Military people-what is ok to discuss OR off limits with veterans about their duty?

[HappyGrace]

We're taking a couple vets from church to lunch on Thurs and I want to prep the dc about things that would prompt discussion OR not be ok to talk about. Like I will prep ds7 not to ask if the person killed anyone. Things like that. I also don't want to put my foot in my mouth somehow! We want to promote discussion but also be sensitive. Would love ideas from those who know!

:patriot:

[SailorMom]

All vets have different comfort zones. Some have absolutely no problem discussing anything they have done - others never want to talk about it again.

I would initially simply thank them for their service and ask where and when they served. This will open up the discussion and then you can see if they seem interested in sharing more. I think you'll be able to tell.

 

If you already have an idea of where/what they did - you could have your son asks some basic historical questions that are not personal.... Also - perhaps steer ytour son to some questions that are not service related (or have them as backup....)What music did they like? What kind of car did they drive? Asking about family, kids, etc (if there is no history you are aware of) will start a conversation on comfortable grounds.

 

Another thing- I wouldn't worry too much about your son - they know he's 7. Also - they are probably just very happy you are taking time out of your day to go to lunch with them :)

[HappyGrace]

Thank you, SailorMom. We will feel them out and go with their comfort level. My older dd10 is going too so she will probably have good questions.

[Mom in High Heels]

All vets have different comfort zones. Some have absolutely no problem discussing anything they have done - others never want to talk about it again.

I would initially simply thank them for their service and ask where and when they served. This will open up the discussion and then you can see if they seem interested in sharing more. I think you'll be able to tell.

 

If you already have an idea of where/what they did - you could have your son asks some basic historical questions that are not personal.... Also - perhaps steer ytour son to some questions that are not service related (or have them as backup....)What music did they like? What kind of car did they drive? Asking about family, kids, etc (if there is no history you are aware of) will start a conversation on comfortable grounds.

 

Another thing- I wouldn't worry too much about your son - they know he's 7. Also - they are probably just very happy you are taking time out of your day to go to lunch with them :)

 

 

Yes, this. I wouldn't worry too much about your little ones. The vets will understand and answer the best way they know how. They will understand that the kids are young.

[HLDoll]

It has very much to do with the individual person. My husband has served in Iraq and Afghanistan with the National Guard and he was just so happy to be home that he wasn't interested in reliving any of it for me. But he also doesn't talk much about his civilian job either. He likes to leave work at work and very much compartmentalizes it. That being said, I think most service members would be pretty tolerant of questions from young children and will steer the conversation away from things they don't want to answer.

[NanceXToo]

I have a brother who has had several deployments and is currently in Afghanistan (til next month!) if that counts. I agree with the others that everyone's comfort level is going to be different- and people are going to understand that your children are young.

 

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it. I'd let them ask whatever they want and see where their interest/curiosity takes them, and keep an eye on how the people are responding- either they will answer or they will put the question off, or you'll see if it seems awkward and you should step in, and I think it's fine to say to your son in front of them (if it does seem awkward) "that might be too personal for so and so to want to talk about"- but there may not be a problem at all.

[KidsHappen]

One thing that I have found that most military people like to discuss is all of the places that they got to visit.

[HappyGrace]

This is all very very helpful, thank you. I am glad to know that there are no real "bloopers" we could make. I just wanted to make sure so we didn't cause discomfort. Thanks!