Dilemma

[vlgimmelli]

Hello,

 

My son is having a hard time listening at home, he is 11 years old. My husband was always supportive for homeschooling him, but now because he is talking back more and not wanting to listen at home, he is thinking that it is best to put him back in school. It is breaking my heart, because I feel that God wants me to homeschool my children. I am in such a dilemma. My son is upset and doesn't want to go to public school or private school, but my husband feels since he is unable to listen at home and talks back to us, he can't do it at school and therefore it would be better. My husband tells me that he feels this way because he feels it gives me a break, yet I tell him that I would like to continue homeschooling. All I do is pray for God's direction, a word from God and help with my son listening at home and to stop talking back to us. I don't know if there is any book that would address this problem even if the child is older (11) and can help me help him. Please pray for me.

Thanks and blessings,

Lilly

:confused:

[texasmama]

"Age of Opportunity" is a good book to read about this stage of parenting.

 

As an aside, my oldest child has not ever been hs'ed - she has always attended private school. The issues you describe are more developmental than related to hs'ing, in my experience.

[vlgimmelli]

Hi TexasMama,

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I will look into that book Age of Opportunity. You homeschool your other kids, why did you not homeschool your oldest? Was there a particular reason? And why do you homeschool your other children? Just wondering?

Thanks

Lilly

[vlgimmelli]

Hi Christina,

 

Thanks for the info. I will look into the forum for Logic Stage info. I am sure that this is typical at this age, but still my husband has had enough and isnt very happy. Again, I am looking to see how I can make things better and show my husband that homeschool will be better and taking him to a school will not change the behavior he is having right now.

Thanks

Lilly

[texasmama]

Hi TexasMama,

 

Thanks for your thoughts. I will look into that book Age of Opportunity. You homeschool your other kids, why did you not homeschool your oldest? Was there a particular reason? And why do you homeschool your other children? Just wondering?

Thanks

Lilly

 

She is from my first marriage, and she splits her time between her father's house and mine so homeschooling wasn't an option for her.

 

I homeschool my youngest three for a variety of reasons, including the fact that we are in a very poorly performing school district, the cost of private school, one of my children has a learning disability, etc.

[vlgimmelli]

Hi TexasMama,

 

I am homeschooling my two children for similar reasons, Where I live I do not the school system and how they teach and the type of children in the school, the cost of private school and my son has also a learning disability. My son is very quiet and just wants to make friends and play with other kids and because my son was pulled out for different types of therapies(speech, O/T) they made fun of him and bullied him. He went to public school until the end of 4th grade and finally with a lot of prayer I pulled him out. Thanks for your thoughts.

Lilly

[vlgimmelli]

P.S. I have a 5 year old daughter too, what are you using in teaching your 5 year old to read? Just wondering.

Thanks

[texasmama]

P.S. I have a 5 year old daughter too, what are you using in teaching your 5 year old to read? Just wondering.

Thanks

 

I am using a combination of Bob books and "Teach your child to read in 100 EZ lessons", which seems to be working fine for her.:001_smile:

 

My 4th grader also receives OT and speech therapy. He receives it as a homeschooled student at this point.:001_smile:

[Rosie_0801]

Your hubby should ask his mum how he behaved when he was 11.

 

If I recall correctly, my brother argued until he was red in the face that the street directory was wrong. But who am I to talk? Apparently I did the same thing.

 

;)

Rosie

[Corraleno]

... my husband feels since he is unable to listen at home and talks back to us, he can't do it at school and therefore it would be better.

Your husband's belief that kids never talk back or refuse to listen in PS is quite unfounded, IME. If he's thinking in terms of what PS was like when he was a kid, you can tell him that things have changed. The amount of disrespect and back-talk in some PS classrooms is unbelievable. Your son's behavior is likely to get worse, rather than better, because not only will he have the example of his peers, but he'll probably also have a lot of anger and hurt from being bullied and he'll be even more inclined to act out.

 

If your son really doesn't want to go back to PS, can you talk to him about what changes would be necessary in order for him to stay at home? If you make it a joint project, to come up with a system for homeschooling that you both agree to (as well as your DH), things may go smoother for everyone. Is there any particular area that seems to cause the most trouble? Does he hate math, or object to a lot of writing, or things he considers "busy work"? Giving him some input may go a long way towards quashing the rebellion.

 

Jackie

[Impish]

Diva is 12.

 

We figure, and have had family agree, that it would be 10000000x worse if she were in school.

[Tarreymere]

It is very typical of the age and in my experience will only be encouraged in the atmosphere of public school where he would be surrounded by a number of boys at the same developmental stage. Boys of this age are rude and obnoxious and mouthy and seem to egg each other on, even in the classroom and certainly in the hallways and locker rooms.

This is only the beginning of a number of behavioral and personality changes that will occur over the next several years as your son enters adolescence and it is perfectly normal. All of the reasons that you had to begin homeschool are still valid and enrolling your son in public school won't 'cure' him of growing up :)

Just as you have to parent a toddler differenly from an infant, now you have to parent a preteen differently than a younger child. Two year olds have temper tantrums and eleven year old kids start to back-talk and be disrespectful. Personally, with my experience of having preteens and teens in public school, I think that they behave much worse and are much more difficult to deal with than homeschooled teens, probably because at school they have a lot of peer support for their behaviors.

I would advise that you and your husband decide together how to react to your son's behavior and that you present a united and consistent front when dealing with it.

[Parrothead]

Hello,

 

... but now because he is talking back more and not wanting to listen at home, he is thinking that it is best to put him back in school.

 

... but my husband feels since he is unable to listen at home and talks back to us, he can't do it at school and therefore it would be better.

Talk about giving up on a kid. Does your husband not realize the message he is sending to his son?

 

Sending your boy to school because he does not listen is not the answer. Why is your husband willing to abdicate his responsibility to teach, correct, and dole out appropriate consequences for your son's behavior?

 

What do you do when your boy does not listen? You need to have appropriate consequences in place for each and every inappropriate behavior.

 

How hard is is to walk away when he talks back? He can talk back to the wall all he wants. Nothing says you have to listen to it or respond in any way. Don't hand him the power. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Expect school and chores to be done. Expect a peaceful household. If your ds does not follow the rules then hand out the consequences.

 

Here are some ideas:

 

 

• Scrubbing out the trash cans

• Scrubbing down the bathroom

• Loosing electronics privileges

• No desert

• Bread and water for dinner one night every once in a while never hurt anyone

• Washing dishes

• Cleaning out the 'fridge

• Laundry

• Writing lines

• Grounding/restriction

• Send him to his room

• Have him sit quietly on the sofa doing nothing - the tweenie version of time-out

 

If you husband likes the school model so much, point out that you are the teacher and he is the principal. No student really wants to be sent to the principal's office. The whole sitting quietly on the sofa for 30 minutes before dad comes home to dole out consequences is a great way to mold character.