Danestress Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 What are the things you say to facilitate conversation with a young lady that your son brings to dinner? I need a mental list of things to ask that will get her talking but that can, in no way, be construed as mining her for information. KWIM? This is not, by a long shot, the first time he has brought a girl home. But I sense that this is different. Brainstorm for me! They are both early 20s. I don't want to ask about her career plans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I suppose "What makes you think you're good enough for my baby?" isn't helpful. How'd they meet? Does she have any hobbies that you know of? Is she in school? What is/was her major? Does she work? If you know any of this, you could ask her questions about these things. Honestly, I'd try to just talk to her like you would anybody you were meeting for the first time. You have such a kind heart, I'm positive you'll do fabulously :001_smile:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 :lol: Sorry. My ds brought a girl home for a month this summer (they both go to college in Tokyo, and she lives in CA so just coming over for dinner wasn't an option). The whole time she was here I kept wondering what he saw in her, and if who he chose had any reflection on me as a mother. Yes, it is all about me. If it were just for dinner, I'd try to keep from interrogating her. Just try to have a normal dinner, and let them do the talking. Every conversation I started for a week or so that wasn't about the weather or food sent a flash of panic accross my son's face. Maybe stick to food discussions or make sure you read up on a non-controversial topic to bring up. "I just read an interesting article about...." If they are in college, classes are a terrific topic. All the way until you start asking why she is an art major if she really wants to study engineering. oops.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 :lol:Sorry. My ds brought a girl home for a month this summer (they both go to college in Tokyo, and she lives in CA so just coming over for dinner wasn't an option). The whole time she was here I kept wondering what he saw in her, and if who he chose had any reflection on me as a mother. Yes, it is all about me. If it were just for dinner, I'd try to keep from interrogating her. Just try to have a normal dinner, and let them do the talking. Every conversation I started for a week or so that wasn't about the weather or food sent a flash of panic accross my son's face. Maybe stick to food discussions or make sure you read up on a non-controversial topic to bring up. "I just read an interesting article about...." If they are in college, classes are a terrific topic. All the way until you start asking why she is an art major if she really wants to study engineering. oops.:D :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jen in PA Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I would ask if she's read anything good lately and hope that it sparks a conversation. But that's my go-to conversation starter for any event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 In all honesty, I ask questions about their family, that way, when I see them again, I can ask how everyone is. how about vacation spots she likes books family school hopefully by then something would have sparked and we could go off on rabbit trails. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sophia Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Well that's hard, because what I consider mining for information might be different than what the kids are thinking, y'know? But, trying to speak generally, it would be very natural for me to ask about her reading habits because I talk to everyone about books. Hopefully that would lead to talk about plays, or movies adapted from books. Pets? If you have an animal roving around, you can ask if she has one? Hmm...this is hard. I quit. And I'm telling my dc no restrictions on convo allowed.:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
just Jenny Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 How about: What do you like to do? Or a question like: If you had a free plane ticket to anywhere, where would you go and why? Then everyone could answer and it is always fun to hear what everyone would say and why. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Movies (I've seen/want to see x. Did you see x movie? I enjoyed/was disappointed because.....how about you?) Books (I read and enjoyed x. Have you read anything wonderful lately?) Hobbies Pets Family Vacations/Holidays These are great generic topics. Generally people will talk about what they enjoy or recently found fun or interesting. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 Yes, family questions. Everyone likes to talk about their family! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
akquickgirl Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I say, break out the boardgames! I always get to know new people quicker and easier when we're all busy having a good time with some friendly competition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I suppose "What makes you think you're good enough for my baby?" isn't helpful. :lol: That and "Could you pass me the wine?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I often open threads here and find situations that I haven not yet encountered. I continue to read some because I enjoy reading the wisdom from others and file away some of the recommendations to use down the road. This thread, however, I am covering my ears and backing out quickly. :blink::coolgleamA:....blah, blah, blah, I'm not listening. So not ready to even think about this yet. :lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnitWit Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I think you should watch Monster-in-Law before she comes :) :lol: I'm going to eat these words...I have FOUR boys, but the eldest is just going to turn 13 in Jan. I'm in denial. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carol in Cal. Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I think that you want to do your best Aunt Bea imitation for that first meeting. You know, the kindly grandmother type. She will probably be pretty nervous. If you talk about books, she might think you are being intimidating. If you talk about plays, even worse. If you talk about hobbies, that might be safe. Classes--you are checking into whether she is worthy of your son. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sugarfoot Posted November 2, 2010 Share Posted November 2, 2010 I often open threads here and find situations that I haven not yet encountered. I continue to read some because I enjoy reading the wisdom from others and file away some of the recommendations to use down the road. This thread, however, I am covering my ears and backing out quickly. :blink::coolgleamA:....blah, blah, blah, I'm not listening. So not ready to even think about this yet. :lol::lol: Ditto!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PygmyShrew Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I think you can tell more about whether a young person delights in talking about ME ME ME and MORE ME and how eager she is to GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ME than the subject matter. MANY people (especially young people) nowadays have little training in the art of basic polite conversation. They HUMOR the person as he/she talks, but WHILE they're talking, they're thinking about ME ME ME again and are eager to discuss SELF again. I'd be interested to see if she asked anyone ELSE any questions and seemed to genuinely CARE about their responses. If you have the privildge of meeting the RARE jewel that cares about others, then you're dining with a special lady indeed. I know you didn't say YOUR PURPOSE was to scope her out....but,,,,,,,, errrrrrrrrr! ;) .......I'd just notice this because if SHE is too selfish to do otherwise, I'd have to pass on some motherly WISDOM to the son as this is a symptom of a HUGE underlying character prob. And, as far as subject matter, if she's that type of young person (that typifies many of today), then she'll GUIDE that on her own and stay on subjects that interest her and you'll be off the hook for coming up with but a handful of comments :nopity:. Hopefully, she'll be a selfless variety of person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4kids4me Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I think you should watch Monster-in-Law before she comes :):lol: I'm going to eat these words...I have FOUR boys, but the eldest is just going to turn 13 in Jan. I'm in denial. How about watching it after dinner? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I think you can tell more about whether a young person delights in talking about ME ME ME and MORE ME and how eager she is to GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ME than the subject matter. MANY people (especially young people) nowadays have little training in the art of basic polite conversation. They HUMOR the person as he/she talks, but WHILE they're talking, they're thinking about ME ME ME again and are eager to discuss SELF again. I'd be interested to see if she asked anyone ELSE any questions and seemed to genuinely CARE about their responses. If you have the privildge of meeting the RARE jewel that cares about others, then you're dining with a special lady indeed. I know you didn't say YOUR PURPOSE was to scope her out....but,,,,,,,, errrrrrrrrr! ;) .......I'd just notice this because if SHE is too selfish to do otherwise, I'd have to pass on some motherly WISDOM to the son as this is a symptom of a HUGE underlying character prob. And, as far as subject matter, if she's that type of young person (that typifies many of today), then she'll GUIDE that on her own and stay on subjects that interest her and you'll be off the hook for coming up with but a handful of comments :nopity:. Hopefully, she'll be a selfless variety of person. I have noticed this behavior more and more often! Unfortunately, it does not seem to be confined to the young, either. I was at a party recently, where eveyone just seemed to be nodding and treading water until they could get back to talking about themselves. I think they misunderstood that LISTENING is not the same as pausing your own speech until the other person stops. :D What about religion and politics? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaSheep Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 What about religion and politics? :lol: :lol: That's what I was thinking too. So where do you go to church? Why did you pick that church? (Or alternately, Why don't you go to church?) What's your position on infant baptism? Who did you vote for? What do you think should be done about the current economic situation? And, by the way, how many babies did you say you wanted to have? (Oh wait. You wanted to make a GOOD impression...lol.) I think, "So what do you do for fun?" can be a good starter, as hobbies are fairly non-threatening. If she's in school you could ask about what classes she likes/dislikes most, how far along she is, things you wonder about regarding whatever her area of specialty is, but avoid potentially "sensitive" aspects of it. (If she's an art major (as I was) avoid asking how she likes those classes where you have to draw naked people, as I was once asked--lol--I told the person I liked it so much I took an additional semester beyond what was required for my major. ;) I wound up NOT marrying into that family...hee hee.) If she grew up somewhere else you could ask what it was like there, and how she likes it here. You could ask what kind of music she likes, if that's something you feel you can discuss comfortably (I'm fairly ignorant on the subject myself, but it's something people ask). Um....what's her favorite color/season/movie/etc. How did they meet? What has your son told you about her? That might give you some clues about subjects that are safe to approach, or which should be avoided. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dm379 Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I think you should watch Monster-in-Law before she comes :):lol: No, no, no. Watch it while she's there! It'll make a perfect after dinner movie. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KatieJ Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 OUr nieghbors invited us over for a movie night..years ago. Our children were all in the dating stage of life. Their's were younger. They had rented...........Meet the Parents. They laughed way more than we did.:glare: Meeting a new girlfriend:just be yourself. You've been given some great questions to ask. You sound like a caring sweet spirit..it will be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 Honestly, most of the girls he has dated over they years have improved him in some way. A good girl is good for a guy that age. Anyway, it went well and she was fun. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 Well that's hard, because what I consider mining for information might be different than what the kids are thinking, y'know? Just like another poster said, anything can seem to have a hint of judgment to it. "What do you like to read" can seem like, "You do read, right? Tell me you aren't one of those morons who never reads." So I was treading lightly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 What about religion and politics? :lol: I'm proud to say that I did not dwell on either of these subjects. Yeah me!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rookie Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 Why not start with what my then-future-MIL asked the first time she met me..... Do girls from your ethnic group put elderly parents in nursing homes or take care of them at home? :blink: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted November 3, 2010 Author Share Posted November 3, 2010 I appreciated the ideas, comments and humor. I love this board. It was a fun night. She was a delightful person and we had very little trouble figuring out what to talk about, but the opportunity to brainstorm ideas helped me feel ready! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Medieval Mom Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I appreciated the ideas, comments and humor. I love this board. It was a fun night. She was a delightful person and we had very little trouble figuring out what to talk about, but the opportunity to brainstorm ideas helped me feel ready! Glad you had fun! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 I know you already had the dinner, but... I think you can tell more about whether a young person delights in talking about ME ME ME and MORE ME and how eager she is to GET BACK TO TALKING ABOUT ME than the subject matter. MANY people (especially young people) nowadays have little training in the art of basic polite conversation. They HUMOR the person as he/she talks, but WHILE they're talking, they're thinking about ME ME ME again and are eager to discuss SELF again. I'd be interested to see if she asked anyone ELSE any questions and seemed to genuinely CARE about their responses. If you have the privildge of meeting the RARE jewel that cares about others, then you're dining with a special lady indeed. I know you didn't say YOUR PURPOSE was to scope her out....but,,,,,,,, errrrrrrrrr! ;) .......I'd just notice this because if SHE is too selfish to do otherwise, I'd have to pass on some motherly WISDOM to the son as this is a symptom of a HUGE underlying character prob. And, as far as subject matter, if she's that type of young person (that typifies many of today), then she'll GUIDE that on her own and stay on subjects that interest her and you'll be off the hook for coming up with but a handful of comments :nopity:. Hopefully, she'll be a selfless variety of person. Ask her how she feels about people like this! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EthiopianFood Posted November 3, 2010 Share Posted November 3, 2010 Do girls from your ethnic group put elderly parents in nursing homes or take care of them at home? :lol: I'm the type of person that would say this, just to see her reaction! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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