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DD14 Wants to Return to Public School


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My aspie DD14 started home schooling in 8th grade. She's now midway through 9th.

 

Long story short, 8 years of public school left her bullied, depressed, overweight and lacking any self-confidence. I have to say that our home schooling "trial" has gone better than I ever could have imagined. She has turned into a different child. She's a bit more outgoing, seems to have found her voice and has done very, very well academically. She lost weight and has a much better personality. In short...she seems happy.

 

Last week she told me that she thinks she wants to go back to school next year. On the surface, I'm ok with it. I think she has much more confidence now, and I know she's prepared academically. Still....I'm nervous. I want her to make friends. I want her to find activities. I want her to continue to excel. And frankly, since her father is her primary "teacher" at home right now (I work full time and travel quite a bit) her writing skills have gone straight to the toilet because he accepts a very low quality of work from her on writing assignments and I think she has regressed in that area since all of our hard work last year. Having a third party holding her accountable could be good for her.

 

OR.....it could be a disaster.

 

I'm inclined to let her go. She feels ready and I want her to trust her own decisions. Still.....I don't know. If I let her go back and it doesn't work out and she comes back home, we'll be behind the eight ball.

 

Am I being a paranoid mom or am I right to be concerned? Would you let her go or encourage her to stay home since she has enjoyed such success here? I just want to do the right thing, and I appreciate your opinions and feedback.

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I don't know how it is in your area, but in the schools around here you often have to do all 4 years at the ps. So her 9th grade year wouldn't count and she would have to redo it. I think you should check into that as part of your decision.

 

That's a good point, but I'm reasonably sure that is not the case here.

 

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that it is. Do you think it would be better to do another 4 years (and graduate a year later than anticipated) or just keep her home and let her finish when she finishes?

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My aspie DD14 started home schooling in 8th grade. She's now midway through 9th.

 

Long story short, 8 years of public school left her bullied, depressed, overweight and lacking any self-confidence. I have to say that our home schooling "trial" has gone better than I ever could have imagined. She has turned into a different child. She's a bit more outgoing, seems to have found her voice and has done very, very well academically. She lost weight and has a much better personality. In short...she seems happy.

 

Last week she told me that she thinks she wants to go back to school next year. On the surface, I'm ok with it. I think she has much more confidence now, and I know she's prepared academically. Still....I'm nervous. I want her to make friends. I want her to find activities. I want her to continue to excel. And frankly, since her father is her primary "teacher" at home right now (I work full time and travel quite a bit) her writing skills have gone straight to the toilet because he accepts a very low quality of work from her on writing assignments and I think she has regressed in that area since all of our hard work last year. Having a third party holding her accountable could be good for her.

 

OR.....it could be a disaster.

 

I'm inclined to let her go. She feels ready and I want her to trust her own decisions. Still.....I don't know. If I let her go back and it doesn't work out and she comes back home, we'll be behind the eight ball.

 

Am I being a paranoid mom or am I right to be concerned? Would you let her go or encourage her to stay home since she has enjoyed such success here? I just want to do the right thing, and I appreciate your opinions and feedback.

 

Does she want to go back for social reasons (prom, clubs, friends, etc) or academic ones (subjects that don't happen at home)?

Could she go to school part-time (some stuff at home and some at the high school) and see how it goes?

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Does she want to go back for social reasons (prom, clubs, friends, etc) or academic ones (subjects that don't happen at home)?

Could she go to school part-time (some stuff at home and some at the high school) and see how it goes?

I think it's a combination of both.

 

I'm not certain, but I don't think part time school is an option here. I could be wrong, though. I should look into it. Thanks for the suggestion.

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Does she want to go back for social reasons (prom, clubs, friends, etc) or academic ones (subjects that don't happen at home)?

Could she go to school part-time (some stuff at home and some at the high school) and see how it goes?

 

:iagree:, this is what I plan on trying next year to see how it all goes. I love being homeschooled, ps forced me into an invisible box that you could never get out of. If I exceeded their limits (which I did) then they would try and make me skip a grade, but I couldn't handle that, I just needed harder work but stay in the same grade. Your daughter may want to go bakc for social aspects, and I think part time school may help with this.

 

Good Luck on your decision!:grouphug:

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First, I'd figure out if she could go back and not repeat a grade. If she goes to a school where are the people who previously bullied her are now a year ahead that cannot be a good thing.

 

Is it possible to consider going part time to a private school. Some of the private schools near me allow students to do this.

 

Another option is consider other public options besides your local high school. My district has a variety of "academies". Some are obviously more like traditional votech where a student can get job skills and even certifications along with a high school diploma (cosmetology, autoshop, CNA, etc). However, we have a fine arts high school, a couple high schools that have an engineering focus, and health sciences focus. We also have typical schools have ramped up music programs and transfers are permitted to take part in the music programs. Additionally, transfers to a different high school are permitted for any program or course offering that is not offered at your local school (like does the student want to learn Korean, which is only taught at one school). So, I recommend looking at your district closely, considering what the options that are open to your dd and what might interest her. If you can attend a different school than most of the kids that caused previous stress then, I don't think repeating 9th grade would be a terrible idea as long as your dd wants to do it.

 

I may be wrong, but I suspect now that your dd has somewhat recovered from her previous trauma, she may feel she has something to prove. That's not the best reason to go back to ps.

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That's a good point, but I'm reasonably sure that is not the case here.

 

Let's just say, for the sake of argument, that it is. Do you think it would be better to do another 4 years (and graduate a year later than anticipated) or just keep her home and let her finish when she finishes?

 

I was hoping that I could just bring up a good point, and not give my opinion. :tongue_smilie: I'm afraid that I am very biased against ps high school. I've taught ps high school in a "good" school and what I've seen there is not something that I want my kids exposed to (language, sex, attitude, cliches, at times even violence. . .). I know though that many others feel just as strongly that their schools are good and don't have that or that their kids can be fine despite it. . .

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If I was concerned about returning her to public school because of previous bad experiences, but dd is wanting to expand her social circle and have outside accountability, I would probably look into one of the many academic co-ops that are offered in/around Atlanta.

 

I don't know where you are, but in our area, there are so many options for high school. Some of them are going for that whole "high school experience" and some are just focused on academics and leave it up to the kids to organize social get togethers.

 

Here's one my son used to attend to give you an idea of what I mean.

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I would want to know for sure, exactly, why she wants to go to ps. Is this a sudden change? Is it because her dad is teaching her now instead of you? Is she looking for more social opportunities? More challenging courses, more competition? If bullying was the main issue and that is no longer an issue, then I would just make a list of pros and cons, and be sure to explore all alternatives like private school, outside writing class (online or locally), etc.

 

Have it be a writing assignment for her to articulate all her reasons and pros and cons and then you can make the decision together. It's also a good time to start looking long term - if she is going to college, what for, what will she need, what is the best way to achieve that?

 

Personally, if you can meet her needs (social and academic) at home, perhaps by making some changes or pursuing some outside courses/learning opportunities, I would be hesitant to send her to a school that you consider to be a step behind academically and a place where bullies are tolerated. So if she were my kid, she would REALLY have to convince me that this was the best thing for her emotionally and academically.

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My experience is that teaching a teenager who wants to be at school is very challenging.

Going against your dd's wishes may change the dynamic of your relationship if it is been cooperative that she came home, so far. Still, thats not to say youshouldnt do it if you really feel its in her best interests...but, its worth considering.

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:iagree:, this is what I plan on trying next year to see how it all goes. I love being homeschooled, ps forced me into an invisible box that you could never get out of. If I exceeded their limits (which I did) then they would try and make me skip a grade, but I couldn't handle that, I just needed harder work but stay in the same grade. Your daughter may want to go bakc for social aspects, and I think part time school may help with this.

 

Good Luck on your decision!:grouphug:

Thanks for your input! Having the perspective of a student nearly the same as my own daughter is definitely helpful.

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First, I'd figure out if she could go back and not repeat a grade. If she goes to a school where are the people who previously bullied her are now a year ahead that cannot be a good thing.

 

Is it possible to consider going part time to a private school. Some of the private schools near me allow students to do this.

 

Another option is consider other public options besides your local high school. My district has a variety of "academies". Some are obviously more like traditional votech where a student can get job skills and even certifications along with a high school diploma (cosmetology, autoshop, CNA, etc). However, we have a fine arts high school, a couple high schools that have an engineering focus, and health sciences focus. We also have typical schools have ramped up music programs and transfers are permitted to take part in the music programs. Additionally, transfers to a different high school are permitted for any program or course offering that is not offered at your local school (like does the student want to learn Korean, which is only taught at one school). So, I recommend looking at your district closely, considering what the options that are open to your dd and what might interest her. If you can attend a different school than most of the kids that caused previous stress then, I don't think repeating 9th grade would be a terrible idea as long as your dd wants to do it.

 

I may be wrong, but I suspect now that your dd has somewhat recovered from her previous trauma, she may feel she has something to prove. That's not the best reason to go back to ps.

 

I really need to do some more research. There are some good private schools but not necessarily very close to me. I"m sure, though, that there has to be more than what is currently on my radar. Thanks for the advice.

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I was hoping that I could just bring up a good point, and not give my opinion. :tongue_smilie: I'm afraid that I am very biased against ps high school. I've taught ps high school in a "good" school and what I've seen there is not something that I want my kids exposed to (language, sex, attitude, cliches, at times even violence. . .). I know though that many others feel just as strongly that their schools are good and don't have that or that their kids can be fine despite it. . .

 

:-)

 

I'm not necessarily anti-public school (unless I start thinking too much about how I believe our government intends to keep the populace ignorant and dependent, but I can't linger there) because I had an excellent public school education. I'm also not as worried about some of the other things you mentioned. It's not perfect, but I think it can be overcome.

 

My own biggest concerns for continuing to keep her at home are:

 

1. Social. She has never had friends, ever. She does go to an outside activity (only one...that's all she wants) but still, no friends. I think high school has more people from different backgrounds with different interests than middle school and so just MAYBE she can find someone she can connect with if she's there. I don't know. She certainly isn't getting that exposure now.

 

2. She's doing very well academically, but maybe the public school offers more for her than I can at home, particularly since I work full time. I read the things that many on this board are doing with their children and I start to panic, thinking that I may be doing her a disservice in some way. I research, read, plan, spend any amount of money I think necessary, really, to get her what I think is best, but....I can't help but have that lingering feeling that I'm keeping her from something that could really excite her.

 

So....therein lies the crux of my dilemma.

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Fill us in....just why do you feel you'll be behind the eight ball? I don't quite see why it would be so dire.

 

I just think that if she doesn't thrive in public (or private...whatever) school and has to come back home that she'll have to repeat a lot of what she has already done, or didn't get done while back in school.

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If I was concerned about returning her to public school because of previous bad experiences, but dd is wanting to expand her social circle and have outside accountability, I would probably look into one of the many academic co-ops that are offered in/around Atlanta.

 

Here's one my son used to attend to give you an idea of what I mean.

There are co-ops, but most either require a statement of faith that I won't supply, or are just too far to be practical or even feasible, really, since I work full time.

 

I do think I should look into more of the non-traditional school options, though, and I really appreciate the idea!

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Thanks for your input! Having the perspective of a student nearly the same as my own daughter is definitely helpful.

 

I am glad I could help. I know how your daughter feels sometimes, and I would really check why your daughter wants to go back to ps. If it's just for social reasons, then I don't think she really needs to go back really badly. I think signing her up for some homeschooling groups will help her with socialization. This is a hard decision, and I hope you will come to the right conclusion soon!

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