Ouch

[Impish]

I called my youngest brother today. Haven't heard/talked to him in years. He hung up when I told him who was calling.

 

So, figuring to get everything over with at once, I called my eldest bro. He talked to me briefly and said he'd call me later this wk. I doubt it, but if he does, I'll be glad of it.

 

Neither of those bros have a relationship w/our parents right now. We' re all kinda floating...

 

I told myself that I had nothing to lose, can't get worse than no relationship, right?

 

I was wrong. It hurt. I miss my brothers. *sigh*

[Heatherwith4]

:grouphug: I'm sorry!

[mommaduck]

I think it hurts worse when you try and get rejected than to not try at all. Just my own experience, doesn't mean that one shouldn't try. I have a sibling that I've been out of touch with, for issues related to his dad, for seven years. I'm sure if I called him right now, he'd hang up also.

 

:grouphug:

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug:

[Nestof3]

I am so sorry. I have little relationship with many of my family members (well, there aren't many in our family). It is painful. I always imagined things being better.

 

I try to be a good aunt, but my brother makes no effort at all to be an uncle, so I just feel like blowing them off sometimes.

[Impish]

Bizarre thing is...I don't know why we don't talk. I moved across country, and used to talk to 2 of 3 brothers when they lived at my parents on and off, give them my # repeatedly and encourage/beg them to call. They never did. Initially I put it down to them being in the busy life launching 20s...but to be hung up on? No response after my saying my name, just a click. I don't know what prompted that at all.

 

Only thing I can think of is that maybe my youngest bro thinks my parents are behind my call. He's just recently cut them out of his life.

 

*sigh*

[sheryl]

:grouphug:

 

Sorry...family matters hurt much sometimes!

 

 

 

I called my youngest brother today. Haven't heard/talked to him in years. He hung up when I told him who was calling.

 

So, figuring to get everything over with at once, I called my eldest bro. He talked to me briefly and said he'd call me later this wk. I doubt it, but if he does, I'll be glad of it.

 

Neither of those bros have a relationship w/our parents right now. We' re all kinda floating...

 

I told myself that I had nothing to lose, can't get worse than no relationship, right?

 

I was wrong. It hurt. I miss my brothers. *sigh*

 

[i.love.lucy]

:( I have no idea where my brother is. I want to call him, but I don't know how and I wonder what I might be inviting into my life if I did.

 

I'm sorry that happened to you.:grouphug:

Edited November 7, 2010 by i.love.lucy

[Rosie_0801]

:grouphug:

[Miss Sherry]

I called my youngest brother today. Haven't heard/talked to him in years. He hung up when I told him who was calling.

 

So, figuring to get everything over with at once, I called my eldest bro. He talked to me briefly and said he'd call me later this wk. I doubt it, but if he does, I'll be glad of it.

 

Neither of those bros have a relationship w/our parents right now. We' re all kinda floating...

 

I told myself that I had nothing to lose, can't get worse than no relationship, right?

 

I was wrong. It hurt. I miss my brothers. *sigh*

 

:grouphug: Ah, I'm so sorry that happened.:grouphug:

I'm wondering if it is possible that the phone just cut out. Cell phones tend to do that.

[unsinkable]

:grouphug:

 

That has to hurt. But maybe it was a cell phone issue?!?!

 

I am hoping it is a misunderstanding with your brother. :grouphug:

[tricia]

That's no fun. I'm sorry. Then there is my brother. The only one I have and whenever I talk to him he is always drunk and doesn't know which way is up.

[unsinkable]

That's no fun. I'm sorry. Then there is my brother. The only one I have and whenever I talk to him he is always drunk and doesn't know which way is up.

 

:grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

I'm sorry. I've apparently offended mine so badly that he doesn't even want to acknowledge I exist, much less my kids or husband.

 

Hurts, doesn't it?

At least you tried.

 

And yeah, I bet he does think your parents were behind it. :grouphug:

[holdoll]

:grouphug:

 

I am so sorry. That would take a chunk out of whatever armor I had been wearing. I'm sure he believes your call is a reaction of what he's done with your parents.

[Hedgehog]

Maybe it was a cell phone issue. But OTOH, people blame it on that when really the person concerned just cut off. So who knows.

 

At any rate, that sucks. If he did just cut you off, then he was terribly rude, IMO. :grouphug: "Courtesy costs you nothing" (Tony Hancock) except maybe a little effort!

[Mejane]

.

Edited November 7, 2010 by Mejane
Double post.

[Mejane]

I wonder sometimes if we expect too much. When you think about it, why should we be friends with our adult siblings if we don't live near each other, have nothing in common other than parentage, or our personalities clash? I have two brothers, and my relationship with one has always been tricky. Sometimes it feels like more trouble than it's worth.

 

I'm sorry you reached out and got hurt. That stinks.

[MariannNOVA]

At least you tried.

 

And yeah, I bet he does think your parents were behind it. :grouphug:

 

 

I agree with Chris. I think his gut reaction is that your parents were behind it. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I know that it still hurts, though. I give you TONS of credit for reaching out. YOU did the right thing:grouphug:....you followed your heart.

[Crissy]

I was wrong. It hurt. I miss my brothers. *sigh*

 

:grouphug:

I'm so sorry, Impish.

[Laurie4b]

Very sorry. :sad: :grouphug:

[Nestof3]

I wonder sometimes if we expect too much. When you think about it, why should we be friends with our adult siblings if we don't live near each other, have nothing in common other than parentage, or our personalities clash? I have two brothers, and my relationship with one has always been tricky. Sometimes it feels like more trouble than it's worth.

 

I'm sorry you reached out and got hurt. That stinks.

 

I think for me it is the fact that my brother is the only chance I have at being an aunt. I have no close family aside from my mom and SIL.

[Mommyfaithe]

I called my youngest brother today. Haven't heard/talked to him in years. He hung up when I told him who was calling.

 

So, figuring to get everything over with at once, I called my eldest bro. He talked to me briefly and said he'd call me later this wk. I doubt it, but if he does, I'll be glad of it.

 

Neither of those bros have a relationship w/our parents right now. We' re all kinda floating...

 

I told myself that I had nothing to lose, can't get worse than no relationship, right?

 

I was wrong. It hurt. I miss my brothers. *sigh*

 

Imp...hang in there. I spoke to my brother this week for the first time in 2 years...when my mother was certain to die. He hadn't spoken to her since the day of my Dad's funeral 7 years before and I was her primary caregiver. I tried a few times over the years, but he was just not ready to deal with my Mom. She was so toxic to him and he was just not emotionally strong enough to deal with it.

He was so hurt as a child...as was I. We spent the entire week, this week talking and hugging and loving on each other. He met the children I had after his estrangement and got reunited with the ones he hadn't seen since they were little. I am sad this had to be after the death of my mother, but I understand too.

 

I really missed him more than I thought.

Maybe the first brother is just not ready yet. Try again another time. And if brother 2 doesn't call back, call him. I know it isn't easy. :grouphug::grouphug:

 

Faithe

[Denisemomof4]

That stinks. I see so many here, me included, who aren't close to their siblings. I had to cut my sister out of my life when I was 35, we were reunited for just over a year, and then I had to cut her out again. She's just so toxic and our family is better off without her. Her husband, too, is a scum bag that can't be trusted. You're not alone.

 

I know you're hurting right now, but maybe you're better off. And yet, maybe it will still happen one day.

 

I hope this never happens to our kids!!!

[sandellie4]

I'm soooo sorry. :grouphug:

 

I'd like to maybe offer a little hope, though. My sister and I were estranged for years after a stressful upbringing where we were often pitted against each other for scarce physical and emotional resources. She called me about a year ago and both of us -- both of us -- were finally ready to just let each other be whoever we happen to be. She turns out to be a good person, very different from me but a good person. (Caveat: She had drug issues in the past and if anything like that had still been ongoing, I would not have accepted her overture. It would have been too heart breaking, just more of what we grew up with.)

 

Sometimes people, including us, do grow up, given time. :grouphug:

 

Sandy

[Remudamom]

I have a great relationship with my two brothers, but they don't think to call. They just aren't wired that way. If I call they are happy to talk, but they don't call me.

[Tap]

Sorry that happened, it stinks when families don't have a bond.

 

 

Can I encourage you to try again. Maybe with a letter this time. The reason I say this is this: you had a chance to make a decision to call him. You probably mulled it over, maybe even started/stopped a time or two. You finally got up the nerve to call....

 

Said gently, But, from his point of view, he didn't have that time to decide to talk to you or not. Unless you gave him a chance ahead of time to consider that you were going to call him, you essentially blindsided him. He just reacted. He didn't see it coming and just reacted.

 

I would urge you to write him a letter and lay it all out. For one, it will be good for you to get things off your chest. For another, maybe you can put a note in there that you will call him again at x time on y day, and that you would really love to talk, if only for a few moments. I would include your information at well so he can call you either now or in the future. This will give him a chance to make a conscious choice on what he wants to do.

 

If you get the letter back 'return to sender', you have your answer. If he doesn't answer the phone when you call, it could just be that he was busy, but most likely he will make a point to get you a message if there is a better time to call. Or he may call you himself.

 

Any way that it happens, you will at least have an answer that is more definite that going by one phone call, out of the blue.

 

 

I hope your family finds some common ground and if not be friends, at least be cordial to one anther. Family sure sucks sometimes.

Edited November 8, 2010 by Tap, tap, tap

[LauraGB]

:grouphug: Sorry, Imp. That really does stink. May I ask - what made you pick up the phone to call him to begin with?

[Impish]

:grouphug: Ah, I'm so sorry that happened.:grouphug:

I'm wondering if it is possible that the phone just cut out. Cell phones tend to do that.

It wasn't a cell.

 

I did write him an email. We'll see if he responds.

 

Part of what prompted me to call is that my youngest brother is now a Daddy. When my first child was born, extended family became so important to me...so I thought it might be a good time to try to connect, that perhaps having a child of his own might prompt him to want a connection with me.

 

As I said, I don't know why we don't talk. No arguments or anything that I know of...just a drifting apart, my living across country, etc. I just felt that it was something I needed to do, reach out to them.

 

If they're not interested, then that's what it is. The abrupt hangup has me hurt more than if he'd just said that he didn't feel like he wanted a relationship, if that makes any sense.

 

Both would have hurt, but the click was completely unexpected.

[ZeldaRules]

This seen from his view

 

I have 6 siblings. One of my sisters did something awful to me when I was in college. To keep it nice, it was very perverted. Whenever she would call me in the past (once every other year), she would be drunk. I was told it was always my turn to call her next, but I never would. I would entertain the call, but once I had kids, I wanted nothing to do with her. I became a bit more bitter about what she did. We had a good relationship and she destroyed it that night (she is 10 years older than me). She was in her mid-30s when she did this, she KNEW better! She put me in a dangerous situation. It can never be what it was, and I'm good with that. She is too toxic and dangerous. She tried to burn down my parents house at 17 and her ex-husbands house at 33. Intention to kill everyone, I assume. She has written mean letters to everyone in the family and my mom has told me how jealous she is of me and my other sister. I would fear that she would do something to one of my children out of spite. Luckily she lives states away.

 

Anyways, I don't ever want to see her again, and if she called, I would hang up at the sound of her voice too. I did e-mail her once she got on facebook and told her how I felt. I emailed her from another account and have not opened it to read her last response. That was 3 months ago.

 

If he believes your parents are behind it, perhaps there is something that your parents have done that have upset him and he feels you don't see his view or empathize with him??? For a sibling to just hang up on another, something had to have happened. Have you put that aside and assumed he has forgiven you for it and maybe he was too hurt by it to let it go? My sister really had no clue how I felt, and I know she was shocked. I did read a few of her responses, but I let it all out in a final email and never read her response to that. I felt a lot better after I wrote that message.

 

I would not be friends with my sister if she wasn't my sister. We have nothing in common, especially morals. She left her husband and kids and doesn't have a relationship with her kids, well what she does is a bit toxic too. She cheated on her husband with many different men. I don't believe blood is thicker than water with her. She would sell me down the river if it were between me and her current fling.

 

I am assuming that since you are on this board you are pretty moral. But perhaps something happened in the teen years that have upset him? Was there abuse in the family - physical, mental, etc? Men don't deal with their emotions like women do.

 

Are you the youngest? One of my brothers was jealous of me because I was the youngest. I think he let that go about 8 years ago and we are both in our mid-30s. I was daddy's little girl. I still am. You never know what will spark jealousy or hate. I had no clue my brother had issues with me until he told me. We get along just fine now.

 

I hope it works out for you.

[jujsky]

:grouphug: I'm sorry. That must have hurt a lot. I hope your older bro does call you back. At least you made an effort -- many people wouldn't.

[Impish]

I'm 2nd eldest.

 

There was crap to do with my parents growing up. I left home at 15 due to it.

 

My parents and I got together again when he was 11? Something like that. We had a family relationship at that point. As he got older, being around a sister who was already a parent just wasn't 'cool'. And I was ok with that, figuring that once we were grown, we'd find our way back to each other, to having some sort of relationship.

 

There genuinely has been nothing...no fights, disagreements, nada that *I* know of. I've never had issues with alcohol or drug abuse, I've never bullied them, in fact, my mom admits that I raised my youngest brother when we were kids.

 

So, yeah, it was completely out of the blue. We've even chatted on IM occasionally over the years. I have no clue, other than think that he's suspecting I'm on my parent's side, as to why he hung up on me. Disinterest is one thing...a 'click' is another, if that makes any sense at all.