difference between standard parenting and oversheltering?

[grace'smom]

How do you know when your child is developmentally ready to learn certain things about the world? For example, our history sentence to learn this week for our co op is about beheadings during the French Revolution. It doesn't say beheading, but that people got their heads removed. My daughter heard that and started asking all kinds of questions, so I put it aside even though she will show up for school on Monday and not know her assignment. But I wonder if I am oversheltering her or just doing standard parenting... She is going to be six in March, and seems to be pretty sensitive and anxious, so I've avoided discussion of many things such as war, the crucifixion, slavery and other things that many parents I know do discuss with their children at this age. Is there something like an age chart somewhere that gives you tips on when (and how;)) to tell your child about these types of things? Obviously sometime in elementary school I'm going to have to break the news that our world is not always such a nice place, and we are so, so lucky that we can live in a place where she has to be told about cruelty and hardship rather than witness it firsthand, but is five too young to hear about beheadings? Am I overthinking it? I have a big tendency to overthink- but so does she so take that into account as well.

 

I've only got one child, so I have no previous experiences with other children to help me, but I know there are moms on this board who have BTDT and can tell me exactly what the protocol is on this sort of thing. Please advise!!! Thanks so much!!!

 

Hailey

[Parrothead]

The topic at hand is gruesome and not appropriate for all 6-year olds.

 

When I was teaching 2nd grade CCD I was told to always immediately speak of the Resurrection any time the Crucifixion was mentioned.

[Murphy101]

IMHO, the more you avoid such things the more and the longer she will feel overly anxious and sensitive.

 

She is asking questions and seeking answers. I see no rational reason not to give a simple response instead of leaving her in aware yet ignorant and thus fearful of the unknown.

[Nan in Mass]

I have teenagers who have run across the country, walked from RI to DC, walked down the length of Japan, gone backpacking by themselves for a few days, and done various other things independently. At this point, I don't think anybody considers me overprotective GRIN. There is no way I would have considered that appropriate for a 5yo, or even, probably, a 7yo. Even my teens didn't study the Holocaust or slavery except in a sketchy manner. I bet you aren't the only parent who skips that. My oldest was in school and I refused to sign a few permission slips to watch movies (like parts of Roots in 5th grade). I don't think you are being overprotective at all.

-Nan

[Crimson Wife]

I don't believe in avoiding discussing violence with my kids. Now, I don't go into graphic detail but they do know the basic Passion story, that many Christians were martyred for their faith, that long ago slavery was legal in America, that Daddy has a friend who got killed serving in Iraq, etc. I read the original versions of fairy tales rather than sanitized ones.

 

I'm careful about screen portrayals of violence, however, because it's one thing to hear that the soldiers whipped Jesus and quite another to watch Mel Gibson's ultra-gory depiction of it in The Passion of the Christ.

[Paz]

I have 2 sensitive children, well, young adults now. When they were little they were very curious about everything. I am sure people thought that we sheltered them. My ds attended ps for K-2nd grade. I used to get angry when the teachers would announce tragic events to them. I guess it was thought that they needed to learn to deal with reality early on. In K my son came home telling me about a murder of an important person in another country. Now why does a Kindergartener need to know about that? I walked my kids out of church on several ocassions when I didn't think the information being shared was appropriate for their age(abortion, etc). My kids are now very secure and not really afraid of anything. They are not afraid to stay at home alone and ds camps out and goes on adventure trips and such. I don't know if they always had the personality where they don't worry about things or if just letting them be kids helped. I do know that I was raised differently and was told about scary stuff when I was little (mostly by my grandmother and mostly about religious ideas). She was a really sweet lady but a little misguided on dealing with kids, I think. I still have irrational fears about things and am glad that my kids don't have that.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Is this a co-op where there is only one history choice for all kids? If this a multi-age class on that period of history, I would have expected stuff like this to come up because The French Revolution and the guillotine kind of go together esp. for higher grade levels. If it is a class specifically for 2nd graders, I would be unhappy that they did not make this study age appropriate. You can study this period of history without delving into the French Revolution but focusing more on other events or personalities.

 

So my solution (depending on your answers to the above) would be:

 

1. sign her up for another class at that time period if this is a multi-age class and you have other choices.

 

2. Keep her home from co-op while they are discussing this but talk to the teacher about keeping things appropriate for 2nd graders if this is a class specifically for that age group.

 

3. Do answer her questions honestly but not gruesomely.

[Hedgehog]

I'm careful about screen portrayals of violence, however, because it's one thing to hear that the soldiers whipped Jesus and quite another to watch Mel Gibson's ultra-gory depiction of it in The Passion of the Christ.

 

This. Because for many people, seeing a story or event on screen has a great impact than reading about it. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because the mind has a greater ability to filter words than pictures?

 

IMO, if you don't feel your child is ready to see or hear about something, then don't show it to them. You know them best; you'll have a sense about when is the right time. Also, some kids just will ask about sticky stuff. So far, with my dc, I've found that they only ask what they can handle the answers to (iykwim). I do my best to answer anything they ask me, as honestly as possible. It often leads to some great conversations, actually.

[Night Elf]

How do you know when your child is developmentally ready to learn certain things about the world?

 

I hold very little back from my children when it comes to knowing things. From the time they were born, I have felt strongly about having them in the world from the beginning. Some things were easy. I believe in answering questions on the level they are asked. When my oldest dd was 4 and I was pregnant with my second child, she wanted to know how he would be born. She didn't ask about how he got there until she was 6 and I was pregnant with my third child. She was fine with knowing the truth. She wasn't freaked out. I just take questions as they are asked. :)

 

I do shelter in some ways. I'd rather them not know graphic details of horrible crimes. I don't go out of my way to share things like that. But I do always answer questions as truthfully as I can. If I'm not prepared to answer it, I tell them that too. I believe in acknowledging their questions, concerns and fears, even if I have to tell them I understand why they are asking but I'm not ready to talk to them about it.

[grace'smom]

I do my best to answer anything they ask me, as honestly as possible. It often leads to some great conversations, actually.

 

That's pretty much been my philosophy so far, but you know, beheading never came up before so I wasn't tested in that respect.

 

It is a multiage co op so all the different ages learn the same sentence, but they don't talk about it in class other than to go over the sentence and drill it a couple times to help the kids learn it. No one discusses anything more than the sentence (well, several kids had some things to say about it but the teacher told them to ask their parents, LOL). So I really don't think it's necessary to take her out of the class, but rather to just ignore that part of her assignment for the week. I just wondered if I was oversheltering to not discuss it with her... For reference- I took her to see Curious George this summer at the movie theater and we had to leave because she freaked out when he went up in the air with his balloons and lost his friend. I had to sleep in her room for a week because she had nightmares.

 

But overall, the moms here with sensitive kids are saying that if you let them learn things a little later the kids are more likely to grow up with a more secure personality than they would have otherwise? I can buy that. It makes sense- don't overload them before they can handle it so they can obtain a sense of confidence about the world? :)

[*lifeoftheparty*]

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[elegantlion]

At 6 I think you can gloss over a little bit of graphic violence. I don't avoid topics and I never put off questions, but there were a few things we probably wouldn't have discussed at age 6.

 

We're probably at the liberal end of what we allow screen wise, game wise, etc, now, but that's been built over the years as we've deemed fit.

[MaMa2005]

I hold very little back from my children when it comes to knowing things. From the time they were born, I have felt strongly about having them in the world from the beginning. Some things were easy. I believe in answering questions on the level they are asked. When my oldest dd was 4 and I was pregnant with my second child, she wanted to know how he would be born. She didn't ask about how he got there until she was 6 and I was pregnant with my third child. She was fine with knowing the truth. She wasn't freaked out. I just take questions as they are asked. :)

 

 

This is how we handle things, too. DS is quite sensitive, but asks LOTS of questions. We answer succinctly and honestly. DS just recently asked the same question as above. I gave DS the two ways that this occurs. He thought about it for a minute and then said, "OUCH!" :lol: He just took it all in stride.