Ready to throw in the towel - Is it me or the schedule?

[mom32boys]

This is our 2nd year homeschooling and I must confess that I am discouraged. My boys are in 5th, 4th, and 2nd grade. I'm not sure if I'm being too hard on myself or if it truly is my fault that we're so far behind. I'm seriously considering putting them back in ps in January.

 

Issue #1 - dh's schedule:

My dh is a nurse. He used to work 7a to 7p, three days a week (varied each week, but got his schedule 6 weeks at a time). About a year ago, he decided he was bored with that shift and switched to working 1p to 1a every weekend (Saturday and Sunday) plus 1 day during the week - he does get paid more working every weekend. So, basically, my husband is home on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday and gone on the weekends. He needs to sleep in on Mondays and Wednesdays. If I do school M-F, we (I?) don't have any true days off, since dh works on weekends. Last year, I tried to do school on Saturdays, but it was just too hard to start at 1pm on Saturday. Dh does offer to help when he's home and really wants us to homeschool; he teaches PE and life skills.

 

Issue #2 - Out of town trips/ company:

Since starting in Sept., we have visited 5 different friends/ family in different states for 2-4 day trips, gone to Disney World (3 days - to use our free tickets), had out of town company, and helped watch a friend's children while her mil was dying. Dh views these as benefits of homeschooling. I know they are, but academics are important too! It takes me a week or 2 to mentally recover/ get back on track from these outings, so now I feel like we're really behind in everything - no, scratch feel - we ARE really behind on everything. We're traveling over Christmas again for a week or 2 to visit family out of state.

 

Issue #3 - Evenings

We are routinely out past 8pm on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays for various commitments - boy scouts, church...

 

I am the type of person who needs structure and routine, but am not good at creating it for myself. I feel better if I get up early and tackle the day with a plan. I'm also an introvert, so I need my down time.

I keep telling myself that one of the beauties of homeschooling is flexibility. I feel like I should be able to just adjust - do school on Saturdays, start school later in the day/ after dh goes to work, not feel badly about sleeping in after late nights out...

 

I just can't do it... If I'm going to be an effective homeschool mom, I need to go to bed early/ get up early, school M-F - but if I do that, I'll never get a "day off" and we'll rarely see dh, even though he's home so much during the week. Dh thinks all the flexibility is great, but I feel so frustrated and discouraged all the time - I feel like we're always behind - it takes me forever to get back on track. I'm NOT enjoying homeschooling, I'm cranky with the kids...

 

I've told him that we need to establish a routine first, then it's ok to deviate from that occasionally. Instead, in our household, deviation from routine is the norm. It would be great if I held an unschooling philosophy, but that's just not my style. I've actually told him several times that the one thing I need from him more than anything else is help in establishing structure and routine in our family life. He's says he's willing to do this, but in reality, does nothing to help me stay on track.

 

Don't mean to complain, just not sure what to do! I truly think my kids would be learning more in ps at this point. I also think that I would enjoy them more if I didn't feel like such a failure all the time. I realize in ps they would see dh even less than now, but my sanity and self worth have to be worth something!

 

Then again, we're so far behind right now, that I fear my kids will be behind in ps, so I feel guilty that I need to get them back up to par if/ before I put them back in. When we left ps 2 years ago, they were all doing well; a big reason for homeschooling was to spend more time with dh.

 

Should I mention that housework and healthy meals suffer as well and I've gained 15 pounds in the last 2 years (and was overweight to start with)? I truly feel like a huge failure!

 

Is it me or this crazy life I live - or both? Any suggestions and/ or ideas on how to actually make this work?

 

Thanks :001_smile:,

Julie

[Laura Corin]

 

I've told him that we need to establish a routine first, then it's ok to deviate from that occasionally. Instead, in our household, deviation from routine is the norm.

 

Do you have a separate homeschooling room? Would it be possible to establish one? When my husband was home a lot (he was working from home) we used to go into our tiny homeschooling room and shut the door. The boys came out for breaks (scheduled) but otherwise we were in that room.

 

I agree with you that you need to establish a routine, trying to work around your husband, but also recognising that there will be times when he is home and the children won't be available to him, just in the same way as if they were in school.

 

It sounds a little rigid, but I used to count weeks, just as if we were in school. We did 40 weeks a year, and if we didn't get those done before the summer, then the summer was shortened. This helped to concentrate our minds on making sure that the flexibility didn't turn into an absence of concentrated education. You could count days instead, if that worked better for you. Then you would have something to show your husband: look, we've only done one hundred days so far... no more interruptions, we need to get this done!

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[ChandlerMom]

First, deep breath. We can't change the past, only learn from it. Don't fret about where you think you "should" be. Start over and say this is where I am, that is where I want to be, and plot a new course. As it's often said, "life (and HSing) is a marathon, not a sprint".

 

I'm in a similar place with DH recently changing schedules (used to be home by lunch, now is gone 12hr a day, 3 days a week). It is more of an adjustment than I expected!

 

Start from square one. Think about why you are homeschooling. Open up to different possibilities and try to write out what your idea daily/weekly schedule would be. How about schooling weekend mornings early, have a family breakfast or activity, and after 1pm the kiddos can do their independent work. That would give you 2 weekdays DH is home FREE to really enjoy. Re-evaluate your activities and TRIM. Look at your curriculum, what is really important to you? What could DH teach? If he's a nurse, maybe he could take over science (and the experiments which take a lot of planning) -- just HAND IT OVER. That was tough for me to do, but it ended up being great family time twix dh and the kids! Take the time to plan your time. Stop trying to do it all -- if dh is supportive, then get him involved. Men tend to do best with clear well-defined "jobs" and expectations. Do you need him to help one child while you work with another? Drive the kids around to activities? Since he's home in the am, maybe you can have some worksheets ready for the kiddos, he can watch them, and you can go do your planning with a hot cup of coffee in a different part of the house.

 

I don't know what will work best for you, but step back, get dh involved (he may see things you don't) and have faith in yourself and your family. It's easy to get overwhelmed, but just take it a step at a time. That's all any of us can do!

[Bloggermom]

We don't ever use a schedule. Instead we have a daily "to-do" list of what needs to be accomplished. We start early in the morning (5:00 AM) and go throughout the day until it is all finished. Sometimes it gets interrupted, but we continue on throughout the day every free moment. We usually end up finishing around lunch time.

[choirfarm]

I would school Friday thorugh Tuesday from 8 to 3ish. ( I'm not sure what your Sundays look like...do you do church?? If so then maybe a 12-6 on Sunday.) Those are school times. Dh either participates or gets out of the way. School is your and the children's jobs. He would still have them after 3 on those days when he is home and you would have Wednesday and Thursday as days off and activity days.

 

As far as traveling, boy can I relate. I've just learned how to cope basically. Ask him if you can cut down just a little bit. You still have time to be flexible, but you need to get organized because middle school is just around the corner and you will need more school time and then lets not talk about high school. Once that started I basically told dh that flexiblity was pretty much gone. I HAD to have consistent academic time. Now we can still be flexible about trips and such, but overall my days are sacred. They just have to be. Academics is a main reason I homeschool.

 

Christine

[Hedgehogs4]

Your DH is right...the flexibility is the benefit of hsing, but you are also right, children and moms need routine.

 

I also think that the 2nd year hsing is the hardest. The novelty has worn off, and everyone tends to test the boundaries of how well this machine can work (and flex). If it's any consolation, it really does get better.

 

however, when you feel ready to throw in the towel and feel stressed, it is time to reevaluate. It may be that it's time to sit down with everyone and talk about what is / isn't going well, and how you can work together to make it better. I agree that if dh's schedule is funky, do school on the days he's working. or, employ him in the household duties and shopping when he is home so there is more time for you to catch a break. my dh has every other friday off, and so when he is home, he helps me by running errands, doing laundry and grocery shopping. we have deliberately increased the children's chores to where they are actually helping in the upkeep of the house and laundry. we have cut waaaaaay back on outside activities to just one or two, but usually just one at a time.

 

hope this helps. i have learned that a well-managed (but still flexible) schedule is the secret to homeschool peace. we are having our best year yet.

[thowell]

I can relate! This is our 2nd year and my girls are 2nd, and 2 in 5th. After the first couple of weeks of school I began to realize things were not working. I was stressed, nothing was getting done and the girls were not liking it or learning much. So I figured out what would work. I know that I DO NOT want to put my kids back in PS so we have to make it work. As far as being behind, what are you measuring this with? All the trips you have taken the boys have surely learned alot from those. Think about where you have been and what they have seen. Sometimes I have the girls write a creative story about our trips. I am always amazed at the things they pick up on their own. Use what time you have. Block out a time at least 4 days a week and that is your school time! It doesn't matter when you do it whatever works best for your family. I have a friend whose children complete all their work in 2 full days so that they can have the rest of the week to outside commitments. This works for them. Cut back to just the basics if you need to. We do Bible, and then either Grammar or spelling, math everyday. Then we fit science (which is child led) and history in where it fits. Sometimes this is at night! Don't give up! There is a reason you decided to HS in the first place. Think about those reasons. Try things out until you find something that fits. And yes, it helps when dh is on board but if not just do things the way you need them done and explain to him that this is the way things need to be. Can he help teach on some of his days off? I wish you the best of luck and hang in there it will all work out!:grouphug:

[Cherryanne]

Do you have a separate homeschooling room? Would it be possible to establish one?

 

 

:iagree:Having a separate school room has helped us a lot.

[robsiew]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

You can get through this! I would echo any suggestions to start with a blank slate. I don't feel equipped to offer you specific suggestions, just general ones.

 

Embrace your dh's work schedule for what it is. Go from there.

 

Figure out what your top priorities are. Make sure these get the bulk of your time. Remember that most humans can't handle more than a few **real** priorities at a time! No one does it all well! :001_smile:

 

Do some thinking about your educational philosophy. Why are you homeschooling? How do you function best? How do your kids function best? How can you work these things into your family schedule? Think out of the box! (although that may be a bit difficult at first, you may find a rhythm that really works for your family) Is the curriculum you are using supporting your goals?

 

Really assess your outside activities. Do they add or subtract from your family? Drop anything that takes away more than it gives. Maybe you need to pull back on everything for awhile except for family time and school to get a feel for what your family can really handle.

 

Just remember... PS has it's own issues. Kids around here have long bus rides and LOTS of homework. Even in elementary school kids have a decent amount of homework. You'll still be dealing with trying to fit everything in... you'll just have fewer hours to do that with and you'll be on someone else's schedule.

[Verity]

I just wanted to add in some words of encouragement. I have felt (and sometimes still do feel) exactly like you describe. When we are feeling overwhelmed this is sometimes is a message being sent to us that we need to make some changes.

 

I agree with above posters to take a day or two and think about why you chose to homeschool initially. Is it meeting that purpose for the most part? If not, why not? What are the side benefits that you have discovered in homeschooling? Has this been good for your kids in ways other that aren't measurable/testable? What have been the cons, for you, dh and the kids?

 

I am an introvert much like you described and I have been really dealing with just needing more discipline in my life - not exactly a "schedule" but something along those lines. It's extremely important that you take care of yourself - all moms, but especially homeschooling moms are pressed for time and have someone "needing" them 24/7 with no end in sight. Think of the oxygen mask in the airplane allegory - it you don't take care of yourself you can't take care of your kids. Put your needs towards the forefront - you need rest and downtime on a regular basis, you need exercise and some time away from your burdens on a regular basis. You have to make those things happen or you will burn out in the long run.

:grouphug:

 

The answer for me has been to make sure that I am getting some time for myself on a daily basis (or at least most days) and that time can't be after the kids go to bed and I just veg in front of the computer and/or tv. Every morning I go out for a long walk, leaving the kids at home (in my case I have a disabled grandmother living in the house for emergencies). I take my iPod and listen to music, podcasts such as the Daily Audio Bible, etc... things that really help me. This has become a kind of daily meditation and as a benefit I have lost a significant amount of weight since the beginning of summer just through walking and cutting back on carbs and junk food. Maybe you could get some exercise while dh is home, even if he is "napping" your kids could eat some breakfast, watch an educational (or not LOL) tv show or something that will occupy them for 30 minutes while you get a breather. It really makes a difference for me.

 

The other thing I have implemented is a daily quiet time for the kids - this is 7 days a week, whenever possible. They each go to their own rooms and read, sleep or play quietly for about two hours. This quiet time allows me a few minutes to regroup, either rest or catch up laundry/house stuff. An added benefit is that the boys all seem to get along better in the early evenings/dinner time since they had a break from eachother (and I had a break from them). I highly recommend trying this - it's been a challenge to implement but it is more than worth it!!

 

The other component has involved working with dh to find a work schedule that fits with the family. He is lucky to have some leeway in switching to different hours and isn't working nights these days. That would really be a challenge with the kids but it is workable and is a very good reason for homeschooling. When is dh "awake" and available to interact with the kids and give you a break?

 

I would try to find a good four "mornings" a week to do school. Cut back to the basics for a bit and make sure that math, language arts/reading, handwriting are being done - then when you feel good there you can start adding back in history, science, art, music, foreign language, etc... You don't have to do everything at once, just make sure that they are strong in the fundamentals, the rest they can "catch up" on in the future.

 

One last thing, I would *have* to cut back on the travelling and activities. As an introvert there is just no way I could do that on a regular basis - the driving and time trapped in a van with that many kids would fry me completely. Not to mention the time spent with family members putting me out of my element. :P

 

It really sounds like you have alot on your plate but that you do have the power to make changes and make your life more of one that you, and your kids, will enjoy and can get alot out of. Don't give up yet - reprioritize for yourself, the basics in school and cut back on all the extras that are draining your resources (time, money, energy!).

 

You can do it! :D

[Moniksca]

My dh works on the weekends so we have two full school days right there. I chose to take off the two days off that we are out of the house for activities so we school for 3 of the weekdays. We've just adapted our schedule and my ds knows that when dads at work we're doing school even if it's the weekend.

Once we got a routine down, school went so much better. My ds knows what is expected of him and gets it done. Find what works for you and your family, if you just work on the 3Rs until you try and figure out what works it would decrease the stress levels.

Edited December 8, 2010 by Moniksca

[lovinmomma]

No answers for you, but I wanted to give you a :grouphug:. Hang in there!

[mom32boys]

Wow!!! You all are wonderful!!! Thanks for all of the advice and encouragement.

 

We don't have a separate school room - our house is completely "open" except for bedrooms/ bathrooms and laundry. I've been contemplating building a room divider wall to make a homeschool room - maybe we can work on that before we "re"start school again.

 

I'll have to rethink why we're doing this and what might work best for us, embrace his schedule, and ask dh how he might want to help more with school. Maybe I'll try to do a some version of school on weekends again - I do need to be more diligent about protecting school time, regardless.

 

Verity - thanks for the introvert advice. I think that is a big part of it - I personally can't handle all the trips and activities we've been doing - that's one reason it takes me so long to get back on track. I'll try to find morning time for myself, instead of just crashing on the couch with the computer or tv after dc are in bed.

 

Seriously, thanks to all for the encouragement and great ideas. Sigh, relief!! I feel better already!:001_smile:

 

Julie

[Mandy in TN]

Issue #1 - dh's schedule:

Work with his schedule not against it. Instead school in the afternoons on the days your dh works. This is a benefit of homeschooling. Putting them in school would not solve this issue.

 

Issue #2 - Out of town trips/ company:

Even when you have others in the home, continue with the 3R's. Any extra kids in the home should be expected to either participate or read quietly. The 3R can still be accomplished while traveling. Actually the 3R's are easier to do in the car, because the kids are trapped and there are less distractions.

 

Issue #3 - Evenings

We are routinely out past 8pm on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursdays for various commitments - boy scouts, church...

Either don't go or work with it.

 

Is it me or this crazy life I live - or both? Any suggestions and/ or ideas on how to actually make this work?

:chillpill: Get over that routine thing and work with what you've got. If you don't school when dh is at work then that negates the benefit of getting to see him more. If you don't want to work with the flexibility that homeschool gives, then yes it is you.

 

 

Look at one of those programs that plans your day. Is there one called Keepers of Their Homes or something like that?

 

Or just make one in Excel. Label each column as a day of the week. Label each row in 30 minutes blocks from the time you wake until you go to bed. First fill in the blocks with what must be done outside the home. Highlight the cells when your dh will be at work. If down time is mandatory for your physical and mental well-being, then schedule it next. Put this kind of priority on it. Schedule meals including prep and clean-up time. Schedule anything else that must be done inside the home like bathing, chores, medical needs, etc. Then look at the times that are available to homeschool. Like it or not this is when it needs to be done.

 

HTH-

Mandy

Edited December 9, 2010 by Mandy in TN

[ChandlerMom]

Verity - thanks for the introvert advice. I think that is a big part of it - I personally can't handle all the trips and activities we've been doing - that's one reason it takes me so long to get back on track. I'll try to find morning time for myself, instead of just crashing on the couch with the computer or tv after dc are in bed.

 

Seriously, thanks to all for the encouragement and great ideas. Sigh, relief!! I feel better already!:001_smile:

 

Julie

 

Ha! You are not alone! DH and I are both introverts (and gratefully our 3 kids all seem to be, but the younger 2 are social introverts). I see a lot of the activities people are doing with their kids and it absolutely boggles my mind! There is NO WAY I could remain sane doing that much! I never schedule more than one thing (even a Drs appt) during a day. Our kids do ONE activity a week, the same activity for all. As another poster put it, they benefit more from a calm sane mommy than any activity they might do!

 

Some thrive on all the activity, but do whatever works for you and lots of (even 2) activities isn't for everyone. If you're like me it's hard sometimes to remember that when I'm feeling guilty they are missing out on doing class X or activity Y. That's when dh is great about reminding me that it's OK not to be busy. :D

[love3es]

Just wanted to give you a :grouphug: !

 

My hubby works evenings, and his days off rotate weekly. Sometimes I feel very overwhelmed too... our life schedule just isn't "normal." However, when I get to feeling that way I try to step back and take a time-out to realize that although we're different, it works for us! This is our 4th year homeschooling, and I'm still adapting our routine for "real life!" I hope you too find a routine that will work for your family.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I just wanted to mention something about yearly schedules. This year we switched to a different yearly schedule and I can't believe the difference it has made in everyone's attitude and in getting goals accomplished. It works out like this:

 

Start date: 1st Monday after July 4th

6 weeks on \ 1 week off

6 weeks on \ 1 week off

6 weeks on \ 6 weeks off (This works out to being off from the Monday before Thanksgiving, all through December and starting back right after New Year's.)

6 weeks on \ 1 week off

6 weeks on \ 1 week off

6 weeks on \ 6 weeks off (This works out to being off from the middle of May, through June and starting back after 4th of July)

 

We all love working really intensely for 6 weeks and then getting that week long break. I can use that week to deep clean the house, do the next 6 weeks of planning (I don't like planning for a year at a time...its too easy to get off track), travel a bit, field trips, doctor's appointments, RELAX, etc.

 

The 6 weeks of during the holidays just made sense for us because no one was interested in school during that time and with visiting family and holiday parties school never got done. 6 weeks in the summer is plenty too. July is too hot here to be outside so we might as well get back to school.

 

This type of yearly schedule might work out better for you. You can tweak it to any way you like to work out better for you. 6 weeks on \ 2 off with only 4 week winter and summer break. This way you could still allow for some travelling...as long as it was during one of your breaks. I agree with a pp though (I think it was Mandy) who said that just because your travelling doesn't mean schooling stops. Worksheets, audio books, flashcards, reading...those are great for travelling.

 

You mentioned that you like schedules and routines but found it hard to create them yourself so I will just tell you what I would do. I would school from 8 to 12 on Mon, Tue, Wed, and Thur. This would be the time you turn off the phone, lock the door, warn dh to stay away and just dive in and get into the 3 Rs.(16 hours total) I don't know what you are using for curriculum or how independently your dc work but getting your 5th and 4th to do atleast an hour of independent work so you can work one on one with the 2nd for an hour would be great. Tue and Thur afternoons you can do history with them. (I would do about 1 1/2 hours each day) Mon and Wed afternoons your dh can do science, PE and life skills with them with a grand science experiment scheduled for Fri a.m. (This could easily turn into 6 or more hours between the 3 days) Friday is also your day off. And I mean OFF! I'm assuming dh has to go to bed early on Friday but until he does, he is in charge and you are unavailable. Okay, so that gives your dc a minimum of 25 hours for the week. For the ages of your dc that should be way more than sufficient and you could even start at 9 each day instead of 8 and still be able to get all of their work done. This schedule also means no school on the weekends. I know some do school on the weekends but something about it feels wrong when I try to do it.:tongue_smilie: Just to reiterate that gives you Mon and Wed afternoons off and most of the day on Friday. Oh and just to remind you, if you put them in ps your dh will get even less time with them and you'll be doing homework in the evenings and on the weekends.

 

I would also cut back on the evening events if it is causing stress. Even if you just give up on those things for a little while until you get your school schedule running smoothly, it would make your life easier.

 

Well, I hope you are able to work out a usable schedule. I love doing schedules (wish I could get paid for it:tongue_smilie:). I've done a couple for friends of mine and they loved them. If you need more help with a schedule I'd be more than happy to work on one for you...just pm me!

[birchbark]

Have you considered a 3-day-a-week, year-round schedule?

 

I agree with cutting back to the 3R's for awhile, and looking at cutting back outside activities.

[phathui5]

Have you considered a 3-day-a-week, year-round schedule?

 

 

 

I think, in most states, that this wouldn't add up to enough days.

[joni470]

I'd like to propose that your kids are probably not as far behind as you think they are. I think if you could just establish a little bit of a routine you'd find that some of your optimism would return. I find that when I am overwhelmed like this I start small - set a routine to get writing, math and Language done every day. When that is accomplished and steady I start adding in more slowly.

 

I agree that the 2nd year is the most difficult. Things that are worth having are not easily attained...don't give up too easily.

 

-Savannah

http://www.hammocktracks.com

[TheAutumnOak]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

 

Really assess your outside activities. Do they add or subtract from your family? Drop anything that takes away more than it gives. Maybe you need to pull back on everything for awhile except for family time and school to get a feel for what your family can really handle.

 

Just remember... PS has it's own issues. Kids around here have long bus rides and LOTS of homework. Even in elementary school kids have a decent amount of homework. You'll still be dealing with trying to fit everything in... you'll just have fewer hours to do that with and you'll be on someone else's schedule.

 

 

What is written above is so true and is the important thing to remember when you want to give up...The above is true for public or private school...Any school...

 

I can very much relate to what you have written about being behind and needing structure that you find it difficult to bring about for yourself...I am also that way...I have DEFINITELY felt (actually know) that my oldest son is behind...Very behind...We are just starting with this method and had to go all the way back to 2nd grade math and phonic exercises (my oldest is 10)...I thought about throwing in the towel and sending him to school figuring he would learn more, but had similiar thoughts (thoughts that my DH reinforced) about him being behind at school and feeling guilty about putting him in that situation...

 

In the end, I knew and still know, that I would rather homeschool...I bought him home for a reason (he did first grade at a private Waldorf school), and we will make this work...It helps me also to remember what Robyn said that is highlighted above...

 

Sorry I have no real advice about how to make your schedule work...I just wanted to offer encouragement from someone who is in this boat (or a similiar one) who decided to hang in there...

 

:grouphug:

[mom32boys]

Thanks everyone :001_smile:,

I appreciate all the advice and encouragement: introvert encouragement/ advice, reminders about public school, encouragement about optimism, the second year being harder, encouragement from those with wacky schedules too :), specific schedule advice.

 

It's nice to know I'm not alone; you all have some great ideas. I mentioned the 6 week schedule to dh and he loved that idea.

So, we're planning to set up where we homeschool a little better, going to try to work with dh's schedule, will probably follow the 6 weeks on and 1 week off schedule, haven't decided how many days/ wk yet, and will start fresh in January.

 

Thank you all SO much!!!!! I know it's worth pursuing even though it's hard sometimes.

 

Have a blessed day!

Julie