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Closure on my battle with "grades"


BMW
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You know I have posted several times over three years about the boy's schoolwork and grades. I have tried punishments and rewards connected to grades... to no avail.

 

Dh and I spoke at length with our counselor and I had read what the counselor wanted me to read... that parents should not punish or reward according to grades. That really baffled me... It still does, to a small extent, just to be honest about it.

 

So, for those of you who encouraged us to not take away family events... thank you. We had a wonderful outting last weekend and all boys enjoyed it, regardless of their report cards.

 

My son who received high grades knows that we are very proud of him.

 

Two sons who received poor grades now have me emailing teachers and following along daily with their school planners. I will often require them to read extra or sit and study longer to help them see that their grades may improve and that I am here to help. They don't always like that, but it's what it is. If they have no homework, they still have to study as a natural consequence to their bad grades. (I know that the bad grades were for no other reason except being dishonest about homework and avoiding study.)

 

Anyway... thought I'd share our family progress...

 

Dh, although we disagree at times, can teach me a lot about simply loving and accepting... and letting go of the challenges. Funny... we seem to be the opposite of typical mom/dad roles. I am more of the lay down the law, make them toe the line parent and I want to "fix" things... he is more of the go with the flow, lets just love and be caring man...

 

Thanks for the parenting support... what sticks out to me as a theme from this forum over the past few years is that often times you all encourage me to love, love, love... Maybe I am making progress... lol.

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Sounds like you have a good plan in place. I have to say you seem like such a wonderful person. I, too, am a stepparent and I have found it the most difficult role of my life. There is so much out there that says the biological parent should do the parenting, but that is so difficult when the biological parent is the father and he does not parent. I'm not saying your husband is that way, but mine sure is. I admire your loving and humble perspective on things.

 

Lisa

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You know I have posted several times over three years about the boy's schoolwork and grades. I have tried punishments and rewards connected to grades... to no avail.

 

Dh and I spoke at length with our counselor and I had read what the counselor wanted me to read... that parents should not punish or reward according to grades. That really baffled me... It still does, to a small extent, just to be honest about it.

 

So, for those of you who encouraged us to not take away family events... thank you. We had a wonderful outting last weekend and all boys enjoyed it, regardless of their report cards.

 

My son who received high grades knows that we are very proud of him.

 

Two sons who received poor grades now have me emailing teachers and following along daily with their school planners. I will often require them to read extra or sit and study longer to help them see that their grades may improve and that I am here to help. They don't always like that, but it's what it is. If they have no homework, they still have to study as a natural consequence to their bad grades. (I know that the bad grades were for no other reason except being dishonest about homework and avoiding study.)

 

Anyway... thought I'd share our family progress...

 

Dh, although we disagree at times, can teach me a lot about simply loving and accepting... and letting go of the challenges. Funny... we seem to be the opposite of typical mom/dad roles. I am more of the lay down the law, make them toe the line parent and I want to "fix" things... he is more of the go with the flow, lets just love and be caring man...

 

Thanks for the parenting support... what sticks out to me as a theme from this forum over the past few years is that often times you all encourage me to love, love, love... Maybe I am making progress... lol.

 

I'm really pleased that you are happier with this situation, more at peace. That's wonderful. :grouphug:

 

I really believe that it's so important that you and your dh are on the same page when it comes to raising your dc. If Dad and Mom say the same thing, then you can't go to the other one to wheedle and get what you want. And one day your sons will appreciate that you made them be more diligent. :001_smile:

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