So what do you do when someone craps all over your day??

[missesd]

Sorry in advance if the title offends anyone, but I didn't know how to put it. I have been having a lot of trouble with my ex recently. I wake up to e-mails that just kind of skew my whole mood/attitude and affect my whole day, and not for the better. I think I am going to start checking my e-mail AFTER school. But I was just wondering what everyone does when something happens that makes your mood take a nosedive?

 

Thanks...

[Momof3Maidens]

You know, unfortunately we can't control what others do and how they react. But one thing I've learned within this past year is that I can control what I do and how I react no matter what's dealt me. Is it hard sometimes - absolutely! But in the end, the freedom for me to choose my choices and emotions is powerful! And I always feel so much better for it in the end. :)

 

Hang in there, you can do it!

 

Blessings!

[RanchGirl]

I have the same problem with emails from my MIL.... ugh. I'm thinking of having her emails go into a separate folder and just reading that every few days or so, preferably with an adult beverage in hand!

[missesd]

I have the same problem with emails from my MIL.... ugh. I'm thinking of having her emails go into a separate folder and just reading that every few days or so, preferably with an adult beverage in hand!

 

LOL... if I drank, I totally would do that!! :lol:

[redsquirrel]

change your email. Just get a new one and don't tell him. I have one just for good friends and family and one for shopping and people who don't know my new one.

 

If you have told him not to contact you and he continues, it is harrassment.

[lisabelle]

I'm the kind of person who either lets it totally ruin my day and let my day fall into an unproductive mess, or I move wholeheartedly into my work to avoid thinking of what's bothering me. I definitely prefer having the latter reaction.

 

It's hard. I ruminate over things like you describe endlessly. It's so frustrating!

[sagira]

My mom has been known to do that in her e-mails, so I can sympathize :grouphug:

 

Yesterday was a tough day for us too, one of those days when you say, "why did we decide to torment ourselves by having kids? :glare:

Fortunately these are rare.

[ElizabethB]

LOL... if I drank, I totally would do that!! :lol:

 

Chocolate!

 

That should offset anything. Of course, you might gain a few pounds...

[Peela]

Distraction...and doing something that brings me some sort of joy- even if its just drinking my favourite tea or checking my email or making myself something nice (and healthy) to eat. If I am triggered and really upset, I might go for a brisk walk, or have a bath or shower, or share with a friend. I have foudn homeschooling itself to be a good distraction many a time....having to be there for my kids helps me not dwell on my own problems.

[Skadi]

"Man is disturbed not by things, but by the views he takes of them...If, therefore, any be unhappy, let him remember that he is unhappy by reason of himself alone." - Epictetus

 

If we get upset at what someone says, we shouldn't be angry that they "did" something to us to make our day crappy, because you can only be hurt by those whose words you allow to hurt you. How could you turn this situation around? You could choose not to communicate through email with your ex anymore. Or, if you decide to continue to read his emails, you could change the way you read them. If you were honest with yourself, you'd see that there is no reason to be surprised at the things he writes you -- and in a way, you should pity him that he's stuck in the same cycles and seems to be so wrapped up in drama. When you stop expecting his words to be anything than what they are, you can then begin to prepare yourself against them.

 

"Say to yourself in the early morning: I shall meet today inquisitive, ungrateful, violent, treacherous, envious, uncharitable men. All these things have come upon them through ignorance of real good and ill." - Marcus Aurelius

When a family pet makes a mess, it would be silly and even cruel of the pet's owner to scream, cry or otherwise emotionally begrudge the pet for what it's done, as if the pet had real knowledge of good and evil. Dealing with the mess is to be expected when you have an animal in the home, and reacting emotionally to it instead of logically will only hurt you. Similarly, this is how you must treat people who have no working knowledge of virtue. Their view of the world is so twisted that it allows them to say and do horrible things without regret. You don't have the power to change that. What you do have the power to do is to change how you react to them. In most cases, these people are slaves to their passions -- greed, envy, attention from other people, etc. -- and are simply reacting to those drives the way that a lab rat reacts to stimuli.

 

There are two ways to help deal with a situation like this. The first is to try to look at it in a humorous light. Self-depreciation is a great way for you to fully realize how ridiculous these characterizations really are, and if you react to someone with humor it puts a damper on them because it makes them realize that you do not take them seriously at all. If someone says, "I can't decide whether you are stupid or just plain crazy," then you might reply, "Why can't I be both?" or "When you figure it out, let me know! People pay big money for that information."

 

The second way is to simply ignore the behavior. Again, this will frustrate your ex because he can't get a rise out of you and you aren't giving him the attention he is craving. You should try to ignore it completely -- not just in your dealings with him, but like Peela said, you should make a conscious effort to engage in activities that are relaxing and fun. Distraction is a great way to keep swimming through life without letting your brain obsess or pick apart other people's behavior. For every email that he sends with the intent to somehow get to you or harm you, have a list of fun things from which you can choose to do that day. In a way, someone saying something nasty can be welcomed because that means that today, you get to do something awesome that is outside of your normal routine. If you find your thoughts creeping back to what was said, take a deep breath and remind yourself that no one has the power over you to upset your sense of self, unless you relinquish that power to them first.

 

Sorry for the soap box. I just wanted to share some of the techniques that have worked for me. :)

Edited November 24, 2010 by Skadi

[Wheres Toto]

I have the same problem with my ex. Unfortunately email is the main way we communicate about our dd and since we have joint physical custody, we communicate a lot. I like to have everything in writing because he has a tendency to "forget" what we agreed to. :glare: I also will not change the email I have had for almost 15 years because of him.

 

Mainly when this happens, I write a bunch of possible emails back starting from exactly what I want to say and ending up with something that is acceptable. Chocolate and a nice cup of tea also help. :)

Edited November 24, 2010 by dottieanna29

[silliness7]

I try really hard not to take it out on the kids. But I still find it hard to function normally...that is to be with them and do schoolwork, etc. So I will either take a nap or surf the internet. That usually can reboot my mood. I have tried long walks or shutting myself up in my laundry room and washing, washing, washing...but too much time alone with my thoughts makes it worse. :glare: