Maybe we shouldn't send our kids to school to be bullied after all :-P

[Matryoshka]

The Boston Globe had two great articles today on the negative long-term effects of bullying.

 

Great comebacks for those idiots that think our homeschooled kids are missing out on being "toughened up" by being bullied...

 

A World of Misery Left by Bullying

Inside the Bullied Brain: The Neuroscience of Taunting

[Hedgehog]

Some realism in the media. How nice.

 

Having said that.. given the way DD9 and DS5 were arguing and scrapping today, we have no need of school to "toughen up" our dc. They seem to be achieving that quite nicely all on their own. :sad: Tomorrow's a new day, eh.

[LuvingLife]

Lol, I just had to laugh at this one!

[Denise in Florida]

Thanks for the links. I plan to foward them to my sister. She still has some problems related to a change of schools in 7th grade that left her 'outcast' by the other girls.

 

I have never understood the 'toughen them up' people. Saying children need to be bullied in order to deal with difficult people later in life is like saying that every one gets exposed to radiation later in life might as well put uranium in formula so they get used to it.

[zaichiki]

I'd like to know more about their studies, though. How do they know that the lower verbal scores were due to the bullying? Maybe the lower verbal abilities were natural and perhaps a part of the reason these children were targeted for bullying? (We know that kids bully those who are different and who "allow" the bullying.)

[mcconnellboys]

Awwwww, but then they won't be socialized, LOL.....

[DarlaS]

Interesting that someone is finally figuring this out. Bullying has lasting negative effects. Wow. Really?

 

What will they "discover" next. :glare:

[Denise in Florida]

I'd like to know more about their studies, though. How do they know that the lower verbal scores were due to the bullying? Maybe the lower verbal abilities were natural and perhaps a part of the reason these children were targeted for bullying? (We know that kids bully those who are different and who "allow" the bullying.)

 

I also wondered about which was the cause and which was the effect.

 

I am concerned with your last sentence though. Do you mean to imply that bullied kids can stop the abuse if they don't 'allow' it? Bullying can refer to a wide variety of stituations but (in my opinion) most victims are not in a position to control the situation.

[zaichiki]

I also wondered about which was the cause and which was the effect.

 

I am concerned with your last sentence though. Do you mean to imply that bullied kids can stop the abuse if they don't 'allow' it? Bullying can refer to a wide variety of stituations but (in my opinion) most victims are not in a position to control the situation.

 

Well, I guess I mean that with most typical kid bullying (kids picking on other kids) it happens b/c the one child doesn't stand up for themselves. In many cases (that are not extreme) the bullying stops when the victim projects confidence. The bullies look for "easy victims."

[Denise in Florida]

Well, I guess I mean that with most typical kid bullying (kids picking on other kids) it happens b/c the one child doesn't stand up for themselves.

 

 

I don't think so, but our experiences may vary. I did not have a lot of troubles in school but the ones I did have came from hard-core bullies that escalated their efforts when their victims resisted. I was advised to ignore them and they will stop (nope) and stand up for myself (double nope). It only changed when they got bored and went elsewhere. I am not traumatized as an adult but I can see where some people still are.

 

Again situations vary and some bullies may stop if the victim resists but that would not be my first expectation. ETA: of course the descripter I used above, 'hard-core bully', may explain the differences in our expectations :)

 

I mentioned in my first post that my sister and I changed school systems during middle school. The only 'weakness' was being the new kid.

 

I appreciate the discussion.

Edited November 29, 2010 by Denise in Florida
clarification

[smrtmama]

Well, I guess I mean that with most typical kid bullying (kids picking on other kids) it happens b/c the one child doesn't stand up for themselves. In many cases (that are not extreme) the bullying stops when the victim projects confidence. The bullies look for "easy victims."

 

Way to blame the victim.

[zaichiki]

I mentioned in my first post that my sister and I changed school systems during middle school. The only 'weakness' was being the new kid.

 

I appreciate the discussion.

 

Denise,

 

I moved a LOT during my childhood, so I was *always* the new kid. I understand how that makes a child a target.

 

I was picked on as a kid, but it was never hard-core stuff. It was silly stuff, like name-calling -- never anything physical. As I got older I figured out that putting on a mask of superconfidence made me less appealing as a target. It was a revelation, but I saw immediate payoff. Once I made this change I had many more friends and was no longer bullied (even across a couple of more moves).

 

I was a school teacher years ago. Saw bullying in action. (Of course I stepped in when I noticed it.) It was obvious to me, as the adult, that the bullies were choosing easy targets: kids with low self-esteem, kids who were different in some obvious way (being new fits here), and kids who were afraid to stand up for themselves.

 

Now, with my own kids, I see the typical sibling bullying. It stops when the victim stands up for themselves. When the victim lets the other sibling "get away with it" it continues.

 

My dh grew up in a culture where bullying of a certain group of people was encouraged. He was a member of this group. He couldn't have stopped the bullying no matter what he did, but then it wasn't just kids who bullied him. It was horrible for him. I do not consider his experience "typical kid bullying."

[zaichiki]

Way to blame the victim.

 

Oh, come on!

[Denise in Florida]

Zaichiki

 

It certainly can be a matter of degrees. There is a fine line between bullying and childhood teasing/pranks, children particularly can cross line without realizing it. I have warned my girls to watch their own behavior because they tend to joke around and can be sarcastic. I have pulled them up short a few times and told them that they need to KNOW the other person is not offended/hurt/feeling bullied. If they cross the line they must apologise immediately and fix the situation. In those occasions to helps if the victim speaks up and defends themselves.

 

We had a 'please stop' rule when they were young. sometimes they would tease or chase either other and scream stop without being serious, but 'please stop' was be to honored NO MATTER WHAT. I have reminded them of that rule even as teenagers.:glare:

 

True 'bullying' is different (in my understanding of the connotation of the word). It is insidious and doesn't necessarily stop when the victim speaks up. It can be violent without being physical. Among teen girls the worst bullying is verbal (I am including gossip here). Too much of it is beyond the victims control. Some personalities stand up to it better (sounds like you did fine).

 

My dh grew up in a culture where bullying of a certain group of people was encouraged. He was a member of this group. He couldn't have stopped the bullying no matter what he did, but then it wasn't just kids who bullied him. It was horrible for him. I do not consider his experience "typical kid bullying."

 

There are way too many of these situations. The ultra conservative area where I live allows too much hate talk for my comfort. There is no doubt where this behavior falls on the teasing/bullying scale.

 

Thanks for the discussion. You have helped me clarify some stuff in my own head by needing to express it in print. :001_smile:

[....]

I've taken enough psych in college to know that my kids have a healthier view of themselves and are more confident BECAUSE they are not being bullied all day... Sheesh. That argument against homeschooling because they're not being exposed to bullying is ridiculous. You'd go to jail or get sued if you acted like that at work.