you call it) in this data file ("causes of death") from the World Health Organization on child mortality.

 

Most of the world does not like CLOSE to the lifestyle we do. The US has approx 5% of the world population, compare that to ~20% in China -- where the majority don't have reliable electricity to run a fridge let alone a Wii. Sure, tv is ubiquitous there, but not outside of the cities.

Source? There are plenty of TVs in rural areas, from what I've seen.Solar energy has changed things (you can see an article on this from CNN).

 

And there are plenty of people watching for hours in a day. And a total dearth of programming for children or educational programming, in most cases. Also, I didn't say ownership. I specifically said "access a shared TV." If one person in a village has TV, and they all watch a soap opera or soccer game on TV, that is what I mean.

 

According to this article, "The percentage of Chinese who could watch TV rose to 95.81 percent at the end of 2005 from 87.68 percent in 1997, Zhu told a forum on transmission technology for rural areas, while the percentage who could listen to radio programs had risen to 94.48 percent from 86.02 percent."

 

I disagree that the only thing that matters is what is happening in your own neighborhood, especially in the age of globalization.

I never said that the only thing that matters is what happens in your own neighborhood. (I said, "Also I'm not sure it's relevant to say that people in rural Vietnam don't do such-and-such; your child is not living there. It's better to deal with cultural norms a bit closer to home in trying to understand your child's feelings.") I emphasized that it's the kids your child DEALS WITH that are relevant, not what others do, in and of itself. (My family is international and travels often, so I can't play the "monocultural" card, so I'd rather we skip making assumptions.)

 

I was attempting to address the original question, rather than merely speak about something in general. I think the OP's child's feelings deserve consideration. It's often the case that what someone perceives is normal DOES affect them, even when their perceptions are off. For example, "A large body of social science research has established that students tend to overestimate the amount of alcohol that their peers consume. This overestimation causes many to have misguided views about whether their own behaviour is normal and may contribute to the 1.8 million alcohol related deaths every year. Social norms interventions that provide feedback about own and peer drinking behaviours may help to address these misconceptions."

 

Heck, a bad think can't happen to a kid 3,000 miles away without it being on the news day and night (one reason why no news on tv when the kids are awake).

Really? When ANY bad thing happens to ANY kid 3000 miles away, it makes it on TV? I dispute that.

 

And isn't it your decision whether your child has access to TV? Didn't this thread start with the assumption that the child does NOT have much access to the TV, so why would the child be watching disturbing news without any parental supervision?

 

So my bottom line is -- if your child is feeling unhappy because s/he doesn't watch TV, it's not that helpful to tell him or her that people in rural Mongolia don't have a TV and happily eat yak meat, or tell your child that children in upper Revolta always obey their parents. I think it's dismissive of your child's feelings.

[Dolphin]

We did cave in, kinda. My son went to a private school for k-2 and he had a hard time with the fact that a lot of the kids not only had everything in their house, but an extra set in their rooms. One child had a TV/DVD/Blu ray, plus Wii, Xbox and whatever sony does and a DS. It was crazy. I think what made it even harder was that these children were not well behaved and they had all this stuff. My ds is such a well behaved and sweet boy (my ds is not so I have no illusions that my children are perfect cherubs:tongue_smilie:, but ds is pretty darn close). We made a 2 part compromise.

1. When DS goes away to a four year college and is in a dorm room, We will buy him whatever tv/blue ray thing is the thing at the time.

 

2. Over a year we set various tasks for him to earn his own DS. He did them all and more so he did get ti. We monitor the games and time. He is only allowed to play it when he wakes up, if it is after 6am. He does his morning routine and then he may play until breakfast. He is so proud that eh earned it, and takes good care of it. We have not had him ask for anything else electronic in over 18 months. This was enough for him. He probably only plays it about twice a week, at the moment playmobile with his sister is his main morning activity. The DS only comes out if he is up before her.

[dietmom]

It's harder to keep my DH away from TV than my kids!! We do have a TV and pre-record things we find for them--like Discovery Channel favorites, etc., We have a movie night on Fridays--but I always review the movies prior to checking them out. They have no access to a TV with cable--so it does work out. They do complain about not having the video games their friends do--but I really don't want to bring that in--the addiction problems with gaming is such a problem in today's world. I feel for you--it can feel fun and unique to be the odd one out--or in some cases just alienating. Hopefully she will see the silver lining in it!

[Firestar Academy]

She finds it frustrating that her peers never talk about anything else. When I give her suggestions of things to bring up she responds with, "Mom, they already think I'm a freak. If I bring up books they are going to think I'm even more crazy." Sigh. Her frustrations are not that she wishes she was like them. She simply wishes they were more like her.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[ChandlerMom]

Really? Source?

 

The most common causes of death for children are dehydration due to diarrhea, pneumonia, malnutrition, malaria, and other serious health problems. There are also deaths due to things like abuse and car accidents (hard to be a pedestrian in many parts of the world).

 

"The top five causes of injury and death are road crashes, drowning, burns, falls and poisoning, according to the World Report on Child Injury Prevention 2008," reports the BBC. I don't see "animal attacks" on that list. I also did not see animal attacks (or "wildlife," as you call it) in this data file ("causes of death") from the World Health Organization on child mortality.

 

Source? There are plenty of TVs in rural areas, from what I've seen.Solar energy has changed things (you can see an article on this from CNN).

 

And there are plenty of people watching for hours in a day. And a total dearth of programming for children or educational programming, in most cases. Also, I didn't say ownership. I specifically said "access a shared TV." If one person in a village has TV, and they all watch a soap opera or soccer game on TV, that is what I mean.

 

According to this article, "The percentage of Chinese who could watch TV rose to 95.81 percent at the end of 2005 from 87.68 percent in 1997, Zhu told a forum on transmission technology for rural areas, while the percentage who could listen to radio programs had risen to 94.48 percent from 86.02 percent."

 

I never said that the only thing that matters is what happens in your own neighborhood. (I said, "Also I'm not sure it's relevant to say that people in rural Vietnam don't do such-and-such; your child is not living there. It's better to deal with cultural norms a bit closer to home in trying to understand your child's feelings.") I emphasized that it's the kids your child DEALS WITH that are relevant, not what others do, in and of itself. (My family is international and travels often, so I can't play the "monocultural" card, so I'd rather we skip making assumptions.)

 

I was attempting to address the original question, rather than merely speak about something in general. I think the OP's child's feelings deserve consideration. It's often the case that what someone perceives is normal DOES affect them, even when their perceptions are off. For example, "A large body of social science research has established that students tend to overestimate the amount of alcohol that their peers consume. This overestimation causes many to have misguided views about whether their own behaviour is normal and may contribute to the 1.8 million alcohol related deaths every year. Social norms interventions that provide feedback about own and peer drinking behaviours may help to address these misconceptions."

 

Really? When ANY bad thing happens to ANY kid 3000 miles away, it makes it on TV? I dispute that.

 

And isn't it your decision whether your child has access to TV? Didn't this thread start with the assumption that the child does NOT have much access to the TV, so why would the child be watching disturbing news without any parental supervision?

 

So my bottom line is -- if your child is feeling unhappy because s/he doesn't watch TV, it's not that helpful to tell him or her that people in rural Mongolia don't have a TV and happily eat yak meat, or tell your child that children in upper Revolta always obey their parents. I think it's dismissive of your child's feelings.

 

Boy, someone is feeling agitated. The words "panties" and "twist" come to mind.

 

I'm going to start with your "bottom line". After nitpicking my post apart, your "bottom line" is just your own (sarcastic) personal opinion with zero "sources" to back it up. That's fine except you don't phrase it as opinion: just a fact about what is and is not helpful. At least you admit it is just your opinion that I am dismissive of my children's feelings. :lol: I'd be offended if it weren't so funny.

 

Encouraging your children to be aware that the world is greater than their immediate needs is not being dismissive of their feelings. It's being a responsible parent in a globalizing world. I think I was pretty clear that you needed to CONSIDER the child's personality and need for social interaction. I was also pretty clear that I was not claiming to have any great wisdom or answers on the OPs situation, but was just trying to throw out some ideas or thoughts that she might not considered and just might be of some use. I assume that's why we post a problem on the board -- to get suggestions and ideas we may not have considered. I'd have thought it was understood that everyone is free to find value or discard all ideas presented.

 

Now to specific issues you had with my post:

 

As to wildlife death -- common reality (fear) for those on rivers with things like crocs. My use of "large areas" and "a leading cause" were vague and relative. I did mention the biggies are dysentery, malnutrition...what are you arguing about there???? My point is NONE of those things are concerns for the average american kid (especially malaria). If you look at my original post this was merely an example, why are you fixated on it??

 

The %ages you list for China (supplied BY China, btw) is the %ages within range of a tv signal -- that is HARDLY the same thing as having real access to a tv to receive that signal. My SOURCE is friends that travel in rural china 3 months of the year leading tour groups. Electricity is just too expensive to use regularly.

 

As to "any kid 3000 miles away..." OMG, tell me you know what hyperbole is?!?! That was so OBVIOUSLY hyperbole on my part -- the point is our sense of relevancy is totally out of proportion.

 

I'll leave it at that. I hope you have a nice and calm evening.

[Greenmama2]

Www have completely unrestricted screentime here so you may wonder why I am posting...

Well, we don't actually own a tv nor any gaming devices and we have no intention of ever getting either. We also don't currently have a working DVD drive. Our littles use sites like reading eggs, watch videos online or download them from iTunes etc. We are all quite happy like this and have no plans to change.

[Alicia64]

 

Encouraging your children to be aware that the world is greater than their immediate needs is not being dismissive of their feelings. It's being a responsible parent in a globalizing world. I think I was pretty clear that you needed to CONSIDER the child's personality and need for social interaction. I was also pretty clear that I was not claiming to have any great wisdom or answers on the OPs situation, but was just trying to throw out some ideas or thoughts that she might not considered and just might be of some use. I assume that's why we post a problem on the board -- to get suggestions and ideas we may not have considered. I'd have thought it was understood that everyone is free to find value or discard all ideas presented.

 

Thank you both. I really do understand what you're both saying. I LOVE Chandler mom's suggestion about, essentially, broadening their world.

 

I also really hear what Stripe is saying about inadvertently dismissing a child's feelings.

 

When my boys were babies/toddlers I KNEW that I didn't want to put them in daycare, KNEW that they wouldn't have TV etc. etc.

 

Now it's just getting too darn complicated with friends and Wii -- ahhhh! :tongue_smilie:

 

I'm re-reading Hold On To Your Children which goes into attachment to parents vs. attachment to peer groups.

 

I need it.

 

Alley

[Guest danapiper]

I have struggled with my husband on this issue...he grew up on media and so did I and that is why I don't want my kids with TV, video games, etc. I can see because they don't have access to media they are more creative and have a love of learning and reading...their mind also isn't filled with junk. I feel that they are more sensitive to spiritual things and the things of God...we made be weird, but God wants our minds to be renewed by His Word not by the world...

[stripe]

Good Lord, this thread didn't need to be revived.

[lexi]

We don't have TV or any video games. Our kids rarely watch movies but they are really young. They will probably watch more educational stuff when they're older. Thankfully they haven't yet noticed that we are weird but I'm sure that day is coming. I've had so many comments from people and so has dh. People think we are so very strange. I personally get so tired of the comments. I know it will be difficult when they are directed at our kids as well.