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Need encouragement from those OUT of the baby stage!


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So, from my sig you can see we have 6 kids. Our littlest is 7 weeks old today. Dh is going in to get his snippy snip done on Friday. In my head I know this is the right thing for us. I can handle these six. I don't know if I could do anymore, although I've seen other women do it beautifully. However, my heart aches knowing we will be done with the baby stage. I can't believe that this is the last baby I'll ever have. We always knew we wanted 6, but thanks to a few surprises, we arrived here much sooner than we'd expected. I think my husband and I are both grieving the loss of the pregnancy/infant stage...

 

So, for those of you who no longer have babies around the house, I'd LOVE to hear about how great it is now that you're no longer knee deep in bibs and daipers! No more potty training and sippy cups.

 

I'm gonna love this next phase of life, right???

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I'll go for it. I really mourned not being able to have more children (health issues). Each thing I did with dd I grieved a bit knowing it would be the last time. However, as my children have grown I have enjoyed each stage at least as much as the last. When I started sleeping regularly again, I became a new woman:lol: Now that my kids are 13 and 11, they are such terrific people. We can do things as a family we couldn't do when they were little. Then there are days like today when I had a terrible migraine and they did school quietly, just getting my help when they really needed it. They will probably cook dinner too.

 

Enjoy your little ones but know that you will enjoy them at each coming stage too.

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I also have six. It is great to just say "let's go" and everyone can dress themselves and get in the car in 20 minutes. We are having a lot of fun being able to do things with our youngers that it was just too hard to do with our oldest kids because we had children too small.

 

I still get baby fever when I see infants, but I know that grandbabies are probably not too far off!

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:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I felt the same way you are feeling right now. When I sent my dh to get snipped, he said, "Aren't you going to want another?" I answered, "Of course I'll want another! That's why I'm sending you NOW!" :D I did want another, and I grieved for a good while, and now that's mostly passed. I still feel a little tug at my heartstrings when I see babies and when my "baby" has another birthday.

 

BUT I had a dream a few nights ago that I had another baby and I woke completely panicked instead of wistful and sad. Where would it sleep? Diapers! Lugging baby everywhere. Diapers! Baby food again. Diapers!

 

My baby is five, and I am so sad that he's my last 5 y.o. (and was my last 4 y.o., 3 y.o....you get it, right?), but it has been lovely to have no diapers to deal with. They all sleep all night. Everyone is potty trained! We can go places without having to lug baby and stroller and diapers. The boys all help clean, and they mostly don't get into things they aren't supposed to. I don't have to panic when I see a child headed toward a Lego on the floor. ;) We have interesting conversations, and I can't remember the last time I was puked or pooped on. (Though a sleepwalker peed on my foot last week. Ugh.)

 

You're going to love the next phase too, even as you miss the sweetness of babies.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

Cat

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I always wanted four. However, I suffered 2 miscarriages between ds7 and dd3. While pregnant with dd3, I worried constantly. After she was born, dh had the procedure done. While I wouldn't be too terribly upset if something did happen, I am grateful for the following:

 

1) Never having to deal with the crazy, loud, very public displays of anger by a three-year-old.

 

2) No more blowouts on Mommy's new shirt in public

 

3) Sleep

 

4) Sleep

 

5) Having my body completely to myself

 

6) Sleep

 

7) No screaming 3-year-olds

 

8) Sleep

 

 

 

I love babies. Love them. I will likely always long for a baby, but I will one day have grandchildren who will hopefully be every bit as trying as my own children.

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My dh went for a vasectomy when our youngest was 6 weeks old (also our 10 year wedding anniversary). I was heartbroken. In my heart, I couldn't bear being "done" with having babies. I actually enjoy being pregnant. My entire adult life has been spent as a mom (usually with at least one little one). I couldn't fathom not having anymore. But, my husband was the "logical" one....thinking about my health history, the financial aspect of children, etc. It took about 2 years, but over time, I've come to accept my new role as a mom of "older kids". I still get a "twinge" of babylust sometimes but I sure do enjoy sleeping through the night, having an easier time of going out places, etc.

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We decided that our 4th would be our last baby and dh had a vas last spring when she was 15 months. I was back and forth and unsure about the permanence of it, but dh felt very sure and ready to be done done. I had to realize that I didn't really want more babies or children, what I was missing or mourning was the *my* babies not being babies anymore. I felt completely content with 4 children, I just wanted to redo their babyhoods more than have another baby. I still feel that way from time to time, especially about our 4th because she's been such a fun, sweet baby. But now that she's almost 2 and the others are older and so helpful, I'm eager to see the end of diapers for good.

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It's freakin' awesome! :lol:

Yeah, that. I loved my babies more than anything, but DH and I both love being out of the baby stage.

 

I wasn't thrilled when DH got snipped. I grew up in a big family, and I wanted to have a third child. But I also knew that I needed to honor my DH's feelings. He felt he was stretched thin already, and that another child would be too difficult for him.

 

But I'm absolutely at peace with it now, and I can see lots of advantages to keeping our family smaller. We can do so much more now that our kids don't need to be carried, and we don't have to work around naps and diapers.

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My youngest and last is now 5, fast approaching 6 (in Feb). My dh is getting snipped soon, if his doctor will set a date already (we've used something else for the past 5.5 yrs, obviously).

 

We did use the something else to give us both time to absolutely positively make sure we were really, truly, permanently done.

 

What has finally brought me to that point -

-it's great being able to get up and go. We can do so much more now that we couldn't do with a baby or toddler in tow. Hiking, camping, canoe trips, snorkeling trips, etc.

 

-our oldest is 13 now, so we're to the point dh and I can run to the grocery store alone. If our youngest was younger, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable leaving the 13 yr old in charge (and I know the 13 yr old would not feel comfortable alone with the younger boys if the littlest was not independent in the bathroom, etc)

 

-they are all independent in the bathroom now.

 

-and I can sleep all night, with no one in my bed except my husband and myself.

 

-no one touches my b--bs but my husband or myself.

 

- they get really, really fun as they get older. Talking. Telling stories. Discussing books. Drawing pictures. Taking photos. Reading the scrapbook you make every year, over and over again, and telling you how great it is. Over and over again.

 

-they know not to eat, chew on, tear, etc. the books, calendars, pictures, etc. I can keep books on the bottom shelf that aren't board books. I can keep breakables on the coffee table and no one breaks them. (light sabers and balls and bats are only allowed outside.....)

 

-I can go take a shower and leave the boys unsupervised/self supervised and know they'll be okay, no one will climb the bookshelves, no one will tear up the contents of the shelves, no one will eat the dog food except the dog, etc. I can even lock myself in the bathroom for a 45 minute "bath" (read: soak in a hot bath, read a good book, cup of coffee/tea/wine/whatever) to de-stress and know the house will still be standing when I'm done.

 

-I can put them in charge of more and more chores, and they actually get done. I can say "go grab an apple" to even the youngest when he cries "I'm hungry" and he does it.

 

-School is enjoyable and no longer crammed into "quick, the baby is napping/watching a video, let's race to get stuff done!" mode. I say, "time for school" and we do it, little guy included. And now he is able to play with legos, draw, color, do puzzles, etc. rather than have to be sleeping or watching a mindless video just so we can get math and language arts done for the day. Now we actually have time for history and science and read alouds and I don't have to raise my voice over a screaming baby, or twist my neck around a nursling, or have my son turn the pages for me because my hands are busy keeping the toddler from eating the book.

 

-I guess I would sum up with "Independence. Freedom. Feeling like a grown up and my husband's wife instead of a babysitter, a nanny, a maid and a mom." I have time to do grown-up, just-for-me things again. I'm learning to quilt. I can read again, for me not just whatever school book I'm reading them. And I am rested enough that I am able to truly ENJOY the boys, all 3 of them, rather than respond in frustration and sleep deprived stressed out state to whatever they are doing. It's quite blissful, really.

 

Enjoy your little one, but turn your eyes forward to watching your children grow up instead of back to reminiscing about their pasts. I think you'll find that the future is just as rewarding (or maybe even more so, in a different kind of way).

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My youngest is going to turn 5 this weekend. Then I've got one who just turned 10 last month, and one who will turn 19 after the holidays.

 

While there IS a lot to be said for kids who are old enough to (mostly) "listen," help out, take care of many of their needs independently, being able to pack more lightly when we leave the house and multiple other things...

 

...and while I AM already 37 years old...

 

...I don't know if I'll EVER stop semi-longing for "just one more baby."

 

I love babies. And I kinda MISS the baby stage.

 

Hubby on the other hand says no. He's done.

 

It must be so nice and so much easier knowing that you have a basically limitless amount of time in which to father all the children you could possibly want. Whereas a woman has a limited window of opportunity in which she CAN become pregnant, and then the choice is lost to her forever.

 

Sigh.

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They can feed themselves, they can wipe themselves, they can wash themselves... Becca's getting to the age when you can ask her things and get a reasonably mature answer (i.e., did your teacher give you a CD of Christmas music to practice?). We can get out of the house in about 30 minutes flat, our car is not cluttered with strollers and diaper bags. They can buckle themselves in the car seat; Becca has even gotten old enough that I took the child lock off her door and I can just pull up to gymnastics and shove her out the door! :lol: We're not potty training, no emergency runs to the bathroom while out shopping.

 

Um.... I'm doing this for my own benefit too. I'll pop back in if I think of any more!

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I'm in the other camp. I enjoyed two babies very much, thought I was done, but then now I'm due in February with a surprise baby. I can tell you the things I was looking forward to and now have to postpone:

 

- ability to do more mom projects (singing, dancing, photography)

- having more sleep

- having my body more to myself

- more travel, easier with older children

- more money

- more freedom

- more time to myself

- fun activities with the kids - I LOVE this stage - seeing the two of them grow and be in taekwondo, ballet, piano, and learning so much. I think it's awesome that ds can begin to think logically, and solve problems.

- less work (no wiping butts, changing diapers, washing diapers, constantly clinging baby on mom)

 

BTW, I've never had kids who couldn't feed themselves (I mean, actually picking up foods and putting them in their mouths), because I nursed them for a long time, and when they started eating they were already old enough to handle it. My kids learned how to eat by themselves fast, because Mama did not do it :)

 

Okay, so now that I've listed all those, I have to sigh. However, I have come to terms with the fact that I AM going to have a baby, I'm NOT going to be a mom to two children but three, and I KNOW I'm going to love this baby as much as I love my other two. It sounds unfair, I wish I could fast forward the baby part a bit and keep my older two exactly where they are. Haha, wishful thinking :tongue_smilie: And of course, this is what I'm thinking right NOW, but surely not when I'm holding this sweet baby in my arms :)

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It's interesting to see this thread today. I was just thinking about this last night.

 

My kids are a blast right now and I am so thankful to have the ability to spend this time with them. But, there are times when I miss the sweet coo, the soft innocent eyes, the cuddles and the sweet smell of a little baby...

 

Then there are times like last night. I was out at dinner with dh and the kids, there were two separate tables with little babies near us. AS SOON as the plate was placed in front of the mom, both babies started screaming. You know the cry, the escalating, almost like a firetruck wail? Both women had to leave, the other people at both of the tables enjoyed their hot meals, and when the women returned, everyone else was ready to go.

 

No, I like the lively conversation of my 12 and 13 year olds. I think I mourn the fact that I'm getting older and time is passing so quickly more than I miss the infant stage. I am just so thankful for the healthy kids I was blessed with.

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So, from my sig you can see we have 6 kids. Our littlest is 7 weeks old today. Dh is going in to get his snippy snip done on Friday. In my head I know this is the right thing for us. I can handle these six. I don't know if I could do anymore, although I've seen other women do it beautifully. However, my heart aches knowing we will be done with the baby stage. I can't believe that this is the last baby I'll ever have. We always knew we wanted 6, but thanks to a few surprises, we arrived here much sooner than we'd expected. I think my husband and I are both grieving the loss of the pregnancy/infant stage...

 

So, for those of you who no longer have babies around the house, I'd LOVE to hear about how great it is now that you're no longer knee deep in bibs and daipers! No more potty training and sippy cups.

 

I'm gonna love this next phase of life, right???

 

Freedom!!

 

We just visited MIL on Saturday, a 1.5 hr drive each way, and spent much of the day with her and FIL. We each carried a book or Nintendo to keep us occupied on the trip. That was IT! No diapers, snacks, folding potty lids, strollers, carseats... It still seems a little odd, but I cannot imagine going back to schlepping all that stuff again.

 

Just for old times sake, my 16 year old did ask once from the back seat if we were there yet. (I asked him if he'd like to drive. :D).

 

Babies are awesome, but you're going to really love your life just as much with your kids as they get older. :001_smile: Truly. Teenagers are pretty cool most of the time.

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I have 2 dd, the youngest is 19 months, and so I am not out of the baby stage. At times, I want another one, but that is invariably when they are both asleep, or happy, fed, and rested. Then there is the rest of the time, when the baby is cranky and can't tell me what's wrong, when the 4 yo is demanding...the 19 month old still isn't walking so there is so much we can't do...I'm done, and I'm at peace with it (I think). I am also 35. It will be nice to have my life back, to be able to walk to another room without someone tagging along and crying and holding onto my leg or constantly asking questions. Maybe I waited too late to get started :) Oh, when they are old enough to dress themselves, brush their own hair, teeth, and clean up behind themselves, will be wonderful!

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As much as I love cuddling with babies and toddlers, I love the freedom of having older kids. A few reasons:

 

- I don't always need to be prepared with a change of clothes when I go out with just the older kids.

- I don't have to stop at every restroom we come across, just in case.

- I don't need to worry about bringing enough diapers with us when we go out.

- I don't need to worry about possible meltdowns because we missed someone's nap time.

- Older kids are some of the most amazing people to have a conversation with over cocoa and cookies or hot pretzels in the food court.

- I don't need to lug a stroller, everyone is capable of walking even long distances.

- An older child who desires independence but every once in a while still shows you that they need their mom is just as cute as any toddler (shhhh, don't tell my big kids I said that, lol).

- You get to see some of the early fruits of all the parenting you did in the toddler and preschool years and what wonderful young people they are growing up to be. :)

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Pluses of not having kids in the toddler/infant stage: less packing for trips and park days, NO packing to go to the store, no stroller in the trunk, no more wrestling with a baby sling, no more pacifiers or nasty chew toys or sippy cups, no more worrying about choking hazards, no more mommy wiping their hineys, no more stinky diapers or burp cloths, no more spit up stains on your clothing, no more potty training, no more potty accidents on carpet/beds/furniture/in vehicles, no more NEEDING to rock a child to sleep so you can get 'some' sleep, no more feeding them while your dinner gets cold.

 

It's so much easier to do things when they are old enough to take care of themselves. it's nice to not need to put kids in shopping cart seats. there are LOTS of pluses.

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Let's see:

 

Now that my oldest is 17 and my youngest 11, I can go on a date with dh and don't need to hire a babysitter.

DD can grocery shop for me, or fill the tank in my car, or get me a Diet Pepsi when I'd like a soda. She can do laundry, cook dinner, or run an errand.

 

No one needs his bottom wiped. Tears are few and far between. Each child can fold his own laundry, dress himself, and feed himself. No one needs his meat cut or his chin wiped. No one is constantly pulling on me. No one drools. ;-)

 

I can have a logical, abstract conversation with dd about politics, the economy, her future plans, our ancestors, etc. I can see what kind of woman she is going to be, and I'm thrilled.

 

Babies are awesome, and at times I'm sad that we never got to birth another, but honestly, the "older" stage is a blast.

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Guest Lollipop

I have 3 kids. My youngest is 12 and my oldest is 19. I was a little sad at first and still at times I feel sad that I will never ever have another child but when I do feel that way I just look at the wonderful things I do have now. I am able to do things I was never able to do with little ones. I have taken up new hobbies. I have started exercising and lost quite a bit of weight. Me and my hubby are able to take walks, go on weekend get-aways. We are able to just say hey kids lets go fishing, camping, hiking, out to eat without a big production. I loved having babies it was a wonderful precious time. But this is a new season in my life and it is pretty darn good too. I am watching those 3 little babies grow up and I see the fruits of my labor. I see them becoming wonderful people and I am very proud of them. I had my first child at 19. I have never worked outside the home. All I have done since I was 19 is stay home and raise my kids and take care of my husband and home. It is exciting to see what my future holds after raising kids. But it is scary too. Sometimes I want to have another one just because I love my life and homeschooling so much:D but it will soon be time to move on to something new. God has blessed me so much! I have a wonderful life and I am sure God has many more and new exciting blessings for me in my future. :001_smile:

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So...I'm going to be the lone voice. If my youngest was just a few weeks old...and unless there was a medical reason...and if I was having to ask for encouragement to be sold on the idea...I would use something more temporary until in a different stage. Who knows? In spite of six...you just never know if you might change your mind. It would be a terrible heartache if you did. I always thought I would be way done before I was. Having the last one at 42 was not what I started out to do. But I can't tell you how much I LOVED every minute of it. Just another side of the coin. Obviously, do what you believe is best for you and yours! :)

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This is the most wonderful time of our parenting lives, IMO! Our youngest potty trained, finally, last month! I can't tell you how much I love that I can LEAVE the house (when I have a vehicle) and not have to worry about the kids and that I can wake up a little after them and not worry that the younger ones are going to be tearing the house apart. And that the 5 older ones can make their own breakfast and lunch and it's been that way for several years now...older kids help younger kids with school...ahhhhh. We all laugh and joke together and can watch a lot tv shows now without having to send some of the kiddos out. Stuff like that is really nice!

Edited by 6packofun
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So...I'm going to be the lone voice. If my youngest was just a few weeks old...and unless there was a medical reason...and if I was having to ask for encouragement to be sold on the idea...I would use something more temporary until in a different stage. Who knows? In spite of six...you just never know if you might change your mind. It would be a terrible heartache if you did. I always thought I would be way done before I was. Having the last one at 42 was not what I started out to do. But I can't tell you how much I LOVED every minute of it. Just another side of the coin. Obviously, do what you believe is best for you and yours! :)

:iagree: My first thought when I read your post was that it didn't seem like either you or your dh are "done". You mentioned that you felt you both were mourning the end of this baby stage. Using something more temporary for a year or so would allow you to get out of that bleary-eyed newborn stage so that you can truly know if this is what you and your dh want for your family.

 

:grouphug: It is not easy. As you can see, I have 5 already and am pregnant with #6, after my first ever miscarriage in July. I am tossing back and forth the idea of stopping... I knew I couldn't end on a miscarriage (not if possible). Now, I don't know. I am exhausted, but I know making the big decision to stop having children by permanent means should probably not be made while pg or in the newborn stage.

 

I agree with praisefor3, though, you need to do what is best for your family. I don't know your whole family dynamic, so please don't be offended by my advice. Please know it is said in love. There are just way too many people who make this decision during a super stressful time and come to regret it.

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I have mixed feelings.

 

We only stopped because I was 42 when we had our last, so our age was the primary factor. However, I grieved not being able to have another baby. That went away around menopause; however, I really, really miss when they were younger. (Mine range from 12-18)

 

On the other hand, I'm often grateful that we only have 4. I feel like my hands are so full that I couldn't cope with another. Probably I could, but it feels like quite a stretch right now. I didn't feel like that when they were little.

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My youngest and last is now 5, fast approaching 6 (in Feb). My dh is getting snipped soon, if his doctor will set a date already (we've used something else for the past 5.5 yrs, obviously).

 

We did use the something else to give us both time to absolutely positively make sure we were really, truly, permanently done.

 

What has finally brought me to that point -

-it's great being able to get up and go. We can do so much more now that we couldn't do with a baby or toddler in tow. Hiking, camping, canoe trips, snorkeling trips, etc.

 

-our oldest is 13 now, so we're to the point dh and I can run to the grocery store alone. If our youngest was younger, I don't know if I'd feel comfortable leaving the 13 yr old in charge (and I know the 13 yr old would not feel comfortable alone with the younger boys if the littlest was not independent in the bathroom, etc)

 

-they are all independent in the bathroom now.

 

-and I can sleep all night, with no one in my bed except my husband and myself.

 

-no one touches my b--bs but my husband or myself.

 

- they get really, really fun as they get older. Talking. Telling stories. Discussing books. Drawing pictures. Taking photos. Reading the scrapbook you make every year, over and over again, and telling you how great it is. Over and over again.

 

-they know not to eat, chew on, tear, etc. the books, calendars, pictures, etc. I can keep books on the bottom shelf that aren't board books. I can keep breakables on the coffee table and no one breaks them. (light sabers and balls and bats are only allowed outside.....)

 

-I can go take a shower and leave the boys unsupervised/self supervised and know they'll be okay, no one will climb the bookshelves, no one will tear up the contents of the shelves, no one will eat the dog food except the dog, etc. I can even lock myself in the bathroom for a 45 minute "bath" (read: soak in a hot bath, read a good book, cup of coffee/tea/wine/whatever) to de-stress and know the house will still be standing when I'm done.

 

-I can put them in charge of more and more chores, and they actually get done. I can say "go grab an apple" to even the youngest when he cries "I'm hungry" and he does it.

 

-School is enjoyable and no longer crammed into "quick, the baby is napping/watching a video, let's race to get stuff done!" mode. I say, "time for school" and we do it, little guy included. And now he is able to play with legos, draw, color, do puzzles, etc. rather than have to be sleeping or watching a mindless video just so we can get math and language arts done for the day. Now we actually have time for history and science and read alouds and I don't have to raise my voice over a screaming baby, or twist my neck around a nursling, or have my son turn the pages for me because my hands are busy keeping the toddler from eating the book.

 

-I guess I would sum up with "Independence. Freedom. Feeling like a grown up and my husband's wife instead of a babysitter, a nanny, a maid and a mom." I have time to do grown-up, just-for-me things again. I'm learning to quilt. I can read again, for me not just whatever school book I'm reading them. And I am rested enough that I am able to truly ENJOY the boys, all 3 of them, rather than respond in frustration and sleep deprived stressed out state to whatever they are doing. It's quite blissful, really.

 

Enjoy your little one, but turn your eyes forward to watching your children grow up instead of back to reminiscing about their pasts. I think you'll find that the future is just as rewarding (or maybe even more so, in a different kind of way).

 

I just love this! Gives me lots of hope!

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As many others have said--FREEDOM!

 

It's so nice to be able to just go without having to take a bag of supplies and a trunk full of equipment.

 

It's nice to wear one set of clothes a day.

 

You don't have to run home to put the child down for a nap. You can go on day trips with few worries.

 

Babies are wonderful; I LOVE babies. BUT, I'm thankful that babies are only babies for a season. :001_smile:

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Hubby on the other hand says no. He's done.

 

It must be so nice and so much easier knowing that you have a basically limitless amount of time in which to father all the children you could possibly want. Whereas a woman has a limited window of opportunity in which she CAN become pregnant, and then the choice is lost to her forever.

 

:grouphug: I hear ya, friend. I'm right there with you.

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I agree with all the reasons already mentioned that makes not having babies around anymore so great. I did mourn for a little while as mine have grown older but honestly, now, the last thing I want is to be pregnant again or to have another baby around. My best friend has a 1 year old and she hasn't slept a night through since her son was born. I don't want to go there again. I don't even really like being around babies much anymore. I like my conversations with my children and watching them grow into lovely little ladies. It is very exciting to me to watch them develop and truly be a part of it. If I were to have another baby, I would be wrapped up in baby and miss out on too much of where my girls are now.

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