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I'm not sure what we are trying to do is even possible! (mostly a vent)


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I am very, very frustrated today.

 

We were planning to send ds 12 to school after Christmas because we just couldn't figure out what to do. This is a kid with LDs, major sensory issues, he doesn't care about clothes/shoes/cleanliness, etc., and his current obsessions are motors and fishing (which puts him squarely into the "hick" category here.) He has been bullied in Boy Scouts and other extracurriculars here (by other homeschoolers.) He doesn't have a chance in the local middle school.:glare:

 

I don't know what to do with him, but he can't stay here alone all the time while I work. He is still way, way behind, he isn't catching up, and he needs a teacher (he is doing virtual school classes and it isn't a good fit for him because he is slogging through the assignments, but learning absolutely nothing.) He is accomplishing nothing without me being by his side several hours per day. I just don't know what to do. Send him to school where his low self-esteem will be lowered even more? Let him stay home where he gets next to nothing for education? I am not even sure that he would get an education in school because he is totally resistant to academics all together (this started when we did preschool work at 4, so it is nothing new.:001_huh:)

 

In addition, I started training this week, which means I have been coming in later in the evenings. My 9yo and 8yo sons cannot do homework alone due to their LDs (the accomodations are the same for both of them - everything has to be read to them and written for them.) In addition, both are supposed to read and be read to nightly, work on spelling/reading words, and the 9yo needs extra work in math to get him caught up (Less than 18 months ago he couldn't count to 10, but now he seems to be leaping ahead, so his teacher and I hope to have him caught up to grade level by year end.)

 

*I* am not struggling with the load of the work so much as it just isn't possible to do everything, KWIM? What is stressing me out is trying to figure out how to make this work for everyone. We can't live on what dh makes - that is a given. What he brings home is half of the poverty level for our family size - HALF! No, there is no possible way for him to bring in more. No, he can't work a second job (he really just can't - he will work 100 hours a week at one job if they want him too, but even the idea of 2 jobs sends him over the edge.) I took a tax season job thinking I'd be able to make a good amount (it is commission based) but after going over the numbers that we were given yesterday, I don't know that I will make much more than the $10 an hour draw I am getting. He does a lot around the house and does most of the cooking. He struggles with helping the dc with their homework because of their LDs (last night he had to read the same paragraph to the 9yo 6 times so that he could answer one question.)

 

I am just really frustrated because we are trying our d*mndest to get out of poverty and it's almost like trying to climb a straight up cliff. I made the mistake of trying to talk to my Dad about it and came away with a list of how we are inadequate (12yo ds, dh, and me - he doesn't realize how critical he is and I am particularly sensitive to it.) So now I feel even worse, not better, and I still don't have any solutions.

 

In the perfect world I had envisioned, we would have all these children, live on our farm, and homeschool all the way through classically with plenty of time for real life. The farm is gone, 3 of the dc (so far) have LDs that make classical impossible, and dh makes even less now than he did when we married, so I have to work *full-time* to make enough to get by (so no homeschooling ever again.)

 

:tongue_smilie:

Edited by Renee in FL
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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I understand the best I can. I certainly understand frustration over non-changable life situations. I understand dh not making enough money and living at the poverty line. I understand having to work and wanting to homeschool. I understand children with LDs.

 

Maybe you need to find some internal peace and then make your decisions. Instead of making school decisions and then trying to find peace about it.

 

Pray. Rest. Enjoy some Christmas carols on the radio. Have a cup of tea. Pray and rest.

:grouphug:

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:grouphug: I'm so sorry. This sounds like such a difficult situation.

 

Needs must, I think. If you need to work, then my inclination would be towards sending your dc to school. I love HSing and think it's great, but many kids do very well in school. It will work out. :grouphug:

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:grouphug: I'm so sorry. This sounds like such a difficult situation.

 

Needs must, I think. If you need to work, then my inclination would be towards sending your dc to school. I love HSing and think it's great, but many kids do very well in school. It will work out. :grouphug:

 

All of my dc are in school except the 12yo. The work I listed is what we need to do at night in *addition* to school. Ds 12 will not do well in school at all - he doesn't do well in group situations ever. We've done religious ed, coop, scouts, other extracurriculars and he has not had one positive experience yet.:001_huh: He is mostly likely dyslexic (it seems pretty obvious) but his measured IQ and achievement match, so he isn't eligible for accomodations or special ed.

 

He's just waiting to grow up so he can be a mechanic (and he is a mechanical genius!) If not for the huge social issues, I would just send him to school as a babysitting service and hope to make enough to pay a tutor (so he'll be able to read somewhat well when he is older.) However, I won't underestimate the damage done by being bullied, picked on, and ostracized by your peer group.

 

It seems like the decisions are always the same - choose the lesser of the evils and someone gets hurt. It is very difficult to decide.

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:grouphug: I'm sorry. I hate it that others (other than us) are living in situations that seem to have no good choices. :grouphug:

 

I get what you're talking about with your son and how he will be treated and suffer at school. I've got one like that and I've also seen the adult outcomes of a child in school in that type of situation. Given my perspective I would not send the 12 year old. His psyche/emotional health trumps whatever education he might get in my opinion. I don't know if there are better alternatives than home. Is there anyone who would supervise/homeschool him for you in some way if that's legal in your area? Ugh. I'm sorry. :grouphug:

 

You guys qualify for assistance programs, correct? I'm assuming it doesn't provide enough to live even minimally. Ugh again.

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It doesn't seem that you have any good choices. :grouphug: I would try to get the school to do an IEP on your son, which you can have since he is dyslexic--and make everyone aware of his difficulties. The school dyslexia test might not be the best available (or it might be, I don't know), but it will help make his needs known. It might not keep the bullies completely at bay, but it might help some if every one of his teachers is aware of the possibility. I think that is all you can do at this point. You have to make this work as best you can, and making the adults at the school aware of his needs is one step within your power.

 

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I will think of you and hope for miracles. It's heartbreaking thinking our kids have to suffer. Your family has each other. Keep talking to him; he needs to know that other people do not have the right to define who he is. Even if they are idiots, he needs to know on his saddest days that the behavior of others says something about their character, not his!

 

I wish you only the best, sweeite. :grouphug:

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:grouphug:

 

If your son is very mechanical and wants to be a mechanic, is he willing to do schoolwork toward this goal? I don't know if there is a votech in your area (he may be too young for it anyway) but getting ahold of some mechanics manuals may get him interested in studying some math, reading, computers, etc. towards his goals. Is there an older teenager who works on cars who may be willing to sit with him and "teach" him?

 

If he truly is a mechanical genius and wants to be a mechanic, I would work toward that goal with a minimum of other academic work. Assuming that your state's requirements allow you that option.

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This reminded me that there is an argicultural high school near me. It's a public school, so no tuiton. I know they offer mechanics there.

 

He still has to get through middle school, of course, but perhaps there is an agricultural high school in your neck of the woods?

 

:grouphug:

 

If your son is very mechanical and wants to be a mechanic, is he willing to do schoolwork toward this goal? I don't know if there is a votech in your area (he may be too young for it anyway) but getting ahold of some mechanics manuals may get him interested in studying some math, reading, computers, etc. towards his goals. Is there an older teenager who works on cars who may be willing to sit with him and "teach" him?

 

If he truly is a mechanical genius and wants to be a mechanic, I would work toward that goal with a minimum of other academic work. Assuming that your state's requirements allow you that option.

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I remember when you posted about not knowing what you were going to do previously, before you got to this point. :grouphug: By gov't standards, we were at a very low level for a while too, when it was too hard to change the situation, pregnancy, little ones, jobs or lack of better employment availability. I am sorry that it hurts, it is frustrating and overwhelming.

 

Prayers for you, your family, and especially your son.

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I understand not sending your 12 yos to school given his situation. My ds was bullied a lot at that age. All day in the middle school environment would have been an all out disaster.

 

First, is there anything that can be done to streamline your evenings at home. Can dinner be made in the morning or done completely in a slowcooker. This is what I do. Dinners are completely planned out ahead. There is zero thought and almost zero effort to week night dinners. The meals have gotten utilitarian (beans and rice), but they accomplish the goal of getting nutrition to everyone and gives me a little extra time.

 

How is homework organized. My youngest has down syndrome. He must be monitored for all his work. I sit with him, we have all the supplies he needs and I have something that I can get done sitting with me (menu planning/grocery list, my laptop with the family schedule or a list of chores that might be assisted with the internet). So, I help him and I work on some household thing at the same time.

 

I'm sorry your pay is low. The good thing is you are building your resume again in your field. Hopefully, that leads to more opportunities.

 

With regard to your 12 yo, it may be hard to get an IEP. The school is going to want to administer the IEP at school. Is he unsupervised all day? You list interests. While you are getting used to your new routine, can he have assignments built around mechanic skills. My oldest was an early reader and interested in machines, I recall the library had all levels of books from easy reader and up on machines and engines. If the library has videos on these topics that might help. Just do a little bit while you are in your current pattern. And don't worry about it. If in a few months you find you can't add more to his "school schedule", you don't take breaks for summer, just keep him doing little bits for a while.

 

If you can hold him off of public school until high school, that may help him a lot socially. That's how it worked out for my oldest. Not because he was suddenly mature, but because the other kids were a little bit more mature and aging out of nightmare middle school behavior. My ds is still the same personality/behaviors that made him a target, even though we've worked heavily on these issues. I also think if you can get him an IEP and in a votech program from the start of ninth grade that may work best. So, you'll want to start that process in a year or 2 in the middle of 8th grade.

 

I don't have as many things going on as you: I have 3 kids (2 extra special) and 2 part time jobs (been trying to land one decent full time gig for a while). I have to stay ultra organized with time and scheduling or the stress overwhelms me. These are just some of the things I do. I don't know if they will help you.

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I really really agree with those who suggested an alternative school. Do you have any ps options other tan your local ps? Charters, votechs, alternatives?

 

In a certain respect it's a huge blessing that he has a passion and an idea about a future path even if it's not the classical path you may have wanted. I would do everything I could to find an outlet for that interest. Can you contact local trade schools and get advice from teachers there?

 

All the best,

Stacy

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I really really agree with those who suggested an alternative school. Do you have any ps options other tan your local ps? Charters, votechs, alternatives?

 

In a certain respect it's a huge blessing that he has a passion and an idea about a future path even if it's not the classical path you may have wanted. I would do everything I could to find an outlet for that interest. Can you contact local trade schools and get advice from teachers there?

 

All the best,

Stacy

 

There are no other alternatives other than the local ps and home. He doesn't qualify for the closest "School of Choice" because he isn't "at risk."

 

As for the job, it doesn't look like the $400 a week is going to cover daycare, so I won't be able to work for the time being. There is no way that the dc can stay home alone everyday waiting for someone to come home (it could be 7pm or later) so I would need to hire someone to pick up the youngest 2 at daycare and come to the house to watch everyone else. That would cost another $80-160 a week on top of the $220 I am already paying for regular daycare.

 

I was okay with working and not netting anything as long as I didn't have to go into the hole on a weekly basis and there was going to be a commission check at the end of the season, but it doesn't look like that is going to happen. The job expects that not only will I do tax returns, but that I will be out drumming up my own clients to do tax returns for. If I have to drum up my own business anyway, why wouldn't I just do the tax returns myself and skip giving them the majority of the money?

 

I have to go eat, so I'll come back and thank you all later.:D

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I'm back!;)

 

Thanks for all the hugs, prayers, and support. I know that we are going in the right direction (up) but we're having a hard time dodging the rocks falling from the cliff face.:tongue_smilie:

 

Eliana, this child doesn't like *anything* that I suggest.:glare: I tried the books about topics that interest him, etc. but he wouldn't bite. He hates reading more than he hates just about anything else. It is very, very hard for him to read and that is why he doesn't. I can't seem to convince him that the way to make reading easier is to read more.:tongue_smilie:

 

Honestly, a lot of this is an attitude issue and not just an LD issue. I have never been able to "reach" him with school. The reason he is doing virtual school is because I was *done* fighting with him over schoolwork. If he doesn't like an assignment or a grade he receives, I tell him to call his teachers - it removes me from the equation all together.

 

LibraryLover, I can tell you live in the northeast.:D There are no vocational schools here and no such thing as a dyslexia test at the schools. Having gone through the process with the other two, I know he won't get accomodations. Schools don't diagnose dyslexia and don't test for it, at least not here. I've been told by others (and read accounts) that special ed in the Northeast is far beyind anything offered here.;)

 

betty, thanks for your comments. The problem isn't that my evenings need to be streamlined - no matter how I scheduled it homework for 4 (2 with LDs) and dinner/showers/prep for the next day for 6 just takes a lot of time. I can't do other things while they work on their homework because they cannot do it themselves at all - neither the 8yo nor the 9yo can read (the 8yo is on a preschool level and the 9yo on a first grade level.) Dh won't eat casseroles or most crock pot dinners, but he does do the majority of the cooking, so I can't tell him to get over it.:tongue_smilie:

 

With his attitude about school, his unwillingness to work at academics, and his test scores which show no learning disabilities, he won't get an IEP. There are no votech programs. There are some classes he can take that would interest him, but to graduate he will have to pass Algebra I, Geometry, Algebra II, and another math, as well as the usual science, history, english, etc. I just hope he graduates high school.:001_huh:

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I do live in the northeast of the US, but I have family in FL, plus several friends. One friend works as a public school teacher, and I know a couple of children who recieve special ed services, which is why I suggested this. If you like, I can ask them about serives. In what part of FL do you live so I can be specific? (You can PM).

Edited by LibraryLover
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I do live in the northeast of the US, but I have family in FL, plus several friends. One friend works as a public school teacher, and I know a couple of children who recieve special ed services, which is why I suggested this. If you like, I can ask them about serives. In what part of FL do you live so I can be specific? (You can PM).

 

I have 2 dc in this district and are in the middle of the IEP process, so I think I have a handle on that part. Thanks, though!

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I am glad they they can get an IEP if they need it. Good luck with everything!

 

They can because their private testing diagnosed LDs. The 12yo's doesn't, so he could get caught in the PST "loop" for a long time. Because I had testing done already, they had 90 days to complete the process. Our IEP meeting is on Day 90.;) With the 12yo, he would have to go through the Problem Solving Team process and would probably get stuck there indefinitely.:glare: As long as he was showing *some* progress they would keep going around and around.

 

All of this insanity is brought to you by the stupid new state law that was written to meet the requirements of No Child Left Behind.:glare: Coming to a state near you soon!:tongue_smilie:

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