How old is too old?

[yellowperch]

Idle dreaming. If you were already over 40 and had a lovely pack of young children, and were thinking of just one more, how old would you have to be to decide you were too old? And really, this is just an idle thought. :) I'm packing some baby things away, so babies are on my mind. And my birthday is coming up.

[Laura Corin]

I would be worrying about the increased chance of abnormalities as the mother ages. I was worried enough at 37 when I had Hobbes. The chance of Downs syndrome at age 40 is (from what I've read) 1 in 100, which is fairly high - it's 1 in over 200 at 37. By 43 it's 1 in 50.

 

I'm not at all condemning those who choose to go ahead at that age, and respect very much the love that many parents give to disabled children, but it would not be a risk I would want to take.

 

Laura

[PygmyShrew]

I started a thread on this EXACT question.

Go to SEARCH and enter "Very QUICK fill in the blank question for moms" in the keyword box.

Then in the box under THAT one, limit it to search of TITLES ONLY and it should appear.

Got many responses.

 

(I shared the overly detailed how-to in case you're new; didn't look to see if you're new or a vet).

 

Good luck!

Edited November 2, 2010 by PygmyShrew

[yellowperch]

That's funny, Pygmy Shrew. Just read many of the responses. What did you think of it all? And what did you decide to do?

[mommaduck]

I would not have a baby after 40, though I've known many women that do.

[love2read]

I had my last at 42 and she's a blessing and joy to all of us. I wish we had more, but my hormones obviously shifted at 44 and a few years after that I started to feel like it would be hard to be pregnant and take care of a newborn. The older children, even the college kids, still say they wish I would have just one more, so if we did have one my biggest problem would be trying to get some alone time with the baby. Don't shut the door :)

[mama2cntrykids]

Well, I'm currently pregnant with number 4 and I'll be 33 yrs old on Sunday. This is our last. My body can not handle any more, the pregnancy is just too rough on me. That's just my very personal situation.

[Joyofsixreboot]

I had my last at 44. She is perfect and if she wasn't she still would be, KWIM?

[Imprimis]

You know, you probably won't have a clear consensus here. One person's "too old" is someone else's "just right."

 

My opinion is, if it feels like the right thing for you and your family, and you are healthy, and feel up to it, go for it!

 

BTW, I had my last one over 40 and, not only is she perfectly healthy, it was, by far, my easiest labor and delivery.

Edited November 3, 2010 by Imprimis

[Heather in Neverland]

I am 40 and I have a 10 month old...but we adopted. Are you looking for answers regarding how old is too old for pregnancy or just to take on a new baby in general? At 40, I am definitely done after this one. :D

[MaMa2005]

So I became a mom for the third time at 46 (through adoption) to a 27 month old son. It has been wonderful. He will keep DH and I 'young' through our retirement years. One of the best things we have ever done.

[BakersDozen]

I'm 37 and right now my feeling is that if I am fortunate enough to conceive and carry a baby after the age of 40 then I will be thrilled! Yes, it might be harder on my body and there is the increased possibility of Downs yet I am more fearful of losing what little is left of my fertility than of having a baby later in life.

[Gratia271]

Idle dreaming. If you were already over 40 and had a lovely pack of young children, and were thinking of just one more, how old would you have to be to decide you were too old? And really, this is just an idle thought. :) I'm packing some baby things away, so babies are on my mind. And my birthday is coming up.

 

40 is not too old. I appreciate where you are coming from. I am not 40 years old yet but have thought a lot recently about wanting more, and my youngest two (twins) are 8. They would love to have a little brother or sister. In any event, I am probably not the most objective respondent in that I feel the same way you are feeling. :001_smile:

[bettyandbob]

there is no answer to this question, b/c it is so personal. I don't think 40 is too old in general, but for some people it is. Some people have more than one child after age 40. Some people have even planned multiple pregnancies after age 40.

 

I had my last at 35. Not only do I feel it would be physically hard for me to have another, but I have a real hard time imagining the altered dynamic another baby would create. At the same time, if pregnancy did happen, dh and I would happily welcome the addition to our family.

 

So, it's personal. No one can figure it out for you.

[TanuvasaMama]

When I'm 40 my oldest will be 20 so hopefully grand babies will be just around the corner! Thats the stage I'm really looking forward to!

[amy g.]

I had Miss Bossy at 40, and Miss Happy at 43.

 

I am open to another baby, but I don't really think it is likely to happen.

[kathkath]

no you are not too old. IMO if you can handle the *quiver* you have, why not? I know Down Syndrome is a big item on everyone's fear ticket, but for me that would not be a dealbreaker. I had my last at 36 but had other issues going on that could pretty much guarantee a disastrous outcome for me and the next baby, regardless of genetic makeup. If you are healthy and have a history of smooth pregnancies, why not? You will rise to any new challenges. In your shoes I would just be extra careful while pregnant so as to be aware of other risk factors associated with older pregnant mothers (pre-ecclampsia, preterm labor etc) and deal with them as they arise.

[PygmyShrew]

In response to your question on what I did with the information from my thread.....we're likely done -- but not ONLY b/c of the thread's replies really. It did SEAL it more for us perhaps. This babe's due 2011, and -- from the nausea and heartburn and just how hard it's been in general, fairly sure this is the caboose.

[yellowperch]

Thanks for the answers. It was interesting to read how people think through this issue. Just to clarify, I know this is a deeply personal issue--really what issue could be more so--so I was asking what YOU think is too old for you. Mainly out of curiosity. Also so I could feel a little less alone. My last baby was born at 42, and I thought I would feel like my work in that area was done. But I don't. Like I said, I'm just dreaming anyway.

[dancer67]

I am going to be 43 in a week. If I was not on the medications I currently take, I would have another one in a heartbeat. And my oldest is 20, youngest is 12.

[Sophia]

Thanks for the answers. It was interesting to read how people think through this issue. Just to clarify, I know this is a deeply personal issue--really what issue could be more so--so I was asking what YOU think is too old for you. Mainly out of curiosity. Also so I could feel a little less alone. My last baby was born at 42, and I thought I would feel like my work in that area was done. But I don't. Like I said, I'm just dreaming anyway.

 

My last child was born a few months short of my 42nd birthday.

 

Before he was born, I always felt like someone was missing. After he was born, I didn't feel like that anymore.

Everyone was home.

We don't use bc, and I have not conceived again.

 

I feel like God made the decision for me.

I would never say no to another baby.

[texasmama]

I will be 44 in a few months. We are done. I had my last baby at almost 39. It was a hard, hard pg and took a lot away from my family. For me, a 1% chance of Downs at 40 is very minimal. My last child was born with a birth defect unrelated to maternal age so who knows. You get what you get, at any age.

 

To answer your question, I am old, tired, busy and broke so I am done.:D (Being silly because I am not really all of those things...but for me, I have reached maximum capacity, which as as much to do with the four children I already have as it does with my age.)

[AHASRADA]

Well, I had my perfect "one boy, one girl" family in my 20s, and thought I was done. So glad to be done with diapers, terrible 2s, etc., glad I got it overwith while I was still young, and looking forward to still being young enough to pursue my own interests when they were grown and gone. At that time, over 35 was too old to have kids in my mind.

 

Now, here I am, just turned 37, and expecting our 3rd in 3 weeks! What happened?! Well, I guess you could call it "mid-motherhood crisis". My first-born is a man-child, as big as his father, and my sweet baby girl is a becoming a "tween". Rather than seeing a light at the end of the tunnel which is parenthood, I began to see a door closing, never to be re-opened. I started to ask myself if this is it, is this how and where I want my family to be completed? Sure, 2 kids is great when you're raising them, but am I satisfied with my kids going through life as adults with only one sibling (and of the opposite gender?) Am I ready to be an empty-nester in 8 years? Well, you can guess our decision ;).

 

So, from this vantage point, I would say over 40 is too old (certainly over 42). :tongue_smilie: BTW, I have already decided, if I determine this new baby just has to have a sibling to keep her company, I will have to time my pregnancy so I deliver a month before my 40th birthday, so I can say I had him/her at 39!! Just too much stigma in my mind to having a baby at 40, especially for someone who got married at 18! JMHO, as crazy as it may sound.