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Those of you with 3 children or all girls, or heck anyone with kids at all


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My girls are making me nuts!!! They fuss and fight so much!! They yell and cry and whine and scream. Sometimes they get physical with it too. And it's usually the oldest fighting with the middle or the middle fighting with the youngest. Both the older two dote on the youngest, most of the time. The oldest never fights with the youngest.

 

If one of them is gone, the other two get along great. It's so weird. I keep telling Patrick we should have had another one to even it out. LOL!

 

Is this normal???? I try to just let them work it out on their own, but we have a small house, and I am sick of hearing it so much. It makes me want to :willy_nilly::smash::cursing::leaving:

 

ETA: I have younger brothers, so this sister thing is very foreign. I do have a step-sister, but we didn't grow up together.

Edited by Nakia
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Yes, this is normal. The saying "two's company and three's a crowd" is often true. My 2 younger sisters would always pair off in different configurations when we were growing up, and be mean to the odd one out. We all get along pretty well now, though. I am sure we drove my mother nuts, but we all survived. It will get better. :):grouphug:

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I grew up with 2 younger sisters, and what you described sounds a lot like my childhood! Not that it makes it any easier, but it sounds perfectly normal. My middle sister and I were perfectly fine until our younger sister came along. I think it was due to the unbalance on which another poster remarked. Girls are full of drama, so there will always be something for them to argue about. :)

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Yeah, it comes and goes in waves around here.

 

Oldest dd is usually out of the mix. Only ds is in it somewhat - middle dd is the "swing vote". If she's getting along with dd10, then my son feels left out. If she's getting along with my son, then dd10 feels left out.

 

THEN - when the middle two girls are getting along, the youngest feels left out. If the youngest two are playing, then dd11 is cranky.

 

To quote someone semi-famous:

 

"Why can't they just all get along?"

 

It's not horrible - often, they do get along. Very well. We remind them that they are a team, that they're on each others' sides, to treat each other with grace. It does get better as they get older, Nakia, really.

 

We remind them that it's good practice for marriage, and remind them to "serve one another in love". And we try - try - to model grace in our parenting. It's hard. It's family dynamics. A lot of humor, some patience. . . . . . and maybe a Mike's ;)

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:grouphug: Yes, it's normal...not fun but normal. Three people of any age form a triangle, which is a very hard configuration. Our three youngest kids are almost the same ages, but my older two of the three are boys and are buddies. They tolerate their little sister and have learned to include her in their play, but she also plays alone pretty well. (My 7 year old is about to turn 8 so my boys are really only two years apart, with the youngest almost three years younger than child #3.)

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Thanks everyone. I just keep telling them that they are so blessed to have each other, to try to speak to each other kindly, and to treat each other how they would want to be treated. They are really good girls, but the bickering and fussing...ARGH! And of course, the more stressed I am, the more they fight and the less tolerant I am.

 

I have read Siblings Without Rivalry. It had a lot of good information in it. I implemented a lot of the suggestions. I just sometimes think "siblings without rivalry" is kind of an oxymoron. :lol:

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"normal" here too, although I hate it. We've got interesting dynamics with two girls, a little gap, and two more girls. At least for the most part they all dote on their little brother, *that* they can agree on. I think my oldest two are the worst - bad combination of dyslexic/free thinker/bossy with regimented/poor-communicator. They are always :boxing_smiley:

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I have 3 girls, and I often wish we'd had another one so the youngest one would have a playmate.

 

Now that they're older, they don't bicker as much as they used to. But a few years ago, one of the most effective things I did was to make the two older ones sit on the bed with their noses touching. Within a few minutes, they were giggling and getting along.

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Sounds normal to me. I'm one of 3 bio sisters (sisters are 2 1/2 yrs younger than me), our family was better balanced when we had at least one foster sister added into the mix. It made for somewhat less fighting. With us, the fighting could go any direction, but was most often either the twins vs. me or the twins fighting with each other.

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I have 3 kids. 2 older boys and the youngest is a girl.

 

They FIGHT a lot!!! I agree with the comment "three's a crowd".

 

 

I firmly believe if we had more than 3 it wouldn't be this bad.

So have another one if you can...I can't...I am not young anymore and I only have one workable tube.

 

Holly

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I have 3 daughters and 1 son...and yes, we are living in a 1000 square foot house (maybe slightly larger). And, it is horrible. I tell people that it's like living in a big hotel room with 6 people. We're saving up for our down payment now and are starting to look for a good area to buy a house next year - and the house will be bigger, darn-its...:glare:

 

I have no suggestions, just wanted to tell you that you're not alone...lol! (no pun intended) :tongue_smilie:

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My children were born in "sets" of two each. All children both fought and got along best with the child that was in their set (closest in age). Some days they hated each other's guts and then other days they were best friends and there is no figuring out what kind of day you are going to get. The fighting gets progressively worse through puberty until about age 15 when it seems to pretty much stop and then they are mostly friends. Sometimes things change up a bit. My 17 year old is currently living with my 25 year old which seems to have made them closer than they ever have been. Of course, there are quirks based on personalities and hormones. Living in a house full of post pubescent girls while going through menopause has got to be one of life's more um, challenging situations. ;)

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I'm the oldest of 3 girls, and it sounds perfectly normal to me. :grouphug:

 

Even with 4 at home (girls in the middle, boys on either end), it seems to go the same way, whether it's the 12, 8, and 7yos together or the 8, 7, and 3yos together. Maybe not quite as intense as my sisters and I were, but plenty frustrating and annoying!

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Thanks everyone. I just keep telling them that they are so blessed to have each other, to try to speak to each other kindly, and to treat each other how they would want to be treated. They are really good girls, but the bickering and fussing...ARGH! And of course, the more stressed I am, the more they fight and the less tolerant I am.

 

 

Just keep on keepin' on, Nakia. You're doing fine, and it's all normal.

 

Sometimes I give my kids - and myself - hope. When they're not getting along, I'll say, "You know, you won't always fight like this. When you grow up, you're going to be good friends. . . ." and then we'll get silly about who will babysit the other's kids, and going on vacations with their husbands. . .

 

and then they start saying, "Mom! When I'm 32, and sister is 30, how old will you be?" :glare: Then the game stops. :D

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I have five girls and my oldest two are total opposites. Sometimes they get along great, but sometimes they fight. When one of them is gone, the other will play very nicely with the younger girls. Sometimes all five will play nicely together.

 

It is quite variable. :)

 

I have one sister and four brothers. My sister and I didn't fight much because it was us against them. :tongue_smilie: I do worry a bit about the unevenness of having five instead of six, but dh has reached his max limit, which means I have, too.

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It's hard. It's family dynamics. A lot of humor, some patience. . . . . . and maybe a Mike's ;)

 

Oh Heather! I have five daughters and I love this!!! Generally, my girls get along. However, the three youngest (9,8, almost 7) seem to be going through a rocky stage. Any combination of two is lovely. Add the third and...not quite as nice. My 11 and 17 yr old are very close and almost never argue. They have a very sweet relationship. Will it get better? Hmm...I have two sisters (no brothers) and it has gotten better with one and...worse with the other. LOL!

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I have five girls, and it is absolutely normal. Now that my older two and grown and no longer living at home, they are absolutely the best of friends. I am so pleased at the strong relationship they have. My sister and I rarely fought, and today we really have no relationship whatsoever. So maybe the squabbling leads to a lifelong friendship between siblings?

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If one of them is gone, the other two get along great. It's so weird. I keep telling Patrick we should have had another one to even it out. LOL!

 

Go ahead and have another one! I have 3 girls and then a boy, so even if you end up with a boy, they do get along better than when just 3 of them are home. They still argue, but each child has someone of their "own" to play with at all times. They don't always pair up the same either, which if fun for a mommy to watch. Somedays it's the youngest two, sometimes, the middle dd with ds. Not as often, but still happens oldest dd will play with ds - particularly when he's wanting to build a city out of blocks or whatever.

 

I say - have another one, posthaste! :D

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I didn't read all the answers and our family dynamics are somewhat different but same problem. For me it's the two boys fighting (and playing) together all the time. They pretty much both love the baby sister and have a different relationship with her. She is the total princess of the house despite any efforts we make to not have it be that way. :)

 

We have a new rule. You fight...you clean. It works great. Sometimes all I have to say is "Are you fighting?" and it stops because they dont' to do extra chores.

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Oh my gosh, that sounds like our house! I have three and my step-son lives with us too (oh and I'm pregnant with number 4 to boot!). As I type there is a confrontation and there was another one while I was TRYING to shower earlier. I'm trying to get them outside to play in the snow but they're complaining that there's hardly any snow. Argh!!

 

I was an only child so this all drives me bonkers and I find it difficult to deal with at best. I *do* have Siblings Without Rivialry (sp?). So, I may have to take it off the shelf and re-read it after reading it many years ago. Obviously, I've forgotten what it says lol...

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Our triangle of conflict comes from dc's #2 (middle boy), #3 (middle boy), and #4 (oldest girl).

 

They drive me absolutely nuts!! I wish that my oldest girl would remove herself and engage her little sister who is 2 years younger. My oldest girl is also 2 years younger than her closest brother. So I do not think age is a contributing factor here. She has some crazy driving desire to play with the big boys and my middle girl spends most of her time shadowing me, playing by herself, or mothering the babies.

 

My oldest son used to be part of the triangle of conflict when he was younger and it was the 3 boys. But he ougrew it? He's officially a loner.

 

Sibling dynamics are just plain baffling. :glare:

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"Peaceful parents, peaceful kids" by naomi drew transformed me, my kids, our family, our life....

 

we have four dd. it is no longer normal for our kids to fight, and when they do, they "fight fair". they have disagreements, but they have a great set of skills for dealing with feelings and events.

 

i can't recommend it highly enough.

 

blessings,

ann

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After growing up in a family of 3 (and being the middle child), I promised myself I would never stop at 3 kids. Even numbers only! :lol:

 

I'm expecting number three in about two months, and this pregnancy has been kind of sucky. Every so often I think "I'm DONE!"...then I remember my childhood and am re-inspired to go for 4. :tongue_smilie:

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My small girl bite her tongue and bled yesterday from rough housing. She climbs and jumps off of ANYTHING.

 

 

I also have one of these (the 5 yro). It is absolutely terrifying. This one also used to sprint towards any and all vehicular traffic. :svengo:

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