Help dealing with wrestling boy who gets overstimulated.

[Momma H]

I have a hopefully quickish question. (how's that for a start?)

My 5 yo son loves to wrestle with my dh. I however, hate it. I don't mind the wrestling part, it is that he gets overstimulated and is a spaz for the rest of the night. (he also has this ear piercing way of screaming while they do it--but that is besiedes the point) It is hard for me to be around him (my son) when he gets like that. My husband has read a lot of John Eldridge and feels that our son needs to have that time with him (it does not happen too often). I tend to agree, but I have a really hard time with it. He is a boy to the core and loves to wrestle but he can also be really annoying. I get easliy annoyed by him. It is hard to have a good attitude about it. What do you think? Do I need to just suck it up and let my boy have rowdy time with his dad and deal with the spazziness it creates? That is pretty much what I want to hear--I think I need an attitude adjustment on this and let him be the rowdy boy God made him, but when is enough enough?

[kathkath]

our ot has us wrap my son up really tight in a blanket after getting wound up like that, for deep pressure input.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Is it all the time that it bothers you? Or does your dh (like my dh) get him all riled up at inappropriate times, like right before bed. Can you talk with your dh about maybe limiting the times they wrestle to times that won't be too affected by the spaziness?

[Chris in VA]

Could you take some time away right after, to let him calm down a bit and let yourself calm down, too? My mom always got upset when my dad would horse around with my two brothers--even when they did some silly things like throwing the dishrag at each other. I'm not sure if the excited, out-of-control aspect got her, or if it reminded her of something unpleasant from her childhood (like her dad yelling or something)--but she'd always try to put a stop to it. She said she didn't want anyone hurt, but I know it's more than that.

Could their rowdy behaviour be triggering something else in you? Have you had that irritated or anxious feeling in other situations when you were younger?

 

Freudian therapist here...LOL--not really, I just find a lot of my reactions are to more than what's apparent.

[Lolly]

Suck it up. He needs that time. As he gets older, he will calm down faster.:D

[Momma H]

Thank you all for the responses!

 

I love and will try the wrapping up thing, I have a feeling that might work.

 

I do think it is an irrational irritation. Honestly, my mom HATED rowdy boys and always made that really clear. She has only seen him get wild like this one time and she still bitterly complains about it. She can be a mean lady. (again, another thread) I hear her displeasure in my head when my son is being rowdy and spazzy I have to admit, but it does irritate me too.

 

Thank you for the suck it up comment too. I need to try harder. I think one problem is our house is small so I can't get away from it very easily and I have to deal with trying to get him ready for bed when he is trying to jump around and dive on and off the bed. grr

[texasmama]

I know that I tend to get sensory overload with a lot of noise and rowdiness. I deal with noise and rowdiness all day, after all.:D Even when my boys are just having fun and not fighting but being loud, it pushes my buttons. I think it is a sensory thing for me.

 

You could put dh in charge of helping the boy calm down afterwards and leave for a quick walk or a trip to the corner store while they are doing all of this.:D

[Kebo]

Maybe you could ask your husband to oversee an Epsom salt bath after they wrestle. They are supposed to be calming for most people.

[Unicorn.]

Thank you for the suck it up comment too. I need to try harder. I think one problem is our house is small so I can't get away from it very easily and I have to deal with trying to get him ready for bed when he is trying to jump around and dive on and off the bed. grr

 

If the wrestling is occuring in the evening, and causing problems w/ calming down enough to go to bed, then you are not being irrational. Tell dh to save the rowdy wrestling for weekend mornings, and then he also needs to help ds come down from the wrestling high. Tell him to take it outside, and then they can work on the car or something afterward, so that ds has a chance to calm down, before he re-enters your world.

 

Yes he needs that time, but not before bed, and you also need some quiet to save your sanity.

[angela in ohio]

Not an Eldridge fan, but I agree that boys need time like that with their dads. It bugs me, too, because I like quiet and calm, but I had to get over that. It is not a free-for-all, though. Even a good thing needs to have parameters.

 

Tell your dh that you appreciate the time he is spending, but you need him to control the screaming. That doesn't need to be a part of it. Tell him that you would really appreciate it if he would tell ds to stop the screaming (which isn't a great thing, anyway, and not just because it annoys you.)

 

Tell your ds, when he is wound up afterwards, that he need to be able to calm down or he won't be able to have wrestling time the next day. Give him a few options: reading on his bed, etc. Actually, your dh should tell him. It shouldn't be: "dad is fun and then mom spoils it all."

 

My dh was hesitant to discipline our dc for bad behavior during game playing. He was caught up in the importance of "family game time," and let that become more important than the behavior during it. Only when it got so bad that (1.) I refused to play anymore, and (2.) they annoyed him so badly that he didn't want to play, either, did he finally get it.

 

My dh and ds used to wrestle almost every night. As ds gets older, they have more of a variety of things to do together - shooting, Scouts, talking, etc. - and the wrestling becomes less of an every single night thing. So just hang in there. :D

[dirty ethel rackham]

I vote that you leave the house for the wrestling session and the spazzy aftermath and let dh deal with it. While I agree that he may need time like that, dh needs to deal with the results of that "fun time" and not let it be your problem. Just tell everyone that when you get back, you expect peace and calmness. If you can't leave, get some noise canceling headphones and listen to something that you really want.

 

Perhaps you can send ds and dh out for their "male bonding" time and tell them not to come home until they can act like civilized human beings again:).

[dirty ethel rackham]

TI have to deal with trying to get him ready for bed when he is trying to jump around and dive on and off the bed. grr

 

Then dh puts him to bed. This shouldn't be only your job. Tell dh that you will suck it up and let them have their rowdy time, but they have to choose wisely when to do it. Right before bed is not working, so let dh figure that out.

[Danestress]

Either let DH have that time with him and plan a night out for yourself - book club, a book store, a glass of wine with a friend, so that DH actually is putting DS to bed (hey, if that Dad times is good, even more would be better). Or if you aren't able to go out, it still should not be your problem to get your DS to bed on these nights. Let your DH put his money where his mouth is. If he's enjoying that time with DS, being the "bed time" Dad should be a joy for him, and it might be good for your son to have Dad play time and then also Dad comfort and relax time.

 

OR

 

Have a "next step" planned. So if DH is getting him all riled up wrestling, you wait until it's done and then suggest a night time walk to do some moon viewing a star gazing. If your DS is all energetic, maybe being outside would be a way to burn it off or self calm. I always think we all do better outside than inside anyway, and it's so fun for kids to be outside late at night. I am a big believer in outside time for kids, and weather is almost never an excuse. I would sometimes put my kids in rubber boots and walk them in the pouring rain. In almost any weather, it's easier to take active boys outside than to deal with too much 'caged beast' inside.

 

I personally would not tolerate the shrieking inside, though.

[AK_Mom4]

My DH did this for years when the bigger kids were little. They loved "wrestle with Dad time".

 

I always took it as an excuse to plop the baby on a pillow in the same room and go off and take a shower. By the time I got back, they had all calmed down. Once the baby got big enough to join in the wrestling, I took it as an excuse to switch to long hot baths in the evening!

 

Let your DH be responsible for calming down the kiddo after the wrestling match. If that means handling bed time, then so be it!

[kalanamak]

Is he perhaps not getting enough exercise? From toddling onward, we have worked on 2-3 hours a day hard, sweating, panting activity...outdoors if possible.

[AuntieM]

Yes, he needs daddy time and yes, he needs physical activity. But, right place, right time. I have been in the presence of a number of families who claim to be following the W@H philosophy but are actually, in fact, using it as an excuse to allow bad behavior. I am NOT AT ALL saying that's what is happening in your case. Just want to say that a real man is more than rough and tumble. A real man practices basic good manners with regard to other people (like his wife and his mother!). JMO.

 

Sorry for this to sound like a rant - not against you - I've just seen several little guys allowed to tear up other folks' homes (both physically and atmospherically), accompanied by their parents' glowing endoresement of this approach to raising boys.

[kalanamak]

Y

 

Sorry for this to sound like a rant - not against you - I've just seen several little guys allowed to tear up other folks' homes (both physically and atmospherically), accompanied by their parents' glowing endoresement of this approach to raising boys.

 

And that is the moment hubby is stuffed into a coat, and the "boys" are directed to the nearest park. More than one holiday function has included a break at the local school play ground in the middle. And, sadly, I can't remember an occasion when another parent and child has joined me or hubby in the this break. :sad:

[AuntieM]

And that is the moment hubby is stuffed into a coat, and the "boys" are directed to the nearest park. More than one holiday function has included a break at the local school play ground in the middle. And, sadly, I can't remember an occasion when another parent and child has joined me or hubby in the this break. :sad:

 

I applaud you! It's not always the thing you want to do, especially when it takes time away from visiting with adult friends. But it's just what you do when you have kids. As I am always telling mine, the right thing is rarely the easy thing....