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Frustrated with ds!!


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WARNING I AM RANTING:

I need some guidance/advice/ ANYTHING!! DS has been homeschooled with his older DD and my moms foster kids since the beginning of time. They went to "real" school for the first time last year and I was grossly unimpressed so I brought them home. It was mainly my mom doing the schooling since we had a big group of kids (greater than 30 in all). Anyways, I was usually assigned the older kids and she the older kids. I was married for the most part at the time and it didn't seem like to much to do it my own this year. Boy was i wrong!! DS has been rebelling so much on the one hand but wants me to sit next to him the rest of the time. i don't get it. DD really likes this. it seems like she is really thriving being home and doing things on her own time. but everything seems like it is a fight with him and to make it worse i have always felt like my mom is trying to "take" my kids affection from me for what ever reason and it seems like it has worked! he just keeps asking to go Nannies (my mom) because a. she is boring, b. she is hard c. what ever he comes up with that day. but i can guarantee you both are learning more from me than ever before especially since even when she was the primary educator I PUT TOGETHER THE CURRICULUM. I know what he is capable of and it is frustrating me to no end. partly because i am now single and tired all of the time and i don't have time for him to give me all this trouble but also because i feel exasperated. i really love homeschooling but i get so mad at him for example today he insisted on asking for help on just about EVERY math question. mind you it was a review of stuff he has never had a problem with and finally i was just like I AM NOT GOING TO THINK FOR YOU. and it took him about 2.5 hours to finish math. we didn't even really get to any other subject he took so much time with out back and forth. on the other hand if i sit right next to him he is pretty much fine. but i dont' have time for that. sometimes i just need to sleep while they work.

 

sorry this is so long. i just want to make this the best experience for them and i want them to love homeschooling. i hid in my bathroom for like 20 minutes trying to regroup. i dont' know what to do. please help.

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Well, his life has been quite disrupted, and he's 8. Under the circumstances, I think it's pretty normal for him to have forgotten everything he's ever learned (annoying as that is) and he probably does need you to sit with him to do his maths until he recovers.

 

BTW, you might consider keeping some medicinal chocolate in your bathroom.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

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Both of you have had to endure many changes in the past year.

 

I would make it a priority to spend that time sitting with him now~help him get through his work quickly~then rest.

He will be hitting his middle school years before you know it, and trust me on this...you want to tie those heart strings now.

 

Try not to focus on whether you think he needs you next to him, but focus on the fact he wants you next to him.

 

Sorry :grouphug:. You sound tired.

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Try not to focus on whether you think he needs you next to him, but focus on the fact he wants you next to him.

This.

 

It seems like you're getting angry because you think he's being manipulative by "pretending" to need help with math, when you think he doesn't. Whether he "really" needs help with math, or just needs time with his mom, he still needs it. You guys have been through a lot, and he may need the security of being with you. Maybe the reason he's asking to go to Nannie's, is because he feels you're mad at him? Or he's having trouble adjusting to all the changes?

 

I know you're tired and you'd rather sleep while they're working, but can you nap later, after school work is finished? Honestly, I don't think it's reasonable to expect an 8 yo to do his school work alone without someone there with him, and I especially don't see how you can expect him to "love homeschooling" if he has to do it alone.

 

:grouphug:

Jackie

Edited by Corraleno
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It sounds like things are pretty tough for all of you right now. :grouphug:

 

It does sound like your DS needs you right now. Whether it is because he needs you for math or not, it sounds like he at least needs to know that his mom is there to help him no matter what he needs. I am sure it is exhausting, but he may have concerns that he cannot express about whether you will leave too. Kids can view things so differently than adults, but can't always express them so they act out in ways that get them attention (good or bad). Is there anyone who can give you a much needed recharge/break during non-schooling hours so that you can be refreshed for HSing so that you can all enjoy it? It is tough to balance our children's needs and our own, esp. during a time of change and upheaval. I hope that you can find some help and support so that you can find a balance that meets both your and your DS's needs.

 

Also, maybe just some relaxed time spent together may help too. If you are able to do some fun things together and he has your undivided attention at other times, maybe he will be more cooperative during school time. That has worked for us here sometimes. Best of luck.

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WOW!:bigear: Thank you all so much. There are so many good points I would like to "quote" because I agree with it and had not thought of it my whole post would be one big reiteration of what you guys said. I need to thank you for your perspective I had not considered maybe he just needs/wants me there. What harm am I doing just sitting next to him and helping him?( I gotta tell you, I feel really selfish now:blushing: ) My DD is not like this at all which is probably why I had not even thought of this just being his way to learn. Maybe I am pushing him too hard or expecting him to act like his sister when he is not her and they are two different people. I tell you what tho I will make more of an effort to schedule more fun non-pressure activities to do together. Now that I think of it he loves it when I read to him, we usually do it before bed but maybe we could work into into the day so that we have more time. Gosh, I just hadn't considered any of what you guys said. REALLY I am extremely grateful for the input I felt like i was :banghead:

Silly as this sounds I feel like I am ready for tomorrows day of HS'ing because it won't be more self-induced stress!

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  • 2 weeks later...

So I started adding "story time" for about 45 minutes where DS just sits on my lap and I read to him in addition to me reading to him before bed. we have really focused more on FLL which is really interactive. I have come home from work and watch t.v. with them, played card games and computer games and generally spent more "free" time with him. Things seem less tense but we still bump heads during math and I am wondering if it is not a good fit. He understands the work I think he gets tired out from it easily if that makes sense. Just about every word problem from his Review he literally said "I don't know what to do!". I looked at it read it for him and asked "papa, what do you think you should do?" at which point he was right with his guess could explain why and answered the question correctly. we are using singapore math btw. I notice he understands better if he reads questions out loud to himself. do you think it is an issue of the wrong math book? maybe that is why he is acting out...

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Don't feel selfish -- we've all been in the same boat, and it sounds like you've had a lot of stress, pressure, and change to deal with, so please don't beat yourself up over feeling like you need some rest (and maybe a few minutes to yourself every now and then!)

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

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