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What would you do in this situation?


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Okay, so we have a small HS group that we do outings with, mostly social get-togethers but sometimes educational. There is one other family that has a boy a year younger than my son, and he is immature emotionally but my son enjoys playing with him. The problem is that my son's behavior often worsens when he is around this child, sort of a lowest common denominator thing.

 

Anyway, we went to a indian artifacts museum with a few of the members, including this family, the other day. I asked my son to pick up the "treasure hunt" worksheet at the front of the museum, and we'd go through the museum and find the "treasures" and write a bit about each item. The other boy kept following him around saying "That's so boring." and "Don't do that, come play." I told my son that after the museum we were going to the park, but while we were here, I expected him to look at the exhibits. The boy kept following him around, trying to grab his paper and pencil and saying things like "That is so dumb." My son normally would be content to "find the treasures" but the presence of this other boy was making him feel like he was doing "extra work." I told him that different families have different expectations, and that I expected him to walk around the museum while we were there, and not goof off.

 

The other boy's mom was sitting in the front of the museum smoking a cigarette and not particularly paying attention to her kids. To be frank, I have issues with the family as a whole. Their approach to schooling is not the same as ours at all, and while I appreciate that every family approaches education differently, I think that educational field trips are just not going to work with this family. Unfortunately, this is a small HS group, and most outings include this family. In addition, my husband is not happy with the influence of the daughter (11 ) and the son (7) overall. He thinks they're rude. :blush:

Edited by Halcyon
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And what did you say to the other young man?

 

Did you tell him to stop? That your son was not allowed to play in the museum and that his rude comments were not welcome? Did you tell him that if he is bored and doesn't want to be there, he should go tell his mother about it bc you aren't interested in his complaints?

 

I would have.

 

Calmly and Consistently.

 

You can't do much to change him or be hateful to him, but you don't have to ignore his rude behavior or let it ruin every outing either.

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I would have stopped that boy cold. I would have told him that you and your son were doing the treasures worksheet. He is welcome to do it with you but he is not allowed to bother your son while he does it. He definitely is not allowed to grab his pencil or in anyway interfere with what he is doing. I would be firm and very clear about my expectations for this boy when he is interacting with my son. Then I would be encouraging and warm whenever his behavior warranted it.

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I would've told the boy, "I want ___ to do the worksheet. Please do not distract him now. You can play later at the park." Then helicoptered around to make sure it got done that way. :tongue_smilie:to those absentee-type moms.

:iagree: I would have definitely said something along the lines of "We are busy here. We will play later... NOW OFF WITH YOU! (cue thunder lightening and frightening music)"

 

:lol: If only...

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I would've told the boy, "I want ___ to do the worksheet. Please do not distract him now. You can play later at the park." Then helicoptered around to make sure it got done that way. :tongue_smilie:to those absentee-type moms.

 

And what did you say to the other young man?

 

Did you tell him to stop? That your son was not allowed to play in the museum and that his rude comments were not welcome? Did you tell him that if he is bored and doesn't want to be there, he should go tell his mother about it bc you aren't interested in his complaints?

 

I would have.

 

Calmly and Consistently.

 

You can't do much to change him or be hateful to him, but you don't have to ignore his rude behavior or let it ruin every outing either.

 

I would have stopped that boy cold. I would have told him that you and your son were doing the treasures worksheet. He is welcome to do it with you but he is not allowed to bother your son while he does it. He definitely is not allowed to grab his pencil or in anyway interfere with what he is doing. I would be firm and very clear about my expectations for this boy when he is interacting with my son. Then I would be encouraging and warm whenever his behavior warranted it.

 

:iagree: I would have definitely said something along the lines of "We are busy here. We will play later... NOW OFF WITH YOU! (cue thunder lightening and frightening music)"

 

:lol: If only...

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

What they said. :001_smile:

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I would've told the boy, "I want ___ to do the worksheet. Please do not distract him now. You can play later at the park." Then helicoptered around to make sure it got done that way. .

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

I think it's fine to parent other kids when their parents aren't around if the kids are interfering with yours. You don't have to be stern, just firm and persistant.

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What would you do in this situation?

...

The other boy kept following him around saying "That's so boring."

 

I would have told the boy that my son would be doing the worksheet and if he (the boy) couldn't participate in a respectful way he would need to go find something else to do.

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Does your homeschool group have a policy about supervising one's own children during activities? If not one should be put in place. A reminder of the policy should be sent out before the next activity. Then on the next trip if this child is interfering while his parent is outside smoking, I'd take the child by the hand and sit him next to mom outside.

 

No kid should be just running randomly through a museum anyway. Why would the mom do that. Has she come to expect the other mom's to know where her kid is?

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We just had this situation ourselves at Old Sturbridge Village....not by another person in our group because we were a group of 1 family but in general around the Village. For some reason they had school groups there on a homeschool day and we had a lot of issues with these kids....mainly I think because they weren't supervised. I had to keep telling them all to be respectful and to stop doing things like climbing over the bannister in one of the houses! Yikes! In that particular instance the chaperone was right there too. My daughter didn't mind me doing this and in several spots it helped everyone slow down and focus. I used to be a teacher though so I generally don't have trouble telling kids how to behave. :0)

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For me, sometimes I think of what I should have said after the fact, rather than in the moment. I think this might have been one of those times for me.That being said, I think you had some great suggestions above. I particularly like..."cue thunder and lightning music" hee hee. I *might* have said "We can't really play here inside the museum, but I hope you'll join us later at the park."

 

We have some of those very hands off type parents in our hs group and I have not confronted them. I had hoped it would be addressed by the group leader, but no such luck. We don't do much field trips, though. Man, hearing that story, I want to walk right into the computer and back in time and tell that cigarette smoking mom out in front a thing or two.:D

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I would've told the boy, "I want ___ to do the worksheet. Please do not distract him now. You can play later at the park." Then helicoptered around to make sure it got done that way. :tongue_smilie:to those absentee-type moms.

 

 

I know you're right. But I feel as though MY expectations or my kids' behavior and this other mom's expectations for HER kids' behavior are SO different-and there are instances where I have stepped in and "disciplined" or commented to her kids, in a firm but polite way, and to be honest I feel uncomfortable.

 

To highlight the rudeness that I believe the kids of this family exhibit: later on, we had some playtime at the park afterwards, and we had brought some toys, shovels and the like, for the younger kids. The older girl grabbed the shovel and pail and kept saying "I got them first!" when my younger asked to share them. I mean, come on--she's 11!! (10? something like that).

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Does your homeschool group have a policy about supervising one's own children during activities? If not one should be put in place. A reminder of the policy should be sent out before the next activity. Then on the next trip if this child is interfering while his parent is outside smoking, I'd take the child by the hand and sit him next to mom outside.

 

No kid should be just running randomly through a museum anyway. Why would the mom do that. Has she come to expect the other mom's to know where her kid is?

 

 

In her defense, it's a tiny museum, but to let her 4 kids run around inside (one is only 2 years old!) without supervision is annoying to me. OTOH, even when she is around she doens't discipline them particularly.

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I know you're right. But I feel as though MY expectations or my kids' behavior and this other mom's expectations for HER kids' behavior are SO different-and there are instances where I have stepped in and "disciplined" or commented to her kids, in a firm but polite way, and to be honest I feel uncomfortable.

 

To highlight the rudeness that I believe the kids of this family exhibit: later on, we had some playtime at the park afterwards, and we had brought some toys, shovels and the like, for the younger kids. The older girl grabbed the shovel and pail and kept saying "I got them first!" when my younger asked to share them. I mean, come on--she's 11!! (10? something like that).

If it's them interfereing with my child, then I have the right to tell them to buzz off. That's how I see it ;)

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I would have told the boy that there would be time to play and hang out at the park after the museum, but that your son would be with you while at the museum. I would have told the boy he could join you but ONLY if he was going to focus on the activity at hand and not be a distraction.

 

If he continued to disrupt your ds's time, I would have brought the boy to his mother and asked her to please keep him from distracting your ds at the museum, that there would be time to socialize afterwards.

 

Then, I would limit time between the kids later. Teach your son about friend choices. I would also teach your son that he is expected to behave no matter who he was hanging out with, and that if he kept being influenced by this kid, you would no longer allow him to be near him. While it's true that this kid is likely influencing yours, your son also has to take responsibility for his own behavior. I have found that my kids usually can make this call on their own. Sometimes I tell them to limit their time with so-and-so but mostly they want to be around good kids.

 

Seriously? She was at the front having a cigarette? Who was watching the younger girl? I hate it when people do that. If I run somewhere while dd is at the homeschool group, it's RARE (VERY rarely I'll go get the ladies coffee or I have to drop off dd10 and go home with younger dd) but I *always* have it cleared with at LEAST two other moms that they can be her "go to."

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We just had this situation ourselves at Old Sturbridge Village....not by another person in our group because we were a group of 1 family but in general around the Village. For some reason they had school groups there on a homeschool day and we had a lot of issues with these kids....mainly I think because they weren't supervised. I had to keep telling them all to be respectful and to stop doing things like climbing over the bannister in one of the houses! Yikes! In that particular instance the chaperone was right there too. My daughter didn't mind me doing this and in several spots it helped everyone slow down and focus. I used to be a teacher though so I generally don't have trouble telling kids how to behave. :0)

 

Uh, you do realize that when most places have "homeschool days" that doesn't mean they close to the public or to other groups? It means they give a discount to homeschool families/groups on those days. ;)

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Uh, you do realize that when most places have "homeschool days" that doesn't mean they close to the public or to other groups? It means they give a discount to homeschool families/groups on those days. ;)

I've noticed that many of the hs days coincide with lots of school field trips :glare:

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Maybe they promote the day just as heavily to school groups. Might call it a different name for them ("school days" probably).

I'm sure they do, I just wish they would let the hsers know. We've gone to a few hsing days where high schoolers were on their field trips too. You'd think the chaperones would be better supervisors than parents usually are (more careful with someone else's children, iykwIm). I learned differently :glare:

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