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Video game wars... please advise me...


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My stepsons were raised from infancy with a tv mounted in their room for movies and they have had every gameboy system that has come out.

 

Then we came along. This past year I pared down a lot of the game systems. (We have a grandmother who loves to provide us with gaming systems... sigh)

 

We are down to one ps2 in one boys room, two ds's and early this past summer I was approached by oldest stepson if he could buy our 13 yob a XBOX 360 for his birthday.

 

We said okay, but that we'd expect him to share it if we added games and paddles to it.

 

Our floors are ceramic tile. This son has significant adhd and is also quite clumsy. Son wants to keep the 360 in his room, then carry it out to the living room some days and hook it up. The tv is mounted on the wall (expensive tv... I would be furious if he knocked it around because of how much dh paid for... I didn't ask for the tv, but it was a gift from dh before we got married). I told son he has to keep the 360 in the living room cupboard, hooked up and not be taking it "places" because he will either drop it or possibly damage the tv.

 

Son also has the attitude that "it's MINE", so he will go turn off the tv if someone is watching it and switch it to his 360 and expect that the others just deal with it. I always say, "No tv or xbox until after homework" And I don't want to hear the 360 games every single evening...

 

Then, when I was gone somewhere, grandma picked up son for the weekend and told son to bring something to do... so he unhooked the xbox and took it with her... knowing he is not allowed to do that.

 

So, this week he isn't allowed to play. So, he doesn't want anyone else to play because it is HIS.

 

So... if you've read through all this nonsense... what would you do? DH bought extra paddles for Christmas and we've added in one game and wanted to add in another (a family board game for the 360). But, I hate the attitude!!!

 

Part of me wants to pack it up and send it to the brother who bought it and say that he needs to keep it at his house for when his younger brother visits....

 

Then buy a 360 that is MINE, then I can allow the boys to play it and not hear all this #$%^.

 

Anyway... thanks for listening.

 

If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

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Part of me wants to pack it up and send it to the brother who bought it and say that he needs to keep it at his house for when his younger brother visits....

 

Then buy a 360 that is MINE, then I can allow the boys to play it and not hear all this #$%^.

 

Anyway... thanks for listening.

 

If you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.

:iagree:

You've hit the nail on the head here. This way, your ss can have something that is "HIS" that he doesn't have to share. He keeps it over at big brother's house. You get one for your house that EVERYONE shares. Sounds like a great plan to me!

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I can tell you that very few things in our household have ever belonged exclusively to only one person. Everybody played with pretty much everything, though sometimes the person who "owned" the item got preference.

 

Had any of my dc insisted that their sibs couldn't use something that was "theirs", I think I'd probably disallow any and all use of the following items that I bought and technically are *mine*:

dishes, silverware, cups

blankets, sheets, beds

towels, soap, tp, and water

etc, etc, etc, until the offender understood my point. ;)

Obviously, ymmv!

 

ETA: We purposely didn't want our kids to have much that was just theirs, because according to the values of our family and our faith, everything belongs to the Lord, and is given to you so that you can serve others with it.

Edited by Julie in CA
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Had any of my dc insisted that their sibs couldn't use something that was "theirs", I think I'd probably disallow any and all use of the following items that I bought and technically are *mine*:

dishes, silverware, cups

blankets, sheets, beds

towels, soap, tp, and water

etc, etc, etc, until the offender understood my point. ;)

Obviously, ymmv!

 

:iagree:

 

DD has a computer in her room. She usually gets first dibs with the siblings using other computers, but if other computers are in use, they get to go in her room and use "her" computer.

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:iagree:

You've hit the nail on the head here. This way, your ss can have something that is "HIS" that he doesn't have to share. He keeps it over at big brother's house. You get one for your house that EVERYONE shares. Sounds like a great plan to me!

 

:iagree::iagree:

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Hindsight being 20/20. . . In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea to allow the gift to be to the one kid. It'd have been better as an x-mas gift to all the kids in the house. . . but, as it is *his* and you presumably have a family culture that allows that, well, then I think you're kind of stuck.

 

I think you'd be wise to just buy a second one as an x-mas gift for the rest of the family. Pretend this ugliness never happenned. Just share the 'family' xbox & apply your sensible rules to it (it lives in its cupboard). Let your child do what he wishes with his OWN XBOX -- take it places, drop it, whatever. He'll probably break it soon enough & then you'll be left with your one family xbox. Problem solved, lol. :)

 

Obviously, the XBOX might belong to one child, but the house, TV, couch, etc belongs to the parents & is shared by all household members. NOONE can monopolize the communal space for any reason! No way! It is just RUDE. If a child wants to do anything that is unpleasant for the rest of the household members, he MUST retreat to a separate space (own room or basement or other secondary space). That has nothing to do with ownership. Heck, you own the TV, right? So that means you get to watch HGTV 24/7?? Riiiiggghhhht. . .

 

FWIW, everything in our home is shared unless it is a single 'lovie' (blankie, etc) or an obviously personal item (clothes, jewlery, toiletries, etc.). Expensive breakables (electronics, musical instruments) or pricey consumables (photo ink, etc) are not to be touched w/o permission of the official owner for obvious reasons, but the owner is expected to share it within reason (safety rules followed, pricey consumables not wasted). Kids do have stuff they 'own' just as us parents 'own' nearly everything else. If they want to share our stuff (couches, tvs, food, etc.) then they share their stuff. Works for us.I imagine it would be hard to institute that culture once the kids are older, esp. in a blended family, but you might be able to gently move in that direction over time. . .

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Well... the war is over... I have raised my flag in defeat.

 

Son whined to dad and grandma.

 

Now "I" am being childish and not allowing him to be mature.

 

So, I am done.

 

To show my good will, I bought him a case and some bubble wrap so he can take it anywhere he wants. I wont say another word. Even if he does get 2 D's and 3 C's and his teachers say he can do much better. Even if I did spend my money on a game and a paddle... I will just put the game and paddle away and if the xbox is brought into the living room for family play, I'll get my stuff out...

 

I don't have the money to spend on another xbox. It's not a priority for me.

 

I feel badly for the other boys... but, hey, life has much more to offer than xbox anyway. I will just invest in other things with other boys.

 

Taking and deep breath, sipping merlot and hoping to forget about it now...

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Well... the war is over... I have raised my flag in defeat.

 

Son whined to dad and grandma.

 

Now "I" am being childish and not allowing him to be mature.

 

So, I am done.

 

To show my good will, I bought him a case and some bubble wrap so he can take it anywhere he wants. I wont say another word. Even if he does get 2 D's and 3 C's and his teachers say he can do much better. Even if I did spend my money on a game and a paddle... I will just put the game and paddle away and if the xbox is brought into the living room for family play, I'll get my stuff out...

 

I don't have the money to spend on another xbox. It's not a priority for me.

 

I feel badly for the other boys... but, hey, life has much more to offer than xbox anyway. I will just invest in other things with other boys.

 

Taking and deep breath, sipping merlot and hoping to forget about it now...

 

All I can say is :grouphug:.

 

Lisa

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