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Agonizing. Unbelievable. We are still. . . .

1bassoon

By 1bassoon,
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1bassoon

1bassoon

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sitting at home, waiting for the call that my grandmother has passed.

 

She's been on hospice for colon cancer since August of 2009.

 

On the 10th, the nurse gave her 48 hours. A week ago, the nurse said she'd be gone by Monday. She had a stroke on Sunday. She hasn't had water in 6 days. No food in 9. Her legs are almost black with mottling, and she doesn't seem responsive at all. She is still breathing - very rapid and shallow - and her heart continues to beat.

 

This is so hard on my mom & her sister who are the main caregivers. Hospice is helping, to a point, but so much of it falls on them. They are constantly second-guessing themselves, wondering what to do.

 

It hurts to be so far away.

 

This is by far the longest, most agonizing death I've ever known about or experienced. It's just - awful.

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1bassoon

1bassoon

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Those are sweet words, if you think about it. I would crack out a book and read to her. My SIL put on opera and cuddled up with my brother, who was like that for some time. He opened his eyes and looked at her, after hours of nothing, and then died.

 

Thanks for that - you know, I may suggest that to my mom. Right now, everyone is so - tender. My mom (who is the most level-headed, patient person EVER) has been in tears over the "second guessing" my cousin (who does come across as if she knows it all) has been giving them all since she arrived from California 3 days ago.

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unsinkable

unsinkable

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I am so sorry, Heather. :grouphug:

 

 

I sang to my MIL, when we were alone. I read her some kids' books she had given my children. SHe loved this story called the Christmas Puppy.

 

The docs told us MIL would die within hours of stopping a BP med and she lived for 5 more days. It was wrenching, wondering if we had done the right thing.

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Corraleno

Corraleno

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Those are sweet words, if you think about it. I would crack out a book and read to her. My SIL put on opera and cuddled up with my brother, who was like that for some time. He opened his eyes and looked at her, after hours of nothing, and then died.

 

:iagree:

Hearing is the last sense to go. When my brother died last year (colon cancer) he had a pile of friends cuddling him in bed, playing his favorite music and reading from his favorite books.

 

I know it's hard to be far away, waiting for word. :grouphug:

 

Jackie

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kalanamak

kalanamak

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Thanks for that - you know, I may suggest that to my mom. Right now, everyone is so - tender. My mom (who is the most level-headed, patient person EVER) has been in tears over the "second guessing" my cousin (who does come across as if she knows it all) has been giving them all since she arrived from California 3 days ago.

 

:grouphug:

After my mother became delirious, my brother and I took turns holding her hand. When it was my turn, I told her stories of my favorite things in childhood. I told her all about her. Perhaps you could suggest one at a time in the room. Her visitors should have the ability to focus on her, not each other. :grouphug::grouphug: I know it is hard. Some people don't cope as well. Those people should.....stay away! I'm glad my falling-apart brother did.

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1bassoon

1bassoon

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My fil lingered for weeks after he couldn't/wouldn't eat or drink anymore. It was much much longer than they told us. They said he would be gone a couple of days after stopping the iv. It took so. much. longer. He was 59 though and very strong, ran daily until the cancer got him. They said that his organs were just to strong, they wouldn't shut down. It was horrible.

 

At the end he just wanted things to be really quiet. We would play soft music, rub his feet, talk or read to him, that kind of thing. He slept most of the time those last couple of weeks.

 

See, Christina - that's what gets me.

 

She has outlived what EVERYONE has said. Everyone. So even though I want to go tomorrow - I'm wondering if we shouldn't wait. Still. The wild thing - it's not her colon cancer, it's the congestive heart failure that's ending things. But. . .for WEEKS her heart rate has been wildly erratic - 200 beats/minute then slowing down, then back up. . . . .

 

I can't focus, I can't think. I just want to crawl in bed with escapist fiction until this passes. And it's happening 400 miles away - that's why I don't understand why it's so hard for me. I mean, why can't I just go on about my life, get the call, and then drive? Why am I agonizing so much and walking around in a fog.

 

Sigh. Going to order a pizza - dd & dh are off at her college audition.

 

Thanks for listening, everyone. I think my friends IRL are sick of me.

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3lilreds in NC

3lilreds in NC

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:grouphug: Heather, I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine what you're going through, not to mention your family.

 

I don't know why it's so hard when you're not there, but it is. Knowing that she's suffering, knowing that your mom & sister are suffering and you can't be there - that's what would be getting to me. You're on pins and needles waiting for an end that's taking so much longer than it should have.

 

You're losing someone you love in a way that's not very pleasant. I would be a basket case, myself. I think the bed with escapist fiction plan is a good one, unless you decide to go.

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LND1218

LND1218

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We went through that with my grandma. Every time hospice said something she lived longer. I think she was doing it to prove she could.

 

Dh and I flew out to say goodbye - and she lived 2 more years. When we were told anytime now, months passed. Finally they said 48 hours, it was about 2 more weeks. It was hard. :grouphug:

 

Get a good book and rest!

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Nakia

Nakia

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I'm so sorry for your loss, but glad she is no longer suffering.

 

My papaw died last Wednesday after several years of hospice care. A month ago, they gave him a few days to live. It was horrible to see him suffering so much these last few weeks. The day he died, we all kept going in and out and talking to him and loving on him. Finally, I went in and told him to please go and know that we would all take good care of Mamaw (his sweetheart of 58 years). He passed away about 15 minutes later. I think he needed to know we would watch after her.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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Sebastian (a lady)

Sebastian (a lady)

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Thanks for listening, everyone. I think my friends IRL are sick of me.

 

I'm sure your IRL friends aren't sick of you. They are probably just as unsure of how to support you, their dear friend, as you are unsure of how to support your mom and show love and honor to your grandmother.

 

I'm so sorry that you are caught on this threshold between one thing and the next. Hugs and prayers for your whole family.

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