Daughters, college, living at home, marriage, etc

[eternalknot]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

I don't have a blanket belief; I think it would depend on my daughter and her individual, personal situation. It is common among Asian families, though, and very much mirrors the experiences within my peer group. Heck, even boys sometimes stay home until they're married. It makes sense to me, and age doesn't factor in one bit.

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

I'm nowhere near this for my own daughter, but I imagine I'd follow the same example my parents set for me and my sisters. College attendance is decided upon student goals and personality, plus program of study and available resources -- NOT relationship status. That really doesn't factor in at all, IMO.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

 

Dunno. I don't think in those terms.

[ChristusG]

I don't think daughters should stay home till they are married....but then again, I don't think they shouldn't stay home either. I think that each family situation is different and it's a matter that needs to be prayed about.

 

I don't agree with the notion that people need to be "out on their own" and "experience life" before getting married. I went straight from my parents household and into the one that my husband and I picked out when I was 19 years old. I had never cooked, never really cleaned, never been responsible for running a household, making phone calls, handling money, etc. I didn't even bat an eye....for me, the transition just happened seamlessly. I hate cooking, but I don't think that being on my own for a few years would have changed that LOL.

 

I do hope that my daughters enjoy being close to their family and do not choose to move far away (unless, of course, God calls them to). We have a very close knit family and my parents, sisters, both sets of grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins all live within 20 minutes of each other and always have. I do not necessarily think that college is for every girl. Like I said, it's a matter that needs prayer. And I definitely do not think that going away to college is always a good idea. College can be a very tempting place in regards to morality and such. I never went away to college and I don't feel like I've missed anything. In fact, most people I know that went away and lived at college were not very happy with the experience.

 

And no, I do not believe it is God's will for every woman to be married. That's between her and God.

Edited November 9, 2010 by ChristusG
added something

[eternalknot]

A couple of people responded that they would encourage their children to live at home as young adults for financial/building wealth reasons. This makes a lot of sense, but can I ask a nosy question? How big is your house, lol??

 

 

I come from a large family, so we're accustomed to the crowdedness :D we don't require much room, and didn't even as kids. Our bedrooms were for sleeping, not living. We lived in the living room, and other family areas.

 

The last time I lived at home (and I still consider it "home") I was 25. My son and I shared a 10x10 room, and we shared a bathroom with my 23 year old brother (who shared a room with another brother). A third brother had taken over a second living room, with his wife and their two young kids. They shared a bathroom with the hallway and my 9 year old sister. It was tight, sure, but it didn't really feel like it. I guess we've just always lived that way, though, and we spend more time interacting than individual anyhow so lack of privacy or space wasn't really an issue. In addition to my parents and my grandmother, we also had a regular rotation of international visitors who we had to accommodate for anywhere from a week to a few months. I loved living there. We moved out when my husband returned from deployment, and moved right back in for his subsequent deployments and extended training exercises.

 

My parents' home is about 4000 square feet, and at any given time we had 8-10 permanent adults (and 2-3 visiting adults) with 3-5 permanent kids (and up to 6 visiting kids). If you live in an area populated by Asians or Hispanics, you can relate -- our driveway was the one with eight cars parked on it, plus a few more left on the street LOL. It wasn't the only one on our block, either!

[eternalknot]

What we will force on them is responsibility!! No living off momma and daddy for the rest of their lives. :D

 

 

 

I think the goal is always to instill a sense of responsibility -- where the cultures differ is to whom one is responsible: self, or family. Obviously there is no right or wrong answer except for my family - there is a definite right or wrong for my kids LOL.

 

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

Okay, now I'm curious if I'm the only one . . . has anyone else ever looked at the Vision Forum/Return of the Daughters stuff and wondered where these girls are supposed to find their husbands if they aren't going to college?

 

I mean, I know you can fall in love anywhere (an acquaintance of mine met hers in the aisles of the 99 cent store!), but most of the couples I know met in college. If marriage is what you're aiming for, it seems a bit odd to avoid a place full of your age-mates.

 

I do understand their reasons for avoiding college (secular influences, advanced education not being necessary for women - don't agree, but I understand), but I've wondered what's supposed to replace that as a meeting place for potential mates. Does anyone know? Or is there no real plan?

 

I haven't read it but would imagine they would expect to meet their future spouse at church. That makes the most sense to me even if you do go to college, especially if you attend a secular college.

[Sophia]

[quote name=Britomart;2167016... but most of the couples I know met in college. If marriage is what you're aiming for' date=' it seems a bit odd to avoid a place full of your age-mates.

 

We're all influenced by our experiences, aren't we?

 

Most of the married people I know met through friends.

Some met through friends in college, some met through friends at the bar, some met through friends at ... you name it.

The key was, a friend did the introductions~not necessarily intending to facilitate a relationship, but just inviting two people they enjoyed to the same event. My husband and I met this way. My best friend met him and invited him to a party we were attending.

 

I know several families whose daughters have been influenced by sahd ideals.

They seem to be getting married at a healthy rate ;).

[Britomart]

We're all influenced by our experiences, aren't we?

 

Most of the married people I know met through friends.

Some met through friends in college, some met through friends at the bar, some met through friends at ... you name it.

The key was, a friend did the introductions~not necessarily intending to facilitate a relationship, but just inviting two people they enjoyed to the same event. My husband and I met this way. My best friend met him and invited him to a party we were attending.

 

That sounds like a great way to meet. :)

 

Thanks for sharing your experience and those of your aquaintance - I know there are lots of ways to meet a spouse, it's just that sahd stuff is (mostly) out of my experience and my friends' experiences and I was wondering how it was supposed to work, esp. as cutting out the college connection seemed counterintuitive to me.

[OrganicAnn]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

No. If she never marries, then she has to stay with her parents until death? What if she lives in an area where there aren't many jobs and needs to move to get a job in her area? What if she wants some independence - a pet, more than just a bedroom? What if her parents are not nice or stifling? What if they make her live the life of an old person (you know dinner at 5:00 watching TV with the lights off)? What she lives somewhere where there are very few single men. Why force her into a bad marriage, because that is the only way to escape home? What if she can't meet her DH, because he is waiting in another town/college to meet her?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

Anywhere she wants to go (within cost constraints).

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

If he does, then he hasn't planned very well. Number of men/women is not conductive to every women married (unless with divorce men marry more than women which I think does happen). I've had a couple unmarried aunts/great aunts/great great aunts. They lived very religious and productive lives - not with their parents.

 

I guess these ideas is to do this to result in a good marriage, but I would think there is no guarantee that these ideas are more successful than a woman having more independence.

 

What about the boys? Why not shelter them as well? In some cultures boys stay home until marriage. So mom can pamper them as much as possible before they marry some girl (that isn't worthy of them) comes along and steals them away.

[Nicole M]

Nakia, I just want to commend you for staying open and asking non-judgmental questions about this stance. I would have had a flight response in the situation you described.

[Liz CA]

I wish I'd been your daughter. :lol:

[Rosie_0801]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

There can't be many parents who'd want their daughter, her defacto and their kids in the side room :001_huh::lol:

 

I'd like to have seen evidence that my child's intended has lived an adult life and knows how to manage her own household and budget. Around here, it's hard to live an adult life in your parents' house. Other people's mileage on that issue varies, of course because we don't all live in the same subculture. I think they should get the hang of adult life before taking on the enormous task of learning to live with a spouse! :eek::lol: Anyway, Dh says he'll be talking to the kids about moving out the day they turn 21. :tongue_smilie: However both of us were out of the house already by that age, so we have no reason to think ours will still be around. If they do hang around, I guess it will have to be more like a house mate relationship.

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

Ours will go wherever they want to go for the course they want. After all, they'll be paying for it, not us. Myself and both siblings went to local colleges and still didn't live at home because we didn't want to be. It is very unlikely that they'd live on campus wherever they go to uni. I wouldn't encourage it if they were considering. But again, they're paying so they'll do what they want.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

If it was God's plan for every woman to be married, there wouldn't be so many good reasons for not doing it, I would think.

 

 

BTW, how do these 17 year old girls who aren't allowed to speak to boys find someone to marry? Is this some kind of westernised arranged marriage or something? Does it even make sense to expect a girl to marry but not allow her to talk to anyone eligible? An aquaintance of ours isn't considered an adult by her family/domination until 21. Is this the sort of thing we're talking about? I know she's being leaned on to marry already, and she's not 21 yet. She doesn't seem at all keen on that idea though.

 

Rosie

[orangearrow]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

Nope. But, I wouldn't mind if they do. It's what I did (married at 20). But, if they're aching to spread their wings when they hit 18, then we'll assist them in any way we can to get 'em out the door! :)

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

I will encourage them to stay local for a multitude of reasons. It's a) in my own comfort zone and b) for financial reasons. But, they're free to make their own decisions and we'll all talk, talk, talk and pray, pray, pray when the time for those decisions comes to us.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

Of course not! I *hope* my children all find their Mr/Miss Soul Mate at a young age and that they grow old together and have lots of babies... :tongue_smilie:... but above all, I hope that my kids use the gifts God gave them to the fullest, do good things, and are happy and contented human beings.

[CLHCO]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

Not necessarily, though I do think it can be good. Extended and multigenerational living arrangements are the norm for humans through most of history. We were created to be social and in families, more like lions than cougars, to borrow examples from the animal kingdom. When a tribal community lives like this it's a natural extension of their culture, but if Americans do they're freaks or controlling. I admit, I don't get that one. This includes "any age". I don't feel it wrong at all.

 

That said, I also take issue with the word "should". The only thing my daughters "should" be doing is to be about God's calling on their lives, at home or elsewhere.

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

Well, my teen daughters won't be going to college, they have other plans, largely specific passions they intend to pursue that do not require college. I would think it a good idea if they did, however, for financial reasons and family support.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

Nope.

[fastforward]

Technically, my kids will always have a home here. I can't imagine ever turning them away unless there are extreme circumstances at play. But I do expect them to strike out on their own at some point and carve out their own place in the world. And I'd very much like that to be well before 30!

:iagree:

 

To answer the questions, though:

1. No

2. Perhaps, but for a reason that doesn't have to do with gender. My husband works at a local university, and if my children's tuition would either be free or greatly reduced provided my husband is still employed there at that point! That would be the only way that we could "pay" for college educations for all 3 of our children.

3. No. Not all women will have the same life path that includes marriage, and that's just fine.

[Kim in Appalachia]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

There are no wrong answers. I am just curious.

 

 

1. no.

 

2. I wish my kids could attend a local college, for financial reasons. But that option is not available so they will have to go away to attend.

 

3. no. The concept isn't even biblical (see 1 Cor 7)

[Mama Geek]

One thing that I have noticed a lot of people saying is that they would rather their kids go to a local college because it would be less expensive (not that they have to go but that is their preference.)

 

One thing to really think about is how good is the program at the local college in comparison to a larger more well known school. There is a difference in how easy it is to get a job and how much money they can make over their entire career. Reputation of the school and networking also make a huge difference.

 

I am not saying that community college isn't acceptable, I am just saying if it all possible take into consideration the longer term impacts of that decision.:001_smile:

[katemary63]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

Um...no! My oldest DD just turned 25. She is a strong Christian woman. As soon as she graduated college, she up and moved 13 hours away, got herself a great job and has lived on her own now for 3 years. No boyfriend in site. ( Although she'd like one about now!) I couldn't have stopped her if I wanted to!

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

What ever fits that kid at that time in all our lives. My oldest spent her first two years of college 9 hours away on an ROTC scholarship. Then she transfered locally (diagnosed with asthma, couldn't finish the program.) and rented an appartment for her last two years. She hasn't lived with us full time since she was 17. My middle DD is 19, a sophomore at our local university and still lives at home. She has scholarships for tuition and books but not room and board. We just don't think the extra expense is worth it right now with this economy and she doesn't want to take out loans. School is only 15 minutes away. We all get along fine. She is anxious to be on her own though and would like to rent an appartment for her last two years with a room mate. That will be up to her and her finances. We can't afford it right now.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

Is that in the Bible somewhere? Doesn't the word "every" give a clue. (Like in multiple choice questions, if the statement contains the words every, all, none, never, always, etc, it's usually false.) Even so, it's obvious that His plan does NOT include marriage for every woman from age 18 till death. Clearly, there are going to be huge stages of time for some women where they are single. Should they live with their parents in all those cases? In our culture today, that'd be weird! Culture does change. We no longer need to live as if women need the kind of protection they did in eras past. Women are safe, accepted and capable on their own now and I think that's just fine with God. I think His plan is different for each individual.

[6packofun]

Another thing to consider is that the parents and daughter may feel (for whatever reasons) that it's the *right* thing to do, but I can't imagine that both parties won't be hoping and hoping that she finds someone as time goes on. That puts a really weird, unnecessary kind of pressure on the dd to find someone and is she then going to settle for someone who isn't so great? I think this kind of situation could also create an unhealthy codependency and would attract a certain kind of guy...not favorable, either, IMO.

 

(*No offense to those who feel personal conviction on this, but I think it has too much potential to be unhealthy for all. Letting your dd know that she *can* stay at home for as long as she needs is one thing; going so far as to say she *should* so that's she's under some man's authority every second of her life is quite another.)

Edited November 9, 2010 by 6packofun
removed unnecessarily rude word, lol

[Wheres Toto]

One thing that I have noticed a lot of people saying is that they would rather their kids go to a local college because it would be less expensive (not that they have to go but that is their preference.)

 

One thing to really think about is how good is the program at the local college in comparison to a larger more well known school. There is a difference in how easy it is to get a job and how much money they can make over their entire career. Reputation of the school and networking also make a huge difference.

 

I am not saying that community college isn't acceptable, I am just saying if it all possible take into consideration the longer term impacts of that decision.:001_smile:

 

I think that community college works best if there isn't a clear major in mind or a clear plan in place. It's a good place to figure out what you want to do before transfering to a bigger school.

 

When I said local though, I didn't mean community college. I realize we're probably pretty lucky but we are within commuting distance of any New York City colleges as well as Rutgers, Drew University and a few other lesser known but very strong schools.

[Ginevra]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

No. I am aware of the philosophy that fuels this belief, but I completely disagree. When my child is capable of being a self-sufficient adult, it is time for them to gain their own living quarters, girl or boy, married or single.

 

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

It is up to my daughter.I do think it's economical and sensible to commute to college for general courses, then transfer for the degree, but I wouldn't foist that opinion on my child if they wished to do otherwise.

 

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

No, but personally, I think it's somewhat abnormal not to desire a family. I might not think that about someone dedicating their lives to a cause, like Mother Teresa, but a man or woman who has no desire to have a family, who just wants to work and ride horses (or fish, or whatever)...well, I think it's sorta weird.

 

Lastly, my dh lived with his parents until we got married. He was 30. I'll grant you he was helping them by working on their farm and he did pay a small rent, but I think he would have learned some important concepts if he had lived alone for a few years.

[Sahamamama]

My goal is to raise my kids to be people who serve God and seek His will. They need to be equipped to be whatever He might call them to be. I don't have any special insight into His special plan for their lives. My job is to disciple them while I have them.

 

To me that means for my dd that she might get married, she might not. She should have an excellent education, have home-making skills, know how to learn whatever she doesn't know. She is welcome to live here as long as she needs to while she grows and learns. Knowing her particular personality, I don't see her going very far away to college, but there are plenty of good ones right here for her to attend. She is welcome to live at home during college, but I suppose that if she is working full time and able to support herself then I do see her having her own place, or one with a friend. Not shacking up with a boyfriend though.

 

I suppose I simply hope that we seek God's will for our kids in each and every step, not have some kind of plan of how things are supposed to go. I pray that we have children that love God and seek Him, and therefore will make the right choices as they go.

 

Thanks, Amy, you just saved me some time. ;) What she said.

[dirty ethel rackham]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

Heck, no! What if her job takes her to a new city? If she wants to go into marine biology - there are no opportunities here in the Midwest;). What if she wants to join the Peace Corps. I think she should have some independence before getting married.

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

Leave it up to her. Although dd is only 10, I am confident that she will do well, no matter where she goes. She is my "old soul" - strong in her faith, wise beyond her years. If she wanted to study overseas, I am confident it would be a good thing for her. Plus, she is firmly attached to her family and would probably call me every day for advice;).

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

No, I do not. I know some wonderful, faith-filled Godly women at church who never married. They never felt called to it. They have careers that are fulfilling and contribute much to society.

 

I do not know anyone IRL who would place those restrictions on their daughters. I went away to college. I lived on my own for 5 years before I met dh. I can't say that I lived a perfectly moral life, but I don't think staying at home with my parents would have changed that. I think we might have killed each other.

[The Girls' Mom]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

I would like for them to at least for a while, just for the stability alone (econonmy being what it is and all) but do I think that will happen? Probably not. I'm ok with it either way.

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

We'll encourage them to stay local, unless God calls them elsewhere. The support of family can mean a lot.

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

No. The Bible specifically says otherwise.

[Guest Cheryl in SoCal]

One thing that I have noticed a lot of people saying is that they would rather their kids go to a local college because it would be less expensive (not that they have to go but that is their preference.)

 

One thing to really think about is how good is the program at the local college in comparison to a larger more well known school. There is a difference in how easy it is to get a job and how much money they can make over their entire career. Reputation of the school and networking also make a huge difference.

 

I am not saying that community college isn't acceptable, I am just saying if it all possible take into consideration the longer term impacts of that decision.:001_smile:

I don't know about others but I am within driving distance of several major universities as well as Christian colleges and universities (which we're more interested in than the major universities).

[Nakia]

This has been a great discussion!! Thank you all so much for responding.

 

 

Nakia, I just want to commend you for staying open and asking non-judgmental questions about this stance. I would have had a flight response in the situation you described.

 

 

LOL, thanks Nicole. This particular friend and I differ on sooooooo many things. Like I said, they tend toward control and legalism, which I detest. She thinks I am sinning by letting my daughter read Harry Potter, while she doesn't miss an episode of Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives, which her almost 17 year old,, who isn't allowed to talk to boys watches with her. I just find that very ironic. She isn't the type of person you can have much of a discussion with. If you disagree with her, you are wrong, plain and simple.

 

We are really acquaintances who happen to volunteer in the same departments at church so we tend to be in the same place at the same time very often. Also, our 10 year olds are very good friends. I think, unfortunately, that will change as they get older because we feel very differently about courting/dating than they do.

 

So anyway, when she talks, I just let her babble on and on, and I comment on what I feel strongly about, and let her talk to herself about the rest. :lol: I'm not about to spend any time arguing with her. She and her husband (who mostly sits and nods) love their girls and are raising them the best they can, so I don't feel I can argue with that. My husband and I are just much more moderate in our views. We feel like we will raise our girls to serve the Lord in whatever way he has planned for them. We don't have a blanket set of rules that are non-negotiable. To me, that is just a silly and naive way to do things.

 

 

Again, thanks for all the responses!!!

[KingM]

I'm going to say it depends on the living at home issue. I think the world is more expensive and difficult to get a start in than it was during a period of time from roughly 1950-2000. We may be returning to an earlier state where people didn't just set off on their own with the ability to earn a full living when they were young.

 

It's possible that my kids are going to need more time to get out on their own than I did. Even in my case, it was a struggle for a few years, but I could easily see how things could get a lot worse.

 

Of course, in earlier times, when it was common for three generations to live under one roof, there was a lot of conflict between adults in the same house. This will also be a reality if we move back to a more traditional way of living.

[Crimson Wife]

she doesn't miss an episode of Grey's Anatomy or Desperate Housewives, which her almost 17 year old,, who isn't allowed to talk to boys watches with her. I just find that very ironic.

 

Now I really think this woman sounds like a fruitcake. :tongue_smilie:

[KingM]

Now I really think this woman sounds like a fruitcake. :tongue_smilie:

 

Now don't malign fruitcakes.;)

 

This one just came in the mail for me today, in fact:

 

http://www.bienfaitspecialtycakes.com/bourbon-fruitcake.html

[Nakia]

Now I really think this woman sounds like a fruitcake. :tongue_smilie:

 

Isn't it funny in a weird kinda way?? I mean, here they are promoting no talking to boys, no dating, purity until marriage, not going away to college, staying home until marriage, etc, while letting her watch two shows filled with sex AND women with careers. :confused: Makes no sense.

[secular_mom]

 

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

There are no wrong answers. I am just curious.

 

1) I believe that a child's parents should be available for a child no matter their sex, marital status or age. Of course there are situations where that's just not realistic (drug abuse, etc.)

 

2) I will encourage my daughters to make the choice that is best for them, it's financially easier for them to stay home where they have free room and board but it may be better for them academically to attend a college that is further away. It will depend on the situation when the time comes.

 

3) I don't believe that there is any such thing as 'God's plan'. ;)

 

 

My oldest is 16, we will be living in a different state this time next year but hopefully we'll be able to settle down in that state for a while. We will see what our options are for college when the time arrives, seriously. As a military family there are just certain things we can't definitively plan for- we do the best with the information we have at the time. That's not to say we don't have ideas about 'what ifs'. :)

[Tylianna]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

There are no wrong answers. I am just curious.

 

1. My oldest is only 9, but I believe that we would let them live with us as long as they needed to. DH and I would like to pay for their college, but may not be able to, so this may help them with the expenses.

 

2. I would encourage my daughters to do whatever they felt the calling for.

 

3. I do not believe that every woman is meant to be married. I do believe that women should be married if they desire a certain type of lifestyle.

 

Another note: My mom had lived with us for a few years until she found a place that she could live. If our house was handicap accessible, then she would live with us again. I believe that it is our responsibility to take care of our family. Unmarried children (girls and boys) could help out around the house as well. Widowed spouses could be taken care of by the family, too. Sometimes I don't see the reason why there are separations between the genders when it comes to stuff like this.

[TammyinTN]

This is probably going to be a weird post, which is unlikely to surprise most of you considering the poster. :D During an interesting conversation with some friends last night, it came up that some parents are training their daughters up to stay home until marriage, whether they marry at 18 or 30. I asked one woman whether she thought that was a good idea because, personally, I don't believe there is a house big enough for two women. :lol: I mean an 18 year old who is staying home while she goes to college is one thing, but a 28 year old college-educated woman with a good job is something else altogether. She stated she really feels like "God won't let them stay unmarried that long. I believe they will be married by 22." That confused me even more. This same couple strongly encourages their daughters to stay home/local if they go to college. Let me say that I got married at 20, and I don't regret it one bit because I really believe Patrick is the one for me, and we are very happy. He was finished with college and had a good job when we married, and I was almost finished with nursing school. BUT I am not naive enough to believe every woman meets her soul mate by 20 or 22 or even 32. It just doesn't happen sometimes. And I think it's perfectly okay if a woman never gets married. So I guess I have a couple of questions:

 

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

There are no wrong answers. I am just curious.

 

 

1. Absolutely not.

 

2. My daughter moved to Kuwait at 19 and began working for the military. She is now 23.

 

3. No.

[Mejane]

I don't encourage either my daughter or son either way. It's entirely up to them if/when they marry, or whether they don't marry and live at home or move out.

 

They know they are welcome to stay as long as they are either working or going to school and they don't drive us crazy. Then they are welcome to leave.

 

I think God has bigger things to worry about than whether my daughter marries. ;)

Edited November 9, 2010 by Mejane

[Trish]

Back in the olden days extended families lived together, until kids started new families themselves. Based on our current economy, I believe we will be returning to those times. Single people living by themselves isn't terribly efficient. And it leads lots of young people down the wrong path. Houses are big enough for three or more women if you have enough bedrooms.

[WeeBeaks]

1) Do you believe a young woman should stay home with her parents until she is married, no matter her age?

 

2) Do you encourage your daughters to attend a local college and stay home during that time or go away to college? Or do you leave that up to them?

 

3) Do you believe it is God's plan for every woman to be married?

 

 

1. Depends on the situation and the personalities involved. I don't think there is a right or wrong there, just individual situations. I have seen many successful cases of daughters at home and many daughters living alone.

 

2. Depends on finances in big part on this one, and what is nearby. I will encourage all my kids to commute from home likely given finances, but then again we have a fine university about 5 miles from us, another big state college 20 minutes the other way and a slew of community colleges. I would encourage them to live at home and save on the student loans. If they can afford to leave home though and go to college, that is great too. :D

 

3. No.

[Mama Geek]

Back in the olden days extended families lived together, until kids started new families themselves. Based on our current economy, I believe we will be returning to those times. Single people living by themselves isn't terribly efficient. And it leads lots of young people down the wrong path. Houses are big enough for three or more women if you have enough bedrooms.

 

One other thing necessary for multiple women living in a house is clear boundaries that are respected on both all sides. That is the truly hard part.