Advice for dealing with mean girls when it is your own daughter

[Jmac]

My daughter is now six and I am pretty sure I just witnessed her first "mean girl" moment (not sure what else to call it). Here is a little backstory. I babysit a one year old that I have kept since she was five weeks old. Well her older sister, a first grader, is out of school this week so her parents asked if I could also keep her. She has two older step sisters and is just more advanced that my kids I think. We don't have tv and she watches all the tween and teen shows with her sisters, that sort of thing. And she is much more concerned about being cool. Well they were playing in the backyard and our next door neighbors daughter (who is homeschooled and has very much the same background and morals we do) asked if she could come over. I gave my permission and while she went in to ask her mother, the child I am babysitting told my daughter that she didn't want the other girl to come over because she would steal my daughters attention away from her. Thankfully I overheard and explained that once an invitation was sent like that, it would be incrediably rude to take it back. I told them the little girl could come over and they would all have fun together. Then I went to my bedroom to get further advice from my husband when I heard the front door slam. I tell you I don't think I have ever moved so fast. When I made it to the front yard, I heard my daughter and the girl I am babysitting tell the neighbor girl that they didn't want her to come over. My neighbors daughter is just all things sugary sweet and it just broke my heart to think that my child hurt her feelings like that. I informed our neighbors daughter that I was so sorry she couldn't come over and play but the girls were no longer allowed to have a visitor since they went out in the front yard without permission. I then sat the girls on the couch while I calmed down and thought about what to say. Then we talked about the bad manners of taking back an invitation, the safety of running out the front door without permission and how the girls would feel if the situation was reversed and they were invited to a playdate and then told they weren't wanted.

 

Anywho I know these situations are inevitable and teaching moments but I would like to continue discussions about the situation hopefully tonight with just me and my daughter so if any one has any advice about what you did in similar situations I would greatly appreciate it.

 

And if you made it all the way through my obviously still fresh story thank you so much.

[Sophia]

I think you handled it well.

 

I would definitely continue talking to your dd about what your family rules are about how you treat other people.

Remind her that different families have different rules, and in your family, you honor invitations and are a polite hostess.

 

Help her understand if other friends come over who don't have the same rules, as the hostess, she can gently inform them 'That's not the way we do things here" enlisting your help as necessary.

[Jmac]

Thank you Sophia, that is exactly the kind of advice I need. I want to be able to give her the tools she needs to handle situations like that. We could role play some situations and she can act out how she should respond!