Can you teach a child to strive for more than the minimum necessary?

[Onceuponatime]

Or is it a personality thing? So many times my children have asked "Why?" when I suggest going a little further for the sake of excellence, or experience, or just plain self satisfaction. They rarely choose to do more than they absolutely have to for anything.

 

Is there any way to get them to understand the mindset of going above and beyond?

[Mom in High Heels]

That is a great question. I have no idea. I'll be watching this thread for ideas though.

[Carrie12345]

What age group are you talking?

 

It's a concept we struggle with for the 12yo. Our strongest tactics have been relating the less-fun points to his favorite subjects and activities, along with stressing future opportunities and the idea that all of the doors are currently open, but so many can be closed depending on his actions.

 

He is 12 though, so I expect some resistance to hard work. I'm just hoping I'm planting seeds that will take root in the next couple of years.

[goldberry]

I have a kid like this, and it is very frustrating. I have always been somewhat of an "over-achiever". I always look for ways to do things better, and I'm never satisfied with doing the bare minimum.

 

My kid is NOT LIKE THIS. Her favorite phrase is "that's good enough".:rolleyes: She has been this way since toddlerhood, and remains this way at 11. If there is anyway to help her, I sure don't know it.

 

Honestly this is why I signed up for teacher support with the cirriculum I'm using. I paid alot of extra money, not really for the "teaching" help, but more for her to be able to hear some outside judgment. It has helped when the teacher has been the one to say "that work was really sloppy, I know you can do better". Or, "I think you could have put more effort into this."

 

It impacts her more coming from outside sources. She just rolls her eyes at me. That's the only thing I have found that makes any difference. We have talked for years about how your work reflects on who you are, etc. Nothing has helped. Discouraging!

[Onceuponatime]

What age group are you talking?

 

It's a concept we struggle with for the 12yo. Our strongest tactics have been relating the less-fun points to his favorite subjects and activities, along with stressing future opportunities and the idea that all of the doors are currently open, but so many can be closed depending on his actions.

 

He is 12 though, so I expect some resistance to hard work. I'm just hoping I'm planting seeds that will take root in the next couple of years.

 

You may have something, the one that is frustrating me the most in this area is 11 1/2yo.

[delaney]

My 15 yr old is like this and it really frustrates me. He is just so lax with school work and turning stuff in. My threat is to pull him out of public school if he doesn't get his act together. And feedback from teachers in public high school is just isn't realistic. You are lucky of you get any notice before the report card comes home with a big fat C on it.

[Spryte]

Our 19 year old has always been a "minimum amount of work necessary" type of guy. He didn't have the benefit of homeschooling, though. He was privately then publicly schooled through high school. We hoped for more in college, that his sense of competitiveness would kick in... but nope. Not this kid. But he has other issues, which are fairly intense at the moment, so there is still hope that once he finds his stride again, things will improve.

 

This seems to be a personality thing for our older son, honestly, but I sure would like to learn to foster a longing to strive for excellence in our younger kiddo. At this point, our younger one has a radically different personality from his big brother, and any tips for keeping the fire for over-achieving alive would be helpful.

[Garga]

I was always the "just enough to get by" type of person, until I had a job that demanded excellence or they fired us. I was lucky--I got that job when I was 20 and newly married and we NEEDED the money, so I learned it relatively early in life. Now I often go above and beyond, because I learned the benefits of it at a job.

 

 

My kids are small. I don't know how to foster that sense of doing something well for the accomplishment of it. I'm thinking that, like the other poster said, maybe it needs to come from an outside person? I'm not sure how to make that happen for myself, but maybe you can brainstorm. Is there a place that would take a kid in an "apprentice" them? The maintenance guy at church? A farm? Get a co-op teacher to agree to be particularly demanding?

[treestarfae]

I think kids learn from example. If you are a confident, aggressive person with learning things yourself then that transfers. I'm always exited to learn things and my kids are too. It's attitude and enthusiam that you exude.

[TechWife]

I wish it was that easy.

[CoastalGal]

Our strongest tactics have been relating the less-fun points to his favorite subjects and activities, along with stressing future opportunities and the idea that all of the doors are currently open, but so many can be closed depending on his actions.

 

 

I like this...open door/closed door...I think I'll use this on my 17 yo and 11yo.

 

I think kids learn from example. If you are a confident, aggressive person with learning things yourself then that transfers. I'm always exited to learn things and my kids are too. It's attitude and enthusiam that you exude.

 

I don't know that I agree...I'm an "over-achiever"...my 17 yo and 11 yo are happy with whatever gets them by. My 14 yo, however, is another "over-achiever"...she isn't happy with anything less than "above and beyond".

[Pretty in Pink]

I work hard when I am motivated to reach goals that I have set for myself. I encourage my children to "dream big" and work hard now so that they will be able to reach any goals that they set for themselves in the future. That doesn't mean that they always do their work joyfully, but more often than not they are willing to put in the effort that we expect from them. I'd even go so far as to say that, more often than not, they do so without complaining.

 

That said, I make a strong effort to keep them well-stocked with science kits, a never ending supply of books, new art supplies, and other materials that they will *enjoy* exploring.

 

This has worked well so far with my eldest ds, 12, and my 7 and 4 yos are quite enthusiastic about most of their lessons. They have always been HSed, which I think makes a difference.