S/O: Not permitting McDonald's at children's gatherings?

[unsinkable]

I am surprised that moms are saying a family shouldn't be permitted to bring McDonald's to a gathering because of the effect it would have on the other kids.

 

If your family doesn't eat fast food except on special occasions, couldn't you just say to your kids, "We're not having McDonald's today."

 

Why would fast food be not permitted because it isn't the majority choice?

 

:confused:

[hillfarm]

Unless it is a food allergy situation, IMO it is none of anyone else's business what my dd brings for herself to eat at a casual gathering. Yes, it would be a bit selfish if she brought food for herself when no one else had any, but if it is a "bring a lunch" event, then whether she shows up with a home made sandwich, McDonald's, Subway, or whatever, is up to the person paying for it (ME) not anyone else.

 

We have a brown bag lunch often at our 4-H club, and we see an amazing variety of foods. Many families bring a little extra so they can offer to share with others, but that is not required and most of the kids don't finish their lunch anyway because they all want to go run around and play as much as possible before the meeting starts.

[Catwoman]

I just posted in the other thread about it. Here's what I said, edited a tiny bit for clarity:

 

--------------

 

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

I have been in situations where I've had to stop at the last minute and pick up sandwiches for a homeschool group event. One time, I was only feeding myself and my ds, yet received unkind stares and comments from other moms because there was lunch meat on the sandwiches, the rolls weren't whole wheat, my son was drinking a soda () and eating some chips.

 

It was like I'd committed a capital crime.

 

And it was none of their business.

 

I'm sorry. I didn't have a chance to milk my own goats and grind my own wheat that morning or go out to my huge organic garden and make incredibly healthy food choices like the rest of the moms obviously did. It's pretty clear that I was intentionally trying to kill my child by giving him deadly processed foods. Once.

 

But I wasn't forcing their kids to eat it.

 

My ds had an extra bag of chips and asked the mom of the kid sitting across from him if he could offer it to her son, and she acted like he'd offered to give him cyanide. (And he did ask the mom, not the kid.)

 

So that's why I'm a little sensitive to why we shouldn't tell a mom what her own kids can or can't eat.

 

-----------------

 

Cat

[QueenCat]

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

 

 

:iagree:100%

[FaithManor]

The issue at hand is not a small gathering. Awana groups tend to be rather large and this meal is a get-together for the entire group. Most parents will not be there and that leaves then this issue to be explained by the staff. It's not that the family needs to bring other food it's that they want to bring McDonald's to a large gathering of kids and leaving a handful of church workers to explain..."Hey they are getting McD's and you are getting taco salad." Additionally, then if the children complain to their parents that they didn't get McD's but some others did, the workers then have to explain to each set of parents that there were food issues going on and that this particular family needed to bring their own and decided it would be fast food.

 

It's a real, major hassle because in most children's program events such as these, the vast majority of the parents are not there and so you have all of this explaining to do to the kids and then you do it all over again with some of the parents afterward. Fast food is just such a huge draw to so many children....huge...unfortunately, so it does complicate matters in a way that bringing a homemade dish and just saying, so and so needs special food, would be. The kids aren't so drawn to someone else's homemade meal the way they are to some's McDonald's bag. Sad state of our culture, I know!

 

It would be better for the parent to say to her child, "Hey if you really want to attend this event, you should know that they are going to serve X food. So, since you don't like X, why don't you eat a snack before we go and I will take you to McD's after the event. This way we don't have to explain to all of the kids why they have to eat X."

 

I understand that not everyone sees it this way but I've worked in children's ministries in the past and I truly understand the staff side of the issue. Our ds has a heart condition and when he was little and dh and I worked all three hours at a very large church, snacks were offered to the children whose parents were working the all of those services. But, because of ds's condition and the fact that we were being very, very careful what he ate, how he exercised, what level or heart rate he got up to etc. he could usually never partake of the snack (always, always chock full of hydrogenated oil which the cardiologist said ds had absolutely no safe level of consumption of) and many times the kids played in the chuch gym. I didn't expect the staff to monitor his heart rate while he played so he we had him come to my class. They also had to put an end to my bringing his own snack because inevitably, the other kids would want what he had and I couldn't afford to bring enough for 100 kids every Sunday! We had a lot of special needs kids in that group, children from foster and Whaley's children's center, etc. and his getting special treatment created a real problem. So, he had to stay with us. Bummer for him...but we've always taught the kids that sometimes life is a bummer and you just have to deal with it. You can't expect the world to accomodate your every need.

 

Faith

[Snickerdoodle]

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

 

Yep.

[Chris in VA]

I agree with Cat. I make plenty of good choices and a few bad. Everyone else is free to do the same. While I might talk about choices with a very good friend, it's her life, not mine. I can walk a road beside someone who is different.

And, while I do think others' choices can and may have an effect on my kids, it's ultimately my choice to counter that choice at home, privately, or just in a polite way with others present.

 

(aaaand just how many times can I use the word, "choice?" LOL)

[Mom-ninja.]

My goodness, it's no one's business if I bring fast food to a gathering.

 

 

Although, I did judge the mom who put coke into her 6 month old baby's bottle. The baby was crying and the mom went to the concession stand and bought coke. She put coke in the bottle and gave it to the baby. Why didn't she buy water to put in the bottle?

[Holly IN]

hhhmmmm This is a toughie.

 

In this situation I would say let it go and let the kids enjoy a McD once in a while. It will not hurt them. I am really fanatical about what my kids eat but I really let it go at parties and other functions except I do warn my children especially the pre-diabetic one that they will feel bad afterwards. They are very choosy at the parties and eat less sweets or whatever than eveyrbody else.

 

That is me though.

 

Holly

[Parrothead]

I don't know that it is anyone's business about what alternative food someone brings to a gathering. Family A doesn't like what is on the menu so they attend the function but bring their own food be it McD's or rice noodles with tofu and sesame sauce. I don't see why Family A would have to be singled out and their food choice presented for approval to the rest of those in attendance. I would find that humiliating and rude.

[Janna]

My goodness, it's no one's business if I bring fast food to a gathering.

 

 

Although, I did judge the mom who put coke into her 6 month old baby's bottle. The baby was crying and the mom went to the concession stand and bought coke. She put coke in the bottle and gave it to the baby. Why didn't she buy water to put in the bottle?

 

My brother-in-law did this with his kids. When we met for a family reunion several years ago, his then 2yo son DEMANDED pop, so he went to the soda machine, got a Mountain Dew (no joke) and put it in his bottle. :glare: So not only was the 2yo demanding and drinking Mountain Dew, but at 2 years old, was still drinking out of a bottle. Not a sippy cup, a bottle.

 

I judged that, too. :tongue_smilie:

[katilac]

Unless it is a food allergy situation, IMO it is none of anyone else's business what my dd brings for herself to eat at a casual gathering. Yes, it would be a bit selfish if she brought food for herself when no one else had any, but if it is a "bring a lunch" event, then whether she shows up with a home made sandwich, McDonald's, Subway, or whatever, is up to the person paying for it (ME) not anyone else.

 

If I'm understanding correctly, the original post was not about a "bring a lunch" event. All of the kids would be given the same thing to eat, except for the few with allergy issues. In that case, I do think it's reasonable to say, please, no fast food.

[LibraryLover]

What other people feed their children has no bearing on what I feed mine

 

If you can get yogurt and bananas into a pick-pick, good for you!

Edited December 10, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Holly IN]

I agree!! I even get evil stares when I say I work a full time job. They look at me like I committed a capital crime. :glare: Sorry but my hubby do not make 100,000 + a year like their hubbies do!!!!

 

Same with food. I would LOVE to make my own bread and such things but I can't because I work a full time job and homeschool. Something had to give!!;)

 

 

 

 

 

I just posted in the other thread about it. Here's what I said, edited a tiny bit for clarity:

 

--------------

 

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

 

 

It was like I'd committed a capital crime.

 

And it was none of their business.

 

I'm sorry. I didn't have a chance to milk my own goats and grind my own wheat that morning or go out to my huge organic garden and make incredibly healthy food choices like the rest of the moms obviously did. It's pretty clear that I was intentionally trying to kill my child by giving him deadly processed foods. Once.

 

But I wasn't forcing their kids to eat it.

 

 

-----------------

 

Cat

[Catwoman]

 

(aaaand just how many times can I use the word, "choice?" LOL)

 

Six times. Six is the limit.

 

You used it 5 times, so you made it in just under the wire. ;)

 

Cat

[LibraryLover]

If I'm understanding correctly, the original post was not about a "bring a lunch" event. All of the kids would be given the same thing to eat, except for the few with allergy issues. In that case, I do think it's reasonable to say, please, no fast food.

 

 

But... gently...why? Let the kids eat what they eat. Nobody makes adults eat stuff they don't like. It's totally not our business whether other people's children are picky.

[Miss Peregrine]

I didn't see the OP. I am assuming it was deleted?

 

Anyway, I would be ticked to show up and find out all the kids were getting McDonald's.

[Pippen]

If I'm understanding correctly, the original post was not about a "bring a lunch" event. All of the kids would be given the same thing to eat, except for the few with allergy issues. In that case, I do think it's reasonable to say, please, no fast food.

 

My child with sensory issues would have not cleared the "allergy" rule and besides that one I also have one who wouldn't touch taco salad because he hates lettuce.

 

Families handle these situations differently. Yes, personally I always tried to make sure the alternatives weren't something that would leave other kids envious, or I would have fed my kids their main meal ahead of time. But I wouldn't have appreciated having someone else dictate what alternative I selected.

 

There have also been times when my kiddo with sensory issues has opted not to attend something to avoid the food problem. Especially since this is an Awana event and a goal is not to exclude kids I think this is one situation to just handle with flexibility and grace.

Edited December 10, 2010 by Pippen

[unsinkable]

I didn't see the OP. I am assuming it was deleted?

 

Anyway, I would be ticked to show up and find out all the kids were getting McDonald's.

 

Here it is, Amy.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229588

[Miss Peregrine]

Here it is, Amy.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=229588

 

 

Thank you.

[In the Rain]

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

 

:iagree: I would have no problem telling my kids that so-and-so's mom made a different choice for them, but we are eating the meal being served.

 

I think their mom should be working with her kids about healthy eating and making an attempt at being a gracious guest, but I can't control that. I can work with my kids on understanding why we make the choices we do, and accepting that sometimes others will have treats they don't. :001_smile:

 

BTW, our Awana has a mealtime also. It is not uncommon for children to show up with fast food to eat while being supervised by the church. It really isn't a big deal. Kids may ask why they didn't get McDonalds too, but they accept the leader's response.

[HRAAB]

My dd cooks for the youth group at church, and it is a large group. I've noticed that there are a few kids who bring their own food (Subway, McD's, etc.). It doesn't seem to be any big deal. Most of the kids eat what dd cooks. My dd just laughs and says maybe they don't like her cooking and prefer the greasy stuff. Anyway, it's never caused any problems.

[hillfarm]

If I'm understanding correctly, the original post was not about a "bring a lunch" event. All of the kids would be given the same thing to eat, except for the few with allergy issues. In that case, I do think it's reasonable to say, please, no fast food.

 

Sorry if I misunderstood the op. But I still feel that as long as everyone is getting something, then it is not anyone else's business what any one particular family brings for their children.

 

Welcome to the world. Life is not fair. We do not all receive the same measure of anything. IMO, it is much better to teach the children to be content with that which they have, to be tolerant of the behavior/choices of others even when it is different from ours, and to get over that feeling of entitlement to equal treatment or to receive whatever you prefer.

 

Because I can guarantee that I feel some disharmony when I see my neighbor's fabulous 4WD SUV parked next to my dh's beat up '92 Ford Escort in the lot at church. When I read that someone somewhere actually hires a professional chef to come in and do their once-a-month cooking for them. When I see someone qualify for a large grant to do work that I would love to do. But I deal with it and move on, because life is not fair and I have many blessings of my own to enjoy. Why work so hard to deny these children the opportunity to learn these lessons at a young age in a low stress environment?

 

IMO, it is doing them a significant disservice to promote the perception that life will be fair, that we will all get to have the best or none of us should be permitted to.

[Sun]

The issue at hand is not a small gathering. Awana groups tend to be rather large and this meal is a get-together for the entire group. Most parents will not be there and that leaves then this issue to be explained by the staff. It's not that the family needs to bring other food it's that they want to bring McDonald's to a large gathering of kids and leaving a handful of church workers to explain..."Hey they are getting McD's and you are getting taco salad." Additionally, then if the children complain to their parents that they didn't get McD's but some others did, the workers then have to explain to each set of parents that there were food issues going on and that this particular family needed to bring their own and decided it would be fast food.

...

 

I was all set to say it's no one's business, but in a situation like the one above, I can certainly understand why a "no fast food" request would be made. In a group situation with a provided lunch, I think such a request would be reasonable.

 

If it were a group of parents and kids meeting at the park with each family bringing its own lunch, then I think it's no one else's business.

[In the Rain]

Welcome to the world. Life is not fair. We do not all receive the same measure of anything. IMO, it is much better to teach the children to be content with that which they have, to be tolerant of the behavior/choices of others even when it is different from ours, and to get over that feeling of entitlement to equal treatment or to receive whatever you prefer.

 

...

 

IMO, it is doing them a significant disservice to promote the perception that life will be fair, that we will all get to have the best or none of us should be permitted to.

 

This is what I was trying to get at also.

 

I do want to state though that McDonald's happy meal is not "the best". :tongue_smilie::lol:

[LinRTX]

Personally, I think it is fine to bring whatever you want to a situation where everyone is bring their own food. It was not the case here.

 

If there are food allergies (or an illness like a diabetic) Then it is fine to bring in another meal for your child.

 

Catering to children because of pickiness is absurd in my opinion. If they don't like the food, they don't have to come. But if they come, they need to eat what is there. I tell this to mine all the time.Actually I tell them this every night. At least one child does not like something I have fixed every night, but they are required to take a bite. I make very few exceptions!!

 

However, if it is a build your own sandwich or salad meal they can opt out of parts of it. I think we do a disservice to our children to encourage this behavior. And yes I do/have had picky children who do not like the texture of some foods.

 

Linda

[kalphs]

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

Cat

:iagree:

[Guest Barb B]

For goodness sakes: The mom has a right to bring her kids McDonalds if she wants. Me, I don't let my kids eat Mcdonalds and if they did complain when they saw others eating Mcdonalds I would say "oh well, you can't have Mcdonalds". And be done with it. Gee, if I told other parents not to do something because my kids don't do that; I would be telling people all the time to stop things. Lets see: lots of kids don't well helmets biking-mine do, some kids see movies and tv shows I don't let my kids see,some kids are allowed to wear clothes I never would let my kids wear. . . our kids have got to get used to hearing that others may be allowed to do somethings that we don't do. Once they get into the teen years you will be glad you have raised them this way. In the teen years what some kids do that mine aren't allowed to do gets much more immoral then just eating McDonalds!

 

Barb

[FaithManor]

Barb B and others, I completely understand and this is the stand I make with my own kids. But, in nearly all of these big children's ministry events, the parents fly the coup! It's babysitting and a handful of well meaning people who are already running around helping kids with plates, refilling bowls, cleaning up messes, and such are now left to explain this to everyone else. So, your take and my take is it doesn't matter what her kid is eating you eat what you are told to eat. But, that makes the children's ministries workers become parents to all of the rest of the kids and then have to explain to the inevitable parents who complain, "Well, my kid didn't get McD's" on top of having to clean up the entire event.

 

My problem is not with this mother choosing to feed this to her kid. It's a free country and I truly mean it. My problem is the imposition it places on the handful of people who will be left to handle it because having been there and done that, I can just about guarantee you that none of the other mothers will stick around and help their children with their food, deal with the inquiries, explain their own position to their own children, or to anybody else's kid...they will drop their kids and run. I've done these kinds of events with up to 100 children and rarely had more than five adults to handle the whole thing. So, I would not appreciate someone bringing McD's when the rest of the kids have to eat salad and I have to explain this to 98 other kids and to 30-50 parents who ask about it later.

 

Faith

[Guest Barb B]

OHHHH! I thought this was an event with parent and kids going. In this case - how about a "rule" that at all church kids functions parents have to fill out a form and OK from the children's director (or whatever the title is) before bringing in food to an event like this.

 

Barb

[LauraGB]

I may be misunderstanding the other thread, but what I understood is that this is a group party and someone is bringing a snack/food for everyone (taco salads, I think). In this case, unless there is a food allergy or diet to consider, I think it's just rude to show up with a bag of McD's. Eat it in the car if it needs to be eaten, but it's kind of bad form to bring it in during a party where the menu has been decided.

 

Honestly, I don't give a rip who eats what. I think in a case such as this one, it comes down to manners.

[grace'smom]

I don't understand why so many functions HAVE to involve food anyway. I think we're starting to live too fast if we can't eat our dinner at home, but that's just my own personal issue brought forth from having an allergic child. When I started having to deal with my child's allergies I really noticed how much food is emphasized in our culture. It's almost impossible to find a function that does not involve food somehow- and it is usually "treats" that can't really be called "treats" because the kids get them all the time.

 

So I say forget the McDonalds- let's just stop bringing food at all, LOL!

[jplain]

As a parent to a kiddo with multiple food intolerances, I reserve the right to make all decisions regarding my kid's food. I'd be pretty ticked off if anyone suggested that I needed to change what I feed her to accommodate group standards. As it is, she's pretty restricted, so I generally have to bring separate food to every single event we attend. Piling on additional restrictions, especially ones that subtly question my parenting philosophy, is not a way to get on my good side. :glare:

 

For the record, I don't send my kids with McD's, and I have raised my eyebrows when I've seen others do it. But I don't know the situation, and it isn't my place to judge.

 

In this case, unless there is a food allergy or diet to consider, I think it's just rude to show up with a bag of McD's.

I believe that in this case of the post that inspired this one, both children DO have special needs regarding food. One is a newly diagnosed type I diabetic. The other is an extremely picky eater, to an extreme that may suggest sensory processing disorder.

 

In that mom's shoes, I might not make the choice to provide McD's, but I can't judge her for it. With newly diagnosed type I diabetes, it can be really hard to figure out insulin needs. If she feels she's got a handle on how to dose insulin for a Happy Meal, who am I to ask her to go outside her comfort zone at a drop-off event? Remember that eating ahead of time may not be possible with the child's current insulin regimen.

 

And regarding the other child, who is younger and an extremely picky eater...I'd let that one slide too. Surely the entire family has been under a lot of stress with the older child's recent diagnosis. This isn't a hill to die on. There may very well be eating issues that need to be addressed with the younger child, but it certainly isn't the place of an outside group to force the issue. :glare:

[FaithManor]

Hey Grace, I can identify with that. I am sick of every function in the world having to do with food. It's just so ridiculous and I am wondering if this is something unique to American culture.

 

We don't offer snacks at our 4-H gatherings and they usually last three hours. We've got water and dixie cups so no one goes thirsty except the kid that doesn't drink water. His mom always wanted to bring juice boxes just for him but then he'd spill them all over his work and his neighbor's work and so I said no. She could take him out to her car to get a drink but he couldn't bring the juice boxes into the meeting. I got tired of cleaning up all the spilled juice and having the inevitable child upset whose lab sheets were ruined after so much hard work.

 

At any rate, it seems like in this nation every single thing worth getting together for must be occasioned with food. My biggest beef is that our church has instituted a "fellowship" time between worship and small groups/classes. Cookies, cookies, cookies and of course this is at 11:00 a.m. so my kids want to fill up on that and not eat lunch not to mention that the children's workers like to follow up with KOOL AID. Why can't people just visit without eating??????

 

At any rate, we don't stay for the fellowship because if we do, then I have to take "my turn" at baking cookies to bring and I don't think it's necessary. Because we leave for the fellowship time, that means we don't return for the classes that follow. Oh well...I am sticking to my guns. Not everything in life has to be about the consumption of food! But, that's a topic for a different thread.

 

Faith

[jplain]

I don't understand why so many functions HAVE to involve food anyway.

 

(snip)

 

When I started having to deal with my child's allergies I really noticed how much food is emphasized in our culture. It's almost impossible to find a function that does not involve food somehow- and it is usually "treats" that can't really be called "treats" because the kids get them all the time.

:iagree:

 

It bugs me that treats we wouldn't eat at home show up at events we attend, all the time. Then, to make it equitable for my food-intolerant kiddo, I have to buy/make a substitute so that she won't feel left out. Gah!

 

Example: I asked the 4yo's preschool to reschedule their Xmas party to accommodate the families that are leaving town the weekend of the 18th. Unfortunately, I didn't know that the party is all about decorating and eating cookies. Now I need to make GF/DF/SF/EF/NF sugar cookies. I also need to buy separate (and expensive!) sprinkles, and make frosting that she can tolerate, so that she'll get to decorate cookies like her classmates. Ugh. Should have left well enough alone!

[Harriet Vane]

I don't think we should be the Food Police and tell a mom what she can or can not feed her own child, and quite frankly, I don't think we have the right to do that.

 

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[silliness7]

Barb B and others, I completely understand and this is the stand I make with my own kids. But, in nearly all of these big children's ministry events, the parents fly the coup! It's babysitting and a handful of well meaning people who are already running around helping kids with plates, refilling bowls, cleaning up messes, and such are now left to explain this to everyone else. So, your take and my take is it doesn't matter what her kid is eating you eat what you are told to eat. But, that makes the children's ministries workers become parents to all of the rest of the kids and then have to explain to the inevitable parents who complain, "Well, my kid didn't get McD's" on top of having to clean up the entire event.

 

My problem is not with this mother choosing to feed this to her kid. It's a free country and I truly mean it. My problem is the imposition it places on the handful of people who will be left to handle it because having been there and done that, I can just about guarantee you that none of the other mothers will stick around and help their children with their food, deal with the inquiries, explain their own position to their own children, or to anybody else's kid...they will drop their kids and run. I've done these kinds of events with up to 100 children and rarely had more than five adults to handle the whole thing. So, I would not appreciate someone bringing McD's when the rest of the kids have to eat salad and I have to explain this to 98 other kids and to 30-50 parents who ask about it later.

 

Faith

 

Maybe you should change the whole thought process behind the meal. My kids go to band once a week. It's an all-day affair crossing over lunch-time. The band program provides a lunch at a fee. There is one option and the menu is posted a bit in advance etc. You save money if you buy in advance but they do make a bit extra for last minute eaters.

 

But this is just an option. One in which we have never partaken. We bring our lunch. Many, many people bring their lunch. Some people bring coolers of home-baked food and use the microwaves to heat it up. Some people bring the traditional sack lunch. Some people bring Little Caesar's or other fast food. Many people buy the school lunch.

 

I don't think my kids have ever once asked me why so and so gets Little Casear's while we're eating PB&J. That was last year. This year I am not there at lunch. My youngest in the program is in 3rd grade. She is perfectly competent to sit down in the cafeteria, unpack her lunch, eat it, clean up after herself and get herself to her next class with absolutely no adult help. I even think my 1st grader to handle everything except getting to her next class on time with no assistance but she is too young for the program.

 

If you market your meal as a convenience for the families in the program BUT that it is just ONE option and kids can pack a meal (or have a McD's worker pack their meal) if they prefer. Like I said, we live this one lunch a week. I don't see the big deal. If the majority of parents and kids are really that whiney about everyone not getting to eat the exact same thing maybe send a note home explaining that "we provide a meal for your convenience but you may bring your own."

 

Q. Why don't I get french fries?

A. Because your mom didn't pack you any.

 

Q. Why didn't my kid get McD's?

A. Because YOU didn't bring it for them.

 

I would think after a week or two people would catch the new vibe. I don't know.

[FaithManor]

Rebecca, your thoughts make sense. I think that if a children's event must go through a lunch or dinner period that ultimately, the best thing is for everyone is to bring their own. This gets the staff away from the particulars of having to feed the group. I hope Nakia, the OP, has a lot of help at this children's event.

 

My experience has always been 5 - 7 adults trying to help and field the questions of 100 kids while getting through a meal and there isn't time nor energy to handle these things. If the parents stuck around, then great because they could just say, "you need to eat the meal that the workers provided." But, the parents don't and believe me I've had some very irate children make a huge scene because I wouldn't get in my car and drive off to go buy them McD's, Little Caesar's, etc. But, I am getting the feeling from other posters that in most other churches the children are far better behaved and so this would not be a problem and therefore the church leadership should have no right to a say in it.

 

For me, people bringing in fast food after everyone else has dropped off their children and left me and a few others to handle everything, has been bad. Of course, we have no means of disciplining in any meaningful way that won't make some parent, somewhere irate, so when you get kicked in the shins by a five year old demanding that you go buy them a burger and some fries too....well, you can see where I am coming from.

 

Oh, did I mention that I don't work in children's ministries anymore? I got burned out by this kind of thing. It's always just too complicated to be worth expending emotional energy on when I could save that energy for my family. We do like 4-H and thankfully, we have full support from the extension office to establish the rules for our club which is, we don't serve food and unless we get a diabetic child who must eat for health reasons, no one gets to bring any. That way I don't have to worry about nut allergies and anaphylactic shock, other food allergies, or kids wanting what someone else is having.

 

I do think that you are right that if these kinds of gatherings had a strict pack your own or eat what's provided and don't whine about it policy, that some of the headache would go away.

 

Faith

[LauraGB]

I believe that in this case of the post that inspired this one, both children DO have special needs regarding food. One is a newly diagnosed type I diabetic. The other is an extremely picky eater, to an extreme that may suggest sensory processing disorder.

 

In that mom's shoes, I might not make the choice to provide McD's, but I can't judge her for it. With newly diagnosed type I diabetes, it can be really hard to figure out insulin needs. If she feels she's got a handle on how to dose insulin for a Happy Meal, who am I to ask her to go outside her comfort zone at a drop-off event? Remember that eating ahead of time may not be possible with the child's current insulin regimen.

 

And regarding the other child, who is younger and an extremely picky eater...I'd let that one slide too. Surely the entire family has been under a lot of stress with the older child's recent diagnosis. This isn't a hill to die on. There may very well be eating issues that need to be addressed with the younger child, but it certainly isn't the place of an outside group to force the issue. :glare:

 

Oh, I agree with you.

 

I was just responding to OP's general question of why it might not be okay to carry in food to an activity that is providing food for the group if there were no dietary or allergies to consider. To me, it would be like going to the meal after a funeral (or some such thing - that's all I can come up with right now for some reason :001_huh:), but bringing my own eggplant parm from The Olive Garden just because I like it better than ham sandwiches, and then proceed to eat it while the others are eating their sandwiches. It is ill mannered. If I really wanted to do that, I'd eat it in the car or something.

[grace'smom]

:iagree:

 

 

Example: I asked the 4yo's preschool to reschedule their Xmas party to accommodate the families that are leaving town the weekend of the 18th. Unfortunately, I didn't know that the party is all about decorating and eating cookies. Now I need to make GF/DF/SF/EF/NF sugar cookies. I also need to buy separate (and expensive!) sprinkles, and make frosting that she can tolerate, so that she'll get to decorate cookies like her classmates. Ugh. Should have left well enough alone!

 

:iagree: This type of issue was not the sole reason that I pulled my child from her preschool, but it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I have in the past worked events for Girl Scouts where we provided a meal. Some of these events accommodated well over 100 girls (ranging in ages as young as 5) and there were usually only 5 to 7 adults overseeing. The menu was distributed to the parents well in advance and they were told that if their child didn't like what was offered they were welcome to bring something else but that we would not help open packaging, assemble components, etc. At the beginning of the meal we would announce that everyone's parents were given the choice of choosing the provided meal or bringing something else. Hence, if you don't like what you have been given to eat, then take it up with your parent. End. of. discussion. We would never have gone around answering individual questions about why so and so got McD's. Nor did we have issues with the parents because they were notified in advance of their options. It was just never, never an issue.

 

I would say that if problems are arising then the event isn't being managed very well by whoever is in charge. Decide what the rules are and then inform everyone of those rules.

[dani3boys]

Personally, I think it is fine to bring whatever you want to a situation where everyone is bring their own food. It was not the case here.

 

If there are food allergies (or an illness like a diabetic) Then it is fine to bring in another meal for your child.

 

Catering to children because of pickiness is absurd in my opinion. If they don't like the food, they don't have to come. But if they come, they need to eat what is there. I tell this to mine all the time.Actually I tell them this every night. At least one child does not like something I have fixed every night, but they are required to take a bite. I make very few exceptions!!

 

However, if it is a build your own sandwich or salad meal they can opt out of parts of it. I think we do a disservice to our children to encourage this behavior. And yes I do/have had picky children who do not like the texture of some foods.

 

Linda

 

:iagree:

[Parrothead]

.

 

My experience has always been 5 - 7 adults trying to help and field the questions of 100 kids while getting through a meal and there isn't time nor energy to handle these things.

Are these all homeschool kids? I find it strange that any public school kid who has lunch in the cafeteria day after day would bat an eye at some kid getting a different meal at church whether it is bag lunch or fast food. Obviously it happens because I don't believe you would say so if it wasn't true. I just find it strange.

[Amy in NH]

If I'm understanding correctly, the original post was not about a "bring a lunch" event. All of the kids would be given the same thing to eat, except for the few with allergy issues. In that case, I do think it's reasonable to say, please, no fast food.

 

:iagree:

[FaithManor]

It's a mixture of kids from a lot of walks in life and there are special needs adoptees and fosters amongst the bunch. This probably complicates matters because many of them have some emotional problems and self-control and wanting what others have is an issue. But, I hate to say it, regardless of the situation, I live in an area where there is very little real parenting. Kids are just plain ill mannered. Last Sunday at church, a young boy accidently stepped on the toe of one of the girls in my dad's children's church class and her response was "F-You" and by that, I mean full annunciation of the word. There won't be anything done about it. The deck is stacked against the workers because there are far more parents in this area that think their children have the right to be vile than who feel that children should have manners. At the local school district, kids are allowed to speak this way to the teachers and it's considered free speech so the child can not be reprimanded in any way. If unfortunately seeps over into the community at large and while some parents might take their child off in private and say something about kicking me in the shins for not getting them fries or using that kind of language in class, those same parents will tell you that the teacher has no right to a say in how their child behaves period and will continue to drop them off in the children's ministries department. My dad is literally a saint for putting up with this.

 

That's why I was supportive of the OP because if she is dealing with anything like the community I deal with (and this is not a bad neighborhood all things considered), then she has a right to feel like this could be a problem.

 

I am actually supportive of our church cancelling all children's programs and going to some sort of fellowship/classes where the parents and children are together at all times. AND NO FOOD! ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD!

 

Faith

[vonfirmath]

Q. Why don't I get french fries?

A. Because your mom didn't pack you any.

 

Q. Why didn't my kid get McD's?

A. Because YOU didn't bring it for them.

 

 

This is what we do with our 3 year olds at church (and they were 2 years old last year). MOST of the kids eat the provided snack. Some parents pack a snack for their kids (including a juice drink)

 

The other kids will say "I want apples" or "I want cookies" or "I want juice" -- whatever it is the one kid has and they do not. And we just explain that that kid's parents packed their snack and they have "pretzels" or whatever the snack of the day is. period.

 

We have not had problems yet.

[Murphy101]

I have in the past worked events for Girl Scouts where we provided a meal. Some of these events accommodated well over 100 girls (ranging in ages as young as 5) and there were usually only 5 to 7 adults overseeing. The menu was distributed to the parents well in advance and they were told that if their child didn't like what was offered they were welcome to bring something else but that we would not help open packaging, assemble components, etc. At the beginning of the meal we would announce that everyone's parents were given the choice of choosing the provided meal or bringing something else. Hence, if you don't like what you have been given to eat, then take it up with your parent. End. of. discussion. We would never have gone around answering individual questions about why so and so got McD's. Nor did we have issues with the parents because they were notified in advance of their options. It was just never, never an issue.

 

I would say that if problems are arising then the event isn't being managed very well by whoever is in charge. Decide what the rules are and then inform everyone of those rules.

 

:iagree: with this, but the following is what I'd really prefer. I am so freaking sick and tired of food being a part of every danged minute and every event in life these days. I just want to scream "ENOUGH! Eat at home and get out of the food/snack circus!"

 

I am actually supportive of our church cancelling all children's programs and going to some sort of fellowship/classes where the parents and children are together at all times. AND NO FOOD! ABSOLUTELY NO FOOD!

[RegularMom]

Well, since I'm the one who posted about not allowing the McDonald's, I suppose I should clarify.

 

If I'm going to an event with my kids, and it's a pot-luck bring-your-own-meal thing, then I really don't care if people bring fast food. But if it's a planned shared meal, in which the children will all be eating a limited menu, then I find it incredibly rude for one person to say no thanks, I'm bringing McDonalds for my kids No Matter WHAT.

 

That's all I was trying to say. Get mad about it... read into it whatever you want...

 

but I still say it's rude.

 

If I'm ever in that situation, I'll probably tell my kids: "Yes, they're having McDonalds. And we're having this other, healthier meal." And then on the way home, I'd discuss with them yet another nuance of polite behavior at large social gatherings.

Edited December 10, 2010 by RegularMom

[HRAAB]

Well, since I'm the one who posted about not allowing the McDonald's, I suppose I should clarify.

 

If I'm going to an event with my kids, and it's a pot-luck bring-your-own-meal thing, then I really don't care if people bring fast food. But if it's a planned shared meal, in which the children will all be eating a limited menu, then I find it incredibly rude for one person to say no thanks, I'm bringing McDonalds for my kids No Matter WHAT.

 

That's all I was trying to say. Get mad about it... read into it whatever you want...

 

but I still say it's rude.

 

I absolutely agree it's rude behavior. I would not do it. My children are expected to eat what they're served. However, I don't know that I would want to tell other mothers that they couldn't bring their own food. That could be the beginning of a 'food war'.

[RegularMom]

I agree with you. It would be very uncomfortable. If I were coordinating an event like that, though, I'd have to consider all the children present. I'd have no qualms taking the mom aside and saying something like, "I understand that you need to bring a separate meal for your children, and I support you. However, I'm asking you to please NOT bring McDonald's because it might make many of the other children upset or jealous. If you must bring McDonald's please have your children eat it privately."

 

She's probably get mad at me and complain, and she'd also probably just bring the McDonald's anyway, in spite of anything I said, but at least I would have done my best to do the proper, polite thing. I can't make anyone do anything, in the end, but I still have the right and the responsibility to try.

 

But, that's only if I were actually coordinating the event.

 

If I were simply an attendee, I'd just handle my own children, and leave it to the leadership.