It's time to be transparent

[QuirkyKapers]

Thanks for sharing! :grouphug: Keep doing what is working and helping. There is nothing to be ashamed of by taking medications. Sure, God can do wonders, but there are times that medication is needed.

[texasmama]

:grouphug:I haven't read any of the replies but wanted to offer support. Bipolar 2 is very treatable, and with the right meds you should reach a good level of functioning. Part of the issue with bipolar is that people tend to think they will be fine without their meds and stop them...then they have problems. It sounds like you have come a long way in accepting your diagnosis and the need for lifetime treatment. I would encourage you to seek supportive counseling as you walk this road. All the best to you - bipolar is not a spiritual issue, it is a chemical one. Don't let anyone tell you differently.:grouphug:

 

(I'm a therapist who lost an unmedicated bipolar uncle to suicide in 2006 so this is where I am coming from.)

[Nakia]

I really wish I could answer every single post, but I have to get ready for work and cannot. I really appreciate every single one of you.

 

:grouphug: By the way, did it happen to be Effexor that set off the first major manic episode? It was for me and I have heard the same from many others. Very dangerous drug if there is any possibility that a person may be bi-polar.

 

I have company this weekend so I might not be able to get back to you until Monday. I hope you have a good weekend. And as always, know my thought are with you. :grouphug:

 

It was Pristiq, which I *think* is very closely related to Effexor. It works on the norepinephrine as well as the serotonin levels in your brain. My psychiatrist said she has never prescribed Pristiq and never will. She said it is particularly bad for someone with bipolar disorder.

 

I hope you have a great weekend with your company! We have tons of plans for the weekend, and I am pretty nervous about it, to be honest. It will include tons of kids and candy. Should be interesting! LOL.

[ondreeuh]

Nakia, I am blown away that your best friend would be so hurtful. I hope she learns more about bipolar and can support you. I am floored that there are still people that don't believe in chemical imbalances in the brain. I am so sorry you have had to deal with them. I'm sure you have a great team here at WTM.

[sparrow]

:grouphug:

[Nakia]

To all of those who have commented on my best friend's reaction: It has truly been one of the worst blows during this time. I still say she is my best friend because we have been best friends for 20 years, since we were 13 years old. But our relationship has been broken by her reaction. It is healing, but it is forever changed because of the way she has treated me. She has done every practical thing I have needed, including helping me clean my house when I freaked about it one night. When I asked to take her daughter (who I love like my own and my girls count as one of their best friends) shopping for her 7th birthday and out to lunch in July, she wouldn't let me because she was afraid I would freak out in the mall, and L would get scared. I tried to tell her I would never have asked to take her if I didn't think I could handle it. But she refused to let me. :(

 

She absolutely does not understand mental illness. She is the most stable and practical person I know. She is almost cold at times. Her answers to life's stresses are to go for a run (I used to run regularly) or go out to eat (which work great for her), but if you have anxiety, depression, bipolar, or some other mental illness, it's all you can do to get off the couch at times, ya know? I do want to start running again, but right now, I can't go there. I know it would help my mood, but...well anyway.

 

Blessedly, I do have two other friends who are the best! One of them has had anxiety for years, and she is just so honest with me in a loving way, if that makes sense. She is so good and kind. My other dearest friend has bipolar disorder herself, along with ADD, and of course, she and I have stuck together like glue during this time. People who have dealt with mental illness, whether themselves or with family members are the most understanding. I haven't told a ton of people IRL, but I shared with some very dear friends at church, and they too have been supportive in ways I never dreamed of. Very few people in my family know because my family is not all that close. I am really close to one of my younger brothers, and he knows. He still treats me like me. And I'm still one of his favorite people in the world. :001_smile:

 

At first I was so embarrassed to tell anyone. Being a nurse, I know the stigma that goes with it. For the most part, every single person that knows has been very supportive. Some people just cannot believe I have BP. That say, "But you act so normal!" That's classic for BP. People who don't see and talk to you everyday can't believe you have it because BP people are great at putting on a front for others. And then their closest friends and family get the brunt of it.

[kristavws]

:grouphug:

[Sparkle]

Bless you for sharing this, and sending big hugs your way. I'm so sorry your best friend has treated you like this :thumbdown: I also have a huge gripe with people that say that illness is because you don't have enough faith :glare: It's so insulting. I'll keep you in my prayers. FWIW, I have an anxiety disorder that I take meds for and probably will for forever, but I'm OK with that. It's the difference between me being a functioning person and a non-functioning person.

[Liz CA]

Perhaps it would also help to take a look at some homeopathic / holistic things that could help with the side effects of your meds. It can take a lot of research but once you find what works, it will have been worth it.

[ChrisB]

That say, "But you act so normal!" That's classic for BP. People who don't see and talk to you everyday can't believe you have it because BP people are great at putting on a front for others. And then their closest friends and family get the brunt of it.

This is so true!

[Kim in Appalachia]

She absolutely does not understand mental illness. She is the most stable and practical person I know. She is almost cold at times. Her answers to life's stresses are to go for a run (I used to run regularly) or go out to eat (which work great for her), but if you have anxiety, depression, bipolar, or some other mental illness, it's all you can do to get off the couch at times, ya know? I do want to start running again, but right now, I can't go there. I know it would help my mood, but...well anyway.

 

 

 

Exercise is great for mild depression but it is not a cure for mental illness, or long term depression.

 

Maybe you could find a good book that explains it in a way your friend will understand. Since she has been a friend for so long it would be worth trying to help her understand. Right now, her actions are only hurtful and you don't need that.

[JVA]

You are bery brave to share all this and I admire your attitude. Being realistic is agreat indicator that you're accepting and working with your condition. And face it........we all have 'conditions' of some sort. Blessings on you. :grouphug:

[elizabeth]

There is boundless compassion for others in your responses that I have read over the years. Extend that toward yourself and know that you are treasured and loved exactly as you are. Working with a psychiatrist to find the proper med and dosage is a lifesaver. I am sorry that you are not finding support with and from a dear friend. Educate her, she truly would not say these things if she knew better and understood the physiology of the disease. Dr Kay Jamison who has bipolar disease and is a psychiatrist wrote a book that helped me understand as much as I could about this condition. Here is the link http://www.randomhouse.com/acmart/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=9780679763307

[Denisemomof4]

ok, third attempt here. I hope it posts!

 

First if all, thank you for sharing with us!!! You are such a beautiful person, inside and out!!!!!

 

It's so good that you now know what you're dealing with. Accepting the diagnosis will go a long way. Living in denial never works.

 

I'm sorry for your pain and sorry that you feel like a burden at times. I'm sure your illness is hard on your family, but it's you and they love you. Don't allow yourself to think any differently. If you have a bad day, you have it. Just accept it and try harder when you can. Be gentle with yourself when you need to be. Is there any type of support group, online or not, online forum, books you can read to help you help your family? I know the online support groups/forums were an invaluable resource for me, and continue to be, as I try to live with dd's RAD. I don't know what I would have done without them.

 

I will be transparent for a minute, too. I've posted here before that I have PTSD. I've lived with it for 29 years now. It started after I nearly lost my life at the hands of a freak, a date, and he then stalked me for I don't know how long. I blocked much of that out. And although I blocked The Night out entirely, I did share it with dh at the beginning of our relationship around 25 years go. then I buried it. I don't know how, but I did. I didn't know my nightmares were real. My rage from my PTSD made me feel like such a failure. I went to doctors, therapists, tried medication, talked to pastors, joined anger management classes, did an anger management bible study. NOTHING WORKED and I had no recollection of my tragedy. When my repressed memory resurfaced almost 5 years ago, it all made sense. For what ever reason, my PTSD induce rage disappeared. I rarely yell now. I'm really a different person.

 

But during the time I had the PTSD rage, I felt like such a failure to my family. There were days I felt they would be better off if I had left. I'm SO glad I never did, and I'm sure they are, too. The boys remember my yelling days. But I have explained everything to them and hope one day they can REALLY see what happened and why I was the way I was. And I hope they will see that I did everything humanly possible to get help. My dh cried as he recalled how hard I tried, begging God all the way to help me. I didn't want to yell at my family. I didn't want to have this rage inside me that terrified me. I had times where I just wanted to smash out all the windows in my house to release what I was feeling inside, and I didn't know why. Thankfully, that's all gone now.

 

You feel pain and guilt. That's ok. But you can't help what you're dealing with anymore than I could, or someone with a physical illness. Your family loves you and they need you. I hope that you can somehow find a way to learn to cope with the illness. There are others here, maybe they've done more research because they've lived with it longer.

 

Dealing with mental illness in my family, I've done a ton of research. MANY people feel they are healed or they can overcome and not take medication. It never works. Please be realistic about this. Medication for the rest of your life is FAR better than the consequences of doing without. What would your quality of life be without it? Be patient. Finding the exact right formulation for YOU will be difficult. It always is. But you'll get there.

 

I hope and pray that your family will be blessed and that you will all find a way to thrive regardless.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Denisemomof4]

Mental illness is so difficult for the individual who suffers from it as well as the close friends and family. My dd5's godmother who is one of the closest people to us suffers from Bi-Polar. It was a long, hard path to diagnosing this disease and at one point due to a bad and incorrect combination of medicine (prescribed by her doctor) she had a full blown manic episode that caused her to spend some time in the hospital. Now that she has been diagnosed properly it is wonderful to see her progress. She still has her triggers and moments, but don't we all in our own way? You say that your best friend won't let her dd spend time with your family. It's strange because with us, our friend is one of the only people I truly trust my dd with. I am glad that it seems your are having more good/positive days than bad. It truly is a very difficult road to travel.

 

:iagree: My babysitter is a doll and we are friends now. She's 28. She's the ONLY babysitter I've ever had. I knew that no matter what was going on while I was away, my kids were safe and HAVING FUN. She LOVES my kids and my kids have always LOVED her. We knew her for many years before she was diagnosed. I was the shoulder she leaned on and came to for support. She was transparent with me when she could be with nobody else. She wants me involved in a major way in HER kid's lives. If she were local, I'd trust her with my kids. She's such a great person and I truly forget she has bipolar. I love her just the way she is.

 

When many people dropped her like a hot potato, we stuck by her. we NEVER felt that she was anything but trustworthy and reliable. She would leave out food, leave the house a mess, but my kids had a BLAST and STILL talk about the times she watched them and how much fun they had.

 

Just wanted to share. :001_smile:

[Mommy22alyns]

:grouphug: Really, thank you for sharing your story.

[LauraGB]

You've always been a wonderful You to us, Nakia - before you had a diagnoses and after; makes no difference in how we would feel about you. I'm sorry you have some people in your life who don't understand. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[BeckyFL]

Thank you for trusting us enough to share with us. I'll be praying for you. My husband is bp and I understand the difficulties. It isn't easy but keep searching for the medication that will work for you.

As far as the comments from others.... God can absolutely use medication. It makes me think of this great story. Maybe you've heard it before...

 

A believer in god sat upon a rooftop during a flood and prayed to god, "God I believe in you and I am faithful, please save me!" A few moments later a boat comes by and the men aboard say "hurry we will save you!" But the man replies, "No! God will save me!" A half hour passes and again the man prays. Just then a helicopter comes by and lifegaurds call out to him "Climb onto the rope, we will save you!" To which the man replies, "No! God will save me!" Then the flood waters rise and the man is carried away and drowns. In heaven, he goes up to god and says, "Why God? Why didn't you save me?!" And god replies to the man, "Who do you think sent the boat and the helicopter?!"

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Blueridge]

May the Lord continue to lift you up, put the right people in your path, and bless you. :grouphug:

[cbollin]

Nakia,

nothing new to add that hasn't been said already. but wanted to say anyway

 

:grouphug:

I'm proud of you getting the right dx and the right meds and sharing your story.

stay on your meds. Your health is important. I'm right there with you wishing that there weren't the stigma involved. I know I canceled my appointment with a psychiatrist and just stayed with the scrip that my gyn gave me. (seems to be the right med and right dx). Somehow I feel less stigma that way. I'm proud of you overcoming what I couldn't.

 

(hugs)

-crystal

[HSMom2One]

Dear Nakia,

I am an older hs mom, and have grown sons who are out in the world on their own. One of those dear sons of mine has suffered from BP for the past twelve years, and our family has been through a lot. (Not only this, but his father <my first husband> also suffers from the same disease, as did his own birth mother. So, you see, this has been in the family line for a long time.) Anyway, I'm only sharing this now because I want you to know that I truly understand the depth of what you are going through.

 

To share your story in the public venue, especially in light of the prevailing stigma toward mental illness in our culture, does show your courage and bravery. As I read your post I choked up and started to cry. Your post was a tremendous inspiration to me and it gave me hope for my son and for others too. I cannot even begin to tell you how proud I am of you. I'm a virtual friend via TWTM, pretty much a stranger -- yes, but I am still VERY proud of you.

 

:hurray:

 

The fact that you have faith to hold on to is what will make all the difference in the world. Life will not be easy, but knowing that you are loved and that you are not alone will be your life line. Along with this, your family needs you and loves you, so you have that anchor to hold on to as well.

 

Blessings to you, dear Nakia. Along with staying on your meds and in counseling, stay in the Word and in prayer. With these tools, you will succeed.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight,

Lucinda

Edited October 30, 2010 by HSMom2One

[i.love.lucy]

? by Seabird.

Wow. Lovely song. Very meaningful on many levels. Thanks for sharing.

 

Nakia, So many other wise and wonderful friends have shared their experiences and support. I just want to add a :grouphug: and let you know I will certainly keep you in my prayers. I saw this recently from a daily devotional I get through email:

In Psalm 119 the psalmist twice emphasizes that it was important for him to be "afflicted" before he learned something of the gracious provision of the Lord (Psalm 119:67, 71). The Hebrew word anah is used widely in the Bible, the most famous passage prophesying about the sacrificial death of the Lord Jesus: "Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: yet we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted" (Isaiah 53:4).

 

Although affliction does not necessarily come because of personal disobedience (even though that surely happens among us), often the Lord uses an occasion to drive home a concept of holiness or obedience (according to His Word) that will bring His favor or, more properly, bring us in line with His Word so that we may experience the "peaceable fruit of righteousness" (Hebrews 12:11).

I have no idea if that is helpful or not. I helps me to know that when I face trials I can look for the blessing of being refined by it in the end.

[justamouse]

I have so much to say to you, so I'm mentally slamming you with beauty and love. I hope you feel it. :grouphug: I have friends that are BP and I know it can be messy, but I also know that it's a journey and that you can do this. Getting help was the right thing to do and those people who say you can pray it away (like pray the gay away?) yeah, that's what they say until it's them and their lives are shattered and then they're left with no faith because they thought it would just be prayed away or that if they had enough faith God would heal them. That awesome Dr and those meds is God's grace and mercy. Don't doubt it. :grouphug::grouphug: You are made of win. Don't forget it.

[Nestof3]

I just wanted to say that I think it is so courageous to seek help. I am sorry that some Christians make you feel like you are just not doing something right if you cannot "rise above" your emotions. For some reason, they think modern medicine can help some medical problems but not others.

 

Thank you for sharing and trusting that you have friends here.

[catalinakel]

Oh Nakia, bless you for sharing your journey. I struggled with depression for decades, never allowing myself to consider it a medical problem, believing I could pray it away. It took me ending up in a psych ward suicidal with two babies to learn about mental illness. I was blown away that what I had been living was something that has been studied in cultures around the world...it is truly a medical condition. I began taking medication, and it has changed my life. And after all that, my pastor told me I was in sin to take medication. I left that church, heartbroken. The church should be on the cutting edge of understanding and compassion for those who suffer!

 

Hang in there. And do keep those who support you close by. You have a life to live and a family to raise and don't need naysayers bringing you down. But I know the pain of being hurt by other believers. It hurts! Somehow we will come forth as gold....and pain and struggle seem to be a big part of that. So thanks for sharing, and consider me a friend.

[tex-mex]

Another hard thing is that I have very strange side effects to meds, so it has been challenging to find something that works for me. We are trying new things to find something that really works. I just want to be me again. I remember the old me, and I haven't been me in years.

 

I have a friend who doesn't really "believe" in mental illness. She almost convinced me that it wasn't real. She has said I need to pray and rebuke the diagnosis. I certainly have a strong faith and believe God can heal any disease, but sometimes I truly believe He uses medication to do that. Frankly, I am sick of people saying I need to pray it away (she isn't the only one who has said it, she is just the one who has been pretty forceful with me). I am no longer discussing it with her. I am surrounding myself with people who support and lift me up.

 

I am just writing this in order to be real and transparent to so many of you who have stood by me and prayed for me during this really hard summer. It has been hard due to so many situations out of my control and because I am dealing with this diagnosis. I covet your prayers and support. So many have pm'ed me and loved on me, and I am very thankful for you all. I consider you my friends. And I also want to love, support, and pray for all of you who have mental illness or have loved ones who suffer from it. I'm certainly not saying you have to share that on this thread, but just know I am thinking of you.

:grouphug: I love you all.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

That was an amazing testimony! I'm so proud of you!

 

If it helps, I also am on SSRI for OCD/severe anxiety/BDD for a long time. And with the recent family stress (bankruptcy, unemployment, liver disease for son & I, and now MIL's brain tumor and little time she has left here on Earth) we've gone thru -- I realize I'm also needing to up my daily meds. I struggled for a long time without meds. Took the herbal supplements. Went to counseling. Got deliverance. Tried much prayer. (I also had folks tell me it was "sin" in my life that was the problem -- no such thing as mental illness. Auuugh. Probably why I don't attend church anymore. LOL)

 

But nothing worked. It was like trying to put a band-aid on the Grand Canyon. When my hubby dragged me to the psychiatrist back in 1999 -- I realized how low I had hit and burst into tears when the psych said SSRIs would be needed. But now looking back -- he was correct. My quality of life is so much better. You can do this! I'm cheering (and praying) you on!

Edited October 30, 2010 by tex-mex

[astrid]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

Sending you strength, peace and light, Nakia.

 

 

astrid

[Alyce]

The hardest part of being diagnosed Bipolar is the meds. As Bipolars we get used to certain emotions and behaviors and for years they were our norm. Now once you are diagnosed and placed on meds you emotions and behaviors change and you think that the meds aren't working so you stop them. Many people stop because they actually like the way they felt before they took them. The meds for Bipolar can have many side effects as well. The other reason we tend to stop our meds is we feel so normal that we don't think that there is anything wrong so we think we can do better or we think we only need them for awhile and then we stop them.

 

When I was first Diagnosed I was rapid cycling. We tried almost every drug out there and some that were experimental. It got so bad after several years that we were even doing electric shock treatments. It took me about 10 years to finally understand what normal felt like. At first I stopped the meds several times, I tried to kill myself several times, have been in the hospital more times than I can count. Like your's, my husband was there for me every step of the way and believe me they weren't easy. About 6 years ago we finally found the right combination of meds. I still cycle at least twice a year but we've discovered about when (at spring equinox and fall equinox) I cycle, usually the month afterwards. During that time I usually need one ECT and I'm fine. We also have to play with my meds some but we've got a routine that we use so I can get through the cycles. My Bipolar is sub titled Mixed. That means I go through depression and mania together. It's kind of hard to understand if you don't do it that way. My life is so much better now. My husband still worries about me and it took me a long time to win back his trust especially because of all my suicide attempts. He's worried now because after this year my son will be going off the college and I'll be all alone. My children were one of the way's that kept me going. I'm on disability so I can't work. We'll take that bridge when we get to it.

 

I'm telling you all this because I want you to know that someone else has been through it. The best thing is that it will get better, as long as you stay on the meds, and you will be surprised at how your life will change and be better because of the diagnosis and the meds. When I tell people I'm bipolar they are surprised because I don't look like what they expect people who have bipolar to look. I tend to hide my feelings to protect my kids and husband. I would not really tell them when I was feeling sad etc. To some extent they could tell by my actions. The most important way to get back the trust you have lost is to be open and honest about how you feel (suicidal, anxious, sad etc) By not telling them how you feel they will stay anxious that something is going to happen. They lose trust because you say one thing and do another. By communicating openly not only will you help them understand where you're at, but it will help them understand more how they can help you. You also must be extremely truthful with your Dr. I think that is part of the reason we had so much trouble finding the right med. I'd complain about every little thing. As we talked I began to see that those effects that I was complaining about were actually the medicine working. There are some side effects, dry mouth is one of them. You're not going to find one that has no side effects but you can find one you can live with and that will make you feel better. Yes you will have to take them for the rest of your life and yes you might cycle again but you can have a normal life. I finally have one and now when I'm starting to cycle I really understand the difference and the Dr and I can take steps to help the cycle not be so bad.

 

Don't give up, With the right meds and you taking them regulary you will have a normal life. It will be will be a rocky road at first and will hopefully not be as rough as mine has. It will not be what you're used to in the past but you must remember that what you were like in the past was not normal.

 

The other thing to remember is that having a mental illness is not any different then having a disease like diabetes. Yes most people don't understand it but your family will learn and those close to you will come to understand better. For many years I was embarrassed to tell anyone for fear of being ostracized. Lets face it the movie industry and paper have us acting like raving lunatics. They have us speaking to ourselves, pulling our hair out, eyes wide, hair disheveled. You'd be surprised at how many people out there are bipolar. You can't tell because they are on their meds and doing well. After many years I got used to the diagnosis and myself and I no longer keep it a secret. My family knows, even the people who I go to church with. I think it is very important for people to truly understand what Bipolar means and is, not what it's been portrayed like in the movie and theaters. I hope that one day you'll be comfortable doing this as well.

 

Right now take your meds, lean on your family, talk to them and your Dr and things will get better for you. It probably will not happen overnight but there's it will happen. You can PM me more if you want to talk or have questions. I'll be happy to share with you

Edited October 30, 2010 by Alyce

[asta]

She absolutely does not understand mental illness. She is the most stable and practical person I know. She is almost cold at times. Her answers to life's stresses are to go for a run (I used to run regularly) or go out to eat (which work great for her), but if you have anxiety, depression, bipolar, or some other mental illness, it's all you can do to get off the couch at times, ya know? I do want to start running again, but right now, I can't go there. I know it would help my mood, but...well anyway.

 

 

Actually... (entering the world of 'never diagnose over the internet')

 

It sounds as if your friend sees in you something she is all too familiar with in herself, and it frightens her. So she is pushing you away rather than have to face it.

 

Pretty common, actually. And, unfortunately, nothing to be done unless they realize it themselves.

 

 

a

 

 

ETA: Effexor and/or Pristiq aren't evil in and of themselves for people with BP; it's just that they have to be combined with a mood stabilizer or the person will go off the manic deep end. When a person sits on the depressed side of BP, quite often an anti-depressant is needed in conjunction with a mood stabilizer to help them achieve some semblance of normalcy.

[Nakia]

Actually... (entering the world of 'never diagnose over the internet')

 

It sounds as if your friend sees in you something she is all too familiar with in herself, and it frightens her. So she is pushing you away rather than have to face it.

 

Pretty common, actually. And, unfortunately, nothing to be done unless they realize it themselves.

 

 

a

 

 

ETA: Effexor and/or Pristiq aren't evil in and of themselves for people with BP; it's just that they have to be combined with a mood stabilizer or the person will go off the manic deep end. When a person sits on the depressed side of BP, quite often an anti-depressant is needed in conjunction with a mood stabilizer to help them achieve some semblance of normalcy.

 

I haven't ever thought about it like that, Asta (regarding my friend). She is just so.....normal and with it....

 

And thank you for clearing that up about the Pristiq. You said what my psych said, but I just didn't word it right. All I know is I want to blame the Pristiq for almost ruining my life when I know it was the BP. :(

[HSMom2One]

I just wanted to say that I think it is so courageous to seek help. I am sorry that some Christians make you feel like you are just not doing something right if you cannot "rise above" your emotions. For some reason, they think modern medicine can help some medical problems but not others.

 

Thank you for sharing and trusting that you have friends here.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

Now I'm chiming in to agree with this post too. God can and does use more than one means of healing into people's lives because He is not limited. Sometimes it's a combination of medicine, prayer, surgery....whatever.

 

Most people of faith that say contrary, negative things do so out of ignorance, fear, or learned behavior and thinking that has been passed on to them. They are most often well-meaning opinions, but never the less, still not always on the mark. You just don't have to buy into it though. Take what is said that applies to what God is laying on your own heart, and let the rest go. (Isaiah 26:3 NKJV helps me a lot when it comes to things like this.)

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Night Elf]

I might regret this post.

 

Don't. There are others on this board, including me, who are in the same situation. Surely we aren't the only two!

 

...but I was diagnosed with bipolar type 2 disorder in the early summer.

 

I was diagnosed in February. It took me several months to feel comfortable. I was being treated for depression too and my GP increased it when I was having a hard time and that was what threw me into an extremely agitated state. I found out that was a very common occurrence. Since being diagnosed, they haven't put me on any anti-depressants.

 

They don't know how to help me really, but they are sticking right by me, and for that, I am so thankful. This has been so hard on my marriage.

 

My DH went to counseling with me to talk about his own feelings. It was very helpful. He was actually relieved when I was diagnosed because it had the opportunity to be a saving grace for us. Obviously, I had BP2 for years and we didn't understand what was going on. Once we learned about it and what it was and that it can be treated, life has gotten so much better for us.

 

I'm scared and hurt and sad that I will have to deal with this the rest of my life. And I'm overwhelmed by the fact that I will be on medication the rest of my life.

 

Me too. In fact, sometimes I feel angry about it. I'm on more medication than I feel comfortable taking but it's all necessary. A couple of months ago, my psych decided to put me on meds for my OCD and ADD, both conditions she feels are comorbid with the BP2. I was really angry at the idea of having even more diagnoses, but I have to confess I feel so much better on these meds.

 

Another hard thing is that I have very strange side effects to meds, so it has been challenging to find something that works for me. We are trying new things to find something that really works. I just want to be me again. I remember the old me, and I haven't been me in years.

 

Also talk to her about how your reactions to the meds can change over time. From my reading, I understand that one combination/regimen can work for quite a long time and then boom, things go out of balance and the meds have to be reworked.

 

I am surrounding myself with people who support and lift me up.

 

Good for you! I think that is extremely important. My mom doesn't believe any of this either. I don't discuss it with her. So the only support team I have is my DH, kids, and doctors. But it's enough. Hold onto those relationships that bring you strength.

 

The best thing I've done is to do things for ME. I'm back in school and I'm doing really well. It gets overwhelming sometimes and I've been living with a very mild buzz of persistent anxiety. My doctor gave me something for that as well and counseled me to drop my course load for next semester. I just feel like I can do so much more, but that's what leads me to my being overwhelmed. I don't think people truly realize just how rough it is to live like this every day, of every week, etc. So here are some :grouphug: for you because I can truly say that I totally get what you're going through. You sound like things are going really well though! That's what we work for. Be happy.

[Kathleen in VA]

I'd drop that friend for sure!

 

I'm a conservative Christian (Reformed Baptist). We have illness in the world because of sin in the world. Just as I wouldn't pray away a broken arm, I wouldn't pray away mental illness. (Not saying that God *couldn't* miraculously heal a broken arm or a mental illness ... He certainly could, but that isn't His usual way.)

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

:iagree:This is basically what I was going to say. I wouldn't necessarily drop the friend, though - just pray for her. We are all at different places in our understanding of things. Mental illness can be confusing for people. No doubt, there are some who feign mental illness to get out of responsibility some way or another and that certainly doesn't help those who are truly suffering. The fact remains, this is a fallen world and our brains are not exempt from the effects of that fall. I'm not sure why that's so hard for some Christians to grasp, but it is, and so we should show grace just as we would want it shown to us.

[gpsings]

I don't have bipolar, but had borderline for many years. Borderline is one that will go away on it's own, if the person is in a stable environment and support system for a period of time ranging from 6 months to 6 years. I'm very blessed about that! I did deal with depression, however, and went through counseling for that. I know members of my family have bipolar, and use medication, but I wanted to caution that medication is a temporary fix. The doses will constantly need raised, and you will still have some degree of ups and downs. If you think it's even remotely possible that there is an underlying issue, I highly recommend cognitive therapy. I can honestly say I haven't had a depression in almost a year due ONLY to the tools I obtained in counseling. I never took any anti-depressants, because I wanted to be aware of what my moods and emotions were doing from start to finish in order to deal with them. Just a thought, and maybe it's more chemical for you, but I'm just putting this out there.

I also wanted to mention that I absolutely am NOT a 'name it and claim it' christian. I know that God allows afflictions (like the 'thorn in Paul's flesh') for many reasons and this could be something like that....but it doesn't hurt to pray because I do believe in complete healing when it is within His will. :grouphug:

[asta]

I don't have bipolar, but had borderline for many years. Borderline is one that will go away on it's own, if the person is in a stable environment and support system for a period of time ranging from 6 months to 6 years. I'm very blessed about that! I did deal with depression, however, and went through counseling for that. I know members of my family have bipolar, and use medication, but I wanted to caution that medication is a temporary fix. The doses will constantly need raised, and you will still have some degree of ups and downs. If you think it's even remotely possible that there is an underlying issue, I highly recommend cognitive therapy. I can honestly say I haven't had a depression in almost a year due ONLY to the tools I obtained in counseling. I never took any anti-depressants, because I wanted to be aware of what my moods and emotions were doing from start to finish in order to deal with them. Just a thought, and maybe it's more chemical for you, but I'm just putting this out there.

I also wanted to mention that I absolutely am NOT a 'name it and claim it' christian. I know that God allows afflictions (like the 'thorn in Paul's flesh') for many reasons and this could be something like that....but it doesn't hurt to pray because I do believe in complete healing when it is within His will. :grouphug:

 

No, it's not. And to say so is not only dangerous, it can be deadly.

 

Borderline personality disorder is exactly that: a personality disorder. A fractured personality. It is dealt with in therapy, not through the use of medications (though medications may be used in the short term to help the individual face the trauma that led to the fracturing of the personality).

 

Bipolar disorder, and all of the Axis I disorders (as opposed to the Axis II disorders of which Borderline is but one) is a biochemical disorder of the brain, not a fractured personality. Although therapy can help, BP can not "go away on its own" nor can it be "cured". Managed, yes. Cured, no.

 

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live. Do some reading in real, honest to god medical journals before spouting off this crap and getting someone killed.

 

 

asta

[Night Elf]

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live.

 

Some people don't understand that the medications are a necessary part of the management plan for bipolar 2. They aren't meant to fix the problem. What they do is to help the person be in a place where coping skills can be utilized to maintain a mood balance. Cycling still occurs on medications, but the cycles are usually less intense and less duration. Believe me, I wish the medications did make it all go away, or that I could manage my mood disorder without them. I tried for years to balance my moods through coping skills. If that had worked, I would have never been diagnosed because I was doing what I was told to do to help relieve symptoms of depression and anxiety. Yeah, that didn't work for me. Although I absolutely hate my diagnosis, I was relieved to find an explanation of my drastic mood swings that affected my family. I stay on the medications, not only for myself, but for the quality of life for my children as well. I have a responsibility to them to take the best care of me as I can. I need to rewrite this for my journal. It sounds like good thoughts for the day. :)

[elizabeth]

No, it's not. And to say so is not only dangerous, it can be deadly.

 

Borderline personality disorder is exactly that: a personality disorder. A fractured personality. It is dealt with in therapy, not through the use of medications (though medications may be used in the short term to help the individual face the trauma that led to the fracturing of the personality).

 

Bipolar disorder, and all of the Axis I disorders (as opposed to the Axis II disorders of which Borderline is but one) is a biochemical disorder of the brain, not a fractured personality. Although therapy can help, BP can not "go away on its own" nor can it be "cured". Managed, yes. Cured, no.

 

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live. Do some reading in real, honest to god medical journals before spouting off this crap and getting someone killed.

 

 

asta

Thank you. You are a wonderful asset to this community and I am grateful you are here.

[Rosie_0801]

Keep on the meds, Love! Stopping them is about as sensible as lopping off your arms because you don't feel like carrying them around :tongue_smilie:

 

The most important thing (apart from taking the meds, lol) is to keep trying and don't let yourself form a disabled identity. An identity as a person with bipolar who needs x, y and z in order to keep going is sensible and necessary. Everyone with anything is a person who needs this, that and the other to get through life. We are all individuals and need certain things or we will fall to pieces. It no more wrong for you to need meds to get through life than it is for your hubby to need his "cave time" or for me to need a book and time to mooch here ;) Don't cross the line into a disabled identity though. "I can't try to be 'normal' because I'm bipolar" will cause far more problems in your relationships than "I can't be 'normal' because I'm bipolar." If that makes any sense. I don't think I'm wording it well. We've been through quite a few phrases with my mother, and the one that has hit worst has been the disabled identity, which she seems to have tossed aside for now, thankfully. That was even worse than her sleeping 18 hours a day, because at least then, when she was awake, she was trying.

 

When dealing with people who don't believe in mental illness, remember their ignorance is their flaw. It's not in any way your fault if other people are ignorant or are just dumbarses.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

[Nakia]

Again, I really wish I could respond to every single post. I have been showered with so many words of love and compassion on this thread and through private messages. I feel so blessed.

 

No, it's not. And to say so is not only dangerous, it can be deadly.

 

Borderline personality disorder is exactly that: a personality disorder. A fractured personality. It is dealt with in therapy, not through the use of medications (though medications may be used in the short term to help the individual face the trauma that led to the fracturing of the personality).

 

Bipolar disorder, and all of the Axis I disorders (as opposed to the Axis II disorders of which Borderline is but one) is a biochemical disorder of the brain, not a fractured personality. Although therapy can help, BP can not "go away on its own" nor can it be "cured". Managed, yes. Cured, no.

 

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live. Do some reading in real, honest to god medical journals before spouting off this crap and getting someone killed.

 

 

asta

 

Thank you a million times Asta. It's people like you who I need to go to bat for me sometimes when I just don't feel like trying to explain things to people who don't understand. I am so tired of trying to make people believe that I am sick, that I need meds (FORVER!), and that this is real. Thank you for saying what you did. I truly believe that I if I do not take my medications, my life will be ruined. And that my family will be hurt in a terrible way.

 

Keep on the meds, Love! Stopping them is about as sensible as lopping off your arms because you don't feel like carrying them around :tongue_smilie:

 

The most important thing (apart from taking the meds, lol) is to keep trying and don't let yourself form a disabled identity. An identity as a person with bipolar who needs x, y and z in order to keep going is sensible and necessary. Everyone with anything is a person who needs this, that and the other to get through life. We are all individuals and need certain things or we will fall to pieces. It no more wrong for you to need meds to get through life than it is for your hubby to need his "cave time" or for me to need a book and time to mooch here ;) Don't cross the line into a disabled identity though. "I can't try to be 'normal' because I'm bipolar" will cause far more problems in your relationships than "I can't be 'normal' because I'm bipolar." If that makes any sense. I don't think I'm wording it well. We've been through quite a few phrases with my mother, and the one that has hit worst has been the disabled identity, which she seems to have tossed aside for now, thankfully. That was even worse than her sleeping 18 hours a day, because at least then, when she was awake, she was trying.

 

When dealing with people who don't believe in mental illness, remember their ignorance is their flaw. It's not in any way your fault if other people are ignorant or are just dumbarses.

 

:grouphug:

Rosie

 

Rosie, what you said makes sense to me. I know what you mean. Thank you.

[Denisemomof4]

No, it's not. And to say so is not only dangerous, it can be deadly.

 

Borderline personality disorder is exactly that: a personality disorder. A fractured personality. It is dealt with in therapy, not through the use of medications (though medications may be used in the short term to help the individual face the trauma that led to the fracturing of the personality).

 

Bipolar disorder, and all of the Axis I disorders (as opposed to the Axis II disorders of which Borderline is but one) is a biochemical disorder of the brain, not a fractured personality. Although therapy can help, BP can not "go away on its own" nor can it be "cured". Managed, yes. Cured, no.

 

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live.

 

 

asta

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree: Please don't ever recommend someone stop taking medication or suggest it's a temporary cure when you're referring to a mental illness. I've watched my brother and sister struggle for years. Medication is the ONLY thing that has saved them. Going off their meds could easily cause their life to cease to exist.

[Lilymax]

I read every post in this thread because I'm almost certain my sister is bi-polar and one of our uncles is, too. (Actually, she's also convinced she has it,but doesn't have a job or medical insurance at the moment to see a psych for confirmation.) She has been on Zoloft for several years now, and it helps. Or rather, it helped. In the past couple of years, she has really become unstable, having rages and then periods of total depression--the whole 'not getting off the couch' thing someone else mentioned.

 

She is single and my parents help support her (long story) so she doesn't have kids or anyone else depending on her. It was interesting to read the one post that mentioned a mom who had BP and wanted her daughter to take care of her. That has been one of my biggest frustrations with my sister, that she always wants everyone to do everything for her. Though I'm only three years older than her, she's always treated me like another mother figure. I always chalked it up to her being the baby of the family, but I never realized it could be part of BP.

 

It really floored me to hear you all say that BP people are very good at putting on fronts. She is SO good at this! And when I read that it's family and friends that take the brunt of it all, that is so true. She has said some of the most horrible things to me and my husband over the past year, and while I can forgive, it's just so hard to forget. There was a bad incident with my children a while back, and I hate to play devil's advocate, but DH and I agreed that our kids cannot be alone with her ever again until she is medicated for it, and stable. And I hate that, because this is my SISTER. We have always been close. It breaks my heart to have to put that distance between her and her nephews, and I haven't said anything to her about it, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I can't chance a repeat of what happened before. My kids don't deserve that kind of treatment. Whether it was intentional or not, they have no understanding of what is behind it. And even if she seems OK at the moment, I have witnessed how she can switch into a rage the next moment. I have no way of knowing what's coming next, and it's so hard. So very hard to love her, and not hold on to residual anger because she hurt my children. (Not physically, but verbally.) But I do love her. I just want her to get better.

 

I didn't mean to make this about her. I just wanted to say thank you for your transparency--it has helped me understand my sister better. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt by your friend, but I have to say that I understand her desire to protect her daughter. :(

 

Which brings me to a question, if you or other BP people don't mind answering it. How much control do you feel you have over blowing up? Nakia, you said something about how you felt like you could handle having your friend's daughter around. But what happens if you "lose it" while she's around? Can you just go let off steam and come back before you blow up in her presence? To what degree does BP remove your choice in those moments? I'm only asking because my sister gives the impression that it is all totally beyond her control, and maybe it is. It definitely feels out-of-control to witness these outbursts.

[KidsHappen]

No, it's not. And to say so is not only dangerous, it can be deadly.

 

Bipolar disorder, and all of the Axis I disorders (as opposed to the Axis II disorders of which Borderline is but one) is a biochemical disorder of the brain, not a fractured personality. Although therapy can help, BP can not "go away on its own" nor can it be "cured". Managed, yes. Cured, no.

 

You do the OP a tremendous disservice to suggest that her medications are a temporary crutch. They are not. They are part of her life now if she wishes to live. Do some reading in real, honest to god medical journals before spouting off this crap and getting someone killed.

 

 

asta

 

Thank you. Sometimes when you are dealing with the disorder it is hard enough to convince yourself that you need the meds without having to try and convince others as well. All mental illnesses are not the same and can not they be treated the same way.

[KidsHappen]

ETA: Effexor and/or Pristiq aren't evil in and of themselves for people with BP; it's just that they have to be combined with a mood stabilizer or the person will go off the manic deep end. When a person sits on the depressed side of BP, quite often an anti-depressant is needed in conjunction with a mood stabilizer to help them achieve some semblance of normalcy.

 

 

Asta, you know I value your opinion and I deeply appreciate all of your contributions on this subject over the years. I do know that the meds are not evil in and of themselves and that sometimes people's need for an anti-depressant is so imperative that getting them out of that state is the number one priority. But as a BP person, I would just want to caution against using an anti-depressant as a first course of treatment on anyone who has the even the slightest possibility of being BP especially without the specialized guidance of someone in the mental health field. I have seen so many bi-polar people have very bad reactions to anti-depressants because it was used as first course of action in people that did not know they were BP. The two meds listed above seem to have a higher incidence of problems in BP people than other anti-depressants.

 

 

My dd who is BP was actually treated for something else with an SSRI first. She used to pick at her skin until she had huge gaping holes that never healed because she was always picking at them. I was scared to death that I was going to get arrested for child abuse, that she would get infections and that she would have scars for life. So when we first took her in that was the first thing we wanted to work on. Zoloft is supposed to work really well for anxiety and OCD and in her case it did. However, it sent her rage spiralling out of control. Then we started a pretty strong dose of Seoquel to bring her down and the added in the Trileptal to level everything out. This took over a year and the time between when she started the SSRI and was finally stablized was one of the hardest times of my life.

 

So I guess what I am trying to say is don't go that route if you don't have to but don't be afraid to take those kinds of meds if that's what you need to either.

Edited November 5, 2010 by KidsHappen

[asta]

Which brings me to a question, if you or other BP people don't mind answering it. How much control do you feel you have over blowing up?

 

Unmedicated? BWA HA HA HA!

 

Seriously, though, it depends where a person "is" in their illness cycle. If properly medicated, their ups and downs will go from mountains to molehills, and, with coping techniques, they will simply learn to navigate their illness just as any "normal" person navigates the ups and downs of day to day life. There will be hiccups. There will be the need for medication tweaks. It is an ongoing process. As long as the person admits that they are ill (like Rosie said) and pays attention to their body (having another, close person around to "check" them is excellent), they can usually nip potential behavioral derailments in the bud.

 

Bipolar literally means two (bi) poles (ends). A person with bipolar swings from one end to another. Most people associate this with mania (woo hoo, wild behavior, lots of spending, inappropriate sexual behavior, saying things out loud that should never. be. said., psychosis) and depression (pretty much self explanatory). But that is less than half the story. BP is one big @ss continuum. For some people, mania is never "fun" or "happy". Instead, it is rages and destructive behavior. Depression can also take many forms (not just the sitting on the couch unable to get to the shower). There are plenty of people out there that operate day to day, but simply feel nothing. When asked, they'll tell you that they feel like an empty shell: unable to laugh, unable to cry. Yet they go through the motions just fine.

 

Then you have everything in-between. Since it simply means two poles, it doesn't specify WHICH two poles. Some people swing between suicidally depressed and a smidge of mania. Some people swing between psychotic mania and "normal" (never really seeing "classic" depression, but very, very ill nonetheless).

 

Alluding to what Kidshappen has said, when a doctor meets a person (eg: where the person is in their cycle when they show up at the doc - which is usually a "down" period - no one shows up when they are happy), and how honest they are about their symptoms (people tend to forget about mania, or conveniently not mention it because they don't want to lose the option) will govern which medications a person gets put on.

 

Now this is the important part: the best doctors will not start a patient on the strongest drugs out there unless the person is in the realm of "harm to self or others" department. This is why it is so important that psychiatrists, not family physicians are the ones prescribing psychotropic medications. Drugs such as Effexor and Pristiq (the ones KH mentioned) hit almost every "receptor" the brain has. They are supposed to be the drugs that are tried darn near LAST - after a patient has had no response to the other, less whammo drugs. But GPs (and psychiatrists who are clueless about what is going on), not knowing what to give a person who presents to their office, toss it at patients under the guise of "well, this will cover all of the bases". Good psychiatrists will do an extensive intake exam that will usually (if the person is honest about their symptoms) catch what is really going on.

 

Anti-depressants, including SSRIs, are used commonly for anxiety disorders such as skin picking, anorexia, panic disorder - a whole host of things. But, like KH said, if there is even a HINT that the person could swing into mania, they must be combined with a mood stabilizer or the person will go off the rails. Like I said above, though, people tend to keep those hints to themselves. Denial is very big in the mentally interesting. Sometimes just in the beginning, sometimes always. It is sad, but until the societal stigma is taken away ("you're going to damage my kid!"), it will exist.

 

As a side note: Things like skin picking (arms, cuticles, face), cutting, pulling out hair, eyebrows, etc. are something we as parents need to be on the look out for. They are one of the first indicators of "overload" in a person. The actions themselves ease the mental overload, as the small/medium/large amount of pain involved provides an endorphin release in the brain that calms the person. Scary stuff. Especially with high achieving students.

 

HTH

(I'm pretty passionate about this stuff)

 

 

a

Edited October 31, 2010 by asta

[fastforward]

:grouphug: You're a very brave and strong person for being so transparent and for seeking help for yourself. I'm going through a similar experience and very few people in my life know about it because I fear the backlash and the 'tsk tsking' that will come from my family members.

 

I hope you get back the support of your friend and continue to receive support from your family. Good luck to you. :)

[Night Elf]

Which brings me to a question, if you or other BP people don't mind answering it. How much control do you feel you have over blowing up?

 

Before meds and counseling, I had less control. Things got tremendously better with the meds and counseling because I learned what my red flags were that usually happens before I hit depression, extreme irritability, or over-the-top thinking (feeling like I can take on a tremendous amount of work because I'm just good like that). I think more clearly now than I did prior to treatment. For example, if I'm having a bad day, I wouldn't put myself in a position that would be a problem.

 

The problem with not being under medical care is that you're still all over the place even if you think you're not. And it's hard, no probably impossible, to see there is anything wrong when you're in the thick of it, like when you're all emotion. I remember feeling angry at everyone around me because they were acting like something was wrong but I felt like the only thing wrong was that they were angry at me for being angry at them. It was cyclic thinking.

 

Also, there is a difference between knowing you have something specific like bipolar and just guessing that is what you have. There is probably more going on with your sister than just a possibility of bipolar, and not necessarily mental health wise.

[JessReplanted]

To the OP: good for you for seeking out treatment! I'm sure that is not easy, but it is the best thing for yourself and your family. My sister and I think that my mother is bipolar. She still refuses to admit that anything is wrong with her, but my childhood is one huge memory glop of her acting like a psycho - mixed in with a few memories of her being a saint. It was SO hard, and is very confusing to think about even now. :tongue_smilie:

[Nakia]

I read every post in this thread because I'm almost certain my sister is bi-polar and one of our uncles is, too. (Actually, she's also convinced she has it,but doesn't have a job or medical insurance at the moment to see a psych for confirmation.) She has been on Zoloft for several years now, and it helps. Or rather, it helped. In the past couple of years, she has really become unstable, having rages and then periods of total depression--the whole 'not getting off the couch' thing someone else mentioned.

 

She is single and my parents help support her (long story) so she doesn't have kids or anyone else depending on her. It was interesting to read the one post that mentioned a mom who had BP and wanted her daughter to take care of her. That has been one of my biggest frustrations with my sister, that she always wants everyone to do everything for her. Though I'm only three years older than her, she's always treated me like another mother figure. I always chalked it up to her being the baby of the family, but I never realized it could be part of BP.

 

It really floored me to hear you all say that BP people are very good at putting on fronts. She is SO good at this! And when I read that it's family and friends that take the brunt of it all, that is so true. She has said some of the most horrible things to me and my husband over the past year, and while I can forgive, it's just so hard to forget. There was a bad incident with my children a while back, and I hate to play devil's advocate, but DH and I agreed that our kids cannot be alone with her ever again until she is medicated for it, and stable. And I hate that, because this is my SISTER. We have always been close. It breaks my heart to have to put that distance between her and her nephews, and I haven't said anything to her about it, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I can't chance a repeat of what happened before. My kids don't deserve that kind of treatment. Whether it was intentional or not, they have no understanding of what is behind it. And even if she seems OK at the moment, I have witnessed how she can switch into a rage the next moment. I have no way of knowing what's coming next, and it's so hard. So very hard to love her, and not hold on to residual anger because she hurt my children. (Not physically, but verbally.) But I do love her. I just want her to get better.

 

I didn't mean to make this about her. I just wanted to say thank you for your transparency--it has helped me understand my sister better. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt by your friend, but I have to say that I understand her desire to protect her daughter. :(

 

Which brings me to a question, if you or other BP people don't mind answering it. How much control do you feel you have over blowing up? Nakia, you said something about how you felt like you could handle having your friend's daughter around. But what happens if you "lose it" while she's around? Can you just go let off steam and come back before you blow up in her presence? To what degree does BP remove your choice in those moments? I'm only asking because my sister gives the impression that it is all totally beyond her control, and maybe it is. It definitely feels out-of-control to witness these outbursts.

 

The only thing I can tell you is to please just love her. Encourage her to find and see a good psychiatrist and go with her, if she will let you. And please don't be judgmental about what she is going through. I can see that you need to set boundaries, and boundaries are good. If she has hurt your children, of course, you cannot allow that. But I can guarantee she is not happy with herself. She probably hates what she is feeling and doing.

 

As a side note: Things like skin picking (arms, cuticles, face), cutting, pulling out hair, eyebrows, etc. are something we as parents need to be on the look out for. They are one of the first indicators of "overload" in a person. The actions themselves ease the mental overload, as the small/medium/large amount of pain involved provides an endorphin release in the brain that calms the person. Scary stuff. Especially with high achieving students.

a

 

It's so interesting that you bring this up. I have always picked my nails, ever since I can remember. I still do it. My cuticles are a mess, and my nails don't grow right from all that picking. I do it to my toes too. I didn't know that it was/might be linked to bp. And I was ALWAYS a high achiever in school. Wow.

[Denisemomof4]

I read every post in this thread because I'm almost certain my sister is bi-polar and one of our uncles is, too. (Actually, she's also convinced she has it,but doesn't have a job or medical insurance at the moment to see a psych for confirmation.) She has been on Zoloft for several years now, and it helps. Or rather, it helped. In the past couple of years, she has really become unstable, having rages and then periods of total depression--the whole 'not getting off the couch' thing someone else mentioned.

 

She is single and my parents help support her (long story) so she doesn't have kids or anyone else depending on her. It was interesting to read the one post that mentioned a mom who had BP and wanted her daughter to take care of her. That has been one of my biggest frustrations with my sister, that she always wants everyone to do everything for her. Though I'm only three years older than her, she's always treated me like another mother figure. I always chalked it up to her being the baby of the family, but I never realized it could be part of BP.

 

It really floored me to hear you all say that BP people are very good at putting on fronts. She is SO good at this! And when I read that it's family and friends that take the brunt of it all, that is so true. She has said some of the most horrible things to me and my husband over the past year, and while I can forgive, it's just so hard to forget. There was a bad incident with my children a while back, and I hate to play devil's advocate, but DH and I agreed that our kids cannot be alone with her ever again until she is medicated for it, and stable. And I hate that, because this is my SISTER. We have always been close. It breaks my heart to have to put that distance between her and her nephews, and I haven't said anything to her about it, because I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I can't chance a repeat of what happened before. My kids don't deserve that kind of treatment. Whether it was intentional or not, they have no understanding of what is behind it. And even if she seems OK at the moment, I have witnessed how she can switch into a rage the next moment. I have no way of knowing what's coming next, and it's so hard. So very hard to love her, and not hold on to residual anger because she hurt my children. (Not physically, but verbally.) But I do love her. I just want her to get better.

 

I didn't mean to make this about her. I just wanted to say thank you for your transparency--it has helped me understand my sister better. I'm sorry that your feelings were hurt by your friend, but I have to say that I understand her desire to protect her daughter. :(

 

Which brings me to a question, if you or other BP people don't mind answering it. How much control do you feel you have over blowing up? Nakia, you said something about how you felt like you could handle having your friend's daughter around. But what happens if you "lose it" while she's around? Can you just go let off steam and come back before you blow up in her presence? To what degree does BP remove your choice in those moments? I'm only asking because my sister gives the impression that it is all totally beyond her control, and maybe it is. It definitely feels out-of-control to witness these outbursts.

 

Kari, I would not leave your children alone with your sister UNTIL she gets help and is properly medicated. Also, I want to encourage you to stick by her, as difficult as it will be at times, especially because you once were very close.

 

I had a lot of pain in my childhood because I truly wanted my sister to have a good relationship with me. She always treated me horribly and I never understood why. It was extremely hard for me to deal with. We've NEVER been close. EVER. I finally accepted that and at age 35 I severed ties with her. We reunited when my father died but it only lasted a year and a half. Never having a close relationship, it's just too toxic to deal with her.

 

My brother, on the other hand, is a paranoid schizophrenic. Although we were close very early in life, we haven't been for decades. He pulled away and I didn't realize why until much later in life. BUT, we've never had issues. I help him, I stand by him, I do what I can without sacrificing my family. He spends holidays with us and I am the person who would be there for him should an emergency arise.

 

Because of all the dementia and mental illness in our family, I've had to educate our kids. I think it would be a good idea for you to have an age appropriate discussion with your kids about your sister, especially if your kids are scarred from her verbal attack. It's important for them to understand that she's a good person but that she has a sickness. NAMI would be a good resource for you. If you attend some meetings, maybe you could get information on how to have this discussion with your kids.

[Nakia]

I have just taken time to read back through every post here and every pm that has been sent to me over the past few days. I don't know that I have ever felt more cared for and loved. Thank you all so very much.

 

If you are suffering from a mental illness, I hope that this thread has been an encouragement for you to speak out and seek help. :grouphug: