Playdates and movies... what's your policy?

[plain jane]

Wondering what your policy is for playdates for younger kids (say 10 and under) and watching movies?

 

Dh and I have nothing against TV and allow our kids to watch movies and play video games. I do allow them to watch movies with their friends, but not on playdates that are only a couple (2-4) hours long because they end up watching TV and not interacting the whole time (if they kids are having a sleep over or are over all day, I do allow a movie) ... I figure a large part of the playdate "idea" is for the kids to play and interact. I figure as they get older, probably over 10, I'll let them watch movies with their friends as I know that can be a way of bonding. - I just don't see it that way with younger kids.

 

Am I wrong in thinking this way?

 

Now, I know, my house, my rules, but some of my kids' friends get pretty whiny/complainy :rolleyes: that I don't allow movies every time they come over (I'm thinking I may be a bit more liberal than their own parents ;) but I certainly do NOT allow anything the other parents, wouldn't, kwim?) and I feel sort of bad "forcing" them to play. :001_huh:

 

FWIW, I do allow my kids to have Wii time with their friends, usually 45 min, because they do interact more so than they would with just a movie.

 

Is my thinking weird or "off"?

 

I ask this because I do want my kids' friends to want to come here, both now, but especially in the future as they get older, so I don't want to scare them all off while they're still young. :lol:

[Catwoman]

I don't think you're doing anything wrong, but I'm wondering what your kids do when they go to their friends' houses. Are they sitting around watching TV and movies the whole time, or do their moms tell them to go out and play?

 

Just curious, because it sounds like they may be trying to get away with something at your house that wouldn't be acceptable in their own homes. :glare:

 

Cat

[susankenny]

If it was problematic, I guess we might have rules in place, but I'm really easy going and don't care if TV is watched or the computer is used. We don't have cable though, and the kids tire of netflix and dvd's pretty quickly. We also have a filter on our computer, so I feel safe there too. Honestly, it's not a normal issue for us though, as they usually play in their rooms, do crafts, or run around outside when they have friends visiting. My kids are 9 & 7.

 

Susan

[NanceXToo]

I've never had kids even WANT to watch movies on playdates unless it was a sleepover. In that case, we'll rent an age appropriate (PG in my 10 y/o daughter's case, PG-13 in my teen's case) movie and let them watch it before bed (we watched "Because of Winn-Dixie" on the last such sleepover/playdate).

[Ritsumei]

If you feel strongly about the TV, can you provide some other sort of activity: a craft, cooking, something else your kids think is fun? I don't like the TV on either, but try to have some other structured activity or a "new" toy freshly rotated into use or something ready to go instead. Then they don't even notice they're being "deprived" most of the time.:D

[VA6336]

I'm with you. I'd rather no tv/movie time while friends are over. That said, I do allow it when they're over for 3+ hours. When we're home by ourselves, everyone can go off and do their own thing to wind down a little and then regroup. When we have guests, that individual recharge time isn't there and tv/movie time can give us that. I try very hard to limit it, though to around 30 minutes. I warn them ahead of time that sure they can start watching Robin Hood, but you're not watching the whole thing! Sounds similar to your video game time limit.

 

So, all that to say: I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Next time I arranged a playdate with the excessively whiny/complainy kids, I'd make sure my kid told that kid that "mom says you can come, but there's no tv." But then, I'm a mean mom. ;)

[plain jane]

If it was problematic, I guess we might have rules in place, but I'm really easy going and don't care if TV is watched or the computer is used. We don't have cable though, and the kids tire of netflix and dvd's pretty quickly. We also have a filter on our computer, so I feel safe there too. Honestly, it's not a normal issue for us though, as they usually play in their rooms, do crafts, or run around outside when they have friends visiting. My kids are 9 & 7.

 

Susan

 

I've never had kids even WANT to watch movies on playdates unless it was a sleepover. In that case, we'll rent an age appropriate (PG in my 10 y/o daughter's case, PG-13 in my teen's case) movie and let them watch it before bed (we watched "Because of Winn-Dixie" on the last such sleepover/playdate).

 

 

It's not normally an issue here either. It's just one little girl that my dd asked if we could invite over in the near future that asks a lot. I think it's because we have a good sized collection of Barbie movies (that they don't at their house). My girls don't ask to watch movies and with most of their other friends they're happy to play with toys/games/crafts.

 

It's just this one girl but she keeps asking so much it makes me feel like a draconian mom. :o

[Chris in VA]

Because we live on so much land, kids who come over are told to bring clothes to get dirty in, and boots! We never watch TV or movies with guests who are here for a playdate. They can play Wii, and that's unrestricted so far, but it's not an all-day thing--too much else to do. I guess the kids just know that, at Mary's house, most of the play is outdoors!

[plain jane]

If you feel strongly about the TV, can you provide some other sort of activity: a craft, cooking, something else your kids think is fun? I don't like the TV on either, but try to have some other structured activity or a "new" toy freshly rotated into use or something ready to go instead. Then they don't even notice they're being "deprived" most of the time.:D

 

Oh, I don't feel strongly about it. :)

 

I just know that my kids like to play when their friends come, rather than watch a movie with them, kwim?

 

I do sometimes organize a craft and such but as the kids get older I think it's important for them to entertain themselves. In fact, I used to go really out of my way to make sure everyone was entertained with exciting crafts but I posted here about it and was told that it would be best to back off and let the kids be kids. I like that idea better because it's easier on me. :tongue_smilie::lol:

[susankenny]

I I think it's because we have a good sized collection of Barbie movies (that they don't at their house).

 

 

That made me giggle:D. I suppose I sympathize with her desire, as Barbie is pretty popular and she's not seen these movies. Perhaps baking, crafting, etc would be a good alternative. Also, if she's allowed to have a sleepover (and assuming she can watch TV and Barbie), a barbie movie would be perfect then.

 

Susan

[Farrar]

Our rule of thumb is pretty much exactly the same. We do movies or TV shows for sleepovers or all day playdates (if we're essentially babysitting a kid) but otherwise no. I would let the kids play Wii, but they never ask. Or, rather, my kids do, but the other kids are always suspicious of video games and would rather play anyway - and my kids don't mind that.

[Harriet Vane]

I'm with you. I'd rather no tv/movie time while friends are over. That said, I do allow it when they're over for 3+ hours. When we're home by ourselves, everyone can go off and do their own thing to wind down a little and then regroup. When we have guests, that individual recharge time isn't there and tv/movie time can give us that. I try very hard to limit it, though to around 30 minutes. I warn them ahead of time that sure they can start watching Robin Hood, but you're not watching the whole thing! Sounds similar to your video game time limit.

 

So, all that to say: I don't think it's unreasonable at all. Next time I arranged a playdate with the excessively whiny/complainy kids, I'd make sure my kid told that kid that "mom says you can come, but there's no tv." But then, I'm a mean mom. ;)

 

:iagree:

[nd293]

My thinking is the same. When kids come over to play, they are there to play. They do sometimes play with dd's DS together. Can't say I'm happy about that.

 

When dd was younger, and with ds, TV make a useful back-up if preschool tempers fray...

[Allearia]

We have pretty much the same policy for playdates. If they went to someone else's house and they watched movies etc I wouldn't mind, but at my house I really try to limit it and it seems all their friends limit it for shorter playdates as well so it works out.

[Night Elf]

It's just this one girl but she keeps asking so much it makes me feel like a draconian mom. :o

 

How about telling her you only do that on special occasions, and then plan a movie day. Set them up with popcorn or healthy snack and let them watch a movie. But be clear that it's only a special occasion that doesn't happen every time and it's only when you plan it. Of course she might drive you nuts by asking you about another movie day. :tongue_smilie:

[VA6336]

How about telling her you only do that on special occasions, and then plan a movie day. Set them up with popcorn or healthy snack and let them watch a movie. But be clear that it's only a special occasion that doesn't happen every time and it's only when you plan it. Of course she might drive you nuts by asking you about another movie day. :tongue_smilie:

:iagree:That's a great idea.

[Catwoman]

I like Beth's idea of a movie day, too! (I'm assuming that your dd still enjoys watching the Barbie movies; otherwise, I'd just let her friend borrow a few DVDs to watch at her own home.)

 

Cat

[Margo out of lurking]

I agree with the no-movie policy for short playdates. I also completely agree movies/tv come in handy for longer, forced periods of time, if you are watching another child for the whole day, or have a sleepover, etc.

 

For younger kids, I wanted to be sure that I knew their parents' preferences, no matter how mild I thought the movie might be. (We had friends whose "no witchcraft" rule included Aladdin.)

 

 

Now, I know, my house, my rules, but some of my kids' friends get pretty whiny/complainy :rolleyes: that I don't allow movies every time they come over (I'm thinking I may be a bit more liberal than their own parents ;) but I certainly do NOT allow anything the other parents, wouldn't, kwim?) and I feel sort of bad "forcing" them to play. :001_huh:

 

 

If my child had a friend who complained or whined about this, I would encourage them to go home and watch whatever they wanted. I think you can be very firm about this and still be nice and polite. If they repeated this behavior, they would no longer be invited over. I'm not interested in pursuing or encouraging friendships with children who would be so rude, no matter what the age.

 

My kids' friends have always liked coming over, and I think it's because I offer lots of food.

[Parrothead]

Generally when dd's friends are over they do what ever they want as a group within reason. The girls play together for hours on end several times a week so at times they get bored. I allow movies during visits. Especially now that it has gotten wicked cold outside.

[In the Rain]

We don't have a "policy", but I agree with your approach. I want my girls to play, so the expectation is that they will entertain themselves. When we have kids for a whole day, I generally plan a structured activity for a little while. When I watched a friend's 3yo boy for several days we broke out the DVD player in the afternoon. We all needed a break. :tongue_smilie: :lol:

[LibraryLover]

I dont have a policy? lol

 

It's true, I don't. I don't think it usually involves movies...it seems little dd and her buddies are mostly outside, or in the barn. However, they may have watched movies in the playroom without me knowing... I know they have baked cookies...

[HeidiKC]

I don't allow TV here on playdates, and I'd prefer that my kids aren't watching TV at other houses when they go on a playdate. I think playdates are a time to PLAY and socialize. I don't usually allow the computer much, either.

 

I wouldn't feel bad saying you don't want them watching movies. You know that as long as you are a nice mom in general, this rule is not going to bother them - and I'm guessing that at least half their friends have this same rule! If kids ask to watch it here and keep bugging me about it, I just say, "oh, we keep the TV off for playdates and I know Johnny is so excited to have you over to play with all his toys/sports/whatever". That way they'll know your policy and hopefully won't ask next time!

 

I don't do crafts or anything with them, not to be mean, but because I think that entertaining themselves (and my sons learning to be good hosts by coming up with ideas/entertainment on their own instead of Mom doing the work for them) is an important life skill.

 

I know that when one of my sons was younger and went for playdates, he always wanted to watch TV. Because I don't allow a lot of it here and we don't have cable! I don't think he'd ever ask to watch it, but once it was on he never wanted to quit watching and the mom would "suggest" they go outside or whatever. She was way too nice. I would have just turned it off and announced TV time was over and it was time to go outside! Anyway, my point is that he was asking to do something he wasn't allowed to do at home! So could be the same thing with your guests.

 

Good luck!

[Mom0012]

Yes, when kids come over to play, I want them to play and not sit in front of a screen. My daughter has one friend who desperately wants to play on the computer from the minute she gets here. I think it is because she is not given access to that at home. What I have done a few times is tell the girls they can play on the computer for the last 30 minutes of the playdate. I'm not doing that any more though, because then they just sitting around waiting for the computer time and asking me every 30 minutes if it's time. For now on, I'm just going to say no.

 

My son is a little older and when his friends come over, I will allow some computer time if they want it. Fortunately, most of them do not even ask.

 

I think the main reason I feel this way is because we do not live in a neighborhood, so all time with friends is specially arranged by me and usually happens only once, maybe twice a week if they are lucky. It's not like when I was growing up and had access to my friends every day.

 

Lisa

Edited December 9, 2010 by LisaTheresa

[HLDoll]

We have a rule about no movies during shorter playdates. If I'm watching a child all day, I discuss with the other parent appropriate movie titles to offer if the kids end up needing some "veg" time on the couch. But I expect "play" to be occurring during playdates. My kids are usually fine with this, and I think they've only ever asked about watching a movie during a playdate once or twice.