My 11 year old is still having melt downs...

[vlgimmelli]

Hello,

 

this is our first official year of homeschooling. My son loves it and would never want to go to public school again. He is learning very well and I am very happy about that. Unfortunately, sometimes during class he has an attitude and if he doesn't get his way will have a meltdown(crying, yelling, saying"I am ruining his life). I tell him we need a break, and he gets een more upset. I take away a privilege, and he is in a full rage melt down. I have no clue what to do so that he can understand that his behavior is unacceptable, especially for his age. This behavior disrupts our learning and I get discouraged and upset also. Has anyone gone through similar issues and can share how they handled it and resolved it?

Thanks

Lillian:confused:

[Starr]

11 year old boys have melt downs and the first year of home schooling is ripe for melt downs. Sorry. It is that balance of breaks, field trips and mandated schoolwork. And exercise! Boys need to move. It will work out. :grouphug:

[HistoryMom]

I have a hard time keeping my own temper in check when faced with that kind of tantrum, so as a coping mechanism, I send them off to their rooms to chill out. They can only come back to finish up when they've calmed down. I will not engage with them when they're not being respectful. They almost always calm down immediately as soon as their audience is gone; then they can come back and we'll try again. We have no screen time until work is done (TV, computer, or video games), so if they don't calm down in time to get the work done that day, they have in effect have taken away their own privileges. They're learning (albeit slowly) that they're only inconveniencing themselves when they lose control of their emotions.

[cheryl h]

That was last year for us. There is really no way to sugar coat it, but it is a very challenging year, emotionally, on everyone involved. We had tons of meltdowns...Oh, I so know your pain. My kids missed their friends, and felt very, very alone...not neccessarily lonely(but some), but alone in that they really didn't know a lot of other hs'ed kids. They went, and still go to a weekly co-op, which really helped. The learned some very good life lessons in that there are many good ways to get an education, and hs'ing is one of them, and that hs kids are not weird. They also learned that you can make new friends no matter where you go, and that life exists beyond the little private school they went to. I think it is paramount for new hs kids to get involved with other hs kids in some way shape or form to help them realize they aren't alone, or weird, and that is a really cool opportunity.

[Cedarmom]

For one of my kids adding consequences just makes things worse. I suggest you simply walk out of the room with a quick " let me know when you are ready to work". Give him the space to calm himself and get back under control.

 

It should get better.

 

:iagree: Walking away was the only thing that helped. And lots of good hard exercise during the day to help deal with all the extra testosterone zooming through their bodies.

[justamouse]

11 year old boys have melt downs and the first year of home schooling is ripe for melt downs. Sorry. It is that balance of breaks, field trips and mandated schoolwork. And exercise! Boys need to move. It will work out. :grouphug:

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

 

give him some time to cool down and gather himself, then come back to it.

[vlgimmelli]

Thank you everyone for the encouraging and comforting words. At least I am not the only going through this, at least there is hope at the end of the tunnel. Thanks again and will try removing myself and giving him calming down time.

Thanks,

Lillian

:)

[LibraryLover]

nm

Edited November 2, 2010 by LibraryLover

[myfunnybunch]

For one of my kids adding consequences just makes things worse. I suggest you simply walk out of the room with a quick " let me know when you are ready to work". Give him the space to calm himself and get back under control.

 

Yes.

 

When he's calmed down is the best time to teach appropriate behavior and discuss consequences. One meltdown=one consequence (that's been agreed upon beforehand) calmly stated once things have settled. That way the consequence-more upset-more meltdown-more consequence doesn't begin to cycle.

 

I started homeschooling when my eldest dd was 12. It was an interesting year. Lots of boundary-testing. We learned a lot about one another and ourselves in the process. Hang in there! You can do it. :grouphug:

 

Cat

[silliness7]

My 3rd son would have melt downs during school last year. He was 9, now 10. They were horrific. I took computer time away from him. And not just for a day or a week or a month. I took it away. period. There was no set time limit when it would come back though I did say that I would consider it at a much later date if he could keep himself under control. It was a pretty radical punishment for our family but his meltdowns were over-the-top extreme, disrupting the entire household and school. His meltdowns are practically non-existent and if I see one start coming on I can tell him to knock it off and he actually will bring himself back to a normal controlled state.

 

I suspected that the computer was interfering with how he function. Maybe I was right. He has asked to have his computer time reinstated since he has been so successful in controlling himself. I allowed it but he is now almost never on the computer. During his computer-free time (about 5 months) he re-discovered his love of drawing and he draws in his free time incessantly. And maybe it is the drawing that keeps him in check. Hmmm....a productive hobby that is good for him and lets him express himself appropriately. I have no idea how the human psyche works and what may have been the trigger for him, probably a combination of things maybe. Anyway, I have no answers just sharing how I dealt with my meltdown tween and what I observed.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Hello,

 

this is our first official year of homeschooling. My son loves it and would never want to go to public school again. He is learning very well and I am very happy about that. Unfortunately, sometimes during class he has an attitude and if he doesn't get his way will have a meltdown(crying, yelling, saying"I am ruining his life). I tell him we need a break, and he gets een more upset. I take away a privilege, and he is in a full rage melt down. I have no clue what to do so that he can understand that his behavior is unacceptable, especially for his age. This behavior disrupts our learning and I get discouraged and upset also. Has anyone gone through similar issues and can share how they handled it and resolved it?

Thanks

Lillian:confused:

 

 

I agree with what the other posters have suggested. I'm surprised, though, that no one has mentioned a good breakfast. My son, almost 13, has had a lions share of meltdowns in his day. Regular exercise helps, a good night sleep is important, but eating a good breakfast is absolutely essential. He cannot function without food in his belly. He has a super fast metabolism, and doesn't store any fuel in his body. When his food is digested, he needs more.

 

So, when I see a meltdown coming, I make him eat a sandwich. It doesn't matter what time it is, or when he ate breakfast. Meltdown means take a break, and eat a turkey sandwich.

 

Oh, and when he was around the age of your ds, I started tying his allowance to his attitude. Smart attitude meant he lost a dollar from his allowance that week. Major meltdown meant he didn't get any allowance that week. This was all discussed while he was calm, and he understood. He also learned to control himself.

 

On the occasions that things go sour (even now), I simply state, "I don't have time for this. I need to do the laundry (or whatever). I'll be ready to help you when you're ready to work." Then, I calmly leave the room.