11 year old begging to get homeschooled...

[lisabees]

I'm not sure what I'm hoping for, by writing this post. I know who I'm asking! :lol:

 

My 11 year old is in 5th grade at ps. During the last couple of years, he has become frustrated with school on many levels. He finds the academics a joke - too easy. He finds the rules stifling, yet he is a perfectionist - always worried and stressed that an assignment wasn't done properly. He worries TOO much. He wants to learn deeply - about things that interest him. Computer programming, 3-d gaming, Japanese, writing fantasy novels etc. He's a glass is half-empty kind of kid. Depression worries me in the future.

 

In school, he is pulled out a lot for gifted class, enrichment in math and reading, viola. I did approach his gifted teacher (she loves ds and we love her). She is going to talk to him and see how they can make changes. Socially, he does well. He has leadership qualities, was voted into student council, and is well-liked by teachers and students.

 

But, he is begging to get homeschooled (via letters, lists, emails). I know you would ask why I even question NOT doing it. But, I really feel like he needs to be around kids like him. He would love to be in an enriching class filled with kids who are excited about the world around them. I'd hate for him to become even more of a downer, in our quiet house (ds17 is home this year, for the same reasons, but I feel like he was mature enough to make the decision on his own).

 

So, what am I asking? I don't know. Do your gifted kids have this personality? How do you deal with it? Do they struggle with being alone?

 

I'm trying to balance his academic needs with his social and emotional needs. My gut says he should enjoy the elementary school experience and I will teach him next year. He is begging to be pulled out now.

 

My middle boy went back to ps this year. He has dyslexia and possibly ADD, but is my SOCIAL athlete. He, too, is unhappy and wants to go to the local private Christian school next year (and we are not Christian).

 

I am overwhelmed by the issues that are cropping up with my kids this year. The reason for this post is probably just to vent. I worry about my kids...

Edited October 27, 2010 by lisabees

[Mandy in TN]

I am overwhelmed by the issues that are cropping up with my kids this year. The reason for this post is probably just to vent. I worry about my kids...

:grouphug:

[2smartones]

Are there gifted summer camps or homeschool groups in your area? We have a wonderful gifted summer camp here, so it's not like we're hurting for gifted group activities. (There's also an amazing gifted school here, but the tuition is $20k/yr. Can't afford that!) Homeschooling works for us. My kids socialize with children of all abilities/intelligences, but they have opportunities that PS kids don't have. We're able to challenge them appropriately, and we're able to use the spare time for enrichment activities and field trips. If we're interested in something, we can take a day off school to go to a library or museum or farm to learn hands-on everything we need to know about it - TOGETHER. There's plenty of time to explore and ask questions. There's no homework, pep rallies, or abrupt class change schedules to get in our way. "Time flies when you're having fun" applies to a gifted child in a wonderful learning environment - no matter what that environment may look like. If the kids are complaining, the learning environment isn't ideal. Learning should be fun, engaging, and intense for a gifted child.

[regentrude]

I am an accidental homeschooler and never expected to do this - but when my DD was in 6th grade, it became necessary. She is much like you describe your son, a worrier, perfectionist, academically excelling. What was different was that her academic needs were not met in school (despite the gifted program) and that she was actively bullied.

I was very worried about pulling her out of school, especially since she is an extreme extravert and craves human interaction. Things have turned out OK.

She has one very best friend from school times with whom she hangs out a few times every week. She made friends through our homeschool group with whom we have weekly meetings. And she developed a passion for horseback riding, is spending 60 hours a month at the bard and is part of a nice group of girls, all older than her (14 - 27). Great role models, nice atmosphere.

We have not had any luck finding academic peers for her, even in our homeschool group, because she is so advanced. But we try to facilitate her other social interactions.

My son really begged to be homeschooled as well. I made sure he had clear expectaitons (and did not envision days of limitless videogames) and it works very well.

if he is motivated I'd say give it a try. you can always send him back to school if things don't work out (that is what I told myself when I made the initial decision)

[chirowife]

My daughter was the same way at the end of 5th grade. She would write out lists and send me email even snail mail as to why she wanted to be home schooled. We did not know anyone at the time that was homeschooling so I really don't know where she came up with it. I pulled her out for 6th grade and we did a cyber charter school last year. This year 7/8th grade we are doing traditional homeschool. What a relief, no more "I'm bored" all the time. I never would have expected that I would be homeschooling. We now have a large network of homeschooling families and are very busy. It is the best thing I ever did for her and my other daughter who is home as well. Good luck in your decision. Maybe you could find some other home schooling families and talk to them. That was the biggest help for me.

[budeb]

No advice, just kinda know how you feel. I put my two boys in PS this year after homeschooling them for the early years. My DS in Grade three is also asking to be homeschooled again as he misses it and finds he hasn't learned anything new yet. Thankfully he (actually both boys) is/are starting enrichment classes this week. Hopefully that will help . . . but if this continues, I may have to rethink it for next year. I will stick out the year in school, but will always re evaluate at the end of the year. I am continuing with Sonlights read alouds and hopefully will finish the Core we started last year. If my son looses his love for learning and becomes depressed I would certainly homeschool.

[love2read]

Is this a new request? Has he always been bored or is it that he just can't deal with it now? I worry about my kids too and it is extra work to keep a gifted child stimulated. If his program is good and by that I don't mean just harder material or moving faster through the material but an approach that is truly gifted, I would keep him in the program and work with the school. I've never had a child in school, so take this with a grain of salt.

[Kates]

I have a 13yo gifted kid, and homeschooling has been amazing for him. The schools in our area (except for one, which is 45 minutes away AND 15K+ per year) are completely unable to challenge him; he ended up begging to be homeschooled on the first day of school after we moved here lol. It caught me completely by surprise, but we tried it and haven't looked back.

 

He can learn at both the pace and the depth that is right for him - he doesn't have to be pulled out of anything or sit and wait while everyone else takes the prescribed amount of time to do what he finished in 5 minutes. He doesn't have to stop learning about something simply because the lesson plans say to move on, and he doesn't have to spend 3 extra days on something for the same reason. He absolutely loves it.

 

When he was younger, I planned out everything for him; now, we sit down twice a year and chart out what he wants to learn. He helps me pick out the resources he wants to work with, helps me plan long term projects, and we learn together. There are a few subjects that I still teach him (namely, the ones I majored in), but for all others, we learn side by side and discuss what we find. It works very, very well.

 

As far as getting with other kids, he's in a great Scout troop (that lets him go at his pace) and co op classes that challenge him. His teachers have all worked with gifted kids and know how to teach him - and how to let him do whatever extra work he wants to. He does karate, which he takes with his friends and can progress at his own pace, and he also does community theater. It's taught him a lot about being responsible for his own education and activities...which to me, is worth a lot more than following someone else's plan. Gifted kids tend to be more prone to depression than non-gifted kids (simply because they perceive everything so strongly, yet often don't know how to deal with those perceptions), and being able to chart their own goals according to their interests and abilities gives them a way to counteract that. They can focus on their motivations and achievements, rather than their perceptions.

 

JMHO...

[lisabees]

Is this a new request? Has he always been bored or is it that he just can't deal with it now? I worry about my kids too and it is extra work to keep a gifted child stimulated. If his program is good and by that I don't mean just harder material or moving faster through the material but an approach that is truly gifted, I would keep him in the program and work with the school. I've never had a child in school, so take this with a grain of salt.

 

DS has expressed frustration for the last two years. Last year, I assumed it was the teacher. Now, I realize it is ds. ;) He is only pulled out for two hours a week for his gifted class. He is also pulled out for reading enrichment and math enrichment (Hands on Equations btw). I think this is just once a week. He is also allowed to test out of each math unit (Everyday Math :tongue_smilie:).

 

So, he is not part of an extensive gifted program. There is no local gifted co-op. There are some great private schools, that cost between $25 and $30K. Ouch.

 

 

 

Gifted kids tend to be more prone to depression than non-gifted kids (simply because they perceive everything so strongly, yet often don't know how to deal with those perceptions), and being able to chart their own goals according to their interests and abilities gives them a way to counteract that. They can focus on their motivations and achievements, rather than their perceptions.

JMHO...

 

This is what I worry about.

 

Thanks everyone for sharing your stories and thoughts. Maybe I'll give it until the holidays to see if things change.

[Storm Bay]

If this is what he's begging for, I'd give it a try. I was bored, angry & depressed all through high school. Not just because my academic needs weren't being met, but that was a big part of it. I even asked to go to an alternate school for the rest of high school, but my dad was against it. No one ever asked me what I wanted with education growing up, and I didn't normally speak my mind on it, but my advice to you, based not only on my experience, but on that of my family and others I know (so not a scientific study!) is to consider homeschooling since he wants it so much.

[Luckymama]

We pulled dd10 from her very good school for academic reasons only. The school and teachers weren't able to meet her needs no matter how they tried. Dd10 cried almost daily about going to that school. She was so tired of waiting for the other students to "get" whatever they were studying. Now that she's able to proceed at her own pace, she's a much happier student :D

 

In our case, she'll be home through eighth grade, then will attend a high school with many choices for advanced students. We have affordable private high schools plus a math/science charter high school to choose from.

[RanchGirl]

Being bored out of his mind and having no control must be very frustrating! Personally I've gone the opposite way, I'm having my kids do elementary and junior high at home, because I feel like this is the time to enjoy the family and build up confidence and curiosity and a desire to learn and solid base of knowledge, plus time for some delight-directed studies... which I don't see happening in our local elementary schools. They aren't learning much other than some obnoxious social skills and a hatred of learning in general. In high school there are more options, so we're considering public/private then -- or maybe we will continue to homeschool, not sure yet.

 

Especially since you are worried about depression, I would be trying to give him some power over his situation and some hope of change in the future. IF you are truly open to homeschooling him, tell him that you would consider it if there was a plan so let's brainstorm some ideas for (a) meeting social needs, (b) maintaining a positive attitude/contribution to the family and © planning out a curriculum that will be challenging and allow for some independence but is mom-approved. 11 is old enough to take some ownership in the planning and execution, with mom's approval on everything of course.

 

If you decide you are NOT going to homeschool, then I suggest you try to understand exactly what his complaints are and meet them another way. Maybe the school can meet his needs if you demand it, or maybe they can let him do online classes part time (like Stanford's EPGY or something like that). Maybe he just needs a little extra support and flexibility to get him through until junior high and then there will be more options within the school? If he knows that, the "light at the end of the tunnel" might make a huge difference in helping him survive this time. Maybe they could at least cut out the busy work and give him something more challenging to do.... many schools can't offer something like this, but maybe yours will be the exception if you push hard enough.

 

Either way, check around your area for a gifted child support group, chess club, math team, that kind of thing where he might meet peers who think like he does. If you don't find one, start one, even just a yahoogroup or meetup group to start with. It could make a world of difference to him, whether he stays in ps or starts homeschooling in the future.

 

Whatever you decide, good luck. I hate the constant anxiety that is trying to make the right decisions for our children, if only they came with an owner's manual and a crystal ball!! :)

[budeb]

It would be interesting to get an update from the original poster. 

 

I ended up putting my son in a full time enrichment program where he is around other kids who are just like him and he is thriving.  I'm so thrilled. It was something that is available but was not advertised or mentioned as an option.  So I did a lot of digging around to find out about the opportunity.

[kiwik]

That is the problem with reading old threads. You always want to know what happened.