Am I too overprotective?

[scrapbabe]

My 13 yr old son is involved with 4h. They are having a Space Camp overnighter this weekend 4 hours away from where we live. My parents live up there. The registration form said they could sleep over or come Friday night, leave and come back on Saturday morning.

 

I am not a fan of sleepovers. I don't mind having them at my house if I know the family and boy really well. He has been allowed to go to a cousin's house overnight a few times.

 

My son and his cousin are both attending. But we are driving them up ourselves, dropping them off Friday, picking them up at 11:00pm and taking them back in the morning.

 

I don't know any of the leaders who are going, and I don't know any of the boys who are going. I'm not comfortable having my son travel with and sleepover with a group of 30 strangers. We live in a world where even people we know and love can do stupid things and/or be a predator.

 

The 4h leader asked me about it today and seemed surprised that I wasn't comfortable with the sleepover aspect.

 

Am I crazy? Everyone else is just sending their boys with the leaders and letting them spend the night. I'm simply not comfortable with it. Anyone else feel this way?

 

Shalynn

[Jean in Newcastle]

Not too protective. You're doing what is most comfortable for your family.

[Starr]

Sounds like a good plan to me. He might even get a little sleep. :D

[Unicorn.]

I would let mine go, but if you don't know the leaders all that well, then no, I don't think you are being overprotective. Just cautious. All of mine have been on several of these types of sleepovers, but either dh, I, or a good friend was w/ them. So I might feel differently if I didn't know the leaders.

[hsbaby]

At 13, I would be comfortable with my son going. That said, there are other things I am neurotic about (I don't let my kids have hard candies.....ever:). We all have our quirks.

[scrapbabe]

He is allowed to go to scout campouts and things like that where I feel more comfortable with the people who are going. I still hate it - cause I know people who experienced their first exposure to pornography with other boys at scout camp. I trust my son explicitly. He is such a good kid. But it only takes one stupid boy or adult to do something that affects him forever.

[GoVanGogh]

Based on my own experiences attending church youth camps every summer, I would never, ever, ever allow my child to attend an overnight function. But that is just me. I know many people do and don't think anything about it. It is just that... well, as parents it is our duty to protect our children.

[Heather in AL]

No. If it feels right for your family, then it's right.

 

However, for us, at age 13, we would let our son do the sleepover, especially since he would be with his cousin. Also, as Starr said, they'll probably get little sleep (my ds actually doesn't care for these big overnighters anyway, so he wouldn't want to stay). It's the driving 4 hours in someone else's vehicle that bothers us. So where you might be OK with that, we aren't. It's just what feels right for you and your family. Don't let someone pressure you into doing something. We're all different and doing what feels right for our families. :001_smile:

[scrapbabe]

. It's the driving 4 hours in someone else's vehicle that bothers us. So where you might be OK with that, we aren't. :001_smile:

 

No, not okay with the driving part either.

[Sophia]

First of all, I would not call you overprotective for doing what you think is the best and safest option for your child. I would call you a good mom.:D

 

However, because of his age, I would think this through a little more and definitely discuss it with your ds.

 

You said you didn't know the other boys attending~does your son? Is he hoping to get to be better friends with them?

Keeping him away from the sleepover could make it difficult for him to break into any groups that may form.

 

If that's not his primary social outlet, then it doesn't matter, but if he's hoping to form friendships there, then it might <shrug>.

 

Just a thought...

[*lifeoftheparty*]

.

[Heather in AL]

No, not okay with the driving part either.

 

:D Then you have double the reason to make the trip. We know many people who let their kids drive 6 & 7 hours with sports teammates and it boggles our minds. To the movies, maybe, longer than about 30 minutes? Uh-uh. I'm happy to have found someone who thinks like we do on that one because we get "the look" when we turn down rides.

 

First of all, I would not call you overprotective for doing what you think is the best and safest option for your child. I would call you a good mom.:D

 

However, because of his age, I would think this through a little more and definitely discuss it with your ds.

 

You said you didn't know the other boys attending~does your son? Is he hoping to get to be better friends with them?

Keeping him away from the sleepover could make it difficult for him to break into any groups that may form.

 

If that's not his primary social outlet, then it doesn't matter, but if he's hoping to form friendships there, then it might <shrug>.

 

Just a thought...

 

The part I bolded is why we *have* let ds go on some of these things before. He usually doesn't enjoy them, though, as the kids act so crazy that he just wants.out. He also prefers to sleep in a bed over a gym floor! :lol:

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Not too protective. You're doing what is most comfortable for your family.

 

:iagree:

[NanceXToo]

At 13, I think I would let him decide, and I think I'd be comfortable with it.

 

But there are certainly things I think I AM overprotective about... you just have to do what you're comfortable with and what works for you!

[scrapbabe]

First of all, I would not call you overprotective for doing what you think is the best and safest option for your child. I would call you a good mom.:D

 

However, because of his age, I would think this through a little more and definitely discuss it with your ds.

 

You said you didn't know the other boys attending~does your son? Is he hoping to get to be better friends with them?

Keeping him away from the sleepover could make it difficult for him to break into any groups that may form.

 

If that's not his primary social outlet, then it doesn't matter, but if he's hoping to form friendships there, then it might <shrug>.

 

Just a thought...

 

Not really an issue with this kid. We run a karate studio and he has TONS of friends there. He is a natural born leader and people just flock to him. He was voted in as President of his 4h group. He's just well liked and has plenty of interaction with others his age. He is friends with the boys in the 4h group... but never "come over and play at my house" type friends. It's not an issue for him. But I can see your point.

[LibraryLover]

This past weekend my youngest son was invited to an all- night Church gathering. Almost all of the folks who responded to my thread said it was all in fun, and I don't disagree. I am sure it's a blast. He did not go, as it involved driving all over kingdom come. I doubt my 16 yr old would have been approached by a predator adult in such a public setting. Driving was my concern. At 14, 16 etc., my children are not likely to be silent if a known- adult- in- charge- of- an- event would try approach them. Little children are far more likely to be bullied into silence.

 

I don't think I am overpotective in the least-- and my son is older than yours. I thought it was a ridiculous idea to be driving like that. I just don't get it.

 

Now, I do get scouting/ camping etc. Sleeping in the woods/cabins is an event. My children have also gone to summer UU sleep- away camp.

Edited November 18, 2010 by LibraryLover

[Renee in NC]

I would let my ds go. When my 17yo was 12, he went to a basketball camp for a week. Not only did we not know anyone who was there, there was no adult specifically in charge of him (he had to get himeself up and ready, go to meals, et. on his own.) This same child flew alone (not as an unaccompanied minor) at 12, changing planes in both Washington, DC and Atlanta, GA. He also learned to drive at 12 and was allowed to drive regularly on private property.

 

Before both of these things, he had done other activities leading up to it. Before he went to that camp, he spent a week at 2 different camps the two previous summers that were more structured and supervised (counselor in a cabin.) He had flown a couple of times with someone through Atlanta before he went alone - the Washington trip came later. It's a progression.

 

I do *not* trust other people as a rule, but I feel that the way to combat that is to make sure to go through various scenarios with them about what they should do.

 

Now, my current 12yo hasn't had as many chances to have these experiences. He has never flown, so I wouldn't put him on a plane alone. He has been to an overnight camp (with adults we knew), so I would send him to the 4-H camp. If he had never been away from home (or very rarely,) I might not send him to the 4-H camp without anyone I knew (more for his comfort than safety, though.)

[Joanne]

I'd let mine go.

 

But I don't necessarily think it is *over*protective - it's just on the protective continuum.

 

I don't personally believe this situation comes with a "right" answer.

[Tohru]

At 13, I think I would let him decide, and I think I'd be comfortable with it.

 

But there are certainly things I think I AM overprotective about... you just have to do what you're comfortable with and what works for you!

 

:iagree:

 

According to Jewish Law, a 13yo male is responsible for himself and is becoming an adult. I would ask my ds what he wanted to do and his reasons for making that decision. Then I would do my best to respect and support his decision (unless I completely disagreed - lol!)

 

Do what you feel comfortable with and don't be peer pressured by the leader.

[Imprimis]

I've never been comfortable letting my children spend the night away from home.

 

We're also very hesitant about letting our kids drive with others.

 

So, obviously, I don't feel you're being too overprotective...:001_smile:

[ChristusG]

No way, no how. Those people are complete strangers. You may as well go choose random people off the street. You are not too overprotective.

[Margo out of lurking]

I would be uncomfortable in this situation. How could I trust my son with a large group of boys whom I do not know? All it takes is ONE person, young or old, to destroy that innocence, and I could never take that time back.

 

We're not huge sleepover fans, but my kids have them--with people our family knows well, or with a church group where there's safety in the large amount of people that I do know. And as my dd gets older, I am loosening up a bit more.

 

"Everyone else" does a lot of things that my family would never choose. That's not a bad thing for us.

[gaillardia]

No way, no how. Those people are complete strangers. You may as well go choose random people off the street. You are not too overprotective.

:iagree:

[tricia]

You made the right choice IMHO.:001_smile:

[scrapbabe]

This past weekend my youngest son was invited to an all- night Church gathering. Almost all of the folks who responded to my thread said it was all in fun, and I don't disagree. I am sure it's a blast. He did not go, as it involved driving all over kingdom come. I doubt my 16 yr old would have been approached by a predator adult in such a public setting. Driving was my concern. At 14, 16 etc., my children are not likely to be silent if a known- adult- in- charge- of- an- event would try approach them. Little children are far more likely to be bullied into silence.

 

I don't think I am overpotective in the least-- and my son is older than yours. I thought it was a ridiculous idea to be driving like that. I just don't get it.

 

Now, I do get scouting/ camping etc. Sleeping in the woods/cabins is an event. My children have also gone to summer UU sleep- away camp.

 

My son went to a church youth activity. Generally they are at the church, sometimes they drive a few blocks or across our small town to go somewhere. But one night they had been driving all over and when they dropped him off he was in the back of a pick-up truck!!! I was so angry! They were crossing busy highways in the back of a truck. I told him next time he calls me and I come get him. That is ridiculous. But that is a whole other story. Sorry for the tangent. :001_smile: