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If your love language/talent is definitely not gift giving. . .


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how do you get through the stressful holiday season? How do you find gifts for people who never tell you exactly what they want? Or if they do, how do you get past the price tag? They don't seem to worry about the price but I pay the bills. I know how tight it is to pay the necessary stuff. I don't want to be cheap but yet, I don't know how not to be. . . Birthdays and Christmas end up being so stressful for me.

 

I need to buy stuff for dh, ds13 and dd8. Dd8 is the only easy one because she loves absolutely everything girlie. For the others, I somehow end up resenting the stress of "having" to buy them stuff. Somehow that doesn't seem to reflect the true spirit of giving.

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Oh, Jean, you are my twin. This is exactly how I feel. If I had a bazillion dollars, maybe I would feel differently, but I have always felt so stressed by trying to choose the "right" present. I limp through every Christmas like this. Sorry that I have no advice, just commiseration.:grouphug:

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bah humbug...I'll join the club too.

 

:iagree:When I was a broke student, I hid in the barn for holidays. Now that I can afford to get things, honestly, I give books. Someone, someday, somewhere, might be so bored they actually read one.

 

I looooooooved getting presents for my mother. I just knew what she'd like (a stuffed hedgehog, a lovely wooden candleholder for the mantel, an Edwardian silverplate toast rack to serve as a mail holder), but without that intimacy, I am not happy shopping.

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Count me in!!!

I hate buying anything gifty for anyone. I asked dh today what he wanted for Christmas. He said a warm winter hat. That sounds easy enough, right? But I can't even buy myself a hat or shirt without having to spend a long time in a store because I even don't know what I want.

I will try to buy a hat for him. If I am really stuck, I will ask mil to do it. She is really good at shopping.

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I love to give gifts! I tend to watch and listen carefully year round to their conversation or tell-tale signs they like something. I try to learn their fave things and not give away why I am nosy. I love to browse and look for the right gift for them. But I don't wait 'til Christmas -- I often buy the gifts year round. I used to wrap up the present really fancy with lots of ribbon and bows -- but now, forget it. ;)

 

I love to make something for someone via quilting or knitting. (That is if they are appreciative of items handmade. I've learned not to give away handmade crafts if the person doesn't use it or appreciate it. LOL) I used to sew tons of stuff too. I'd make gift jars of homemade jam or bread to those who loved my cooking too. It just depends on the person. I do not go overboard and spend tons of money. I have a budget and stick to it. But our family is small and we give each other tons of gifts.

 

Often, I'll see something early on in the year and buy it just for them for Christmas. FIL, SIL, son and hubby get gifts like that from me from time to time. MIL is very difficult to shop for as she is not sentimental over stuff -- and is very practical. She ends up giving me a LIST of what she wants each year (which defeats the whole purpose of giving. LOL). It used to drive me up the wall. But now that she is going thru her bout of cancer, I am thrilled she is around to celebrate one more Christmas with us.

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I feel your pain. This is probably too late to help this year, but I have started keeping what I call a Kringle list. Anytime I get an "Aha!" insight into what would please one of my kids or dh for Christmas, I write it on the list. As Christmas approaches, I can look over the list and decide what to make/purchase.

 

Nothing zaps my holiday cheer like obligatory gift giving to people who don't need a darn thing. I'd much rather spend quality time together and direct my funds to areas where they can make a real difference for someone. I also do not like to receive obligatory, purchased-under-pressure gifts. Guess my love language is showing, aye?

 

It helps to remember that for at least two of my kids, gifting is their primary love language, so it does matter to them.

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I love selecting gifts for people. I don't get stressed out about that. I observe them and listen to them. From that, I can figure out what I think they would enjoy or what they need (can be the same thing).

 

The other main thing I do is become familiar with categories of products that are for sale. When the kids were young, I knew about every single toy available for sale in the U.S., England, France, and Germany, from the present day stretching about 50 years back. To gain that knowledge, I hunted down websites and read books on the subject. I sent for catalogs. I found people to translate for me. I love toys. From that vast store of knowledge, plus having carefully observed and listened to my kids all year, it was easy and fun to select high quality presents for them. Of course, they made lists and they got what they most wanted from the lists, too.

 

To increase my children's enjoyment of their Christmas presents, I took everything out of the packaging before I wrapped it, adding batteries if necessary. I told them that Santa didn't wrap shared toys. This gave me the ability to set the scene around the tree. I had such fun setting up dollhouses and playsets on Christmas Eve. Everything was ready to be played with.

 

The kids outgrew toys, and that was a sad day. These past few years, I have become an expert on all things technical, video games already out and those coming out, all Red Sox merchandise available, teen girl fashions and products that my DD will like, and books in the kids' interest areas.

 

I don't just learn what products are available. I read reviews on everything, and I read message boards that teens participate in (mostly for gamers). I follow a lot of rabbit trails.

 

Yesterday, I bought 2 books about Connie Mack, one by the great man himself (with a co-author). DS3 and I were having a long discussion about the great people in baseball, and he told me a lot about Mr. Mack. I asked him if he had any books about him, and he did not. Voila! I slipped that question into the discussion, and DS3 has no clue that he had just given me an idea about something to get him for Christmas. Since I love reading baseball autobiographies and biographies, DS3 thought I wanted to borrow a book.

 

DS1 is mechanically oriented and likes to play WOW. A gaming mouse is a great idea for a gift for him -- the more complex, the better. A better idea is one I am researching now. I can find out (maybe -- no luck yet) how he can build his own complicated gaming mouse (17 buttons) and get him all the parts and tools needed.

 

DS1 has no idea that I know gaming mice exist. That's what will make it a delightful surprise for him.

 

This all takes a lot of time, because of the vast level of research I do. It's all worth it to me. My kids are glad because I often find products or books that they would never have thought of because they didn't know about them.

 

DH is easy. I know what he likes -- LL Bean slippers and Russian fur hats and fur-lined deerskin gloves. When he needs new ones of these, that's a no-brainer.

 

He is also a voracious reader. I know what kind of books he likes and I go on treasure hunts at Amazon and Amazon UK. Many times I have discovered books he loves just by following the rabbit trails and reading zillions of reviews. Gift card to the only bookstore in town.

 

Other than that, I have made it a habit to observe him to see what would make his life easier. He loves milkshakes, so twice in 21 years, I've bought him a milkshake machine (drink mixer). He has wonderful MacIntosh stereo equipment and he loves music. He hasn't set up his system since the boys began dripping their bottles onto the front of his speakers. So, he needs a stereo rack that will hold all 5 large components. Maybe he will get that this year. He could use a fridge at the office -- if he had ice for tea, he'd stop drinking Cokes all day and ruining his teeth and his waistline.

 

He plays racquetball. How about a case of cans of balls? New gym bag? Picky about shorts -- does he have enough? Socks? Shoes? New racquet?

 

Personal care. Shaving cream warmer? Nose hair cutter (for stocking). Manicure kit (Brooks Bros.) Gift cert to Brooks Bros.

 

Music. He still listens to CDs, by preference. Any new CDs out by his favorite artists. Any Cds he owns need to be replaced?

 

He works so hard, that some years I've made hotel reservations for him to go away for a few days by himself. It's his ideal situation: time to read, peace & quiet, no demands made on him, and fast food restaurants nearby. Hotwire makes that an inexpensive gift, relatively speaking. He likes Holiday Inn Express, and I've got it down to a science picking out one of those from Hotwire's selections.

 

What about a remote car starter so the car is heated when DH gets in it, and the frost or snow is already melted off the windows? I love that idea, and he sure would appreciate it twice a day all winter long.

 

I come up with so many ideas for everyone that I cannot possibly afford all of them. That's the hard part for me ... choosing which to give. Sometimes the product I want hasn't reached the stage at which I think it is worth buying -- an android tablet is an example of that. So I will wait for advances in technology before I buy one. Sometimes I get lucky, and I wait so long that the prices for what I want to buy actually come way down.

 

Oh, one more thing I do is make a list of categories for each person to which I add ideas. Example for DS1:

 

1. Mechanical; likes to build things

2. High tech stuff

3. Books about physics, medicine, especially the brain, humor, foreign books in Spanish or German.

4. Comic books -- Dilbert, Far Side, yucky teen boy humor

5. Likes iPods and cameras and laptops and computers

6. Favorite color red

7. Outgrew blanket poncho he made by cutting a hole in the middle of a fleece throw. Red. Get a blanket or make one. He can cut the hole himself.

8. Video games. Zombies. Vampires. Wars. Popular teen guy games rated T or M. Gaming mouse. New Wow thing.

9. Music. iTunes gift card. iPod Touch (4th gen)

10. Posters. Einstein, Elvis, guitars

11. T-shirts, hoodies -- favorite bands -- look on their websites (ask bros or look at iTunes library for ideas)

12. Needs new desk chair.

13. Think Geek for neat ideas.

14. No matter what, do not buy boxer shorts I think are funny -- waste of $$, he won't wear them. (This goes on the list every year because I am sick of wasting money & have poor impulse control.)

15. Where does he go? Movies. Fast food places. Gift certificates.

16. Look for a gag gift. Last year, the bus driver played a country song everyone on the bus loved, during every bus ride. It was about a big green tractor. DS1 is a city boy and he *hated* that song. So we went to Walmart and spent $6 on a toy green tractor as a gift. It is in a place of honor in his room (not the trash can).

 

I make the same kind of list for everyone on my list, noting their particular preferences. For example, I know my Mom will not use anything, no matter how wonderful it is and how much she'd love it, if she has to read the manual that comes with it.

 

I keep all info I gather in a password protected file on my computer. I use the same unique password every year, so I don't forget it.

 

The downside: Come January, I am bored because my Christmas projects are over. In every category of celebrating Christmas, I have a scene to set in my head, like a movie. I want to evoke certain feelings and attitudes, and I work hard at making that happen. I love it! I don't start doing this until July 1.

Edited by RoughCollie
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I love selecting gifts for people. I observe them and listen to them. From that, I can figure out what I think they would enjoy or what they need (can be the same thing).

 

The other main thing I do is become familiar with categories of products that are for sale. When the kids were young, I knew about every single toy available for sale in the U.S., England, France, and Germany, from the present day stretching about 50 years back. To gain that knowledge, I hunted down websites and read books on the subject. I sent for catalogs. I found people to translate for me. I love toys. From that vast store of knowledge, plus having carefully observed and listened to my kids all year, it was easy and fun to select high quality presents for them. Of course, they made lists and they got what they most wanted from the lists, too.

 

 

 

Gift giving is obviously your love language and your talent. I look at all you do for gift giving and I think - could I do all that in less than an hour?:tongue_smilie: I can't imagine spending the time to do such research. I do however, want to do stuff for people - to do acts of service. I want to talk to them and tell them how much I love them - acts of affirmation. But despite the ideas of "coupon books" (which never seem to get redeemed by people) these kinds of love languages aren't really celebrated at birthdays/Christmas. I do see however how much my family enjoys getting gifts. And despite gift giving not being really my love language, I do appreciate receiving a good gift too. I will take notes from what you and others do who love to give gifts.

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I love to give gifts! I tend to watch and listen carefully year round to their conversation or tell-tale signs they like something. I try to learn their fave things and not give away why I am nosy. I love to browse and look for the right gift for them. But I don't wait 'til Christmas -- I often buy the gifts year round.

That's what I do, too. I keep a list on my laptop, and whenever I get an idea or someone mentions something they'd like to have, I immediately write it down. I also have a separate Wishlist on Amazon just for Christmas presents, so whenever I come across a book that I think DH or DS would like, or a toy for DD, or whatever, I put it in the wishlist and keep an eye on the price.

 

I also shop sales at Toys R Us, use Borders coupons (our Borders carries Lego, so whenever I get a 40% off coupon, I buy Lego and stash it away), watch the "Gold Box Deals" on Amazon, etc. I've gotten cool stuff on ebay too — one year I bought DS a HUGE box (like 15 lbs) of mixed Bionicle parts for about 20 bucks! I put together a bin of "girlie" lego for DD by buying several partial Belleville sets, and filling in with bulk bricks in pink and purple from Bricklink. I have a big (opaque!) Rubbermaid tub in my closet where I stash presents until Christmas — I've even been known to shop the after-Christmas sales and buy things for the following Christmas. :tongue_smilie: Two years ago I bought three $50 Struxx robot dinosaur kits for $15 each; I saved one for DS the following Christmas and used the other two as birthday presents for DS's two best friends.

 

I do think the key to avoiding the stress and pressure of Christmas shopping is to do it bit by bit over the course of the year, whenever you find something on sale that will make a great present. I'm pretty much done with Christmas shopping for DH and the kids, and I just need to pick up a couple more things for MIL and DH's uncle.

 

Jackie

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Gift giving is obviously your love language and your talent. I look at all you do for gift giving and I think - could I do all that in less than an hour?:tongue_smilie: I can't imagine spending the time to do such research.

 

Jean, I just love giving people gifts. I have ideas pop into my head all the time, including for people I don't even know IRL and/or don't exchange gifts with -- sometimes they are strangers in every respect. The frustration of not being able to get all those gifts for all those people is the downside.

 

So for me, it is not a chore. You'd croak if you saw the elaborate game plan I put into place for the Christmas season. I think Christmas is my hobby. It isn't all about gifts -- that's just one aspect; all are equally important. It is all about evoking responses in people: delight, warmth, feeling loved and loving, a sense of belonging. I don't do it alone, either -- the total experience is one to be shared all along the way.

 

Another plus is that I know what my kids are talking about, to their great surprise. DS2 started a conversation today about the Samsung Galaxy Tab. He was amazed that I knew all about it. We had a lengthy conversation about android tablets and the iPad. Just last night I spent a lot of time researching them, so the info was fresh in my mind, luckily.

 

I love surprising my kids. DS1 burst through the door the other day, asking me to take him to Wal-Mart to buy a game that had just come out. He had to have it. Some Black Ops war game. All the kids gathered excitedly, wanting me to take them to town NOW. So I told them to figure out how to pay for it, collected the money, and handed it over. It had just been delivered by Amazon a few hours earlier, and I had pre-ordered it. Now I have $60 more to spend for Christmas, plus I got a $20 credit from Amazon for pre-ordering it, which they added to the balance in my gift card account.

 

All I need is grandchildren and I'll be all set. Not yet, though. The kids are against having children while they are this young.

Edited by RoughCollie
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I do however, want to do stuff for people - to do acts of service. I want to talk to them and tell them how much I love them - acts of affirmation.

 

You know, some of my favorite gifts, to give and to get, are activities. :) Some ideas, gifts I've given:

 

A g.c. to the bookstore with a note that says, "Let's go together." (For my mom who also loves books.)

 

I found a two-for-one deal on pedicures at the fancy spa in town, so my sis is getting one for Christmas and I will go with her. One year, I gave my dd a g.c. for a manicure and we went to get our nails done together and then for lunch.

 

For her birthday present this year, I painted my dd's room while she was away. She came home to a grown-up room instead of the pink and purple and teal she'd chosen when she was 9.

 

My dh got me concert tickets last year, and this Christmas my boys will be getting tickets to a kids' music show and ice cream coupons.

 

When she was 7...6?...my dd and I went to a fancy tea the week after Christmas, as one of her Christmas gifts. I got her a fancy hat and told her she'd get the rest of the gift after Christmas. It turned into a post-Christmas tradition, tea with Mom.

 

I like to give stuff, especially when I find a great gift, but for me spending time together and doing something special with my people is my favorite. It seems more personal. (ETA: More personal to me. I like getting and giving gifts, but my "love language" is more along the lines of spending time together.)

 

Cat

Edited by myfunnybunch
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It isn't all about gifts -- that's just one aspect; all are equally important. It is all about evoking responses in people: delight, warmth, feeling loved and loving, a sense of belonging. I don't do it alone, either -- the total experience is one to be shared all along the way.

:iagree:It is wonderful to see the look of surprise or delight on their faces. I love to spoil and indulge people. But not merely by gifts or money. I love to serve and be there for them if they are ill, need a shoulder to cry on, or extra help. I just love making people feel special. It is very fun to give of your time and services. If you come by my house, the first thing out of my mouth is, "Have ya eaten? C'mon hon... let me get you something." :D

 

 

All I need is grandchildren and I'll be all set. Not yet, though. The kids are against having children while they are this young.

LOL -- Already I feel this way!!! My teen is years away from thinking about having a kid... but I'm already setting aside ds old toys for future grandkids coming to my house for playdates. Heheheee. ;)

 

ETA: Son loves gifts of quality time. Hubby is gifts of service and affirmations. Me? I'm quality time and gifts of service.

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I write things down throughout the year and hide my list in my dayminder. Every time someone mentions something or - should it ever happen - something pops into my head, I note it immediately or I would have no memory of anything come December. We have definitely a spending limit and this year it will be lower than the past few years but I really don't think that will dampen anyone's delight at Christmas...because it's Christmas.

 

I have gotten some very good ideas from this board. Every year there was a comprehensive list for stocking stuffers. Perhaps it's time again?

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I've been thinking about this all evening. I realized that gifts of service and quality time are really important to me. That's one reason I homeschool, in fact. I think that the gift of me teaching the kids is one of the best ways I can show my love for them. When they were little, this translated into physical gifts because pretty much any gift for a toddler/preschooler was educational in some way. So it felt like I was giving them a service by providing something to help them to grow and that I was providing them with my time because of course I would play with the toy along side of them. But now that they are older, the gifts just feel like more stuff! Stuff that they really don't need and that doesn't really improve their world. Of course they don't see it that way, though!

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But now that they are older, the gifts just feel like more stuff! Stuff that they really don't need and that doesn't really improve their world. Of course they don't see it that way, though!

 

I can really relate. It's not my love language either, thats for sure, and I also get stressed about it. I guess over the years I have refined the way I go about it, though.

We do a lot of 2nd hand shopping during the year...my kids are very savvy about what things are worth new versus 2nd hand, and they get a lot of presents, or buy things themselves, basically whenever they really want them and they or we find a bargain. But that does rather take the shine out of Christmas and birthdays and sometimes they really have to think hard to conjure up something they really want.

So...we now generally save up for one medium or largish present for them- often something electronic. And i might buy them an item or two of clothing and/or a book I know they will enjoy. It was easier when they were younger...now that they earn their own money as well...they have everything. And we really dont want to buy them ore stuff just for the sake of it.

As for other people...I really minimise who I buy for nowadays. My parents is about it....and I might make treats like fudge for my friends. I buy some friends b'day presents but not Christmas.

I do try and think of it throughout the year. I find the whole Christmas/b'day'mothers/fathers day obligatory gift giving very tedious...my mother isnt too bad but I get so frustrated buying for my dad. His wife is a gift giver- always sends us lots of presents....but I can not think what to get him, 3 times a year.

So...I muddle through and try not to add resentment to the energy of the gift I give. I am finding that shopping online takes the stress out of long distance giving but it can still take me hours to choose something.

I have been known to make lists well ahead of time. Still, I often don't feel I can really think of the perfect gift that I really feel happy about.

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how do you get through the stressful holiday season? How do you find gifts for people who never tell you exactly what they want? Or if they do, how do you get past the price tag? They don't seem to worry about the price but I pay the bills. I know how tight it is to pay the necessary stuff. I don't want to be cheap but yet, I don't know how not to be. . . Birthdays and Christmas end up being so stressful for me.

 

I need to buy stuff for dh, ds13 and dd8. Dd8 is the only easy one because she loves absolutely everything girlie. For the others, I somehow end up resenting the stress of "having" to buy them stuff. Somehow that doesn't seem to reflect the true spirit of giving.

 

Christmas is my most dreaded holiday. Even as a child I enjoyed other holidays more. I like giving gifts for my own children and even other people's children if I know them well. I love wrapping gifts and stuffing stockings. Other than stocking stuffers, I buy most of the gifts online. I do not like shopping in general, and crowded stores make the experience worse.

 

I dislike buying gifts for adults. All the adults I know have plenty. If they need something, they buy it. The things they want that are too expensive for them to buy, are too expensive for me to give as a gift. Occasionally someone will give me a short list of items. My husband tells me exactly what he would like, including the link to Amazon or other website.:) Most adults end up with a gift card, food, or both.

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I'm not a shopper. It was my dh who went with the teens to buy jeans at Old Navy this year.

 

I streamline as much as possible. I ask my kids to make a list. Dh & I look at that list and make the final decison, and he goes to the store if they cannot be had online. Each year I buy multiples of one thing. Last year, dh, father, nephew, stepfather, brother, & bil all got wind up flash lights from LLBean. One year, they all got Lands End towels with their names on it (in fact, that year, everyone got towels with their names on them. I made sure each family got the same colors). One call, one order. The towels were a LE special: each only $10. So, I am not insane.

 

Of course, this means that people getting the same gifts know to wait to open them at the same time. ;)

 

My kids wrap everything that is not theirs. That just leaves dh and me to wrap the kids' gifts.

 

I am not a fan of over-blown celebrations.

Edited by LibraryLover
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I do not like shopping in general, and crowded stores make the experience worse.

 

 

 

This is a huge part of it! I'm one of those people who like to have a list with exactly what I want on it down to the brand and size. I go in, ask the store clerk where it is, grab it and buy it. That's my ideal shopping experience.

 

Each year I buy multiples of one thing.

 

Yes! I do this for extended family. I don't think that my family appreciates it, but then I figure if they aren't really thankful anyway - why go to the bother to do more. Plus - as others have mentioned - they don't really need the stuff anyway!

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I think this all came to a head in my thinking because yesterday was my birthday. Honestly all I wanted was to be taken out to dinner. To me, that is the ultimate gift because it is something I share with my family (and I don't have to cook). The family got me some wonderful gifts. They were my Christmas list. One thing was something I need to provide better acts of service for my church. The other was something I need to provide better acts of service for the birds.:) But now I feel like I'm in a panic - Christmas is still coming up! They're going to expect me to want something else. But I don't need anything else!

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Honestly, we've mostly cut back on extended family gifts, one way and another, and I don't find it hard to shop for my kids and dh. I have a lot of siblings, most young and just getting started, and too much gifting would be a burden so we have a rotating schedule where we buy gifts for one family each year, but it's a different sibling/parent's family each year. Usually it's one gift for the whole family, like a game, or a stack of fun placemats or something. Also, my family tends to just be happy with whatever they get, which is nice. Dh has only one sibling, so we get a present for that family and dh's parents each year and call it good. Gift-giving on that side of the family used to be more extensive, but not only was dh disowned by both of his grandmothers when he married me, but a few years ago dh asked his aunts not to send us any more presents until they'd patched up some inter-family drama issues with his parents, so we no longer exchage gifts with them. And then one cousin suggested that we all just send cards because of the amount of "stuff" involved in holidays, and we said 'great idea' and now her sister is mad at her and us and we don't have to send presents there either. Frankly, I don't 'get' all the family dynamics on that side of the family tree, but it is nice to have the yearly influx of crystal candy dishes diminished. :glare:

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Yes! I do this for extended family. I don't think that my family appreciates it, but then I figure if they aren't really thankful anyway - why go to the bother to do more. Plus - as others have mentioned - they don't really need the stuff anyway!

 

I think it's now rather fun for my group. One will call out to warn the others they are about to unwrap. lol I try to make it fun, keep it to 'useful toys' for them.

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how do you get through the stressful holiday season? How do you find gifts for people who never tell you exactly what they want? Or if they do, how do you get past the price tag? They don't seem to worry about the price but I pay the bills. I know how tight it is to pay the necessary stuff. I don't want to be cheap but yet, I don't know how not to be. . . Birthdays and Christmas end up being so stressful for me.

 

I need to buy stuff for dh, ds13 and dd8. Dd8 is the only easy one because she loves absolutely everything girlie. For the others, I somehow end up resenting the stress of "having" to buy them stuff. Somehow that doesn't seem to reflect the true spirit of giving.

 

Jean, we should really hang out. If you will come shopping with me, I will choose all your gifts! I need a friend to spend time with and I LOVE getting gifts for people. LOVE IT!

 

Your 13 year old is old enough to get gift cards. If they want something that is too expensive, they can ask for gift cards from everyone and use them together. That's what we do for my nieces/nephews who want expensive things that we can't buy them.

 

Otherwise... what does he like to do? Is there a book on a favorite subject, or a new book in a series he likes? I love to give books. :D What about a magazine subscription? There is a pretty cool book on making paper airplanes with sticky notes which is what *I* would give to a 13 year old boy. Mind you, I don't have one of those, so mine might not be the best advice.

 

Does he *like* to receive gifts? Is the physical gift important? If it's not, gift cards are great. If he needs something to open, and he needs clothes, wrap up some clothes in boxes and then have a gift card in his stocking.

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But now I feel like I'm in a panic - Christmas is still coming up! They're going to expect me to want something else. But I don't need anything else!

 

I have this problem, too. I don't want things. I do want acts of service to me or experiences.

 

Ask for those -- and be firm, in case you have my problem: My family doesn't think acts of service are "good enough" gifts. I would love it if my family gave me one of those homemade coupon books for all sorts of things, like promising to go to the grocery store and exactly follow my list and use my coupons, or putting together the exercise bike my sister gave me last year (which has at least a million parts), or making me the cream puffs I love but won't make because they are fattening.

 

Shoot, a gift certificate to one of your favorite restaurants (large enough for the whole family, or maybe just you and your husband) would mean you don't have to cook, and you know a night will come along when you will need and appreciate that, especially if it isn't in the budget. That would cover the need for family members to spend money on a gift. I don't suggest that to my family because the only time I enjoy eating out is when I can get something I don't make at home. If I don't feel like cooking, I direct everyone to the bread and sandwich fixings.

 

Or think of what you enjoy doing, and if it costs something, ask for a gift certificate. You can get gift certificates for movies, plays, symphonies and other concerts, amusement parks, museums ... whatever has an entrance fee. How about a spa day? A massage? A haircut at a really great salon? A night or two at a hotel, sans kids and maybe even sans DH?

Edited by RoughCollie
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I just write a check. I don't resent the money. I resent the time stressing over what to buy, wading through stores, etc.

 

I send my sister, my mother, and my brother a check and tell them to buy whatever they want for the nieces, nephews, and spouses. I live 3,000+ miles away from all of them. I have no clue what any of them even LIKE much less what they already own or don't own. It used to stress me out so bad and then paying MORE money to ship it, just seemed crazy.

 

I send a check. They write me a thank you note letting me know what they bought with the money. Done deal.

 

I tell them not to send us anything and they usually comply.

 

My husband's side of the family doesn't exchange gifts at all which is heavenly.

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I do most of my shopping on-line. Books are easy and well received, as are a number of gift cards, flowers and specialty food gifts.

 

The on-line shopping has blessed me with a break from shopping, wrapping, packing, boxing, and then mailing to extended family.

 

Delegate...My my dd loves wrapping the gifts here at the house, and my ds will help if asked.

 

I'm willing to go out of my way not to stress during the winter. I've even gone so far as to refuse to drive up to the in-laws...They are welcome here, but would never consider driving during football season! LOL They really think I'm a stinker about this.;)

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I love selecting gifts for people. I don't get stressed out about that. I observe them and listen to them. From that, I can figure out what I think they would enjoy or what they need (can be the same thing).

 

The other main thing I do is become familiar with categories of products that are for sale. When the kids were young, I knew about every single toy available for sale in the U.S., England, France, and Germany, from the present day stretching about 50 years back. To gain that knowledge, I hunted down websites and read books on the subject. I sent for catalogs. I found people to translate for me. I love toys. From that vast store of knowledge, plus having carefully observed and listened to my kids all year, it was easy and fun to select high quality presents for them. Of course, they made lists and they got what they most wanted from the lists, too.

 

To increase my children's enjoyment of their Christmas presents, I took everything out of the packaging before I wrapped it, adding batteries if necessary. I told them that Santa didn't wrap shared toys. This gave me the ability to set the scene around the tree. I had such fun setting up dollhouses and playsets on Christmas Eve. Everything was ready to be played with.

 

The kids outgrew toys, and that was a sad day. These past few years, I have become an expert on all things technical, video games already out and those coming out, all Red Sox merchandise available, teen girl fashions and products that my DD will like, and books in the kids' interest areas.

 

I don't just learn what products are available. I read reviews on everything, and I read message boards that teens participate in (mostly for gamers). I follow a lot of rabbit trails.

 

Yesterday, I bought 2 books about Connie Mack, one by the great man himself (with a co-author). DS3 and I were having a long discussion about the great people in baseball, and he told me a lot about Mr. Mack. I asked him if he had any books about him, and he did not. Voila! I slipped that question into the discussion, and DS3 has no clue that he had just given me an idea about something to get him for Christmas. Since I love reading baseball autobiographies and biographies, DS3 thought I wanted to borrow a book.

 

DS1 is mechanically oriented and likes to play WOW. A gaming mouse is a great idea for a gift for him -- the more complex, the better. A better idea is one I am researching now. I can find out (maybe -- no luck yet) how he can build his own complicated gaming mouse (17 buttons) and get him all the parts and tools needed.

 

DS1 has no idea that I know gaming mice exist. That's what will make it a delightful surprise for him.

 

This all takes a lot of time, because of the vast level of research I do. It's all worth it to me. My kids are glad because I often find products or books that they would never have thought of because they didn't know about them.

 

DH is easy. I know what he likes -- LL Bean slippers and Russian fur hats and fur-lined deerskin gloves. When he needs new ones of these, that's a no-brainer.

 

He is also a voracious reader. I know what kind of books he likes and I go on treasure hunts at Amazon and Amazon UK. Many times I have discovered books he loves just by following the rabbit trails and reading zillions of reviews. Gift card to the only bookstore in town.

 

Other than that, I have made it a habit to observe him to see what would make his life easier. He loves milkshakes, so twice in 21 years, I've bought him a milkshake machine (drink mixer). He has wonderful MacIntosh stereo equipment and he loves music. He hasn't set up his system since the boys began dripping their bottles onto the front of his speakers. So, he needs a stereo rack that will hold all 5 large components. Maybe he will get that this year. He could use a fridge at the office -- if he had ice for tea, he'd stop drinking Cokes all day and ruining his teeth and his waistline.

 

He plays racquetball. How about a case of cans of balls? New gym bag? Picky about shorts -- does he have enough? Socks? Shoes? New racquet?

 

Personal care. Shaving cream warmer? Nose hair cutter (for stocking). Manicure kit (Brooks Bros.) Gift cert to Brooks Bros.

 

Music. He still listens to CDs, by preference. Any new CDs out by his favorite artists. Any Cds he owns need to be replaced?

 

He works so hard, that some years I've made hotel reservations for him to go away for a few days by himself. It's his ideal situation: time to read, peace & quiet, no demands made on him, and fast food restaurants nearby. Hotwire makes that an inexpensive gift, relatively speaking. He likes Holiday Inn Express, and I've got it down to a science picking out one of those from Hotwire's selections.

 

What about a remote car starter so the car is heated when DH gets in it, and the frost or snow is already melted off the windows? I love that idea, and he sure would appreciate it twice a day all winter long.

 

I come up with so many ideas for everyone that I cannot possibly afford all of them. That's the hard part for me ... choosing which to give. Sometimes the product I want hasn't reached the stage at which I think it is worth buying -- an android tablet is an example of that. So I will wait for advances in technology before I buy one. Sometimes I get lucky, and I wait so long that the prices for what I want to buy actually come way down.

 

Oh, one more thing I do is make a list of categories for each person to which I add ideas. Example for DS1:

 

1. Mechanical; likes to build things

2. High tech stuff

3. Books about physics, medicine, especially the brain, humor, foreign books in Spanish or German.

4. Comic books -- Dilbert, Far Side, yucky teen boy humor

5. Likes iPods and cameras and laptops and computers

6. Favorite color red

7. Outgrew blanket poncho he made by cutting a hole in the middle of a fleece throw. Red. Get a blanket or make one. He can cut the hole himself.

8. Video games. Zombies. Vampires. Wars. Popular teen guy games rated T or M. Gaming mouse. New Wow thing.

9. Music. iTunes gift card. iPod Touch (4th gen)

10. Posters. Einstein, Elvis, guitars

11. T-shirts, hoodies -- favorite bands -- look on their websites (ask bros or look at iTunes library for ideas)

12. Needs new desk chair.

13. Think Geek for neat ideas.

14. No matter what, do not buy boxer shorts I think are funny -- waste of $$, he won't wear them. (This goes on the list every year because I am sick of wasting money & have poor impulse control.)

15. Where does he go? Movies. Fast food places. Gift certificates.

16. Look for a gag gift. Last year, the bus driver played a country song everyone on the bus loved, during every bus ride. It was about a big green tractor. DS1 is a city boy and he *hated* that song. So we went to Walmart and spent $6 on a toy green tractor as a gift. It is in a place of honor in his room (not the trash can).

 

I make the same kind of list for everyone on my list, noting their particular preferences. For example, I know my Mom will not use anything, no matter how wonderful it is and how much she'd love it, if she has to read the manual that comes with it.

 

I keep all info I gather in a password protected file on my computer. I use the same unique password every year, so I don't forget it.

 

The downside: Come January, I am bored because my Christmas projects are over. In every category of celebrating Christmas, I have a scene to set in my head, like a movie. I want to evoke certain feelings and attitudes, and I work hard at making that happen. I love it! I don't start doing this until July 1.

 

You sound just like me!! I keep a list all year long, I am always listening and looking out for gift ideas, I review every area of a person's life to see what they might use/need/like/want for Christmas. I research....and research. I'll often buy online because you can get much more unique gifts on there than in a regular store.

 

I love buying for people that are close to me. I don't really enjoy buying for people that I do not know very well because I have no idea what to get for them....therefore it is not enjoyable.

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I think this all came to a head in my thinking because yesterday was my birthday.

 

Belated Happy Birthday, Jean!

 

How about suggesting they get you a coupon or coupons for dinner out for Christmas? Freedom from cooking and cleaning up the kitchen afterward is always high on my list. That and books. I could never have too many books...

 

I have no helpful suggestions, because I am in the hate shopping and obligitory gift-giving club myself.

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Oh and a reminder that Santa's elf only has so much money. :D

 

 

Yeah, my kids want a Sleich Barn, a unicycle, this ball and this bowling set. In addition to other, reasonably priced items.

 

And DH wants $300 worth of stuff for his PS3, something about a PS3 'move' thing. uh huh. I asked for these lunch boxes and were told they were 'silly'. Hmmm OK.

Edited by cin
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I hate the Days of Gift-Giving Obligation: birthdays and Christmas. I like getting gifts if the person needs/wants them, but I hate just giving gifts because it is a Day of Obligation. I don't really like getting gifts either. There is very little that I want. I would be happy not getting anything. Dh and I don't exchange gifts a lot--just occasionally if one of us can think of something the other really wants/needs. But it is not an obligation between us. That is just such a relief. For my kids, I can usually think of something that will suit, but I really, really get stuck with other relatives. Sorry to not be of help. Just commiserating.

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I am cold and impersonal and give gift cards.

 

Me, too.

 

Have you seen that tv commercial in which the person says something along the lines of, "Hey, thanks for the trip to the crowded mall to stand in line to return this gift I hate"? I don't want to do that to someone I love! :D

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One thing I don't do is give obligatory gifts. One Christmas, when I was in my early 20s and poor, I sat down with my list of 30-40 people and realized how many of them were obligations.

 

It was too late to do anything about it that year. The next spring, I contacted nearly everyone and told them that I was out of the gift-giving loop. I couldn't afford it. No one argued about it.

 

So now, my list consists of my immediate family, our mothers, my sister, and one friend. Our fathers are deceased.

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Me, too.

 

Have you seen that tv commercial in which the person says something along the lines of, "Hey, thanks for the trip to the crowded mall to stand in line to return this gift I hate"? I don't want to do that to someone I love! :D

 

 

I have not seen that one. Sounds very funny.

 

I <3 gift cards. My MIL is a gift giver. She is highly offended by the gift card. Dh is in charge of her gifts.

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I do however, want to do stuff for people - to do acts of service.

 

Do handmade gifts feel like an act of service? I've been working on this quilt of dh's for months now and it sure feels like an act of service!

 

My dh is not a gift giver and couldn't care less if no one (except him, I suspect) got anything, but doesn't want our kids to experience the Scrooge-like Christmases he did as a kid. This obviously makes no sense, so he has sensibly outsourced to me ;) Anyway, since nearly everyone gets books from me, I buy online and the nice postal service delivers right to my door and I don't have to go near the shopping centre. I hate shopping centres.

 

If you do crafts, you can ask for supplies for Christmas so you can use them to make everyone's Christmas gifts next year. If they object to giving craft supplies, tell them you are requesting the really expensive stuff and they'll feel better about it.

 

Rosie

Edited by Rosie_0801
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Do handmade gifts feel like an act of service? I've been working on this quilt of dh's for months now and it sure feels like an act of service!

 

 

 

I would love to do handmade gifts. Unfortunately the state of my health has made handmade gifts not something that I can do.

 

Because of this thread, I'm actually delegating some of my gift buying to family members and friends who love to give gifts. For some odd reason they think that I am doing them a huge favor by allowing them to do this for me. ;) (I am of course paying for the gifts myself.) Works for me!:D

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I would love to do handmade gifts. Unfortunately the state of my health has made handmade gifts not something that I can do.

 

Sorry, I don't know the nature of your health issues. I thought maybe crafts were a sitting down thing, so you could do them.

 

Because of this thread, I'm actually delegating some of my gift buying to family members and friends who love to give gifts. For some odd reason they think that I am doing them a huge favor by allowing them to do this for me. ;) (I am of course paying for the gifts myself.) Works for me!:D

 

:lol:

 

Rosie

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Sorry, I don't know the nature of your health issues. I thought maybe crafts were a sitting down thing, so you could do them.

 

 

 

Yes, they are a sit down thing. And technically I could do them if I had started them early enough. My health driven problem is more that I have only x amount of stamina and energy. Even in "emergency mode" there is a certain amount of stamina needed to keep my household going. My dh and kids help tremendously but when your issues are chronic and on-going, sooner or later they run out of oomph to do everything too. So all of my oomph is going to just keep our lives going on a semi-even keel. Gifts, as nice as they are, are over my limit. Which is where friends and family come in. They keep offering to help me cope with life. It just never occurred to me before now, that I could ask them to help me with the gift giving part of life!

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I'll join this club. I don't care much for gifts - giving or receiving.

 

I only exchange gifts with my family - mostly my kids and nephews. Sometimes dh gets a present if I can think of something the man would like that he doesn't already have (he's off the hook for me, too - although he usually gets me a pair of inexpensive earrings because he knows that'll be a sure thing) ... ugh... my parents same thing. I also get my brother, his wife, my best friend and her dd something (they're like family :tongue_smilie: - and she's one of those gift-givers, so I must reciprocate...). And MIL. That's pretty much it. No other friends, no other extended family.

 

Oh, wait - the music teachers - we've had a relationship for years and years; they get something. I always intend to get the more transient teachers something because I know it's "done", but I rarely manage it (even if I get something, I usually forget to bring it the last day of class.... :glare:)

 

I do not understand how these people do it who by gobs of gifts for all their acquaintances and extended family and the postman and then find them all the perfect thing... the whole thing just makes me cranky.

 

I make my kids give me a list, tell them it has to be very reasonable, and pretty much get them what's on it (usually one larger gift and some smaller stuff, much of it shared among them). I beg my best friend to tell me what she wants and she rolls her eyes at me because she's that "I found the perfect thing for you; you'll never guess" person - but she puts up with me 'cause she loves me anyway...

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Because of this thread, I'm actually delegating some of my gift buying to family members and friends who love to give gifts. For some odd reason they think that I am doing them a huge favor by allowing them to do this for me. ;) (I am of course paying for the gifts myself.) Works for me!:D

 

Excellent plan, Jean! Your need is met and others will enjoy the fun of serving you while doing what they love, shopping!

 

I am glad you are going in to the Big Guns doc. I hope he gives your heart the all clear, and an effective treatment plan to get you all fixed up. Good job, Mr. Jean, watching out for your beloved!

 

Praying for you...:grouphug:

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