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Honestly, I felt that way before I delivered my second. I had nursed my first until 2 months before my second was born, and I was DONE with nursing. I was so touched out, sore and miserable, and I was heartbroken but was actually making plans for bottle feeding. When she was actually born, though, I resumed nursing joyfully and had no problems or frustrations (beyond the usual ones, of course!).

 

This may happen for her, or she may go ahead and bottle feed. I'm as big a nursing advocate as you'll find, but really, she's just going to need to do what she feels she needs to do. Her body and instincts will drive her decision. There's not much you can do about it, since it doesn't really affect you. But I do know how hard it is to watch. My cousin had such terrible problems with her first that she didn't even bother with her second, and I truly believe that her first had other things going on that the second didn't. But...what could I do? :grouphug:

 

ETA: I also think that the bottle-feeding mamas here will tell you they bonded with their babies just fine, so I really wouldn't worry about that.

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Gosh, I wish she would consider nursing just for a few weeks even...for the health of the baby. Sad.

:iagree:

 

Is she merely acting out of emotion? I understand how difficult it can be to be nursing for so long. I've been breastfeeding for over 3 years straight, I even tandem nursed! She needs to consider many factors, even beyond the bonding aspect of breastfeeding.

 

Breastmilk is made specifically for her baby!

 

Formula costs a lot of $$!!!!

 

Formula takes time and energy to make and prep. Breastfeeding just requires a baby and a momma. ;)

 

Is she willing to take the risk of more Formula Recalls?:confused:

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Well, there was pretty much that entire generation or two that exclusively bottle fed. I don't think they had trouble bonding.

 

Breast feeding is not the be all and end all of babyhood/parenting/whatever. There are many valid reasons mother's choose bottle feeding over nursing.

Support your sister in her decision.

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I'm sure the bonding will be fine. Lots of people don't breastfeed.

 

But I have always thought that bottle feeding would be much more time consuming and a PITA than breastfeeding. All those bottles to wash, getting up in the middle of the night to fix a bottle rather than just rolling over and flopping the breast out....Not for me!

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Well, there was pretty much that entire generation or two that exclusively bottle fed. I don't think they had trouble bonding.

 

Breast feeding is not the be all and end all of babyhood/parenting/whatever. There are many valid reasons mother's choose bottle feeding over nursing.

Support your sister in her decision.

 

:iagree:

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Well - a friend of mine breastfed her first baby, but then bottlefed all the rest (she has 5 altogether). The reason she gave for this was that she was concerned that her first child would feel left out if she breastfed another baby. I personally didn't see this, and had lots of cuddles and stories with older dc while breastfeeding the next baby, but there you go. We all have different views.

 

My personal take on this one would be that yes, breastmilk is perfect and however much the formula companies claim to be "even closer to breastmilk", you do begin to wonder how far away they were in the first place, and how far have they still got to go? Also, IMO, it's a pain to be warming bottles for screeching babies, especially in the night. BUT. Many people do bottlefeed, and I don't believe this means they can't bond with their babies. Dh was bottlefed as a baby; he's still close to his mom and he's no less healthy than me to date. Apparently, back in the 17th century, there was a man whose mother had died in childbirth; he'd been reared on beer and porridge by his grandmother, and lived to be 70.

 

If your sister has chosen to bottlefeed (and sticks with this choice) then IMO that is totally hers to make. As another post said, the best thing to do is to support her in her choice. :001_smile:

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I get really tired of hearing that my dc aren't as bonded to me as someone else's children are to them because they breast fed and I didn't. I defy anyone to prove that your breastfed baby is more bonded to you than my baby is to me.

 

I also get tired of the whole "your children won't be as healthy as mine" argument. I have a dear friend, she has 8 dc, and she has breast fed everyone of them. 5 of them have more than one allergy and have been far sicker than any of my allergy free dc have ever been.

 

I don't think there is anything special about choosing to breast-feed. If you choose to, well whoopee! If you choose to bottle-feed, well whatever! Women who choose to breast-feed and their children are not superior in anyway to women who choose to bottle feed and their children.

:rant:

 

 

 

I did breast-feed my first dc. I bottle-fed my other 4 and I can honestly tell you that I felt happier and more relaxed with the bottle fed ones and every-bit as close and bonded to them. I'll also mention the incredible bonding time my dh got to spend feeding the other 4.

 

Imo, you need to keep your opinions about not being able to bond with a bottle-fed baby to yourself. Your sister probably doesn't need the added stress of feeling like she is disappointing you. As I'm sure you would never intend to do. I think her husband has the right idea.

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I'm an advocate of BFing, but honestly I don't see lack of bonding in babies who are bottle fed in my social circle.

 

My most recent baby was exclusively BF until last week, when I needed to take some medication she could not have. So I have to bottle feed her while the med is in my system (for migraines so it is short acting, a couple of feeds when I need to take it). I still hold her, talk to her and coo and smile at her while she eats. Plenty of bonding going on even with the bottle. ;)

 

I can't imagine exclusively bottle feeding #4 though - this is baby #4 for me too. I'm still adjusting to having 4 and am a bit scatterbrained getting us out of the house. I would definitely forget either the bottle or the formula or SOMETHING when we went out. But luckily my milk travels where I go so I'm safe - so convenient. LOL

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I bf'ed Becca for 16.5 months. She got occasional bottles of formula when I was away, but the majority of her milk was breastmilk.

 

Sylvia, on the other hand, was supplemented with formula from birth because she was a sleepy jaundiced preemie. I struggled to bf her because I was stressed out due to other things and I only made it about 7 months with her.

 

Want to guess which girl is Mommy's girl? It's Sylvia. So I don't believe any hype about bottlefed babies not bonding as well. It's hogwash.

 

Your sister is making an agonizing decision - just nod and smile and support her. The last thing she needs is condemnation.

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SOoooo sorry ladies...I thought by saying "I know folks choose to bottle feed for a variety of reasons and I know breastfeeding is not for everyone" that I made it clear that I wasn't trying to offend anyone by my question. I should have stated things differently. I wasn't breastfeed and I was a much healthier baby than my sister who was. I truly apologize for any offense taken. My concern is that SHE is fighting the feeling of guilt for nursing the first 3 and not this one. I'm just not sure if I should tell her what she wants to hear or encourage her in another direction. She has copious amounts of milk, so I joked that she could store up enough milk in the first 2 weeks to feed for 6 weeks. :)

 

Thanks to those who took my question for how it was meant. :blushing:

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I chose to bottle feed my youngest daughter and breastfed my older daughter. My older daughter was failure to thrive for several months, and just wasn't doing well breastfeeding alone, so I supplemented. It was a very very stressful time, and I was also had minor postpartum depression. I know no one is supposed to say this, but I really just didn't like breastfeeding, but I did it because I know it's best.

 

After I had my younger daughter, I tried breastfeeding, but then she wasn't gaining weight either. While it was only the first week and I wasn't actually worried about it because it's normal in the first week, a flood of negative emotions came up and I felt emotionally down every time I tried breastfeeding. So I made the decision to stop. It wasn't worth it for my sanity.

 

I think there are lots of legitimate reasons not to breastfeed. I feel like I've bonded with my daughters just fine, and they are both healthy. I have no regrets. I will not breastfeed my future kids, I think. I may change my mind later, but that's where I am now, and I feel very comfortable with that decision. My husband was breastfed, I was bottle fed. We are both close with our moms and I'm healthier than he is. I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure your nephew will be just fine. :001_smile:

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Well, there was pretty much that entire generation or two that exclusively bottle fed. I don't think they had trouble bonding.

 

Breast feeding is not the be all and end all of babyhood/parenting/whatever. There are many valid reasons mother's choose bottle feeding over nursing.

Support your sister in her decision.

 

:iagree: I nursed my dd and bottle fed my son. BFing stressed me out to no end and I got to the point where I resented feedings. I started out bottle feeding ds from the beginning and he had the most mellow, easy going infancy. The bonding will come from having a loving, attentive parent, not the make-up of the food.

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I breastfeed my first 2. My third child wouldn't latch, and didn't take to it like I had hoped. So after trying all the positions and anything else, I had to bottle feed. I was worried about the bonding but he's the youngest, and very much a mama's boy. I don't see a difference in bonding between breastfeeding and bottle feeding. It has to do with mindset, I believe. She can still hold the baby close to her as if she was breastfeeding. I do know that breastfeeding is beneficial to both mama and baby during those transition weeks, not just health reasons or financial reasons. I hadn't had any problems in the bonding area either way!

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I've bonded with my bottle-fed babies just as much and as immediately as my breastfed babies.

 

You're still holding the baby in your arms, against your chest, staring into their eyes. The only difference is a boob is or isn't in their mouth.

 

That said I would hope she decides to breastfeed for at least a couple weeks. It really is a small sacrifice for amazing health benefits. If I went back and did it all over I'd breastfeed my second daughter. She is the sickest of all my kids and I really wonder if being breastfed would have changed that.

I think it would have :(

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I might be the odd one out but here goes. I have 3 kids. My oldest was bf'd for 2 months and the other two for at least 15 months each. I do feel like I have not bonded with my oldest like I did the other two. I feel very sad about this and I had tremendous guilt until my youngest was weaned when my oldest was 6.

 

Kelly

 

This. I love my eldest to pieces and we have a great relationship, but after breastfeeding my second for two years I really feel like we missed out on something by stopping breastfeeding around 6 weeks or so (terrible latch problems, PPD and lack of support were my contributing causes). That early closeness...I regret missing it.

 

I can't imagine not wanting to breastfeed a new baby after having done so before.

 

And I'm not arguing with the folks who say they have a great bond despite bottle feeding, but I've known plenty of moms who haven't bonded as well with their infants because of it (and sometimes because of traumatic birth experiences, but that's a whole other story). Just because it's not a factor for everyone doesn't mean it's never a factor.

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I b'fed 2 and adopted 1 in the middle, so 1 of 3 obviously wasn't breastfed. I do not feel any difference in my bond with her and my bio/b'fed children.

 

With each of my bio children, there was a moment I felt the bond "click," and it was the same with my adopted daughter. It took 2 or 3 days with her, but it took a day or two with my first bio child as well (she was a super-difficult delivery, and I understand that this commonly delays bonding by a bit). Anyway, from then on, in all 3 cases, the bond has been there.

 

FWIW, I think you phrased the original question fairly and in no way implied judgment of your sister or anyone else who doesn't b'feed.

 

Terri

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I nursed 5 out of 6 kids for a year or more. The one daughter was only nursed for 3 months. They kids are much older now and there is no way that I have not been as bonded to the one who was bottled fed. Circumstances kept my wonderful SIL from nursing and she is one of the most bonded loving moms ever. If I could have more babies I would nurse them, but I wouldn't be worried about bonding if I couldn't.

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I nursed my first successfully and without too much trouble. I never even considered bottle feeding my 2nd until she wouldn't latch on in the hospital. In order to leave the hospital, they made her take a bottle.

 

When we got home, I tried again. Unsuccessfully. It was (and still is) one of the most painful decisions I've ever made. I felt like a huge failure. She was just very weak, and wasn't strong enough to nurse. I didn't know there was help (things like La Leche league), so I ended up bottle feeding her.

 

My husband would get up in the night to help feed her. I would feel terrible.

 

With my 3rd, I wouldn't let the hospital nurses take him to bathe him or pretty much do anything with him. I was determined to nurse him, and felt that one reason my daughter had so much trouble was because of something the nurses gave her (probably not true.. I just had myself convinced). Anyway, he nursed successfully just like my 1st.

 

As far as bonding.... All 3 of my kids bonded without trouble, but I do feel like my feelings of failure with my daughter hindered some initial bonding on my part. Nothing she was feeling, just my own feelings of not being able to give her what I felt she needed. We're all very close though, and I don't feel any one of them has bonded differently than another.

 

If your sister has no issues with not nursing, then she'll probably be fine and so will her baby.

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OP, I don't think you need to feel awkward about the phrasing of your post.

 

All four of my babes were bottle fed and I have bonded beautifully with each of them. I do not think the experience of bottle vs. breastfeeding is all that different from the baby's perspective.

 

Bottle feeding was harder on me that it was on my babies, in terms of the bonding experience. I so wanted to nurse each of them. I would sit for hours fumbling with my broken breasts and my babies, praying and willing and hoping that milk would flow. I sobbed with every bottle I fed my babies during those first few weeks because I was still trying to nurse before every feeding. Those experiences were so very hard for me.

 

What I'm getting at is that maybe bonding is affected for the mother, and I guess baby might pick up on that if it goes on for the duration of bottle feeding. But I believe that if Mom is satisfied with her decision to bottle feed that it can be a good experience for both mother and baby.

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SOoooo sorry ladies...I thought by saying "I know folks choose to bottle feed for a variety of reasons and I know breastfeeding is not for everyone" that I made it clear that I wasn't trying to offend anyone by my question. I should have stated things differently. I wasn't breastfeed and I was a much healthier baby than my sister who was. I truly apologize for any offense taken. My concern is that SHE is fighting the feeling of guilt for nursing the first 3 and not this one. I'm just not sure if I should tell her what she wants to hear or encourage her in another direction. She has copious amounts of milk, so I joked that she could store up enough milk in the first 2 weeks to feed for 6 weeks. :)

 

Thanks to those who took my question for how it was meant. :blushing:

 

:grouphug: I didn't think you said anything wrong.

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"yea...I bottle fed after nursing my other babies and had no regrets"

 

Happy to help. :D

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I struggled with nursing my 1st and only nursed him 6 weeks and then I pumped for 5 mos. until introducing formula at 6 mos. But with the help of La Leched I persevered through the struggling phase and nursed nos. 2-6 anywhere between 10-15 mos. I was the LaLeche League poster child for our local newspaper...actually had my picture in the paper while nursing (tastefully, of course. :001_smile:) I started off nursing #7 but we started struggling after a day or two and I just said...ENOUGH! I have absolutely no desire to struggle through this again. I did pump for about 2 1/2 mos...not nearly as long as with #1 and then I put him on formula. I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!! We bonded just fine. It was so amazingly awesome for it NOT to be MY TURN to feed every time he was hungry. I guess I didn't realize how much nursing had taken it's toll on me. I was super happy to be done with it. There were times I was so euphoric I was sure La Leche was evil and was lying to women about the overwhelming benefits of breastfeeding. O.K. I'm sure I was still hormonal. ;) But seriously, I had a wonderful bottlefeeding experience. I didn't find washing bottles to be a pain in the butt. (Also, did you know that other people in the family can wash bottles besides the MOM?) I did not find that taking baby out of the house with a bottle was that taxing AT ALL. I'm not one to nurse in mixed company even with a covering....(I know, I know, my pic was in the paper...still) I didn't feel like I had to sit in my car or in a bathroom stall but I would excuse myself to a quiet corner or room to nurse. How amazing was it to actually stay part of the group WITH my baby WHILE feeding him or hubby feeding him or a friend who wanted a baby fix. It was sheer BLISS. I highly recommend it. As far as illness, my baby gets the occasional cold. He's never once been to the dr. for illness and has never taken antibiotics. He was raised on Sam's brand powdered formula. LOVE IT! He is still his momma's baby. It has not affected our bonding in any way.

 

Oh, and one more thing...Natural Family Planning (our method of choice) is a whole heck of a lot easier to use with confidence when you actually HAVE CYCLES. I didn't have a due date for #7 until I could get the ultrasound scheduled because I hadn't started cycling after #6. :tongue_smilie:

Edited by silliness7
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I have nursed all three of my boys for between 12-14mos each. Two of them never even had a bottle. If I have another one, I may just bottle feed from the beginning. My SIL has 4 kids and bottlefeeds her newborn. Honestly, it looks so great! She is not as tied to him, so she can still spend time with all of her kids and daddy and others get good bonding time with baby. Nursing babies do take lots of time from mom and I really think it would be hard to give all the kids attention while nursing. Also, after nursing for 3 out of 5 years I would want a break. I am all for nursing, but I don't blame people for wanting to be able to share feeding duties.

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I've always been curious to know how bonding is quantified and compared between breast and bottle fed. Since we adopted, breast feeding wasn't an option. But, my kids are as bonded as I imagine a breast fed child is and they are as healthy as horses. They never get sick. So... there! That's all I have to say!

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My SIL has 4 kids and bottlefeeds her newborn. Honestly, it looks so great! She is not as tied to him, so she can still spend time with all of her kids and daddy and others get good bonding time with baby. Nursing babies do take lots of time from mom and I really think it would be hard to give all the kids attention while nursing. Also, after nursing for 3 out of 5 years I would want a break. I am all for nursing, but I don't blame people for wanting to be able to share feeding duties.

 

:iagree: I've been pregnant and/or nursing for the past nine years. If it wasn't for cost and convenience, I would consider bottle feeding. My body is tired.

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Breastfeeding is just ONE of the bonders...not the be all, end all of bonding. Though I think she should give it a go, at least for a bit, I can understand the weariness of constant breastfeeding/pregnancy (so been there). Cut her some slack. She's going through an emotional time right now and feeling a lot of pressure.

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If she asks for advice or help, THEN you can give it.

 

I b'fed both of my dd's. 11 months for the 1st and 15 months for the 2nd.

 

There are things that are easier about it.

 

BUT there are things that are harder. YOU are the only one who can feed the baby.

 

I was exhausted with my 2nd child. They were 2 years apart and I couldn't sleep through the night (getting up to nurse every 2-3 hours) and I couldn't sleep through the day (getting up to nurse every 2-3 hours AND having a toddler.) If dh could have helped with feedings for the week he was off work and then, gotten up for even 1 feeding to let me sleep after he went back to work.......oh....that would have been heaven. I distinctly remember being so tired that I felt physically ill, like I needed to throw up. If we had a third and fourth child as close together as your sister.....mine would have ended up on bottles.

 

With all of those young kids......I can only imagine the exhaustion that she sees ahead of her.

Edited by snickelfritz
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I have to say it, I do know women that did this and regretted it. I work with a lovely mama that really wishes she hadn't made that choice. It seems some women do have bonding issues and some don't. to me it depends on HOW they bottle feed. There is a big difference between snuggling baby while bottlefeeding and propping a bottle and walking away. That isn't natural for baby and honestly is just wrong.

 

That said, maybe she will at least nurse the baby long enough for it to get the colostrum? Because despite what all these moms say, there IS a big health benefit to it.

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I'm sorry to hear that. My oldest and youngest are a little over 5 years apart and I breastfed/am breastfeeding them all. I've been nursing for the last six years, including one year of tandem nursing, with only a few months break. She may be sad about her decision later, but I'm sure she'll bond just fine to her little one. I would support her with whatever decision she makes.

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I haven't read all the replies, but having breastfed my first three, had to bottle-feed my twins. They were preemies, and very weak, and although I tried and tried, and went to lactation consultants, we were never successful with the nursing. Although before they were born I hadn't considered not breastfeeding, they ended up being bottle-fed.

 

I'll make a long story short. I bonded with them just fine. Sometimes it seems that nursing is a little more "sweet and cuddly", but bottle-fed babies can certainly bond with people just fine.

 

She's going to do what is best for her. It's hard I know to watch someone make a decision you disagree with. But, I'm sure that the baby will bond with her.

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Thanks for sharing some of your experiences. In hindsight, the word "bonding" was not the right word to use; should have pulled out the thesaurus. It's not a concern to me how baby's attachment will be relative to bottle vs nursing. I know all babies love their mommies regardless. My concern was for how my sister would feel long-term about the decision. I am the over-analyzer whereas my sister is on the other end of the spectrum. I was just curious how other's experience had been.

 

I really appreciate the constructive conversation. Most of the input has been very helpful. I probably will not chime in again, though, as my mind gets wrapped around the comments that seem to put me on the defense. I would never condemn my sister for anything she did. We are best friends and I would always support her. Going back to my original post, I stated..."I would feel like a bad sister if a couple months down the road she lamented not nursing this baby and I never brought up the issue. Likewise, I want to be a supportive sister if she really feels like this is the best decision for them right now." I can totally support her decision even if I don't agree with it. How many sisters agree with each other in everything and yet are each others number one fan?! :hurray:

 

(And a big thank you for those who shared kind words to balance out the not so kind. :001_smile:)

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Well, there was pretty much that entire generation or two that exclusively bottle fed. I don't think they had trouble bonding.

 

Breast feeding is not the be all and end all of babyhood/parenting/whatever. There are many valid reasons mother's choose bottle feeding over nursing.

Support your sister in her decision.

 

 

:iagree: Due to medication issues (which I will likely have again with this baby) I did not bf Indy. We never had a bonding issue. He's always been incredibly close to me. Bfing is not the only way to bond with your child.

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I have nursed all three of my boys for between 12-14mos each. Two of them never even had a bottle. If I have another one, I may just bottle feed from the beginning. My SIL has 4 kids and bottlefeeds her newborn. Honestly, it looks so great! She is not as tied to him, so she can still spend time with all of her kids and daddy and others get good bonding time with baby. Nursing babies do take lots of time from mom and I really think it would be hard to give all the kids attention while nursing. Also, after nursing for 3 out of 5 years I would want a break. I am all for nursing, but I don't blame people for wanting to be able to share feeding duties.

 

:iagree:

 

I've been pregnant or nursing nonstop for the last 6 years, and I enjoy nursing my little baby, but I frequently think that I could be doing a better job with my older children if someone else could feed the baby sometimes.

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:iagree:

:iagree:

I didn't breastfeed either of mine. I didn't try. I truly did not want to, had difficult pregnancies and c-sections, and just did not want to. I delayed having children in part because I thought that one day I'd decide I wanted to breastfeed, but it didn't happen. I know I was selfish.I know that's awful, and I know it's best to breastfeed and etc. But I'd make the same decision again. But I bonded with both of mine, and they are happy, healthy, well-adjusted children (4.5 and 19 months). They are not plagued with insecurities, allergies, or anything else. I didn't find bottle feeding to be a problem: I never warmed bottles, so they never wanted warmed bottles, and putting in a couple of scoops of formula and mixing it with water is no big deal.

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I was REALLY surprised when she told me she would probably bottle feed from the beginning. She nursed the other 3 for a long while; don't remember how long, but several months. She is just DONE with nursing. Her 3rd baby just turned a year. I am sure she has not mentioned this to me because she knew I would be sad about her decision. (I am expecting my 4th in March, but I have had several years between my kiddos so I've had breaks.) She knows how I feel about it, she knows nursing is best, she talked about having to get past the "guilt of not nursing this baby", etc. so I didn't press the issue. My question...has anyone made a similar decision? My concern, that she may not thought of, is the bonding issue.

 

Well, I know my opinion may be a bit unpopular here, but I didn't bf my ds, and I never even considered it. The idea never appealed to me at all.

 

I honestly don't understand why some people seem to be adamantly anti-bottlefeeding, or why they feel the need to disparage anyone who doesn't bf their babies. One mom actually came out and told me that bfing means you are good mother, while bottlefeeding moms are clearly inferior parents. :confused::confused::confused:

 

I don't think the method of feeding a baby is a key factor in whether or not a woman is a good or a bad parent, nor do I think it has anything to do with how quickly or how well she bonds with her child.

 

And Gloria, I should point out that I'm not criticizing your questions or your opinions -- I think you are being very fair-minded, and I know that your only concern is for your sister and her baby. I think the most important thing you can do is to encourage her not to feel at all guilty about her decision not to bf this time around. There's nothing wrong with bottlefeeding (unless you count the nuisance factor of having to prepare formula, wash and sterilize the bottles, and that sort of thing!) and your new little niece or nephew will turn out just fine, and be as happy and content and loved as his siblings.

 

Cat

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