Final Lessons

[Christine]

If your child were about to leave the nest, what life lessons would you like to emphasize to them?

 

My oldest leaves for Army Basic Training in 13 days, and I'm starting to panic that I may not have put enough emphasis on certain life lessons ("the apology" pops in mind right now). Or worse, what if I forgot one?!

 

So, what would be your "final lessons"?

[Danestress]

Things I found myself compelled to work into conversations as my son was heading off to college or was home from college, or any time I thought he was receptive to my input .....

 

The dangers of buying on credit

 

The joys of compound interest

 

The importance of being someone who does what you say you are going to do

 

That life is short and the people you love are all dying, so write to your grandparents

 

Head injuries stink. Wear your seat belt, drive safely, watch out for idiots, and don't do dumb stuff. Protect your brain.

 

Drunk people look stupid. Don't do that.

 

The truth sets you free. Never lie.

 

But, if someone tells you that you have a right to remain silent, remain silent. Do not try to talk your way out of that problem. Shut up. Get an attorney. You can talk later if you want, but get an attorney.

[lionfamily1999]

No matter what anyone says, you are loved.

[Kathleen in VA]

Well, I've had one leave and get married and at that point I felt that if he hadn't learned the basic lessons it was a little too late to try to teach them. But I do understand your feeling of panic and second-guessing. The things I stressed as he was walking out the door, so to say, were the things I had tried to stress all along. Here's what popped into my head:

Do what you say you are going to do. (iow, don't make promises you can't keep and if you do tell someone you will do something, do not make excuses at the last minute about why you can't follow through. Got this from Richard Maybury's book What About Justice?)

 

Before I speak, ask if my words go through these three sieves: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary? (most of what we say falls through the first two, but gets stuck in the third, lol. I got this one from Amy Carmichael)

 

Kindness and patience go a long way. (This is just a rewording of the Golden Rule. Sure wish folks could remember this when they're driving!)

 

Forgiveness is absolutely necessary to live a peaceful, stress-free life. (I have often told my children that aside from the daily activities we do just to survive on this planet, life is mainly about forgiving others and being forgiven. By forgiveness, I mean choosing to "not remember" other people's faults and transgressions - mainly because folks are having to do an awful lot of that for us.)

[Chris in VA]

There's nothing you can do to destroy my love for you, because I love you for who you are, not because of what you do. God feels the same way about you.

That's not to say I won't become angry, or that you don't need to behave yourself--it just means my love is not dependent on your behavior.

This is the kind of love you will want to show to others, too, esp your spouse (if you marry) and your kids (if you have them).

 

You were uniquely created for a purpose, but God gives a lot of leeway for you to find that purpose, and he will work with what you bring him. He can redeem anything, even the really sucky stuff.

 

You have choices, nearly all the time, even when you think you don't. Choose wisely. Ask for guidance. But don't ask those who are living a life you don't want for yourself.

 

Learn to cook. It saves money, can help you stay healthy, and will bless your family.

 

Don't be critical, and remember everyone is going thru something. Show others the grace you want them to show you.

 

Do things based on the long-range outcome, not on your short-term feelings. Feelings change. Therefore, use feelings as a guide, but not the only guide.

 

Keep your hands to yourself.

Sex makes babies. Babies are wonderful and always a gift. Gift appropriately.

 

Visit your mother, call her, and send her gifts at Christmas. A card on her birthday is important. This woman carried you and fed you with her own body. She loves you to pieces. Honor that. :D

 

And laugh a lot.

[Kathleen in VA]

There's nothing you can do to destroy my love for you, because I love you for who you are, not because of what you do. God feels the same way about you.

That's not to say I won't become angry, or that you don't need to behave yourself--it just means my love is not dependent on your behavior.

This is the kind of love you will want to show to others, too, esp your spouse (if you marry) and your kids (if you have them).

 

You were uniquely created for a purpose, but God gives a lot of leeway for you to find that purpose, and he will work with what you bring him. He can redeem anything, even the really sucky stuff.

 

You have choices, nearly all the time, even when you think you don't. Choose wisely. Ask for guidance. But don't ask those who are living a life you don't want for yourself.

 

Learn to cook. It saves money, can help you stay healthy, and will bless your family.

 

Don't be critical, and remember everyone is going thru something. Show others the grace you want them to show you.

 

Do things based on the long-range outcome, not on your short-term feelings. Feelings change. Therefore, use feelings as a guide, but not the only guide.

 

Keep your hands to yourself.

Sex makes babies. Babies are wonderful and always a gift. Gift appropriately.

 

Visit your mother, call her, and send her gifts at Christmas. A card on her birthday is important. This woman carried you and fed you with her own body. She loves you to pieces. Honor that. :D

 

And laugh a lot.

 

Chris - I love these! Your post made me cry when I think of all you've struggled through these past few years. You are a wise woman.:grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

Thanks, Kathleen.

[Alyce]

My first would be to make sure they understand how their paychecks are to be set up and what gets taken out of the $160 a week that they were supposed to earn. How to set up a checking and savings account and how to use it

 

Credit Cards are dangerous. Try not to get one, if you feel like you do need one never charge for more than you can pay off the next month

 

I've already taught you about right and wrong. You will be tempted to say that I didn't know what I was talking about. Listen to that inner voice that tells you, yes she did.

 

Teach them about all aspects of banking esp when it comes to buying large items like cars and houses. Help them understand how down payments, purchase price, taxes, and payments intertwine with each other.

 

If he's going to boot camp remind him that he is a great boy and can do anything he sets his mind to, remind him of the hard times he's experienced growing up and help him remember how he overcame them. Tell him he overcame then and he will be able to overcome anything that will happen at camp.

 

Teach him he needs to be polite especially to drill sergeants but you don't want to S*ck up to him. That will only earn you more pushups.

 

There will be times when you need someone to talk to or someone to help you so don't intentionally hurt people, you might need their help someday

 

You were born in this family and you will die in this family. We love you dearly, please don't forget us because we will never forget you. Keep in touch

 

In this next period of life you will lose your freedom to decide for yourself at least that's what they want you to feel. There will be things that will have to be done a certain way at a certain time of day. Its the same thing mom has been teaching you only now when you break the rules the punishments are going to be harder. But even these hard times will pass and you will slowly get some of those freedoms back but now you have two mom giving out very different punishments. Sometimes you'll prefer to go back and take mom's but you're an adult now so you have to learn to deal with these new kinds of punishments

 

I know you are a picky eater but you won't be able to have all the snacks you like around you and no one will fix your favorite foods because you ask for them. Even if you don't like it you, have to eat it, to stay alive. They feed you 3 times a day and the rest of the day and night you get water.

 

Remember that this next stage of you life isn't going to be easy but we are always here for you and it will get better in a couple of months.

 

Take the things we've been teaching you to heart and keep them close. They will help you when others are trying to lead you astray.

 

If you haven't already had the "deep" truth about s*x talk with him yet, do it now or have dad do it. This is when he needs to know all the sordid details. Would make for a good Man to Man outing.

 

You may know everything about s*x but women are women, they are not lower than you, they are your equal and deserve to be treated nicely and with respect.

 

If he is asking himself whether he should do something or not, tell him to ask himself "is this something my mom would approve of"

 

My son has a favorite saying that really is true: People are stupid and as such do stupid things. This includes your friends but it also includes you. Try to remember that when you're thinking of things to do. If you even "think" it might be stupid, "it is" and don't do it.

 

If you're going to live on your own you need to be frugal. Teach him how to set up a budget. When you have a Ford Focus paycheck you cant go out and buy a Ferrari. If your paycheck will only cover the cost of a Whopper you can't go out and get Lobster. Generic Products are good. A pair of jeans you got on sale for $8 at good will and have never been used or barely look it, will give you more money to spend on those luxury items like Lobster than going to Macy's and buying those $50 jeans that everyone else is wearing. Wal-Mart is tempting but sometimes, although the clothes at Penney's may be a little more expensive, they are better made so will last longer. Saving money is great as is frugal but penny pinching isn't always best. That 52" flat TV sure would be nice but that 36" isn't that much worse and will be better on my budget.

 

Always save 10% of your paycheck at a minimum, you never know when those emergencies are going to happen and mom and dad might not always be around when you need them.

 

Most important, no matter what situation you find yourself in, if it looks too good, sounds too good, and smells too good, then it's probably not

Edited November 3, 2010 by Alyce

[lionfamily1999]

Thanks, Kathleen.

That was some excellent advice, both of yous guys ;)

[simka2]

There's nothing you can do to destroy my love for you, because I love you for who you are, not because of what you do. God feels the same way about you.

That's not to say I won't become angry, or that you don't need to behave yourself--it just means my love is not dependent on your behavior.

This is the kind of love you will want to show to others, too, esp your spouse (if you marry) and your kids (if you have them).

 

You were uniquely created for a purpose, but God gives a lot of leeway for you to find that purpose, and he will work with what you bring him. He can redeem anything, even the really sucky stuff.

 

You have choices, nearly all the time, even when you think you don't. Choose wisely. Ask for guidance. But don't ask those who are living a life you don't want for yourself.

 

Learn to cook. It saves money, can help you stay healthy, and will bless your family.

 

Don't be critical, and remember everyone is going thru something. Show others the grace you want them to show you.

 

Do things based on the long-range outcome, not on your short-term feelings. Feelings change. Therefore, use feelings as a guide, but not the only guide.

 

Keep your hands to yourself.

Sex makes babies. Babies are wonderful and always a gift. Gift appropriately.

 

Visit your mother, call her, and send her gifts at Christmas. A card on her birthday is important. This woman carried you and fed you with her own body. She loves you to pieces. Honor that. :D

 

And laugh a lot.

 

:iagree:and will add the one we taught our young adult small group last night.

 

Finish well. Whenever you face a "transition" do your best to end things well. This doesn't mean everyone agrees with your choices, but that you do what you can...to leave things as well as you can:001_smile:.

[PentecostalMom]

These are great and some make me feel like I failed! :crying: I will borrow the ones I need and send them one each day to ds. I know some things I covered and overall he is a great kid, I get told that all the time. I just feel like I missed the boat sometimes.

 

By the way, my dh was 19 when we married (I was 28). He enlisted at age 22 and came out of boot camp a different person, for the better. They will teach him a lot more than just how to do push-ups. Just one example, he will have to be financially responsible or it will affect his job.

 

Blessings to you and yours as you send your boy to become a man. The sense of pride you will feel at graduation is astounding! :gnorsi::patriot: