Reforming the holidays...

[fairfarmhand]

The bah-humbug thread got me thinking....has anyone successfully reformed their holiday to an enjoyable time? How did you do it? Did you tick anyone off?

 

This thanksgiving we decided to STAY HOME. And we did. Nobody called to complain so I guess they did just fine without us. IT was AWESOME!

[Truscifi]

We did with Christmas. We started going to see family on Christmas Eve and staying home for Christmas Day. We did this a few years ago and it made our holiday much more enjoyable since we weren't spending 3+ hours driving to different houses when we really wanted to be home celebrating and opening presents with ds.

[MariannNOVA]

We've done it here.

 

And, it has been a huge blessing, b/c there are emergencies that demand we make those long drives and be elsewhere, but we aren't already worn out from mad dashing from place to place.:001_smile:

[BMW]

We throw a family Christmas party earlier in the month and invite everyone for dessert and drinks. This year we should have about 22 people here. We will play music and games and give out presents to the children (nieces and nephews and grown children who will have their own Christmas at their houses... and the grandparents get their gifts at that time). I love this because I do not have to make a big meal... no one does... We enjoy lots of homemade treats and serve wassail to the children and most of the grown ups have a drink or two, but no one is crazy. We have our big dinner together at Thanksgiving, so that is out of the way...

 

Then we each enjoy our Christmas the way we want to... however, whenever, with whatever traditions and no one's feelings are hurt.

[fairfarmhand]

I forgot to mention too that my dh and I put our foot (feet??) down when we spent more time driving with our infant and toddler than we did enjoying ourselves. Christmas Eve and Christmas day means we are at HOME, no matter what! It may have made some people mad. Especially the people who spent all of THEIR Christmases when their kids were small at Grandma's house and assumed that we would now be doing the same, but I was blessed with a dh who has an attitude...especially when it comes to people poking their noses into our family business.

[mrbmom77]

When I got tired of hearing all the in-law fights, we started having family Thanksgiving and Christmas the weekend before. So on Christmas Day, the kids & I open presents, stay in our jammies, and laze around all day. Much better!

 

BTW - I don't have in-laws - it was my brothers' in-law problems.

[Karen in CO]

Growing up, our Christmas was all about presents and things. Although we lived near extended family, no one was allowed to come visit us on Christmas because it was all about "our family." It was very stressful, isolated, and not joyous. When I first started making my own Christmas, I found I couldn't afford all of the stuff and wanted more family.

 

Now for Christmas, my brother brings his little family to visit my little family we do a secret Santa for gift exchange plus a few gifts for the kids then we ski. Some people think our ski trip as an extravagent way to spend our money, but we come out ahead by buying fewer presents and have zero stress or anxiety. Our Christmas dinner is barbecue brisket sandwiches at the ski lodge. Our big present is having our kids spend time together since we live thousands of miles apart.

 

This year, my sister finally decided to join our little tradition. We'll have 17 people in my little house for Christmas. I'll still buy three gifts for my kids plus one gift for someone else. We'll have the same little dinner. My brother and I changed our stressful memories of Christmas into something we look forward to all year.

 

When my 3yo nephew talks to me on the phone, as soon as he hears who I am he says, "I'm coming to see you for Christmas, and I'm going skiing." Nobody in my family thinks about what they're getting for Christmas. We all think about spending time together.:party:

[Mejane]

We have reformed our T'giving and Easter. I'm working on Christmas, but dh still insists we go to his sister's house. Someday... I've found the older the kids get, the easier it is to make the change.

[LibraryLover]

It's so great to figure out what one finds most meaningful and focus on those! I read Unplug the Christmas Machine a long time ago, and found a bit of comfort. However, sometimes people suggest eliminating things that matter to some. If one's love language is finding the perfect gift with an generous heart, then you should do that. If a person gets energy from others, and enjoys the hustle and bustle, lights, and music in shopping areas, eliminating that will feel like a loss.

 

A friend on FB recently posted how much she loved sappy Christmas Hallmark movies on TV. She says that a good cry over nothing is relaxing to her. So, there is a reason some very intelligent people love those. I am not personally a fan, but how nice she has a safe, painless outlet for her tears.

 

I so agree with finding what is most meaningful to a person, and then doing it with a generous, loving, and kind heart.

Edited November 29, 2010 by LibraryLover

[JoyfulMama]

I've started planting the seeds to change our Christmas next year... It's going to be a long battle... I spoke to SIL about my desire, and she laughed, and told me I was crazy.

My husband will be quicker to come around at first, but then the guilt trips will lay in...

It would be easier to move out of state again...

[hillfarm]

One of the main categories of things I cut were all the holiday parties for the various clubs and organizations to which we belong. If a group (such as 4-H or whatever) is doing a service project that will benefit others, then we go. But if it is just a reason to get together and eat, we don't go. Nor do we do pointless gift exchanges. No thanks, my kids do not need another $5-10 piece of gift detritus, nor does my wallet need that extra little $5-10 hole. This alone has cut waaaay down on the number of obligations we have during the holiday season.

 

I still have a ways to go with family issues. My dh's family does the Christmas eve thing, but my dm won't go. So we have to visit both. At least dm lives next door, so it isn't much of a commute. Then I do a nice brunch at our house so that all and sundry can drop by for a bit of Jesus' birthday cake.

[KarenNC]

When we actually started doing more separation of religious vs. cultural celebrations, things got much nicer. Our religious holiday is the Solstice, so our immediate family spends that day exchanging gifts, watching our traditional movies--The Hogfather for my daughter, The Hebrew Hammer, accompanied by Chinese takout, for us once she's in bed:D--and enjoying the relaxed pace. We only do Santa stockings on Christmas Day, then head up to drive an hour to have brunch with my side of the family then the hour back and 45 min more the other direction to relax with my husband's family until late that evening.

 

It has also helped to do as a previous poster suggested and opt out of the "stuff for the sake of stuff" exchanges, particularly the "Dirty Santa" one that my family does. It inevitably ends up with ill feelings and anger, so I don't really see why they do it. We're opting to do a service project of decorating cookies for the homeless shelter this year in our homeschool group holiday get-together rather than doing the "bring a gift for a girl, bring a gift for a boy" type thing.

Edited November 29, 2010 by KarenNC

[QueenCat]

When I had my youngest, 18 years ago, my parents told us to stop traveling, they'd come to us. Most of my family lives near them, so they come around the 27th each year. Works for us. Dh's family is a different story.... we told them they could come, but they don't. Youngest is 18, and this is the first year we are going away for Christmas. Actually, not until the day after. Thanksgiving is always with local friends, not enough time to make a 12 hour drive when the college has classes the day before Thanksgiving!

[Liza Q]

Every year my father's family gets together around Christmas - there are about 35-40 of us. All the cousins take turns hosting - it used to be our parents but now our generation hosts. Last year was my turn. Since I was "in charge" I was able to do two things differently.

 

The first was planning a grab bag type thing for the children. Personally, I would rather no one "has" to bring any presents at all but that offended most of my family. "The children all need presents of they will be sad/it is not Christmas without presents for the children, etc." But there are about 17 children and the gift giving has been getting INSANE!!! This way each child got one gift from one family and we made sure it was a nice gift. I hated setting a dollar amount but everyone wanted it to be *fair* so we agreed on one. It was a lot less money than buying a gift for each kid and there the children were all really excited with their gifts! We cousins agreed not to exchange gifts and everyone was fine with that.

 

The older generation was not in on this as my aunts (and Mom!) like to give a lot of (usually useless/inappropriate) gifts to the children. Even so, the gift exchange took about half as long as usual. which was great! The children did not feel deprived and there were no greedy meltdowns!

 

The other thing that was great was unexpected. Because we live in an apartment we rented a party space for our Christmas. Since we were not in a house, there was NO TV and NO VIDEO GAMES!!! Ok, there were several hand held ones around but they are not as in-your-face, kwim? And because we were all in an open space there was more general socializing - it wasn't women in the kitchen, men watching sports, kids huddled around games or watching a dvd - sweet!

 

My brother is hosting this year and I doubt that he will do anything like this. But I am glad that *my* year felt more like ME - it was more about spending time together and less about gifts.

[Jane in NC]

Years ago I realized that one of the most important parts of my holiday season was music--not the music on the radio or recorded music that I own but hearing live, seasonal music. This is my thing, but my family has gone along with attending the symphony holiday concert and hearing various choral groups perform (although one year the guys begged me to find some girls to use their tickets to the Nutcracker--they had seen and heard it too many times!)

 

I do not need gifts; I need music. Having come to this recognition, I plan our seasonal events accordingly.

 

I also have a traditional Christmas workshop that I teach for our 4-H organization. It has become a high point of my holiday season as well.

 

There is a member of the extended family who does not approve of the way I do Christmas. She would rather we travel the thousand miles to her home. We have. I am now waiting for her to reciprocate which she is not about to do because her Christmas is defined by having family surround her in her home. So here is the problem: her best of all Christmases is not my best of all Christmases. There is no way to please all parties.

 

We choose to stay at home unless there is a family situation (health related) that requires us to go elsewhere. At least that is the current plan. Once my son has his own household, I suspect that he will be visited by Mom and Dad!

[mcconnellboys]

We just started staying home. Everyone knows where we are in case they'd like to see us (so far, no interest)....

[Danestress]

Thanks for the reminder. The best part of my childhood Christmas was seeing all the family and friends. I remember few presents, but lots of those times.

 

I tend to want to withdraw, and I appreciate the reminder that sometimes "just our family" instincts are more about what *I* want than what will really bless my children.

[rwjx2khsmj]

We stopped traveling at Christmas time when our oldest daughter was born and we have been so happy with that choice. Occassionally, we've broken that pattern, but for the most part, we are home if anyone chooses to come join us.

 

We also began focusing on others for the holidays. We kick off by packing boxes for Operation Christmas Child. The drop off is the week before Thanksgiving so it's a perfect time to focus on giving to others.

 

We also give the kids a set amount of money and let them choose a charity to support. That usually happens in mid-December.

 

We give to our friends by inviting them to a party on Winter Solstice each year. Anyone that knows us, knows they are welcome to come by and we sometimes have people travel from out of town to join us.

 

Another activity that makes the holidays less hectic is our family shopping trip at the dollar store. By making it an event for all the kids we cut down on running around the mall/mega stores and we keep the cost for family gifts really reasonable. Besides its fun to see what the kids pick out for each other and for us.

 

I love our holiday activities and feel that the peace and joy is not lost in a flurry of activity.