although I hate baring all...

[cathmom]

I need suggestions.

 

First, some background: I had been a SAHM for over a decade when in 2007, we decided that I would start working again. My dh had lost his job for the 3rd time in three years and we were seeing that having all of our eggs in one basket was not getting us anywhere. Plus, our financial situation was not good. We had had to cash out the little we had for retirement (and pay over $1000 in taxes on it because dh was on unemployment 2 weeks less than the amount necessary to not get hit with the penalty!)

 

I have a master's degree in German with a minor in Spanish, but had never really worked. I began substitute teaching, got a job teaching a community college continuing education class in German, and then got a part-time job teaching Spanish for the following school year at a charter school. My oldest, who was then in his senior year of high school, babysat while I taught. During that year I became pregnant with our youngest, and he was born that summer. This year I have started teaching continuing ed again, and the possibility still exists that I could teach the charter school again next school year (PT).

 

The situation: I am only one person. I have 6 dc at home: one in high school with dyslexia (so she needs my help with her schoolwork), one in middle school, who probably has dyscalculia, one in 2nd grade, who is receiving OT once a week, 5 year old twins with a severe speech delay, who receive therapy in our home at least 2x a week, and a toddler, who is also receiving speech therapy.

 

Money is extremely tight. We live just above the poverty level. I have been stressing about money so badly it interferes with my sleep for at least the last month. Dh and I have both been sick - I have plantar fasciitis, so every step has been painful for the last 3 months at least, although it is getting better. We never figured out what was wrong with dh, even though he has gone to several different specialists at $50 a pop. I think we've spent about $500 on copays in the last 2 months for both of us.

 

Dh feels that my working takes away from the kids' education. At some level, I think he's mostly right, but I do enjoy teaching/working/having something that is mine outside of homeschooling. Dh works 7 days a week (4 hours each Saturday and Sunday afternoons, and then regular FT hours), and has for the last 2 years. He cannot work more. His job is not necessarily secure, but not precarious either, if YKWIM. We don't know how long the weekend overtime will last, though, and that is what is keeping us afloat.

 

I think I should work at the charter school next year if possible. It is really an ideal job, because we live rurally and the school is only 6 miles from my house. The principal is great and I am free to teach how I want. I just think it's foolish for me not to work, but OTOH, my working directly impacts my children, plus then I rely on the older ones to babysit. I really make nothing teaching at the community college - I just figured out that I made less than $5 an hour when all was said and done. It would be worth it if I were trying to do private tutoring on the side - some of my students want that - but tutoring doesn't build one's resume and I don't have time really to do it, unless I could set everybody up back to back which doesn't seem likely. I've spent the last three years trying to build a career as a language teacher - learning, networking, etc. And now dh says that he just wants me to teach our dc languages and graduate them bi- or tri-lingual. Which is great, except this doesn't pay off our debt. This doesn't fix our roof. This doesn't save for retirement. Etc. And it's not like this is short-term either - my youngest is only a toddler!

 

I don't know anymore what to do or what to focus my time on. I'm exhausted - beyond exhausted - and have been this way for years.

 

Hoping I don't regret posting this - please don't quote me so I can delete it all later LOL!

[Liz CA]

:grouphug: Honestly, I think more stress comes from financial debt than from taking a break with the kids.

It does not have to be an all or nothing situation.

Let's say you teach for the next year and re-evaluate your finances then. If your dh gets a super duper job and can handle it all on his own - quit teaching and be with your kids full time if that is what you want.

If the finances have not improved to a point where you feel more secure, teach for another year. Nothing is forever. Once things improve, you can make other choices.

 

Of course, I don't know what childcare arrangements you have and how much worry this is causing you. You mentioned the older ones watch the younger ones. This is not necessarily a bad thing if the older ones are mature enough to do this and if you talk to them why this is necessary. They are contributing in a way nobody else can. If you get this across they may see and feel how valuable they are.

 

I got tired just reading your post. See a good naturopath or holistic doc and get some adrenal and immune support since you are running on all cylinders. :001_smile:

[jujsky]

It sounds like none of your options are perfect or ideal, but teaching at the charter school sounds like the best one -- unless you want to leave the job entirely and JUST do tutoring on the side. If you stopped doing the community college job you would probably have time in your schedule for the tutoring and you could certainly charge more than $5/hour.

[Evergreen State Sue]

You said you're making about $5 an hour when all is said and done now. Have you figured out how many students you would need to tutor to make an equivalent amount? Co-ops around here charge about $25 a student every 4 weeks for a once a week, 1 hour class during the school year. Class are usually 20 students. Time is also "money", so figure out if you can make the same or more money using your skills with less of a time commitment. That would give you time to work with your special needs kids. I do think tutoring is beneficial on a resume. It shows you can not only teach to a class but to individual students.

[mcconnellboys]

If you are only making less than $5 per hour for all you're doing, then I think that your best interests would be better served by concentrating on helping your children achieve all they can so that hopefully they can receive decent scholarships for college. If you were making a significant amount that was really helping reduce your debt, increase your savings, etc., then I would see things differently....

[bettyandbob]

Maybe you shouldn't worry about building your resume. You could probably net the most income for the least amount of hours with tutoring, plus you can be flexible with scheduling and location. Maybe you should keep teaching at the school for the next year while you take on a few tutoring clients. Then transition to just tutoring at the end of the school year.

[Jackie in NE]

Thanks for baring all. I feel a sort of kinship with you in that I feel completely overextended. Dh and I have had to make many difficult decisions both financially, and lifestyle-wise over the last few years, and it has been very difficult. And so I offer you hugs. And prayers. I have no idea what you should do. But I will tell you what my dh has been saying, and rightly so, throughout our process. When I worry about money, and how we should plan for the future, and where I should focus my time, he says "This is not a financial question." For the first 6 months that he said this, I looked at him incredulously. It was OBVIOUSLY a financial question to me! How was I going to: buy groceries, pay the dentist, buy meds, put tires on the car, etc., etc., etc. And he would insist, "This is not a financial question." His point was that all our decisions are choices. That we must choose what is most important right now, and figure out how to make it work, or figure out how to do without. And it took me a long time to see this, but what I want matters too. How am I fed? How do I want to live? When I look back, what will have been important? I hope this makes some sense. We have made some surprising choices. But they were our choices and not our reactions. We are still not where we want to be with respect to "how" to live. But we are moving in the right direction. And along the way, I am being fed. That was my husband's other important point.... "We have to live now." We cannot be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or waiting for things to be better financially. We have to live now. Because then there is joy in living, and not only strife.

 

I hope something in here helped. Best wishes for a joyful journey.

 

Jackie

[Quiver0f10]

I know this wont be a popular answer here , but It sounds like your DH doesn't want you working and he wants you to focus on the kid's education, so that's what I recommend.

[elfgivas]

questions: if you are on staff at the community college does your son get reduced tuition there? if you are on staff at the charter school, do your children automatically get admitted?

 

i'm thinking that trying to do both for one more year might be worth it if the answer to either of those questions is yes.

 

fwiw,

ann

[cathmom]

:grouphug: Honestly, I think more stress comes from financial debt than from taking a break with the kids.

It does not have to be an all or nothing situation.

Let's say you teach for the next year and re-evaluate your finances then. If your dh gets a super duper job and can handle it all on his own - quit teaching and be with your kids full time if that is what you want.

If the finances have not improved to a point where you feel more secure, teach for another year. Nothing is forever. Once things improve, you can make other choices.

 

Of course, I don't know what childcare arrangements you have and how much worry this is causing you. You mentioned the older ones watch the younger ones. This is not necessarily a bad thing if the older ones are mature enough to do this and if you talk to them why this is necessary. They are contributing in a way nobody else can. If you get this across they may see and feel how valuable they are.

 

I got tired just reading your post. See a good naturopath or holistic doc and get some adrenal and immune support since you are running on all cylinders. :001_smile:

 

Yes, and I feel a lot of the stress because I handle the money.

 

There is really no chance that dh will get a job that would be enough.

 

I actually want to work because I like working. I like teaching. I like having a me that isn't "mom." Right now I only actually work 2 hours a week, but when you add in getting ready to go, driving there 35 minutes each way, getting there early and leaving late because I stay to plan next week while I have all the stuff out, then it's at least 5 hours the night I teach. So already I'm making less than $10 an hour (my actual salary is 22.50). Then subtract gas and time during the week planning, typing something up for class, returning phone calls and emails from students, etc. - that's how it gets to the $5 an hour range LOL. But I wasn't doing this job for the money - it was a job, it built my resume, it gave me experience, and I really, really like my students. They are all fascinating.

If I taught at the charter school again, that's really when my olders would have to watch my youngers for a couple hours a day, and yes, I have concerns about that.

 

It sounds like none of your options are perfect or ideal, but teaching at the charter school sounds like the best one -- unless you want to leave the job entirely and JUST do tutoring on the side. If you stopped doing the community college job you would probably have time in your schedule for the tutoring and you could certainly charge more than $5/hour.

 

I agree that the charter school is the best option if I am going to work. I've told dh that. I just thought of the doing tutoring thing, but I would really need to keep teaching the evening class to find the students. I had one former student who wanted me to tutor him two times a week for an hour each time, and I just couldn't figure out when I could do that. One time a week, yeah, two times, no, not when every weekday evening except Friday was already committed!

 

You said you're making about $5 an hour when all is said and done now. Have you figured out how many students you would need to tutor to make an equivalent amount? Co-ops around here charge about $25 a student every 4 weeks for a once a week, 1 hour class during the school year. Class are usually 20 students. Time is also "money", so figure out if you can make the same or more money using your skills with less of a time commitment. That would give you time to work with your special needs kids. I do think tutoring is beneficial on a resume. It shows you can not only teach to a class but to individual students.

 

The other problem with tutoring is that it is less reliable, plus I have to find the students, find a meeting place, etc. I would probably charge $30 an hour at least, but again, that's not all the time it would take.

 

If you are only making less than $5 per hour for all you're doing, then I think that your best interests would be better served by concentrating on helping your children achieve all they can so that hopefully they can receive decent scholarships for college. If you were making a significant amount that was really helping reduce your debt, increase your savings, etc., then I would see things differently....

 

Good points, and that is what I see my dh thinking. And, currently, yes, that is the case. What I am doing now is not helping significantly, but it was building something. And now it seems my dh wants me to stop building and just concentrate on the dc. Maybe that is the best thing. I just don't know anymore.

 

Can you teach at the charter school and put the kids there too?:grouphug:

 

Can you run homeschooling language classes and tutoring from your home or on line?

 

In the future that could be a possibility about teaching there and enrolling my dc. However, this year I still have 3 preschool age dc (my twins could not have started public school this year) and the charter school does not have an elementary school. I only have 2 of my 6 at home who could attend there. Three would have to attend our local elementary, which I would not do (and don't think dh would agree to), and the youngest would have to be in day care somewhere, thus eating into my salary. I really don't see that as an option until my youngest is middle school age, which is quite a ways away.

 

Philosophically, I am pretty much against online language classes, and I am not certified, so I cannot teach in the state virtual school. I would teach from my home, but I live in the middle of nowhere and I doubt many people would be willing to come out here. And really, those things require time and attention too, and aren't really likely to make me more than teaching at the charter school, where I don't have to find my own students or deal with them not paying or worry about people coming to my home (and I don't really have a good space to do classes anyway, although I could make it work). Come to think of it though, I could offer classes in my home and probably make what I am making now at the community college LOL.

 

Maybe you shouldn't worry about building your resume. You could probably net the most income for the least amount of hours with tutoring, plus you can be flexible with scheduling and location. Maybe you should keep teaching at the school for the next year while you take on a few tutoring clients. Then transition to just tutoring at the end of the school year.

 

Thanks for the idea! the issue again is TIME. If I'm teaching at the charter school, I'm thinking that is all I'm going to be able to do.

 

 

Thanks for baring all. I feel a sort of kinship with you in that I feel completely overextended. Dh and I have had to make many difficult decisions both financially, and lifestyle-wise over the last few years, and it has been very difficult. And so I offer you hugs. And prayers. I have no idea what you should do. But I will tell you what my dh has been saying, and rightly so, throughout our process. When I worry about money, and how we should plan for the future, and where I should focus my time, he says "This is not a financial question." For the first 6 months that he said this, I looked at him incredulously. It was OBVIOUSLY a financial question to me! How was I going to: buy groceries, pay the dentist, buy meds, put tires on the car, etc., etc., etc. And he would insist, "This is not a financial question." His point was that all our decisions are choices. That we must choose what is most important right now, and figure out how to make it work, or figure out how to do without. And it took me a long time to see this, but what I want matters too. How am I fed? How do I want to live? When I look back, what will have been important? I hope this makes some sense. We have made some surprising choices. But they were our choices and not our reactions. We are still not where we want to be with respect to "how" to live. But we are moving in the right direction. And along the way, I am being fed. That was my husband's other important point.... "We have to live now." We cannot be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or waiting for things to be better financially. We have to live now. Because then there is joy in living, and not only strife.

 

I hope something in here helped. Best wishes for a joyful journey.

 

Jackie

 

:grouphug: Thanks for your post, and making me feel better about sharing. I think I'm so close to the situation and so tired that I can't figure out what to do. I understand about living for now, but I feel like we've lived that way for so long and it hasn't gotten us anywhere. I'm not worried about "what if's" ; I don't have the money to get the oil changed in my 11 yo van that has 207K miles on it. My dh is wearing glasses that are all scratched up because we haven't been able to afford new ones. Things like that, that aren't optional.

 

I know this wont be a popular answer here , but It sounds like your DH doesn't want you working and he wants you to focus on the kid's education, so that's what I recommend.

 

I do agree, Quiver, it's just that, well, two things really: my dh has no idea how to make more money himself and we do NEED more money, and two, I like working. I lost myself for many years when I was just living for the dc, and I don't want to go back to that. My working has forced dh to be with the dc more and it has been good for all of them. I just don't know anymore.

[cathmom]

questions: if you are on staff at the community college does your son get reduced tuition there? if you are on staff at the charter school, do your children automatically get admitted?

 

i'm thinking that trying to do both for one more year might be worth it if the answer to either of those questions is yes.

 

fwiw,

ann

 

My oldest does not attend the college I teach at. I'm not really "on staff" - I teach continuing education for adults, non-credit classes, so it's not real college LOL. It's wonderful in that all my students are there because they really want to learn and they are self-motivated and fascinating individuals, and it's terrible in that I am the lowest of the low on the totem pole, and there are no fringe benefits at all. In fact, they don't even pay me until the end of the month AFTER I've worked. IOW, I just got paid today for the 6 hours I worked in September.

[AHASRADA]

I don't know if this helps or not, but I do language tutoring, and I charge $20 an hour if they come to my house, $25 if I have to travel (and I won't travel more than 15 min. away). Typically, they prefer to come to me, which is ideal. I usually have 4-5 sessions per week (one hour per day). This does not really inconvenience my family much, I am able to homeschool full-time, and add a decent little contribution to the family income. True, I am not worrying about building my resume, but it is a good option to consider that would allow you that "non-homeschooling" outlet, while allowing you plenty of time to work with your own kiddos.

[GWOB]

:grouphug: It kinda sounds like you are stuck between the proverbial rock and hard place. Not a cool position in which to be.:grouphug:

 

So, if I was you, I would try to transition to tutoring. Take the rest of this school year to build up a clientele. If you have the luxury of having a hs co-op available, try to teach there. You could have students come to your home. If that is not an option, you could look into using your church building. I'm sure my church would allow this, but maybe this is not always the case. Maybe at you local public library.

 

Life really throws us curveballs sometimes, doesn't it? :grouphug:

 

I have to tell myself this is just one season of my long life. I am lucky because my dh does work in a well-paying, stable industry. However, if something did happen, I could use my degree in Criminal Justice and work at a state prison about 30min away. Would it be ideal? No, but you gotta do what you gotta do.

 

Another :grouphug: for good measure.

[Luckymama]

No suggestions just a :grouphug:

[KingM]

I don't think you can afford to teach at the CC given how little you make, and based on what I've heard about adjunct-type pay, I'm not at all surprised. I would focus on the charter school and pick up some private tutoring on the side. You should be able to get the kids to come to your place and charge a minimum of $20/hour.

 

Resume-building is great, but right now you just have to keep your head above water, financially and emotionally.

[cathmom]

I don't think you can afford to teach at the CC given how little you make, and based on what I've heard about adjunct-type pay, I'm not at all surprised.

 

That is the conclusion that I have come to. But I will probably continue through next summer at least.

[texasmama]

I do agree, Quiver, it's just that, well, two things really: my dh has no idea how to make more money himself and we do NEED more money, and two, I like working. I lost myself for many years when I was just living for the dc, and I don't want to go back to that. My working has forced dh to be with the dc more and it has been good for all of them. I just don't know anymore.

 

The bolded part of your post describes me. I had to seek some part-time employment in my field (clinical social work/counseling) last year after being out of the field for about 7 years. I resented it and didn't want to do it, but I came to realize that I enjoy it.:001_smile: I do therapy 6 hours a week and teach a graduate class at the local university as an adjunct professor right now, and this is the plan for the foreseeable future. I thought a lot about all of my options, prayed, reached a balance between hearing and respecting my husband's wishes (he didn't want me to work if it was going to "stress me out") and made the best choices I could at the time. I enjoy both of my part-time jobs. I have learned how to balance everything, not perfectly, but doably. I only have four kids, my dad keeps the kids while I work and my husband owns his own business so therefore has a flexible schedule. My life is not ideal, but it is my life, I have made peace with it, and I do truly enjoy having a role other than wife and homeschooling mom. I hope that helps some as you walk this. Peace to you on your journey. Some of the things that I dreaded have come to be the ones I cherish. You just never know.:001_smile:

[Tabrett]

I'm confused:confused:

 

Your older dc would be babysitting your preschooler, twin k'ers and another elementary aged dc during school hours so you can work at the charter school?

 

How many days a week would you work and for how many hours? You said a couple hours a day. Does that mean 2 hours of work at charter school plus getting ready and driving time? So about 3 hours a day your older dc would watch your youngers a day?

 

When would your older dc do school? Is that fair to them, academically? When would you have time to homeschool your 5 dc?

 

I understand you need money, but I think you are going to have to make a choice. Either stay home or put your dc in daycare and public school.

 

If you were working in the evenings with your dh home to watch the younger dc or if your dh was home during school hours to watch the younger dc so your older dc could do their work, I would say ok.

 

I'm just not sure your older dc should be watching little kids during school hours. Should they really have to take on that kind of responsibility when they are supposed to be schooling?

[cathmom]

I'm confused:confused:

 

Your older dc would be babysitting your preschooler, twin k'ers and another elementary aged dc during school hours so you can work at the charter school?

 

How many days a week would you work and for how many hours? You said a couple hours a day. Does that mean 2 hours of work at charter school plus getting ready and driving time? So about 3 hours a day your older dc would watch your youngers a day?

 

When would your older dc do school? Is that fair to them, academically? When would you have time to homeschool your 5 dc?

 

I understand you need money, but I think you are going to have to make a choice. Either stay home or put your dc in daycare and public school.

 

If you were working in the evenings with your dh home to watch the younger dc or if your dh was home during school hours to watch the younger dc so your older dc could do their work, I would say ok.

 

I'm just not sure your older dc should be watching little kids during school hours. Should they really have to take on that kind of responsibility when they are supposed to be schooling?

 

When I taught there before, I had two classes back to back and was gone for about 2.5 hours total in the early afternoon. We did schoolwork before and after. But my oldest did most of his schoolwork independently whenever he wanted to in the day. See, that's dh's point I think - I don't have as much time as I did then. I have more dc now, altogether and doing school, plus all the therapy, which wasn't happening before.

 

For next year, I would probably only be teaching one class. It would either be first thing or later in the afternoon. I would be gone for probably about an hour and half including driving. I would negotiate only working 4 days a week (last time I taught every day, and since it was in the middle of the day, that never left a day for field trips or homeschool groups or even getting together with friends).

 

The main advantage of teaching at the charter school is that it's close to my house. There is nothing else close to my house! Therefore working in the evenings will inevitably take more time and energy and cost more in gas and wear and tear. If I could teach first period, then there would really be NO academic effect on my older dc because we don't get started that early. We would just start when I got home and go until we had to quit. Teaching one class I would make at least double what I earn now teaching cont. ed. and it would be paid the entire year, so no budgeting issues.

[Tabrett]

When I taught there before, I had two classes back to back and was gone for about 2.5 hours total in the early afternoon. We did schoolwork before and after. But my oldest did most of his schoolwork independently whenever he wanted to in the day. See, that's dh's point I think - I don't have as much time as I did then. I have more dc now, altogether and doing school, plus all the therapy, which wasn't happening before.

 

For next year, I would probably only be teaching one class. It would either be first thing or later in the afternoon. I would be gone for probably about an hour and half including driving. I would negotiate only working 4 days a week (last time I taught every day, and since it was in the middle of the day, that never left a day for field trips or homeschool groups or even getting together with friends).

 

The main advantage of teaching at the charter school is that it's close to my house. There is nothing else close to my house! Therefore working in the evenings will inevitably take more time and energy and cost more in gas and wear and tear. If I could teach first period, then there would really be NO academic effect on my older dc because we don't get started that early. We would just start when I got home and go until we had to quit. Teaching one class I would make at least double what I earn now teaching cont. ed. and it would be paid the entire year, so no budgeting issues.

 

If the charter could guarantee that you would teach first period and only 4 days a week then it sounds ok. But if you can't get that arrangement, I don't think your dc would be able to get what they need academically, especially with all the special needs and therapies.

 

I understand that you like to work, but your degrees will still be valid in several years. I understand that teaching gives you a sense of worth, but waiting a few more years to start a career may be a better option especially with your dc special needs.

 

You dh may also be thinking that he is working so much so you can stay home and give your dc your best and that by you working and taking away from the dc, he is scaraficing for nothing. Just a thought.

 

Don't you hate hard decisions!

[cathmom]

I was thinking about it more, and I was thinking that whatever I do really has to be outside of my house so that I get that break, that time to be in another space. You have no idea how nice it is to go into a clean classroom where there are no little children LOL! And I really don't see how I could tutor here - I would have to confine my dc to their rooms, which would not go over well, and the 2 yo wouldn't even really do able to do it. The way our house is set up, there really is no good area to work. We had the same problem when our oldest was working with a math tutor, so we usually met her at the library in town, which is 30 minutes away.

 

I could possibly offer classes that included my children, but that sounds like just as much work for little money, and again, I really don't think people will want to drive to my house unless I make the classes so cheap, at which point, well, I'm probably back to making $5 an hour.

 

Actually, it may be best to just stop trying to work at all until my youngest is like 5 and my high schooler is graduated. The next oldest, who would be in high school then, is likely to be able to work much more independently, but she is not really that good with the little ones. However, they wouldn't be that little anymore.

 

But it still seems foolish to not work at all in this economy. But then again, I can only do so much. You see how I go around and around and around?????

[cathmom]

If the charter could guarantee that you would teach first period and only 4 days a week then it sounds ok. But if you can't get that arrangement, I don't think your dc would be able to get what they need academically, especially with all the special needs and therapies.

 

I understand that you like to work, but your degrees will still be valid in several years. I understand that teaching gives you a sense of worth, but waiting a few more years to start a career may be a better option especially with your dc special needs.

 

You dh may also be thinking that he is working so much so you can stay home and give your dc your best and that by you working and taking away from the dc, he is sacrificing for nothing. Just a thought.

 

Don't you hate hard decisions!

 

Good point! and yes, I have thought that we have done all these things for years and lived like this so I could be home with them and teach them and so if I am not doing that, then none of it is worth it.

 

You said that so clearly - if they could guarantee me that, then it might work. Clarity is what I need!

 

Another thing I just thought of - if I taught some classes at home and made even any amount of money and had them be classes that included my dc, that would be fulfilling my dh's wishes to teach them and earning a bit of money too. Interesting. Not much of a resume builder, but at this point, who cares?

[Tabrett]

I was thinking about it more, and I was thinking that whatever I do really has to be outside of my house so that I get that break, that time to be in another space. You have no idea how nice it is to go into a clean classroom where there are no little children LOL! And I really don't see how I could tutor here - I would have to confine my dc to their rooms, which would not go over well, and the 2 yo wouldn't even really do able to do it. The way our house is set up, there really is no good area to work. We had the same problem when our oldest was working with a math tutor, so we usually met her at the library in town, which is 30 minutes away.

 

I could possibly offer classes that included my children, but that sounds like just as much work for little money, and again, I really don't think people will want to drive to my house unless I make the classes so cheap, at which point, well, I'm probably back to making $5 an hour.

 

Actually, it may be best to just stop trying to work at all until my youngest is like 5 and my high schooler is graduated. The next oldest, who would be in high school then, is likely to be able to work much more independently, but she is not really that good with the little ones. However, they wouldn't be that little anymore.

 

But it still seems foolish to not work at all in this economy. But then again, I can only do so much. You see how I go around and around and around?????

 

I absolutely understand! I work part-time as the music director at my church. My Wednesday night practice is reviving to me. No dc....nice clean room...... adults to talk to.....I am away from home for 2 hours plus driving time and I love every moment!

 

I could give private violin and voice lessons, but I would be in the same situation as you if you were to tutor. Actually worse because my older dc lives at school and I would have constant interruptions from my younger dc.

 

I used to teach. I hated teaching because I wanted to be with my dc. I would like teaching if my dc were grown and I could put my all into teaching. But, I am not the kind of person that can divide myself up like that.

 

It is never foolish to put your dc in front of working unless it come down to hunger and homelessness.

[Tabrett]

Good point! and yes, I have thought that we have done all these things for years and lived like this so I could be home with them and teach them and so if I am not doing that, then none of it is worth it.

 

You said that so clearly - if they could guarantee me that, then it might work. Clarity is what I need!

 

Another thing I just thought of - if I taught some classes at home and made even any amount of money and had them be classes that included my dc, that would be fulfilling my dh's wishes to teach them and earning a bit of money too. Interesting. Not much of a resume builder, but at this point, who cares?

 

Is there a particular job you want where you need to build a resume? What do you really want to do when the dc finish school? If you are wanting to teach high school, you needn't worry about your resume. High schools need teachers really bad.:D

 

If you decide to not work. Is there anything you could do, maybe like a Bible study or something, in the evenings so you could have some down time with out your dc? Something that doesn't cost money? Having your olders watch your yongers a couple hours for one evening a week is very reasonable.

Edited October 30, 2010 by Tabrett

[cathmom]

I used to teach. I hated teaching because I wanted to be with my dc. I would like teaching if my dc were grown and I could put my all into teaching. But, I am not the kind of person that can divide myself up like that.

 

It is never foolish to put your dc in front of working unless it come down to hunger and homelessness.

 

Exactly! I don't understand how fulltime teachers have families too. If all my dc were grown, I love to just teach and wouldn't care how many hours I spent planning or helping them, etc. But now it's just like being torn in two - I want to go and I want to stay. I do, however, need a break somehow. Work is a convenient reason, but it also drains energy. Once or twice this semester I've been so drained driving home it was scary.

[cathmom]

Is there a particular job you want where you need to build a resume? What do you really want to do when the dc finish school? If you are wanting to teach high school, you needn't worry about your resume. High schools need teachers really bad.:D

 

If you decide to not work. Is there anything you could do, maybe like a Bible study or something, in the evenings so you could have some down time with out your dc? Something that doesn't cost money? Having your olders watch your yongers a couple hours for one evening a week is very reasonable.

 

The point at the beginning was to build up to teaching college German and Spanish (for which I would need 12 more graduate credits), and I even considered trying to get a fulltime community college job and also keep homeschooling. In the last few months though, I've realized this isn't possible. I interviewed for a college teaching position this year, and was one of the 3 final candidates, but did not get the position. This was at a private college that would have paid VERY well, but would have required my olders watching my youngers about 12 hours a week.

 

I really would love to get a doctorate in second language acquisition and then teach college. Obviously I'm a long way from being able to do that now, since I can't even take 2 ibuprofen without getting interrupted 2 or 3 times! :lol:

 

Yes, I would need some time to myself. That was part of my problem before I started working. I didn't feel like I needed time to myself, so I didn't take it. Big mistake.

[Tabrett]

Exactly! I don't understand how fulltime teachers have families too. If all my dc were grown, I love to just teach and wouldn't care how many hours I spent planning or helping them, etc. But now it's just like being torn in two - I want to go and I want to stay. I do, however, need a break somehow. Work is a convenient reason, but it also drains energy. Once or twice this semester I've been so drained driving home it was scary.

 

I would defiantly find an evening activity that is free to do and let your olders watch your youngers for a couple hours one night a week. Something that doesn't take from you, but gives to you.

 

It sounds like what you really need is some time to decompress. :grouphug:

 

I love my dc very much, but when I am at my limit, I am no good for them. You are worth some decompressing time and you dc will be better off if your get that time too!

[Denisemomof4]

Oh my word, I don't know how you do it all!!! I can CERTAINLY understand why you're so tired!!! It's hard to make the right decision when you're operating on autopilot. How can you even think clearly?

 

 

One thing that sounds certain is the job that's giving you barely $5 per hour isn't worth the effort or time.

 

I'm wondering if it would be best if you waited until the littles could be in school, or until your youngest is at least a little bit older. I know money is tight, but it just sounds like you're pulled in every direction. Your family has so many needs and it really sounds like being mom is more than a full time job at the moment! Maybe money will be tight for a little longer, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

I don't know........ your dh probably sees the situation more clearly than all of us and perhaps that's why his opinion is to stay put for now. I really think you're simply too worn out to think clearly or make a decision!

 

Gosh, I'm sorry things are so hard. I do hope your situation turns around soon.:grouphug:

[Tabrett]

The point at the beginning was to build up to teaching college German and Spanish (for which I would need 12 more graduate credits), and I even considered trying to get a fulltime community college job and also keep homeschooling. In the last few months though, I've realized this isn't possible. I interviewed for a college teaching position this year, and was one of the 3 final candidates, but did not get the position. This was at a private college that would have paid VERY well, but would have required my olders watching my youngers about 12 hours a week.

 

I really would love to get a doctorate in second language acquisition and then teach college. Obviously I'm a long way from being able to do that now, since I can't even take 2 ibuprofen without getting interrupted 2 or 3 times! :lol:

 

Yes, I would need some time to myself. That was part of my problem before I started working. I didn't feel like I needed time to myself, so I didn't take it. Big mistake.

 

German is a language not many Americans speak. My uncle is from Germany and is fluent. He was able to get good paying jobs because he could translate. Ever thought about a translation job? Have you ever tried to see if you could make money translating documents for people online? I know there are web sites that will translate a doc for a person for $. Have you ever contacted one of those web sites to see if they are hiring. That could be a good work from home job. Maybe?

[Parrothead]

I know this wont be a popular answer here , but It sounds like your DH doesn't want you working and he wants you to focus on the kid's education, so that's what I recommend.

But I think the thing is she wants to work. Doing what dh says just because he says it isn't going to help her feel the love, you know? Nothing will build resentment faster.

 

I actually want to work because I like working. I like teaching. I like having a me that isn't "mom."

That says it all.

 

 

Right now I only actually work 2 hours a week, but when you add in getting ready to go, driving there 35 minutes each way, getting there early and leaving late because I stay to plan next week while I have all the stuff out, then it's at least 5 hours the night I teach. So already I'm making less than $10 an hour (my actual salary is 22.50). Then subtract gas and time during the week planning, typing something up for class, returning phone calls and emails from students, etc. - that's how it gets to the $5 an hour range LOL..

Honestly if you break down most everyone's pay against extra time put in, driving time, etc, it really is hardly worth working. Is there any way some of these things can be multi tasked?

 

I was thinking about it more, and I was thinking that whatever I do really has to be outside of my house so that I get that break, that time to be in another space. You have no idea how nice it is to go into a clean classroom where there are no little children LOL!

Do what you want to do. You really sound like you want to work. If this is what you need to do for a year or five then go ahead and do it. The rest will work out.

 

I know there are web sites that will translate a doc for a person for $. Have you ever contacted one of those web sites to see if they are hiring. That could be a good work from home job. Maybe?

Here's an idea. You want to work away from home. How about getting a job doing something like Tabrett described. You can leave home to do it. Take your laptop and go to the library or the coffee shop. Work for a couple/3 hours then go home.

[elfgivas]

maybe it would help to separate out the pieces?

 

piece 1: the need for more money

piece 2: the need for time away from the kids where you not "mom"

ie. a different role

piece 3: the need for the children to be well educated

piece 4: the need for the children to be taken to therapies, etc.

 

if you eliminate piece 1, then teaching at the college meets the other needs very well, and may lead to tutoring. is there a way to eliminate or reduce piece 1? not what is coming in, but what needs to go out? or to look at it another way, if you teach at the college, how many tutoring students would you need to pick up to match the charter school salary?

 

if you eliminate piece 2, then you get lost again and that is not a good idea.

if you eliminate piece 3.... mmm.... nope

if you eliminate piece 4... mmmm.... nope

 

so that takes us back to working with piece 1. as much as it doesn't make immediate monetary sense when looked at on an hourly basis, it may be that working at the college is the one way to take care of pieces 2,3, and 4 and it leaves open the possibility of you gaining tutoring which would help with piece 1, too.

 

fwiw,

ann

[tex-mex]

Can you teach at the charter school and put the kids there too?:grouphug:

 

 

I was wondering the same thing... that may be an ideal solution?

[ChrisB]

Ever thought about a translation job? Have you ever tried to see if you could make money translating documents for people online? I know there are web sites that will translate a doc for a person for $. Have you ever contacted one of those web sites to see if they are hiring. That could be a good work from home job. Maybe?

 

I was wondering the same thing.

[RanchGirl]

Is your dh is trying to tell you that the chaos in the home is a real problem for him? Maybe getting better organized, having the kids pitch in with tidying up and putting meals in the crockpot would make things run more smoothly for him without you quitting your job.

 

Or is he saying he is concerned that the kids aren't getting the right education? Maybe you could swap tutoring with another parent who could tutor your kids in other subjects. Or is the main problem the lack of childcare? Perhaps you could tutor a local teen/college student in exchange for childcare for your school nights?

 

I would want clarification from him on exactly what the problem is from his perspective. It sounds like the major concern you have personally is worrying about debt... mMaybe you can find a part time job that meets your need for me time and also pays a bit more? Driving and paperwork and dealing with leaving the kids alone would not be worth $5/hr. to me. But if it's your only me time outlet, maybe it's what you need to keep sane.... I can respect that even if I don't understand it. Personally, if I can get out and walk the dog for an hour a day and chat with other moms at the kids sporting events, that's plenty of me time and isn't a burden on my family, but everyone is different. Perhaps you can meet those needs in another way that is not so hard on your family life (*if* that is what the actual issue is according to your dh?), or perhaps you can minimize the impact by finding childcare, planning meals ahead, whatever.

 

As a PP said, try to separate the issues and get clarity. Don't justify the job as needing the money to pay down debt if it's not contributing any real money. Be honest that you need that time for yourself (which is not a bad thing, just be honest about it) -- that might help your dh understand what it's really about, and make him feel less defensive if he is concerned about being the sole breadwinner.

 

I apologize, I am asking more questions than I am providing any concrete suggestions here. I do have one idea: you can get decent glasses for your dh at a low cost from zenni optical. I bought a couple pairs each for my husband and my son there for under $25 per pair. When my son's first pair broke about 2 weeks after we received them, I emailed to ask about a stronger lens/frame. They answered my questions with suggestions for what to buy next time and also told me to send them back for a refund since it was within 30 days, even though I had already told them that they broke because the child put them on the floor and stepped on them. We've been happy with the glasses and the service.

[lmrich]

Have you thought of doing private tutoring via skype? I know several families who need help with foreign language instruction. You could do this in the evenings when your littles are in bed... maybe lock yourself in a room of your home when dh is home and tutor or offer small classes. We use the free United Streaming/Discovery Spanish, but I would love for someone to have a conversation with her.... Just a thought:)

[Renee in NC]

:grouphug:

 

I know there are no easy answers. You are under a tremendous amount of stress - financially, mentally, and physically! You don't have many good options at all because of where you live and the circumstances of your life.

 

I think you have to prioritize - both timewise AND financially. What is most important? And, I think you need to put YOURSELF at the top of that list. I know that isn't the popular thing - everyone always says you put your dc first or what your dh wants first.

 

However, you are the glue that is holding things together. If you aren't healthy physically, emotionally, and mentally, then nothing is going to be as optimal as it can be. That doesn't mean I have the answers - if I did, I would have waved my magic wand and made it happen already.;) (Also, I don't feel like I can give you advice really anyway, since I didn't make it work. You can't get advice on how to succeed from a person who didn't!:tongue_smilie:)

 

OTOH, maybe you should start praying I win the lottery, too, because you are most DEFINITELY on my Powerball list!:lol:

 

Really, though, what is most important? Paying the debt? Being financially secure? Homeschooling the dc? Having your dh *not* work 7 days a week?

 

I do think that if your dh wants you to stay home and focus on the dc, then HE has to help you figure out how that will work. Even without you working, the burden on you is unsustainable. That one night a week for a couple of hours is *not* causing your stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. The driving alone is killing you - how many hours a week are you spending in your van driving back and forth to town?

[Caitilin]

German is a language not many Americans speak. My uncle is from Germany and is fluent. He was able to get good paying jobs because he could translate. Ever thought about a translation job? Have you ever tried to see if you could make money translating documents for people online? I know there are web sites that will translate a doc for a person for $. Have you ever contacted one of those web sites to see if they are hiring. That could be a good work from home job. Maybe?

 

 

My friend is always telling me to check out this opportunity at Ignatius press...:grouphug:

[cathmom]

. He was able to get good paying jobs because he could translate. Ever thought about a translation job?

 

I don't have any experience translating, and a lot of it requires technical expertise that I don't have. Really, my problem is not lack of ideas in how to make money. I'm an idea person, I always have tons of ideas. The main problem is having time and energy to pursue them, and knowing which one(s) to pursue. I did read a children's book in German this summer that didn't appear to ever have been translated and I thought that I would really love to do that, but I don't know how one breaks into that field.

 

 

Honestly if you break down most everyone's pay against extra time put in, driving time, etc, it really is hardly worth working. Is there any way some of these things can be multi tasked?

 

 

Here's an idea. You want to work away from home. How about getting a job doing something like Tabrett described. You can leave home to do it. Take your laptop and go to the library or the coffee shop. Work for a couple/3 hours then go home.

 

I like that idea. My dh wants me to write, but what he doesn't understand is that I need UNINTERRUPTED time to write that ISN'T at 1 AM. Renee in FL has encouraged me to buy an inexpensive laptop (we don't have one at all) so that I can go shut myself in another room at home (our computer is in the living room) or so I can go out and write. Since I am an introvert, this idea would allow me to get some work done (whatever that work is) and have time alone to recharge, unlike teaching which drains as much as it energizes.

 

maybe it would help to separate out the pieces?

 

piece 1: the need for more money

piece 2: the need for time away from the kids where you not "mom"

ie. a different role

piece 3: the need for the children to be well educated

piece 4: the need for the children to be taken to therapies, etc.

 

if you eliminate piece 1, then teaching at the college meets the other needs very well, and may lead to tutoring. is there a way to eliminate or reduce piece 1? not what is coming in, but what needs to go out? or to look at it another way, if you teach at the college, how many tutoring students would you need to pick up to match the charter school salary?

 

if you eliminate piece 2, then you get lost again and that is not a good idea.

if you eliminate piece 3.... mmm.... nope

if you eliminate piece 4... mmmm.... nope

 

so that takes us back to working with piece 1. as much as it doesn't make immediate monetary sense when looked at on an hourly basis, it may be that working at the college is the one way to take care of pieces 2,3, and 4 and it leaves open the possibility of you gaining tutoring which would help with piece 1, too.

 

fwiw,

ann

 

Thank you for your help separating out the pieces! It makes it clear that I need to educate the dc, I need to facilitate their therapies, I need "me time", but I don't necessarily need to make money. What I've been TRYING to do is provide a way to a better life for us all - one in which we can afford the activities and travel that we all desperately want. Opportunities are there for employed teachers; opportunities are not there for homeschooling moms. But maybe that life isn't possible for a few more years, and maybe I should just accept that now.

 

The big issue with tutoring is the therapies, which are 3 afternoons a week. If there were no therapies, I could homeschool until 3 PM, drive to town, tutor privately for a couple of hours, and then drive home and spend the evening with my family. The other thing is, I don't enjoy tutoring as much. It feels like just more homeschooling LOL!

 

The other issue of course is the commute. That factors in big with the charter school job. It's huge. For anything else I do where I have to leave the house, I have to drive at least 20 minutes, if not 30. But the charter school is only 6 miles away.

 

Is your dh is trying to tell you that the chaos in the home is a real problem for him? Maybe getting better organized, having the kids pitch in with tidying up and putting meals in the crockpot would make things run more smoothly for him without you quitting your job.

 

Or is he saying he is concerned that the kids aren't getting the right education? Maybe you could swap tutoring with another parent who could tutor your kids in other subjects. Or is the main problem the lack of childcare? Perhaps you could tutor a local teen/college student in exchange for childcare for your school nights?

 

I would want clarification from him on exactly what the problem is from his perspective. It sounds like the major concern you have personally is worrying about debt... mMaybe you can find a part time job that meets your need for me time and also pays a bit more? Driving and paperwork and dealing with leaving the kids alone would not be worth $5/hr. to me. But if it's your only me time outlet, maybe it's what you need to keep sane.... I can respect that even if I don't understand it. Personally, if I can get out and walk the dog for an hour a day and chat with other moms at the kids sporting events, that's plenty of me time and isn't a burden on my family, but everyone is different. Perhaps you can meet those needs in another way that is not so hard on your family life (*if* that is what the actual issue is according to your dh?), or perhaps you can minimize the impact by finding childcare, planning meals ahead, whatever.

 

As a PP said, try to separate the issues and get clarity. Don't justify the job as needing the money to pay down debt if it's not contributing any real money. Be honest that you need that time for yourself (which is not a bad thing, just be honest about it) -- that might help your dh understand what it's really about, and make him feel less defensive if he is concerned about being the sole breadwinner.

 

I apologize, I am asking more questions than I am providing any concrete suggestions here. I do have one idea: you can get decent glasses for your dh at a low cost from zenni optical. I bought a couple pairs each for my husband and my son there for under $25 per pair. When my son's first pair broke about 2 weeks after we received them, I emailed to ask about a stronger lens/frame. They answered my questions with suggestions for what to buy next time and also told me to send them back for a refund since it was within 30 days, even though I had already told them that they broke because the child put them on the floor and stepped on them. We've been happy with the glasses and the service.

 

Thank you for your post! My dh is not worried about the house or meals or any of that. His main concern is that the dc receive an excellent education that prepares them well to support themselves. He has said several times that he would rather me focus on teaching our dc languages than other people's dc. His other main concern is that I am healthy and sane. He knows that I am overextended and tired and can't do it all. But he also has no ideas about how to cut expenses or earn more money. He wants our dc to experience living in another country - things like that will only happen if I am working. It's a bit of a mixed message from him. But I know he's really concerned about me.

 

I will tell him about that place to get glasses. Thanks!

 

Have you thought of doing private tutoring via skype? I know several families who need help with foreign language instruction. You could do this in the evenings when your littles are in bed... maybe lock yourself in a room of your home when dh is home and tutor or offer small classes. We use the free United Streaming/Discovery Spanish, but I would love for someone to have a conversation with her.... Just a thought:)

 

Thanks for the suggestion! I appreciate it. Unfortunately, I just don't see that working for my situation.

 

:grouphug:

 

I know there are no easy answers. You are under a tremendous amount of stress - financially, mentally, and physically! You don't have many good options at all because of where you live and the circumstances of your life.

 

I think you have to prioritize - both timewise AND financially. What is most important? And, I think you need to put YOURSELF at the top of that list. I know that isn't the popular thing - everyone always says you put your dc first or what your dh wants first.

 

 

Really, though, what is most important? Paying the debt? Being financially secure? Homeschooling the dc? Having your dh *not* work 7 days a week?

 

I do think that if your dh wants you to stay home and focus on the dc, then HE has to help you figure out how that will work. Even without you working, the burden on you is unsustainable. That one night a week for a couple of hours is *not* causing your stress and feelings of being overwhelmed. The driving alone is killing you - how many hours a week are you spending in your van driving back and forth to town?

 

Hmm, this week I spent at least 8 hours driving. :auto:

 

I don't know what's most important anymore. Even if we had no debt other than the mortgage, money would still be tight.

[cathmom]

My friend is always telling me to check out this opportunity at Ignatius press...:grouphug:

 

Wow - thanks! I am going to send them my resume!

[texasmama]

I understand about the therapies. At one point several years ago my three youngest kids were in therapy of some sort - speech and OT for one, speech for another and PT for the third. It was crazy. What I have learned about therapies is that sometimes once a week therapies with some homework can be made to work. That is what I am doing now with the child who is currently in OT/speech. Because of my part-time work, we arranged the therapies once a week, back to back, which was infinitely more helpful to me and has worked out just fine for the child in therapy. That would simplify your life no matter what you do with the other pieces. You can ask the therapists about this option if you are interested.

[cathmom]

I understand about the therapies. At one point several years ago my three youngest kids were in therapy of some sort - speech and OT for one, speech for another and PT for the third. It was crazy. What I have learned about therapies is that sometimes once a week therapies with some homework can be made to work. That is what I am doing now with the child who is currently in OT/speech. Because of my part-time work, we arranged the therapies once a week, back to back, which was infinitely more helpful to me and has worked out just fine for the child in therapy. That would simplify your life no matter what you do with the other pieces. You can ask the therapists about this option if you are interested.

 

Thanks for the idea. My twins NEED twice a week speech (at just turned 5, I can only understand them maybe 50% of the time). I do not feel competent to take on any of their therapy. My dc who gets OT will most likely be done by Christmas.

[ChrisB]

German is a language not many Americans speak. My uncle is from Germany and is fluent. He was able to get good paying jobs because he could translate. Ever thought about a translation job? Have you ever tried to see if you could make money translating documents for people online? I know there are web sites that will translate a doc for a person for $. Have you ever contacted one of those web sites to see if they are hiring. That could be a good work from home job. Maybe?

 

My friend is always telling me to check out this opportunity at Ignatius press...:grouphug:

 

You beat me to it Caitilin! :D

[sandellie4]

Thanks for baring all. I feel a sort of kinship with you in that I feel completely overextended. Dh and I have had to make many difficult decisions both financially, and lifestyle-wise over the last few years, and it has been very difficult. And so I offer you hugs. And prayers. I have no idea what you should do. But I will tell you what my dh has been saying, and rightly so, throughout our process. When I worry about money, and how we should plan for the future, and where I should focus my time, he says "This is not a financial question." For the first 6 months that he said this, I looked at him incredulously. It was OBVIOUSLY a financial question to me! How was I going to: buy groceries, pay the dentist, buy meds, put tires on the car, etc., etc., etc. And he would insist, "This is not a financial question." His point was that all our decisions are choices. That we must choose what is most important right now, and figure out how to make it work, or figure out how to do without. And it took me a long time to see this, but what I want matters too. How am I fed? How do I want to live? When I look back, what will have been important? I hope this makes some sense. We have made some surprising choices. But they were our choices and not our reactions. We are still not where we want to be with respect to "how" to live. But we are moving in the right direction. And along the way, I am being fed. That was my husband's other important point.... "We have to live now." We cannot be constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, or waiting for things to be better financially. We have to live now. Because then there is joy in living, and not only strife.

 

I hope something in here helped. Best wishes for a joyful journey.

 

Jackie

 

(Just a side note, but thanks for posting this. We're needing to change our perspective, too, and your words really helped me. Sandy)