Attitude and arrogance in middle-school-aged boys.....

[Janie]

I've got a couple of boys in 6th grade who are overwhelmingly arrogant and disrespectful. One (the mouthy, talk-back, has-to-have-the-last-word one) is worse than the other (who complies but carves "kill" into the desk when rebuked).

 

You know, even though I've already raised two boys to adulthood, I still have trouble dealing with these issues. It dawned on me this morning that it probably doesn't matter how much we say that such-and-such activity or expressions are disrespectful or arrogant because they do not see that these actions are disrespectful / arrogant, so they have no real reason to comply. Disciplinary measures are being taken but this is only dealing with the disobedient action, not the inner attitude.

 

I'd love to hear some advice about all this. I've talked to one parent and have a conference with another next week. To complicate things, both students are children of teachers at the school.

 

Thanks for any advice!

[gardenmom5]

Well, at least you won't have them next year . . .

 

I have one still in that obnoxious stage, and one who his now out of it.

 

My gut makes me think they both have different reasons for their behavior, and so would require different "methods" of solving it.

 

Have you ever talked to either of them to figure out what is behind it? To try and figure out how their little minds are thinking? what are their *rewards*? what's motivating them so-to-speak.

 

does the mouthy one do it in front of an audience? Is he receiving any "prestige" from his peers for it? (or just having fun exasperating mom) I may be way off base, but I recall one mom who was sick-and-tired of getting called to the principals office. she noticed her son and his buddy were having a great time being "in trouble". It gave them a certain "status". she put an end to it with the major parental embarassment in front of friends tactic - big smoochy kisses in front of his peers, and worst of all "girls". How glad she was she could rush right down - hinting next time she might be covered in mud. Or curlers. She was never callled to the prinicpal's office again.

 

the passive-aggressive one makes me think of a child who is in a great deal of hurt.

 

As I said, I may be way off base, but those are just my thoughts.

 

Cheers

Edited November 13, 2010 by gardenmom5

[Renee in NC]

It has been my experience that the only thing that "cures" this is time. In a few years most of them grow out of it. If we let them live that long!:tongue_smilie: