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Poll: Is marriage forever?


Is marriage for a lifetime?  

1 member has voted

  1. 1. Is marriage for a lifetime?

    • Yes
      504
    • No
      44


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I realize sometimes things happen beyond our control, but is taking those vows a lifetime thing, for better or worse like it says, or just until things change and one or the other wants out? I'm not even going to include an other. :tongue_smilie:

 

A discussion on another board drifted to the idea of a 5 or 10 year expiration of the marriage license, and it made me wonder whether most people think it's supposed to be forever. ETA: I guess it would be the contract that would expire, not the license - sorry if that was confusing. The point is that after a certain time both sides would have to agree to renew, or not.

Edited by K&Rs Mom
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While I certainly hope that my own marriage is forever, and my husband and I both envision it as such, I voted no. I want my husband to choose me every day, knowing he continues to have freedom in that choice. If he only wanted to be with me because of something he agreed to X years ago, it just wouldn't mean as much to me. I am committed to his happiness, as he is to mine. Hopefully the answer to our combined happiness will continue to lead to us staying together.

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The INTENTION is forever, for me. Life happens. Things don't always go as planned.

 

I don't know that I'd be interested in buying a 5 year marriage license. I'll trade in my man with a new car, please.:tongue_smilie:

 

There's a sci-fi series I read where marriage contracts are renewed annually. In that society it was the females who owned property, so they had the power. If your wife failed to renew you, you were kicked out of the city to go live with all the other single men.

 

I voted that marriage is forever/lifetime because that was our intention when we took our vows. We're nearly 12 years into it and don't plan on getting divorced. :) My parents and dh's parents have both been married 36 years. My grandparents just celebrated 60. It can be done, but it takes effort (and should not be done if there's abuse, etc.). :)

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I realize sometimes things happen beyond our control, but is taking those vows a lifetime thing, for better or worse like it says, or just until things change and one or the other wants out? I'm not even going to include an other. :tongue_smilie:

 

A discussion on another board drifted to the idea of a 5 or 10 year expiration of the marriage license, and it made me wonder whether most people think it's supposed to be forever.

I think it is "supposed" to be forever. But "supposed" to be and actually "being" forever are not the same thing. I think divorce should be an option in a society because no matter how much a person may want to have a healthy marriage and family life it is not possible to force another person to contribute to those ideals if they choose not to. No one should be held captive in a marriage if/when they are married to an abusive or otherwise destructive person.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing when each of the two people love and cherish one another. If one or both do not love and cherish the other it will be hell.

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Yes, forever as in a lifetime, not after death.

 

I like that our togetherness is not based on feeling, but on commitment. Even if he doesn't feel like choosing me on a particular day, his fidelity to our marriage keeps us together until the feeling passes. I could never base my life on a feeling. I want a rock, not sifting sand.

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I'm LDS and we believe that marriage relationships can continue beyond this life, so yes, I believe marriage is forever :)

 

That being said, I think both partners should enter a marriage with the intent and commitment to stay married and never divorce. Sometimes bad things happen, so I'm not in favor of banning divorce by any means, but I do think divorce happens too often.

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I said it is forever but that does not include abuse or adultery.

 

:iagree: I think the intent should be forever but sometimes it is necessary to divorce for terrible situations like abuse and adultery. Although, sometimes marriages can be saved from what I have heard even when there is an instance of adultery. I do not believe people should persevere in situations with abuse though.

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I said it is forever but that does not include abuse or adultery.

 

I know a woman, a general's wife, who has spent years guiding and advising younger military families. Her rule is: "Is he beatin' on ya or cheatin' on ya?" If not, she said, stick it out. Chris phrased it more eloquently, but I suppose it's the same idea.

 

I agree with those who said we should go into a marriage with the idea of it being forever. Still, if things go horribly wrong (even absent abuse and adultery), an irreparably miserable marriage isn't healthy for anyone. Better, sometimes, to end things as amicably and maturely as possible, especially if there are kids involved.

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I'm LDS and we believe that marriage relationships can continue beyond this life, so yes, I believe marriage is forever :)

 

That being said, I think both partners should enter a marriage with the intent and commitment to stay married and never divorce. Sometimes bad things happen, so I'm not in favor of banning divorce by any means, but I do think divorce happens too often.

 

:iagree: Yep, me too.

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I voted yes. Marriage (in our Eastern Orthodox Church) is forever, not just this lifetime. We never say "until death do us part" because we do not believe that marriage ends at death. In fact we (the couple) never say anything at our wedding because marriage is done to us by God.

Edited by Father of Pearl
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While I certainly hope that my own marriage is forever, and my husband and I both envision it as such, I voted no. I want my husband to choose me every day, knowing he continues to have freedom in that choice. If he only wanted to be with me because of something he agreed to X years ago, it just wouldn't mean as much to me. I am committed to his happiness, as he is to mine. Hopefully the answer to our combined happiness will continue to lead to us staying together.

This. I don't want my DH to stay with me out of guilt or feeling obligated. Please leave if you are unhappy. Ideally yes it would last forever but I feel like people grow throughout marriage and not always in the same direction.

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I voted yes, because I think you should never enter into a marriage without "forever" as your intent. But.....

 

My marriage was not forever, although I certainly had every intention of making it be so. However, marriage is a contract, and my husband broke that contract every single day with his actions and non-actions. No matter how much I wanted my marriage to work, or how much counseling I went to, or how many self-help books or "save your marriage" books I read, it is impossible to save something by yourself. For me, a lifetime of loneliness and misery is not the marital contract I signed. So, I got out.

 

I have zero regrets about my decision. It's not about fleeting day-to-day happiness. Rather, I don't think there's ever a reason to be completely miserable every single day of your life for the rest of your life because you said you would on one fateful day. When my spouse broke his commitment to me, as he did repeatedly (and this is NOT about adultery or abuse, by the way), he broke our marital contract. I value myself too much as a human being to live like that forever, and I owed it to my daughters to show them that THAT is not the way they should live for the rest of their lives if they should choose to marry one day.

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Forever, even if you separate or divorce in a civil court. Protestants allow for divorce and remarriage, but it was Moses' law, not God's that permitted separation.

 

The inadmissibility of absolute divorce was ordained by Christ Himself according to the testimony of the Apostles and Evangelists: "Whoever shall put away his wife and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if the wife shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery" (Mark 10:11, 12 — Cf. Matthew 19:9; Luke 16:18). In like manner, St. Paul: "To them that are married, not I but the Lord commandeth, that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she depart, she remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. And let not the husband put away his wife" (1 Corinthians 7:10, 11). In these words Christ restored the original indissolubility of marriage as it had been ordained by God in the Creation and was grounded in human nature. This is expressly stated by Him against the Pharisees, who put forward the separation allowed by Moses (not by God)"Moses by reason of hardness of your heart permitted you to put away your wives": but from the beginning it was not so" (Matthew 19:8); "He who made man from the beginning, made them male and female. And he said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder" (Matthew 19:4-6). The indissolubility of all marriage, not merely of Christian marriage, is here affirmed. (catholic Encyclopedia)

Edited by iwka
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Yes, forever as in a lifetime, not after death.

 

I like that our togetherness is not based on feeling, but on commitment. Even if he doesn't feel like choosing me on a particular day, his fidelity to our marriage keeps us together until the feeling passes. I could never base my life on a feeling. I want a rock, not sifting sand.

 

Amen sister!

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I voted yes. Marriage (in our Eastern Orthodox Church) is forever, not just this lifetime. We never say "until death do us part" because we do not believe that marriage ends at death. In fact we (the couple) never say anything at our wedding because marriage is done to us by God.

 

Eh?! Uhm, the EO permits up to three marriages, due to death or divorce.

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I'm in the 'it was meant to be forever' camp. And, being LDS, forever means forever, not just until death. That being the case, I think it is critical to choose carefully and wisely who your marriage partner will be. None of us is an "ideal" person, and none of us live in "ideal" circumstances, and so there are no "ideal" marriages, but we can sure come close if both partners are committed and pulling in the same direction, and if we're willing to be patient and forgiving of each other's shortcomings.

 

However, I also believe that marriage is intended to be a mutually supportive partnership of equals, maintained in complete fidelity, cooperation, and kindness. Sadly there are times when it is twisted into an ugly relationship full of selfishness, betrayal, and cruel domination. Sometimes this can be repaired, if both partners are willing to make the necessary adjustments. But such a thing is not really a marriage, it's a mockery, and when necessary it should be allowed a decent death and burial.

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Guest Cindie2dds
I said it is forever but that does not include abuse or adultery.

 

:iagree: Mine is forever. I am truly blessed I haven't had to deal with either of these.

 

Anything else I feel can be sorted out; and after 17 + years of marriage, we have had our share of "others" to work through.

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I like that our togetherness is not based on feeling, but on commitment. Even if he doesn't feel like choosing me on a particular day, his fidelity to our marriage keeps us together until the feeling passes. I could never base my life on a feeling. I want a rock, not sifting sand.

 

A committment based on feelings and conscious choice does not automatically make one fickle. My relationship with my husband is rock solid, and neither of us is such an emotional wreck that we want to run for the hills when we have a bad day. Knowing that I am here by choice means that even if I am feeling a little out of sorts with things, I can always remind myself that it is within my power to choose my own life, and my perspective around those choices. I find that empowering, and feel that it gives us strength. Knowing many, many people who hang onto things because they feel they're supposed to rather than because they want to, in misery the whole way, this just feels so much more solid to me.

 

Not trying to convince you of anything, obviously, but wanted to expand on my previous thoughts to better express my head space on this. :)

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I'm in the 'it was meant to be forever' camp. And, being LDS, forever means forever, not just until death. That being the case, I think it is critical to choose carefully and wisely who your marriage partner will be. None of us is an "ideal" person, and none of us live in "ideal" circumstances, and so there are no "ideal" marriages, but we can sure come close if both partners are committed and pulling in the same direction, and if we're willing to be patient and forgiving of each other's shortcomings.

 

However, I also believe that marriage is intended to be a mutually supportive partnership of equals, maintained in complete fidelity, cooperation, and kindness. Sadly there are times when it is twisted into an ugly relationship full of selfishness, betrayal, and cruel domination. Sometimes this can be repaired, if both partners are willing to make the necessary adjustments. But such a thing is not really a marriage, it's a mockery, and when necessary it should be allowed a decent death and burial.

:iagree:

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I KNEW there would be some demands for "other." :lol:

 

These are some interesting thoughts, especially the pp who voted "no" because you want to be chosen every day not out of obligation - love that idea!

 

My personal opinion is that it's supposed to be forever (knowing that sometimes life doesn't go that way), but I was wondering how common it was for people to go into it thinking otherwise. I know sometimes feeling that obligation is the only reason we've stayed together, and that's been a good thing, but I also know that isn't how it works for everyone.

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What about annulments? I know several Catholics who have annulments, but I don't know how all that works.

 

That means some reason has been found that it wasn't a valid marriage in the first place, so it basically doesn't count as ever having happened (whole other discussion there, but I wanted to clarify). Divorce means you were married and now you're not; annulled means you never were, though you mistakenly thought you were.

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I had always been a marriage is forever person, unless something really bad makes that impossible. But, I can say that when the old conversation about how my husband settled for me in the looks department comes back, it hurts me so bad that I can say I would probably leave if it weren't for the kids. I just cannot handle feeling like he finds my appearance so important that he feels it is an area of settling -- that it's so important. I mean, I can see if I weren't a good mom or if I weren't intelligent enough to carry on conversations or something like that. But, to call it settling just because I'm not the hottest person out there. I think I can do better than someone like that. I was always so naive to think that you just wanted to be attracted to your spouse. I didn't realize people could settle on such a shallow thing.

Edited by nestof3
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The marriage vows I took with my current husband were intended forever, before God.

 

My first marriage, however, the JP one where we thought we'd give it a try and if it works, great, if not then no hard feelings...well, with a foundation like that, what could one expect? I'm thankful we were both too self-absorbed to even think about bringing kids into the picture.

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The INTENTION is forever, for me. Life happens. Things don't always go as planned.

 

 

 

yes, :iagree: I can't imagine dh and I would divorce, but I can't say we NEVER will either. There are some things I won't tolerate, and I'm sure he has some. I feel like we've been together forever, though....:001_smile:

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I had always been a marriage is forever person, unless something really bad makes that possible. But, I can say that when the old conversation about how my husband settled for me in the looks department comes back, it hurts me so bad that I can say I would probably leave if it weren't for the kids. I just cannot handle feeling like he finds my appearance so important that he feels it is an area of settling -- that it's so important. I mean, I can see if I weren't a good mom or if I weren't intelligent enough to carry on conversations or something like that. But, to call it settling just because I'm not the hottest person out there. I think I can do better than someone like that. I was always so naive to think that you just wanted to be attracted to your spouse. I didn't realize people could settle on such a shallow thing.

 

That IS very hurtful, Dawn. I'm so sorry you have to carry that pain.

 

I know I'm not the only one who sees your picture and is shocked to hear that he ever said this.

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Yes, forever as in a lifetime, not after death.

 

I like that our togetherness is not based on feeling, but on commitment. Even if he doesn't feel like choosing me on a particular day, his fidelity to our marriage keeps us together until the feeling passes. I could never base my life on a feeling. I want a rock, not sifting sand.

 

Wow! Very good!

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I had always been a marriage is forever person, unless something really bad makes that possible. But, I can say that when the old conversation about how my husband settled for me in the looks department comes back, it hurts me so bad that I can say I would probably leave if it weren't for the kids. I just cannot handle feeling like he finds my appearance so important that he feels it is an area of settling -- that it's so important. I mean, I can see if I weren't a good mom or if I weren't intelligent enough to carry on conversations or something like that. But, to call it settling just because I'm not the hottest person out there. I think I can do better than someone like that. I was always so naive to think that you just wanted to be attracted to your spouse. I didn't realize people could settle on such a shallow thing.

 

Your dh said that to you?? Maybe he needs glasses, because I think you're gorgeous!

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I had always been a marriage is forever person, unless something really bad makes that possible. But, I can say that when the old conversation about how my husband settled for me in the looks department comes back, it hurts me so bad that I can say I would probably leave if it weren't for the kids. I just cannot handle feeling like he finds my appearance so important that he feels it is an area of settling -- that it's so important. I mean, I can see if I weren't a good mom or if I weren't intelligent enough to carry on conversations or something like that. But, to call it settling just because I'm not the hottest person out there. I think I can do better than someone like that. I was always so naive to think that you just wanted to be attracted to your spouse. I didn't realize people could settle on such a shallow thing.

 

:confused: You're kidding me? You're beautiful! You seem like a very strong person, and that's wonderful.:grouphug:

Edited by Gooblink
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