Going from Mr. or Mrs. to using your first name--what age to you transition?

[Ottakee]

Just thinking about this as my friend's daughter is 19 and her daughter's bio sister is 22 and they are both still calling me Mrs. last name.

 

I am big on manners and have my own kids use Mr. or Mrs. last name when we can or other title of respect (it gets really confusing when you have 5 different Mrs. .......... at church and 2 even have the same first name as well).

 

There is though a time where they need to transition from that to using a first name. Do you do this at the end of highschool? College? When they get married?

 

I honestly can't remember when some of the people at church went from being Mr or Mrs. to me using their first names. I know that some I used to call Mrs. are not friends of mine and I obviously use their first names.

 

Just curious.

[Liz CA]

I thought it was mostly people close® in age that start using first names. If I meet someone much older and they introduce themselves as "I am Jenny", I use that name. If they say "I am Mrs...", I use their last name.

 

My son's friends still call me Mrs...even though most of them are 19 and older.

 

If you feel you'd like to be called by your first name, just mention it to the girls.

[Joker]

My mom still uses Mr. and Mrs. when addressing people she knew when she was younger. My siblings and I do as well. I don't know that I would ever feel comfortable addressing any of them by their first names.

[Guest Katia]

Well, in our home, we used the titles of Mr. and Mrs. to show respect to those in authority over us or our elders. I told my kids when they reached 18yo that they were legally adults and now on the same level playing field with other adults and could address them by their first names.

 

So, 18yo here.

 

The exception would be professionals in their professional/on duty capacity. Ex: Professor/Doctor/Officer/Pastor, etc. We know many of these people personally, and when they are at work we address them with their title, but 'off duty' we use their first name.

[dm379]

I still call my parent's friends from when I was a child Mr. or Mrs. X. Old habits die hard.

[jujsky]

I would say that when you're comfortable with their ages, you can say something like, "You're an adult now, you can call me_____." I still call most of my mom's friends Mr./Mrs. but most of her friends are my former high school teachers so it just feels WRONG calling them by their first names.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Once I hit adulthood, I called people in my generation and even the generation right above me by their first names. Any generation higher than that still gets called Mr. and Mrs. unless they specifically ask me to call them by their first names.

[Alyce]

Our church always uses Mr., Mrs, Dr and then their first name. It's just the way we do it and I don't find it offensive. It gives us a more personal flavor. If I'm talking to a professional I do call them by their given name. I guess it's really in how you were raised. I was raised to call anyone older than myself as Mr, Mrs last name unless they were friends. Of course those near my age and friends we just used first name. I really don't object if one of my children's friends want to call me Ms. Alyce. I find that just as respectful as calling me Mrs. last name.

[Starr]

My dd says that it's just too weird calling some people by their first names if they've been Mr. and Mrs. for a long time.

[Parrothead]

I think it all depends on the person being addressed. I was at a church function and asked a lady in her 70s what her name was (politely) and she said Jane. So I call her Jane. If she has said Jane Smith I would call her Mrs. Smith until she told me otherwise.

 

So if you want your dc's friends to call you by your first name now, let them know.

[Luckymama]

I have a difficult time calling adults I have known a very long time by their first names. I still refer to friends' parents as Mr. and Mrs., even if they have said to use first names. I'm 44 with an 17yo!

 

If I'm meeting the person now and they are older than me, I address them however they want---just like Parrothead does :)

[bettyandbob]

It sounds like you don't want to be called Mrs.---- . Next tiime you meet just say "please call me....". You may have to do this every time you meet for a while.

 

There are people I still revert to "Hi, Mrs....". I live in the town where I grew up and when I see my friends parents it's always "Mrs....." and I'm 14 again. It's been over 30 years since I was sitting at their kitchen table chatting about clothes or the SATs, but saying their first name feels really odd. I try to say their first names though--b/c some of them want me too.

[TN Mama]

I don't know that there's an age when you stop. Or maybe there is and I just don't know. There are still friends of my parents whom I refer to as Mr. or Mrs. And there are some I've always called Ms. First Name. A few of the Ms. First Name friends have told me they'd like for me to call them First Name and drop the Ms. and in those cases, I do. But unless someone asks me to refer to them as something different, I wouldn't just stop, at any age.

 

As for addressing new (older) people, I would probably start off calling them Mr. or Mrs. and take their lead on whether or not they wanted to be addressed more casually.

[RhondaM.]

I honestly have never cared what anyone calls me. As long as it is not a bad word. :) Maybe I don't take myself seriously enough. LOL

[alegnab]

call most older adults by the title Mr./Mrs. Last name, or I say Mr./Miss first name, and I'm 46yo. I generally don't feel comfortable calling a person who is a generation or more older than I am by his/her first name only. However, when I worked in an office, I called all the older people, except a couple of bosses, by their first names. Most of the people would not have appreciated being called Mr./Mrs. So-and-so.

 

BTW, I'm southern, and that probably makes a difference. Southerners tend to be more particular about using titles of respect. I remember once when my mom went to a homeschool convention with me. We were at a booth, and a young man who worked in it, probably in his early 20's, called her by her first name. She promptly corrected him. She told him that she was his elder and he should be calling her Mrs. ---. He apologized and said that he was from some state up north and that young people call adults by their first name up there. She told him, "Well. You're in the south now, and you need to show respect to your elders." :lol: I wonder what he called other adult booth visitors for the rest of the day.

[eaglei]

I still use Mr./Mrs. (or the appropriate title) for those older than I am, unless they say otherwise. At church, again dependent on age, we may say Brother/Sister. As for what age young people can drop usage of the respectful title --- we generally leaned toward eighteen for those in the next generation up, but for those older than a generation above, continue with the titles unless invited otherwise. Interesting to us was that a lady my age (so one generation above ds) told ds that he could call her by her first name and he has yet to do so. He says it just doesn't seem right.

 

ETA: While I generally don't mind being called by my first name, I am often taken aback when a young person addresses me as Mrs. for two basic reasons: 1) I really am old enough to be called that (!); and, 2) I am delighted at their manners!

Edited October 28, 2010 by eaglei

[Kari C in SC]

I don't know because I hate it when anyone calls me Mrs. ___. I always tell them to call me Kari. Most of my oldest son's friends call me some form of Mom, Mum, etc. My younger kids friends calls me Miss Kari or Aunt Kari.

[Gwenhwyfar]

i try to keep 'mrs lastname' from starting in the first place ~ i've never liked it. :tongue_smilie:

[Ellie]

There are some people I will always call Mr. or Mrs. Last Name. :-)

 

Technically, you shouldn't call someone by his first name unless and until he invites you to do so.

[Laurie4b]

Just thinking about this as my friend's daughter is 19 and her daughter's bio sister is 22 and they are both still calling me Mrs. last name.

 

I am big on manners and have my own kids use Mr. or Mrs. last name when we can or other title of respect (it gets really confusing when you have 5 different Mrs. .......... at church and 2 even have the same first name as well).

 

There is though a time where they need to transition from that to using a first name. Do you do this at the end of highschool? College? When they get married?

 

I honestly can't remember when some of the people at church went from being Mr or Mrs. to me using their first names. I know that some I used to call Mrs. are not friends of mine and I obviously use their first names.

 

Just curious.

 

I was well into my 20's before I started calling some people by their first names and that was mostly at their request. It was really hard for me to do it.

 

Where I live, I'm called Mrs. ____ by high schoolers and by college students who knew me when they were little and who have always called me Mrs._____. New college students call me either--depends on how comfortable they are with calling someone their parents' age by a first name.

[HistoryMom]

I think it depends on the adult in question. I still call my oldest friend's mother Mrs. [Last Name], because she's a traditional person. Her MIL and FIL, though, I have called by their first names since I was 13. That friend's son calls me "Auntie [Childhood Nickname]", which strikes me as odd, but I don't care enough to make an issue of it. My little kids' friends usually call me "[Kid's Name]'s Mom." I think it's funny and am actually OK with it. My oldest child's friends call me by my first name because I've invited them to do so. If someone feels they must call me by an honorific, I prefer Ms. My marital status isn't relevant.

 

For teaching kids etiquette and respect, I think it's about practicing a sort of social intelligence. If they can't tell right off the bat what the person would be comfortable with, they should err on the side of formal or just go ahead and ask. There's nothing wrong with a quick, "Would you prefer [First Name], or Ms. or Mrs. [Last Name]?"

[kwickimom]

Totally depends on the adult. I loathe being called Mrs. ANYTHING LOL Ususally at Girl Scouts and things the kids call me Miss Erin. I can deal with that. But I have no problem being called Erin forever. My entire family is on a first name basis. Actually most of the teens at my moms church call her mom and most people, young and old, call my Grandma "gram." Thats just how we roll :D

[lisabelle]

When ds was in public school, the vast majority of teachers there had the kids call them by their first names. So when I volunteered, I had the kids call me by my first name as well. That's how all of ds's friends refer to me now.

I spent a few months working at a different public school, and those kids called me Ms. <lastname>.

Ds refers to adults the way they introduce themselves. With relatives I have him use a title. My brother Jim is Uncle Jim; my sister is Auntie Beth. Dh's parents are Grandpa Bob and Grandma Nancy.

The only time ds was ever at a loss was with my mom (back when we had a relationship). I knew she didn't want a grandmother title of any kind. I felt weird about ds calling her by her first name. He only heard her referred to as Mom, so that's what he called her. I was Mama at the time, so it was fine and I think my mom kind of liked that one.

It's funny--when I was a child it really bothered me when my friends would refer to and speak to my parents using their first names. *I* thought other kids should call my parents Mr. and Mrs. So I always assumed I would want ds's friends to refer to me that way. But nope. It doesn't bother me in the least when they call me Lisa.