The NY Times provides a To-Do (and To-Don't) list for parents

[Jane in NC]

An entry in "The Choice", the New York Times Education blog, is good reading for parents whose students are applying to colleges. Sue Biemeret writes:

 

This whole going-off-college-thing goes so much better when there’s a true partnership between parent and child. I do get concerned when parents cross the line and begin taking on Junior’s role in the process — because there’s plenty enough to do for both Junior and Mom and Dad.

 

So, Mom and Dad: walk away — I’d prefer you run away but that’s just me — from that Common App sitting on your desktop. Stop thinking of creative ways to begin that personal statement designed to highlight your child’s voice (not yours!); and please cease using first person plural in this process (as in “We are just finishing up our Notre Dame app.â€)

 

There are probably more "To-Don'ts" on the list. The following passage will certainly resonate with parents here:

 

But you need to let your child be responsible for this process. Sure, he may need some prodding along the way — OK, “prodding†could be euphemistic for “begging and pleading…†— but, in the end, this is your child’s college search, not yours. The more you do, the less your child will.

 

One argument that I would have with the author's points is that I don't think all kids go into the process with the same knowledge base. Some kids have been on a number of college campuses (large and small) by the nature of their familial life so they have a feel for what they want to see in a campus. I don't know if many teenagers really grasp the difference between school sizes and how this plays into both class size and faculty availability. Like all things, I suppose one needs to take the advice given with a grain of salt. That said, I do believe that the application process belongs to the student, not the parent.

 

You can read the entire article here.

[Grace is Sufficient]

For most of us, I think using the first person in the application process is quite appropriate... "We're finishing up the application," as in, "He's finishing filling it out," and "I'm finished gathering and mailing whatever they wanted in terms of transcripts, course descriptions, etc."

 

:D

[K-FL]

A lot of that comes from us being the one-stop school and parent. Parent's of b&m schooled dc don't have to be (or just are not) as on-top of things. When you are parent, guidance counselor, college adviser, etc rolled into one, it is WE are doing the application.

[Miss Marple]

A lot of that comes from us being the one-stop school and parent. Parent's of b&m schooled dc don't have to be (or just are not) as on-top of things. When you are parent, guidance counselor, college adviser, etc rolled into one, it is WE are doing the application.

 

:iagree: And what about those first generation college students? Their parents may have NO clue how to help them navigate the system and the student may not either. These homeschooled kids have no guidance counselor other than mom/dad (or another interested party) and it may take a higher level of collaboration between both student and parent to get the job done.

 

I agree with the premise of the article and think that in most cases it works well. But there are plenty of exceptions...

[Nan in Mass]

I think this is a nice article. It leaves some good parent questions out, of course (being short), but in general, I thought it described the situation more accurately than all those article that are so heavily against helicopter parents that they make it sound like all students are perfectly capable of doing the whole process completely alone if the parents would only keep quiet and let them, from spelling their mother's maiden name correctly on the application to filling out detailed information on their parents' investments on the financial aid forms to knowing all the pitfalls of the college experience so they can make wise decisions about housing and classes.

 

I think as homeschoolers, we are the exception to many of the guidelines because we are the guidance department and school administration as well as the parents, but many school systems do a bad job at that part, too. As I keep saying, it all depends on the circumstances. The two colleges I've dealt with so far (one CC, one 4-year) have been very good at acknowledging that the parents do indeed have their own parts to play in the process, and their own questions about their parts. They have also been very kind when dealing parental worries and offered reassurance, rather than just dismissing them as inappropriate. Both the colleges we've dealt with, though, are sort of slanted towards independent-minded students.

 

-Nan