Need advice about Christian Indian penpal

[mcmom4]

Hello,

 

My children have been pen pals (via email) with a young Indian man who is in Ukraine attending college. He is 18 and says he is a Christian.

I am just trying to learn more about him and his customs. I know they would be some different since he is not Hindu. I wondered if you knew where to direct me for more info.

Also, we were wanting to send him care packages from time to time and wondered if it was expensive.

Thanks so much.

[jld]

All I can say is that even the Christians here in India seem to be influenced by the Hinduism obviously hugely present in Indian culture. We're going to a Catholic wedding on Friday, and dh told me we'll see lots of Hindu flavor in the ceremony and the reception.

 

I do know one Indian evangelical who doesn't seem as influenced by Hinduism as some other Christians. Her mother is Catholic, raised by nuns in an orphanage, and so maybe that's why.

 

I think the tricky thing about Christianity is that it's associated with the West and wealth and there can be advantages for people to say they are Christian, and even participate in Christian activities, and yet still remain highly under the influence of the dominant religion in their home culture.

[bdaghfal]

I'm only asking because I know there are several heavily christian states in India...I think both are in the southern part... One is Carilla (probably the wrong spelling) and not sure the other name, but can find out. I have several very dear friends from Carilla who are very strong Believers and know their Bibles more than I do (after 30 some years of reading it!)... just depends... and probably hard to tell just through letters... you can't really witness the "fruit" like you could if he went to your church.

 

HTH!

[mcmom4]

He is from Kerala. Thiruvananthapuram to be exact. But as I said he is studying in the Ukraine to become a doctor.

I keep up with him since my children are younger and I want to keep an "eye" on this stranger that they are communicating with. :o) But he seems to really like me, saying I am a mother to him. I don't really know how serious he is or what.

One day he mentioned candy and I had the idea to send him some candy while he is at college. Today he asked if I would also send him two books (Medical dictionaries he needs for school) while I send the candy. I looked the books up and they are quite expensive. I was surprised he asked this of me!

But he seems to be so naive in so many ways. He sounds like a very young boy. But the other day he sent the children a link titled Madtv Hannah Montana Drug party....it was a youtube. My dd had been talking of HM, so he sent that and asked if that is who she was talking about. My dd didn't open the link, but I did. I asked him to not send things like that again as MadTV puts a lot of trashy stuff out there.

He was so sad and wrote me several emails wanting forgiveness and said he felt so guilty that he could not think during classes or talk to his friends and hoped that I would forgive him.

It did make me wonder if much Hindu culture is intermingled with his Christianity because he is so concerned with being a good boy, he says.

I know he reads his Bible. He really wants to come to America and swears he will never marry an Indian girl. He wants me to help him find a good wife when he gets here. lol.

Anyway, I can't help but feel wary of this fella, but on the other hand, my heart strings have been pulled by this boy. I guess because I have a child his age. He says he is distant from his family though he was raised Christian. He says he is a part of The Pentecostal Mission (TPM) in India, but is trying to find another church to attend while in Ukraine.

[lionfamily1999]

I'm seeing a few things that seem to be red flags to me. Drug party would seem obviously inappropriate (speaking of the HM link). Asking for very expensive gifts seems rather forward. Swearing off women from his home country as a whole seems strange too.

 

However, his perception of America could be the cause of some if not all of this.

 

If I were you, I would pray and pray and pray and pray and wait for God to let me know what to do. This all sounds very odd to me. If you want, I could throw my voice in with yours and ask God to give you the wisdom and discernment this situation calls for.

[Mabelen]

He is from Kerala. Thiruvananthapuram to be exact. But as I said he is studying in the Ukraine to become a doctor.

I keep up with him since my children are younger and I want to keep an "eye" on this stranger that they are communicating with. :o) But he seems to really like me, saying I am a mother to him. I don't really know how serious he is or what.

One day he mentioned candy and I had the idea to send him some candy while he is at college. Today he asked if I would also send him two books (Medical dictionaries he needs for school) while I send the candy. I looked the books up and they are quite expensive. I was surprised he asked this of me!

But he seems to be so naive in so many ways. He sounds like a very young boy. But the other day he sent the children a link titled Madtv Hannah Montana Drug party....it was a youtube. My dd had been talking of HM, so he sent that and asked if that is who she was talking about. My dd didn't open the link, but I did. I asked him to not send things like that again as MadTV puts a lot of trashy stuff out there.

He was so sad and wrote me several emails wanting forgiveness and said he felt so guilty that he could not think during classes or talk to his friends and hoped that I would forgive him.

It did make me wonder if much Hindu culture is intermingled with his Christianity because he is so concerned with being a good boy, he says.

I know he reads his Bible. He really wants to come to America and swears he will never marry an Indian girl. He wants me to help him find a good wife when he gets here. lol.

Anyway, I can't help but feel wary of this fella, but on the other hand, my heart strings have been pulled by this boy. I guess because I have a child his age. He says he is distant from his family though he was raised Christian. He says he is a part of The Pentecostal Mission (TPM) in India, but is trying to find another church to attend while in Ukraine.

 

 

I don't really think you can judge how sincere a Christian is, no matter what nationality he is or what traditions he has been brought up in. I have to say though I can't follow his logic when he says he won't marry an Indian girl... there are plenty of Christian girls in India, so why not? Unless he is after a green card...

[jld]

I would just cut off from this guy. Don't be naive; he wants money and you are the potential source. There are users everywhere, and this looks like one of them.

 

If you want to help people, why not look right in your own community?

[mcmom4]

:o)

I really wasn't on some quest to find someone to help. I have my hands full as it is! :o)

 

My purpose for being in touch with him is because my children are "pen pals" with him, but only through email. On gmail they have something called BUZZ which is sort of a chat board, but it's only for those who have been invited. So my children are on BUZZ with another family's friends and Jijo....so there are about 10 kids on here. The kids just randomly post what they are doing that day, etc....sort of a very scaled down facebook....sort of....but I got on there with them so that I could monitor his conversation, etc. He has used profanity maybe twice, which my children have corrected him. He always apologized and didn't do it again. At least not the same word. lol

 

So they were talking about Hannah Montana the other day. My dd was talking about her last episode. He posted that link and asked if that was it. I clicked on it and saw what it was and then responded kindly to him to please take that off, reminding him that there are young children on there and his link was inappropriate. He seemed mortified that he had done such a thing and said he did not even watch it when he posted it.

 

Later he emailed me and said he went and watched the video and said he would never to that again, it was his fault, He wants God to forgive him and me to forgive him. He said he was crying because he was so ashamed begged me to forgive him. I felt like he was sincere, but wondered if he is really that naive.

 

He chats more with me than the children, which my children don't chat that much. He has never asked for anything before, but I was surprised he asked for the books. I don't think he is actually after a green card. He said he will be in school there until he is about 26 years old. He is studying to be a surgeon. He just seems to think America is the next best thing to sliced bread (I get that), but he doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get here.

 

I wasn't really trying to weigh out how "Christian" he is either. I just was wanting to talk with someone out there who might know a little about Indians, specifically Christian Indians, and get some thoughts on if he could be really be that naive. I don't really feel any red flags right now....I don't want to judge too quickly. I want to find out more about his culture more to try to understand him more.

 

He said he didn't want to marry Indian girl because he is American at heart. ??

 

Thanks for all you chatting with me about this!

[lionfamily1999]

I think that some of this could just be his own perception of the USA... We're all rich, our children are all exposed to all sorts of questionable things, we don't like foreigners...

 

:grouphug:

[mcmom4]

what I was thinking. That maybe he just assumes I have lots of money. He says he never watches Indian movies...only HOllywood. I wondered why, but someone told me that Indian movies are much more provocative?? I don't know if that's true or not.

[lionfamily1999]

what I was thinking. That maybe he just assumes I have lots of money. He says he never watches Indian movies...only HOllywood. I wondered why, but someone told me that Indian movies are much more provocative?? I don't know if that's true or not.

Hmm, we've watched some Bollywood. It's much more colorful, but I'm not sure about provocative (not what we've seen of it anyway ;) ). I would say it's comparable with Telemundo, it seemed to me to be very dramatic.

[gardening momma]

How did you find this penpal?

[mcmom4]

another lady in our homeschool group. She prepared a Christmas box for a boy with Operation Christmas Child. The box was delivered to a young man in India. The lady happened to include her name and address. Four months later she got a letter from the boy and his sister. They became pen pals for 6 or 7 years, but as time went on, they grew up and went to college, they lost track of them. Well, this boy and his sister had a friend who also wanted a pen pal. That is who we are writing to. She gave us his info and we contacted him.

[Donna A.]

I'm sorry, but something about this sounds off to me. I wouldn't give him anymore personal info about your location, your income level, your family, etc. than you already have.

 

We had a guest preacher at our church a few weeks ago, a guy who's now a very strong Christian AND a pastor in a church near here, but who was raised Hindu in India. He studied in South Korea for a while as his parents were there (father's work), but then came here to go to college. It's very possible that the school your friend is attending in Ukraine is a fine school and he has no reason to leave just yet, even though he claims to be "an American at heart". But I know nothing about schools in Ukraine, so....

 

When a devout Hindu becomes a Christian -- a TRUE believer, not just Christian in name because it's the "American" thing to do -- it completely devastates their family. This is actually the second guy we've met who became a follower of Christ after being raised Hindu, and both men's families responded the same way. Has your "pen pal" said much about his own family, and what they think of his Christianity? If he's not very serious about his Christianity, they'll be fine with it because of their view that you can worship whatever god you want as long as we all get along and maintain peace with one another. (Think Ghandi.) Although there are some anti-Christian radicals in India, as well.

 

Also, do you have any evidence that this guy is 18? Your comments about how young he seems is a red flag to me.... and yet he's old enough and educated enough to be going to school to become a surgeon? Something doesn't add up, IMO.

[mcmom4]

Only pictures. He just started classes in Ukraine. He sent me some of his high school pictures and pictures of his "dorm room" and roommates. He has sent me pics of his home also.

 

He told me that he was raised a Christian and his parents were raised Christian. I asked him how he heard the Gospel. He said the British brought the Gospel to their area many many years ago, so that is all he has been raised in. He said he was very thankful for his heritage and that he was raised like this. His father is a truck driver and his mother a beautician. He has one brother who is also in school somewhere.

 

As I said, his classes in Ukraine just started a couple weeks ago. His first roommate was a devout Hindu and was very nasty to our pen pal, so he changed rooms. They put him with more Indian boys, but they don't see to be very religious and they have been very kind to him, letting him use their computer, etc. He did not approach me first about sending him anything. I offered to send him some candy, like a small care package or something. That was last week. But tonight he gave me his address and asked if I could to please also send him the books. I did think this was forward....but then again I don't know what is "custom" for them....that's why I was asking questions here.

[gardening momma]

~I~ think he's a scammer. He will probably say anything he thinks you want to hear. I would test him (this could take quite some time, though). Politely refuse to send the books, and he will probably ask for something else, eventually. He might say he's in trouble and needs money wired to him (or a friend is in trouble, or he's out of gas in another town, etc...). Classic stuff. I'd keep politely refusing and see what he does.

[Donna A.]

~I~ think he's a scammer. He will probably say anything he thinks you want to hear. I would test him (this could take quite some time, though). Politely refuse to send the books, and he will probably ask for something else, eventually. He might say he's in trouble and needs money wired to him (or a friend is in trouble, or he's out of gas in another town, etc...). Classic stuff. I'd keep politely refusing and see what he does.

 

This is what I'm thinking, too. If he needs certain medical books for classes, the school should have a resource for him to get those books.

 

Why would an 18yo boy who has Christian parents that he seems proud of take up an attachment with American mother, claim to think of this American woman as a mother, and you've only been communicating with him a short time?

 

How did he get from India to the Ukraine? Who paid his way? I'm guessing that if his father is a truck driver and his mother is a beautician (if that's even true), they don't make much money. :confused: Somehow I'm thinking it's NOT Indian custom to write to strangers in America and ask them to send expensive medical books. Especially if he's already in college and should have access to all the medical books he needs.

[momchiroto2]

So having lived in India and now being married to a man from India. I would not necessarily consider this man a scammer :)

People in India can be a bit forward in asking of things, at least in my experience. So this does not sound unusual....If you do not wish to send him the books I would politely refuse :)

[zaichiki]

He says he never watches Indian movies...only HOllywood. I wondered why, but someone told me that Indian movies are much more provocative?? I don't know if that's true or not.

 

That's interesting. IME Indians enjoy Bollywood movies. (I have known/met many Indians, including SIL.)

[mcmom4]

I keep feeling like he is not a scammer. I have had several communications with him and have read all of his communications with my children. He has never asked for anything before, nor has he attempted to ask my children. He was pen pals with another family friend of ours before us and he never asked them for anything. My other friend's boys just grew up and grew uninterested in continuing to write him. Our Indian pen pal asks about that family all the time. But he never asked anything of them. He would always mail them little trinkets in the mail...stamps, etc. He did the same for us.

 

I hate to think the worst of someone right off the bat. And that is why I wanted to see if anyone knew what would be "normal" for Indian customs.

 

I don't know why he would consider me his mother other than I have talked with him as a son. I have corrected him on things and encouraged him in other things such as choosing friends, etc. He says there is distance with his parents, but I don't know what that means. He says they are good people, but I tend to think he just does not have conversations with his family as he has with me....nothing deep, just religious type conversations and things like that. He says his father is a good Christian, but very stern and unapproachable. I wondered if this was not the way Indian men were....I don't know.

 

I don't know how he got to the Ukraine. I know he does not have many things his other friends has....as I learned just through general conversation....such as a laptop or spare money or the ability to go home and visit his family. He won't see them until next summer. He misses them.

 

I don't know the truth about Bollywood....I never heard of that before. He just said he never watches them and someone told me they were very provocative. His church and his father condemns any tv watching, but he says he is careful in what he watches. I don't know.

[Mabelen]

Christianity has been around India for a while, really ever since the Europeans turned up to do trading and set up posts (Portuguese, Dutch, British). There are many Christian families that go back generations, it's not just recent converts.

 

I would just be very straightforward with him and let him know that you can't afford the books and won't be sending them, the candy offer was a SMALL sign of appreciation. If he is genuine, he will understand, if he is not, he will realize you are not a pushover.

 

As far as how he is studying in the Ukraine, it could be his family paying his way or a grant (scholarship). My father in law did a one year postgrad course back in the 60s in the old USSR.

 

Bollywood movies are indeed very dramatic and colorful, plenty of singing and dancing and costumes. I would not say they are provocative, much the opposite, they are nowhere near as explicit as western cinema. Public displays of affection are highly disaproved of in Indian society.

[kalanamak]

So having lived in India and now being married to a man from India. I would not necessarily consider this man a scammer :)

People in India can be a bit forward in asking of things, at least in my experience. So this does not sound unusual....If you do not wish to send him the books I would politely refuse :)

 

:iagree:I didn't live there but between my medical training (lots of kids FOB) and my marriage (most of our friends were Indian or Pakistani) makes me agree. He MAY be, but I haven't heard big alarms.

 

My ex had relatives who went to med school in Russia. One still worked there.

 

I don't know what language his med school is using, but he may find his English is much better than his Russian, and he'd like some books in English. If you can PM me with the titles if you'd like.

[jld]

I'm going to ask dh about this. He runs a factory here in India, and may have some insight for you.

 

I'd do what the other posters have suggested, and set firm boundaries, like not having financial dealings with him. And, really, he has his mom; does he really need you? And you have your own kids, right? Do you really have the energy for this? No one wants to see you taken advantage of in any way.

 

But, certainly, you have the freedom to handle this however you wish.

[mcmom4]

all of you taking time to chat with me about this. It has all been very helpful.

Thanks so much. And I am still open to any other thoughts. :o)

[dangermom]

I don't know why he would consider me his mother other than I have talked with him as a son.

I wouldn't worry about that too much, it seems to be fairly common as a sort of courtesy/affection thing.

 

I like Bollywood movies a lot! In the past several years they have gotten more provocative as they try to catch up with Hollywood, but there are lots of great movies so I'm a little puzzled by that. Until a few years ago kissing was unusual, but they make up for that with song/dance numbers that can sometimes get pretty steamy (just more suggested than shown, IYKWIM).

[mcmom4]

yes, I wondered this, too. I know that his church is strongly against tv, calling it the devil's box. I asked him about his watching Hollywood movies once and he said he is very careful. I wondered why he didn't watch Indian movies until someone told me they were provocative and I thought "well, maybe our movies are tamer than theirs...." lol. It made sense to me at the time, thinking he was choosing the lesser of two evils for the devil box. :o)

 

And he calls me Aunt all the time. He just seems very lonely to me.

[indigomama]

I'm sorry but reading your posts have put up a lot of red flags for me. I would suggest you send nothing and maybe limit your emails for a little while and see how things go.

While I was in high school a young man from Africa came to live with a very wealthy family from our church. I'm not exactly sure how they met but the family was sponsoring is stay in the US to attend seminary. He spoke Spanish and agreed to accompany our youth group on a trip to Mexico, which is where I met him. He became very interested in me and asked if I would help him with his English. I agreed. Over a few weeks tutoring, he told me that his family wasn't really Christian, that he wasn't planning on going to the seminary and then when he found out I was poor that he didn't need tutoring any longer. Things got out and he disappeared. I don't know what ever happened to him but many people were very hurt. He had been VERY convincing.

Also, I've lived in Ukraine and have many friends who still do including Ukrainians and they would never attend Medical school in Ukraine and do not go to the Ukrainian doctors.

Just be cautious and everything turns out good, great:001_smile:

[jld]

Dh said he may be genuine, or may not be. You have to make the call. If you decide to help him, dh suggested you do it the Indian way: only give him half or a quarter of what he asks. For example, you could offer to buy less expensive books than the ones he is asking for. Dh said it is common in Indian culture for people to ask for things, but they do not expect to get as much as they ask for, and they won't respect you if you give everything they request. He said his company is considering buying an Indian company, and the company is asking ten million. Dh's company is offering one hundred thousand.:D

[Kate in Arabia]

I don't know why he would consider me his mother other than I have talked with him as a son. I have corrected him on things and encouraged him in other things such as choosing friends, etc. He says there is distance with his parents, but I don't know what that means. He says they are good people, but I tend to think he just does not have conversations with his family as he has with me....nothing deep, just religious type conversations and things like that.

I don't know if it is true for him, but the dynamic in dh's family (he's from Mumbai) is quite different from the typical American one. The level of respect and deference afforded parents is way beyond what is true in my own family, at least. I'm not rude or disrespectful to my parents, lol, but the way dh is expected to speak with his parents, what he can discuss with them frankly, etc. is quite different in my experience. In general, it's a lot of them speaking and him deferentially listening.

 

And he calls me Aunt all the time.

This is a cultural custom. My kids call every adult "auntie" or "uncle", except for immediate family.

 

Edited to add:

 

I also call anyone elder than I am from that culture "auntie/uncle" (by "elder" I mean from my parents' generation or older).

Edited November 15, 2010 by Kate in Arabia
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[lionfamily1999]

I don't know if it is true for him, but the dynamic in dh's family (he's from Mumbai) is quite different from the typical American one. The level of respect and deference afforded parents is way beyond what is true in my own family, at least. I'm not rude or disrespectful to my parents, lol, but the way dh is expected to speak with his parents, what he can discuss with them frankly, etc. is quite different in my experience. In general, it's a lot of them speaking and him deferentially listening.

 

This is a cultural custom. My kids call every adult "auntie" or "uncle", except for immediate family.

 

Edited to add:

 

I also call anyone elder than I am from that culture "auntie/uncle" (by "elder" I mean from my parents' generation or older).

The more I read and think on this, the more I see the "red flags" as cultural misunderstandings. Kate's post has clarified a bit of that. Besides, what would he do with medical books, besides study medicine? I mean, he could sell them, but... wouldn't he choose something more likely to sell (a radio for his dorm room, for instance).

[Donna A.]

The more I read and think on this, the more I see the "red flags" as cultural misunderstandings. Kate's post has clarified a bit of that. Besides, what would he do with medical books, besides study medicine? I mean, he could sell them, but... wouldn't he choose something more likely to sell (a radio for his dorm room, for instance).

 

I wasn't thinking about him wanting to turn around and sell them. I was thinking in terms of him taking advantage of this kind, generous, "motherly" American woman to help fund his needs, particularly if his own parents are poor or middle class. That's why I had asked who funded his way to the Ukraine, who's paying for college, etc. If he's "an American at heart", why did he go to school there and not America? And then seeing the pp who said that basically no one GOES to med school in the Ukraine, or even sees the doctors there... :confused:

 

Something about that story isn't adding up. There's something missing. Even if he's telling the truth about what he's said so far, he's leaving out something.

 

To the OP.... what does your dh say about all this?

[stripe]

what I was thinking. That maybe he just assumes I have lots of money. He says he never watches Indian movies...only HOllywood. I wondered why, but someone told me that Indian movies are much more provocative?? I don't know if that's true or not.

Bollywood movies are NOT more provocative. They include lots of dancing and singing, but the most anyone ever does (and rarely) is kiss. Successful romances end in marriage, without any sex scenes.

 

India has much cheaper books than the US so it's possible he doesn't realize they are very expensive, but I wouldn't send him expensive presents.

 

Something sounds "off" about this to me, so I would proceed with caution. I don't think saying you're like a mother is alarming, but the drama is a bit strange.

[Laurie4b]

Christianity has been around India for a while, really ever since the Europeans turned up to do trading and set up posts (Portuguese, Dutch, British). There are many Christian families that go back generations, it's not just recent converts.

 

.

 

Actually, if you ask Indian Christians in places such as Kerilla, they will say Christianity goes back to the apostle Thomas. The one person I know of Indian thnicity from that area has the surname of Thomas.

 

(Family immigrated when he was young, so is American in culture, so I can't answer OP's q's.)

[lionfamily1999]

I wasn't thinking about him wanting to turn around and sell them. I was thinking in terms of him taking advantage of this kind, generous, "motherly" American woman to help fund his needs, particularly if his own parents are poor or middle class. That's why I had asked who funded his way to the Ukraine, who's paying for college, etc. If he's "an American at heart", why did he go to school there and not America? And then seeing the pp who said that basically no one GOES to med school in the Ukraine, or even sees the doctors there... :confused:

 

Something about that story isn't adding up. There's something missing. Even if he's telling the truth about what he's said so far, he's leaving out something.

 

To the OP.... what does your dh say about all this?

I'm trying to relook at what I thought were red flags. One of those was him asking for the expensive books. Thinking on it further, I wonder what you could do with medical books if you weren't using them to study.

 

I think that some of the flags that I have seen are more because of cultural differences than anything else. Who knows, maybe he didn't think the MadTV clip would be a bad thing to send, because he assumes that all Americans watch that show anyway. Maybe he says these things about not marrying a woman from his own country, because he thinks Americans dislike or distrust foreigners. Maybe a lot of what seems like red flags are the result of his being from a very different culture and only knowing what the USA is like from that perspective.

 

IOW, I'm right about where the OP was to begin with. :p

[mcmom4]

As I have been chatting with a couple ladies off line, I am learning that I think it is more of cultural differences than anything. And I say the books are expensive, because they are expensive to me. Perhaps they are not so much for others. I am looking on paperback swap and they have some there, just not sure of the edition.

Well, there is a huge Medical University in Kharkov, Ukraine, which is where he says he is going. I think he is really going there. There seems to be quite a good bit of Indians attending there. He has shown me pics of his "dorm" room, he calls hostels. He has shown me pics of his roommates and other residents there.

[MBM]

Just be aware that once your care package arrives in Ukraine, items might be removed. My SIL is Ukrainian. She sends care packages to her mother and father often and always adds extra things for the inspectors to take. Little bottles of perfume, samples of makeup, candy, etc.

[mcmom4]

heads up on the care packages! I will need to remember that!

 

Well, I emailed this young man last night letting him know that the books were expensive and I wouldn't be able to send them. I told him that I would try to find some used and then it depended on if I could afford postage.

 

He replied saying for me to please not to worry about books. It is fine if I never sent anything and that he can make do with what he has. He said to please forget about the books, but to just send love since that is the greatest thing.

 

I feel much better about him and the situation.

Thank you all!

[kalanamak]

If he's "an American at heart", why did he go to school there and not America? And then seeing the pp who said that basically no one GOES to med school in the Ukraine, or even sees the doctors there... :confused:

 

If you google about, you can find forums of people doing the international med student thing, and it appears doing your first year in Ukraine, learning the language and proving you can do it, many hope to "move up" to a second year spot in Russia.

 

AFAIR, India doesn't recognize these degrees, yet Russian grads do come to the US to train (e.g. I work with a psychiatrist who was an OB/GYN in Russia for a few years first). You go to Russia, etc. if you can't get into an Indian school (or a decent one, some, I'm told, are horrid) and don't mind not being able to go back there to practice. Perhaps his religious affiliation has connections in Ukraine. I know a urologist who is an Adventist, and he goes there every year (his ancestors were from there) to do mission work. My hospital sometimes gets Ukrainians who are members of a fundamentalist church I think of as very USian.

 

I used to hear quite lively tales of escape or bribing or defecting or whatever, all to get to the US and take medical jobs no USians really want, e.g. doing psychiatry in rural Kentucky. (One Polish doc I knew told me he wished he'd gone to dental school, too. :lol: Opppps, that's going to offend someone.)

[mcmom4]

that is interesting. I will try to google that. I will just ask him why he went there to study. I was thinking because it was cheaper. But that was my assumption. I didn't realize the things you mentioned. :o)

[Mrs Mungo]

I would just cut off from this guy. Don't be naive; he wants money and you are the potential source. There are users everywhere, and this looks like one of them.

 

If you want to help people, why not look right in your own community?

 

 

I have to agree. I have seen lots and lots of fakes on the net, including people who bide their time for years before having a fire or something and when there is an outpouring of help it's "lol, got you, suckers!" I hate to be incredibly cynical, but this seems like a classic case to me.

[mcmom4]

Ukraine woos Indian students

 

NEW DELHI: Ukraine is the latest among several countries that are queuing up with offers for Indian students who aspire to study abroad.

 

The eastern European country has recently set up an office in New Delhi to support Indian students in taking admission in its various universities and educational institutions.

 

The ministry of education and science in Ukraine has appointed Proactive Group, a member of International Chamber of Commerce and partner of 30 leading Ukrainian universities, as its official partner in India to facilitate easy movement of students to that country.

 

"Over the years, Ukraine, owing to its world-class education system, infrastructure and universities has emerged as one amidst top 10 countries that attract maximum number of international students. Supported by the Ukrainian government, we guarantee transparent process of enrolling into the university and a clear fee policy," Yuri Gorokhovskyi, CEO, Proactive Group said.

 

About 3,000 Indian students are studying in Ukraine. As of now, Indian students opting for education programmes in Ukraine were assisted by independent agents who offered only limited service.

 

"Being an official partner of State Center of International Education in Ukraine, we focus on India and Ukraine only. Besides, we also work closely with major Ukrainian and international businesses to help our students in getting employment in Ukraine and other European countries," he said.

 

According to him, the number of international students in Ukraine, especially those going from India is poised to increase rapidly because the cost of studying in Ukraine is much cheaper than in Western Europe, USA, Australia and for some courses even cheaper than in India.

 

Ukraine is a part of the Bologna process (European Higher Education Area) which stands for uniform academic degree standards and quality assurance standards with 46 participating countries.

 

According to a research conducted by Industry body ASSOCHAM, over $13 billion is spent every year by about 450,000 Indian students enrolled in higher education abroad as they are not accommodated by domestic institutions.

[kalanamak]

I have to agree. I have seen lots and lots of fakes on the net, including people who bide their time for years before having a fire or something and when there is an outpouring of help it's "lol, got you, suckers!" I hate to be incredibly cynical, but this seems like a classic case to me.

 

I'm lucky to say I've never met someone who bided their time for years. I have met well over 200 people I've met on line, including flying to Europe to tour it with an ENT doc I'd met on a cooking group. (Another foodie met me on the layover in Chicago and brought me a terrific homecooked meal, and we met more boardies in Paris.)

 

No creeps or snuff parties yet :D.

[Mrs Mungo]

I'm lucky to say I've never met someone who bided their time for years. I have met well over 200 people I've met on line, including flying to Europe to tour it with an ENT doc I'd met on a cooking group. (Another foodie met me on the layover in Chicago and brought me a terrific homecooked meal, and we met more boardies in Paris.)

 

No creeps or snuff parties yet :D.

 

 

Don't get me wrong. I have met some fabulous people on the net. Two of my best friends are people I have met online. However, I have run across at least 3 serious fakes, all on different boards, all playing a sympathy con. Something feels off to me about this; I would be very wary in the OP's shoes.

[tex-mex]

Today he asked if I would also send him two books (Medical dictionaries he needs for school) while I send the candy. I looked the books up and they are quite expensive. I was surprised he asked this of me!

 

Hubby found this to be the case from fellow pastors in the India region he worked in. I think it is more cultural than religious, to be honest. It is common to be asked as a foreigner if you'd like to have an arranged marriage with a ds or dd -- if they think you can offer their child an opportunity, which makes $$$ sense.

 

Many pastors gave correspondence to hubby asking directly for money long after he left India. One pastor demanded we foot the entire bill for the festival than ran into the thousands of dollars. We kindly said no. Again, the boldness of asking is common, IMO. Personally, once you give -- it sets up a impossible situation in the next thing they ask is more pricey. I would not do it unless you met the person and know them by reputation. We give only to those in India we worked with in person and developed a relationship over the years.

Edited November 16, 2010 by tex-mex

[tex-mex]

So having lived in India and now being married to a man from India. I would not necessarily consider this man a scammer :)

People in India can be a bit forward in asking of things, at least in my experience. So this does not sound unusual....If you do not wish to send him the books I would politely refuse :)

:iagree::iagree:

[kalanamak]

Don't get me wrong. I have met some fabulous people on the net. Two of my best friends are people I have met online. However, I have run across at least 3 serious fakes, all on different boards, all playing a sympathy con.

 

For years? Most cons do not have that patience, particularly on line cons.

[Mrs Mungo]

For years? Most cons do not have that patience, particularly on line cons.

 

Yes, in one case. I would imagine they had several things going at once and just waited for the right opportunity on that particular board, which was small and wary.

[mcmom4]

this young man is a scammer. He was pen pals with someone before us and never asked anything. His best friend and sister was pen pals with a family in our homeschool group for 6-7 years and nothing was ever asked. I did tell him that I could not send the books and he seemed totally fine with it, telling me to please not worry about it. I am seeing that there is a good bit of cultural differences here, but also immaturity on his part.

I really do appreciate everyone's time in responding and helping me to process through this.

Blessings!