I need to share a momma's hurting heart

[Laura Corin]

 

This happened at a Scout event; his Scoutmaster needs to be told. He may do absolutely nothing with the information, but you need to let him know.

 

Hobbes was bullied at a cub scout event. The scout leader made it very clear to the boys concerned that if there was ever another such incident, then the boys were out of cubs, scouts and explorers, for ever.

 

Laura

[Denisemomof4]

I started to reply to this this morning but my laptop cord has a short in it and my computer died. I'm glad to see you've gotten so many responses but haven't read any of them.

 

This is what I would do. If your son wants to go to high school and you're willing to give it a try, I would recommend you do so I would go into the school ahead of time and have a talk with the principal. I would explain what happened, just as you did here, and I would let him know that you're trusting the school to watch over your son and keep him safe while he's there. With all the bullying stuff going on, there is more and more talk and intolerance of it in the schools. I would NEVER allow him to take the bus. So many issues take place on the bus.

 

My ds was picked on in high school at first. We called the principal, against ds's wishes, and the kid was called into the office. He never again picked on my kid and by the 12th grade they were friends at some level. Not close, but they talked regularly.

 

Also, trying high school doesn't mean he has to stay there. If it doesn't work out for ANY reason, bring him home.

 

About the nervousness since the boyscout run in, I would give him some L-theanine to help his nerves, which will help his Tourettes symptoms. Only do this if he's not already on medication for his nerves. Also, have you ever read about Neurofeedback to cure Tourettes? Please do a google search. There is a lot out there. I've done a lot of research on neurofeedback and tried it once. I'm a HUGE fan of it.

 

I am so sorry your son experienced such cruelty. As his mom, it's probably worse on you.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[helena]

From one TS mom to another, :grouphug:

I like Spy Cars advice.

I also agree with a pp about martial arts classes. My husband (who has had TS since he was little) has been in martial arts forever. I know that has helped him a lot. It's not just for self defense but to be able to have more control over your body despite the fact that TS can take that away from you.

 

I'm hoping you get support from the parents and scout master.

:grouphug:

[MariannNOVA]

I am very far from a "rescue my kid" type person, so this is a lot when I say...

 

This happened at a Scout event; his Scoutmaster needs to be told. He may do absolutely nothing with the information, but you need to let him know.

 

Bully Boy is mad because your son fought back. Bullies hate that. He's obviously still harboring a grudge. He didn't touch him, though, so he's being cautious. If your son ignores him, maybe he'll move on. If BB touches him again, though, call the police.

 

I'd definitely call the scout master and make him aware. The scouts have a code, and this kid is NOT in line with it.

 

:iagree: And then I would call the boy's mother, and let her know. I would also let them know, that if this boy ever laid a hand on my son again, I would be calling the police and pressing charges. Nothing was being done about the kid bullying my son (at scouts) until I made that comment. Haven't had a problem since.

 

I think you should. At the very least call the scout master. They should know how well their scouts are spreading good will :glare:

 

:grouphug:

 

I'll pray along with you.

 

we had a situation in our pack that wasn't as charged adn our scout master LAID into those boys.

 

That would be the first call I made. the second would be to the kid's parents--they could be completely oblivious and if they defend him, well you'll know where he gets it from. I would also tell them (after I talked to the scout master) that if their son threatened my son like that again, the police would be called.

 

:iagree:I would definately call the scout master and if it ever happens again, then I would call the police!! This is harrassment! Let your son know that this is just one boy who, I am willing to bet has got some issues in his own life!!!

 

I hope I don't need to say it but . . . you know he doesn't speak for "everyone" and that that is a load of . . . you know what. If he's looking forward to hs, look forward to it. The bully is very often the one not liked and he certainly doesn't speak for anyone but himself.

 

I'd call everyone: scout master, school, police and I'd seriously consider getting a restraining order if you can get one against a kid.

 

Bullies should never, ever, ever, be tolerated. ever. they kill. I mean that. They kill. They kill the spirit and joy but they also sometimes kill the body by physical action or haunting until their victims harm themseves.

 

Never, ever, ever, let a bully be tolerated. ever!

 

:iagree:I would let the scout leader know and then call mom and tell her the very next time your son is threatened or otherwise bullied by her son, the police will be brought in. Zero tolerance.

 

I'm very sorry for you and your son--I'm feeling all "mama bear" for him and I haven't even met him! :grouphug:

 

I would without fail meet with the other boys parents (along with you husband) and have a candid discussion of the problem. I would go into that meeting giving the other parents the "benefit of the doubt" that they will act responsibly and not acting in a way that will needlessly will get their backs up. They might prove to be mortified than their child is being a bully. If not you can take a tougher line as the discussion progresses, making sure they know you will not tolerate the bullying of your son, and will call the police if it happens again.

 

I would also speak to the scout master (and calmly) find out what he knows about the situation. Inform him what has been happening, and make sure you and he are in agreement that he will do every thing he can to prevent such a situation from happening again.

 

Should things not go the way you hope, then I would call the police and hopefully they will shake the boy up.

 

Bullies are cowards. But when they get away with things like this they become emboldened. That should not happen. The bully will be done no favor if the moment (which is short) passes without there being repercussions.

 

Just don't go off half-cocked out of rage and make enemies out of people who may be of help and may be part of the solution.

 

But do act. If nothing else your child will see you and your husband are fully in his corner and will actively protect him even when doing so is "uncomfortable" for them them.

 

My 2 cents.

 

Bill

 

BTW, in our home the phone call would be made by *me* as the boy's father to the other father. Not every family dynamic or need is the same, but I see this kind of thing as "my job" while respecting there are some mothers who are more that up to the job of making that call.

 

Bill

 

:iagree: My husband would talk to the scout master as well. They are supposed to be molding men after all.

 

All of these. I gave up after 4 pages, but this sampling is right on target. I am so sorry - I know how much this hurts, how angry it gets us, and i am praying that those who should get their comeuppance, get their comeuppance.:grouphug:

 

And, most definitely, my dh would be handling the phone calls.

[katemary63]

So sorry for your precious boy. I have tourrette's too and can relate to being teased for it. But the girls were never so mean as to physically harm me. Boy, that makes me mad. I don't know what you should do, but I will pray for you and your boy.

 

:grouphug: To both of you.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I am very far from a "rescue my kid" type person, so this is a lot when I say...

 

This happened at a Scout event; his Scoutmaster needs to be told. He may do absolutely nothing with the information, but you need to let him know.

This should never have happened.

 

Did your ds' scout leaders see it/know that it happened. They should also be alerted to the behavior of the other scout so that they can be on the lookout when the two troops are at area events.

 

This is totally unacceptable for scouts and a scouting activity. You might also find that your scoutmaster will be able to be a perssuassive advocate for your son with the other scoutmaster. Sometimes a parent comes of as someone who can be blown off. But if I, in a scouter uniform, look at a scout who's just been rude and ask him what part of the scout law his actions demonstrated, I often get a different reaction. And often scoutmasters have a tight relationship from spending time together at camp or training that can help your SM get his point across.

 

It is just beyond wrong that a scout should have been threatening a fellow scout at a scouting event (not that it would have been ok anywhere else or by non-scouters, just that it is so directly against what a scout says he represents).

 

If these scout units are near each other locally, you might also inquire about having a district or counsel committee on working with scouts with disabilities do a presentation at a roundtable or leader training (topic Tourette's and/or bullying of scouts with special needs). We've been working with several scouts who have ADD/ADHD and others on the autistic spectrum. We're learning as leaders that there are some things we've done in the past that made the situation worse and other things we can do to help a particular scout that will also benefit the whole troop.

[TechWife]

This is the last weekend for the haunted house and both DH and I will be attending so we can monitor the situation. We are also going to find out which troop he is involved with so we can speak with the scoutmaster.

 

I'm not one who relishes tough-love, but since you are a friend, you need to "man up" momma bear. If you wait to "calm down" naturally there is a good chance the moment will pass, and those other boys parents will not get a call. Everyday that passes will make it seem like less of an "issue" in their eyes, and the bully will feel he got away with it.

 

The time to act is NOW!

 

He will benefit for the example of you sticking up for him... Be fierce, just calmly fierce...I would have a candid discussion with my spouse, and let him (of course in my case it is a "her" :D) know that trouble has already found you. and that is our job to do something about it. And act alone if that's what it takes.

 

don't over think it...

the weekend is coming, and it needs to be a done deal before they are together again at the haunted house

 

I should clarify this scout is not in our troop. I have no idea which troop he is in... I need the cooperation of our Scoutmaster in locating this info. which means a trip to the haunted house to look at last weekend's duty roster.

 

DH (if he is home) and I will be going to work the HH this weekend so if anything else happens we/I will be there to deal with it immediately.

 

When your son sees you sticking up for him, that will help him stick up for himself. Good luck.

 

Please read this as one person truly trying to advise another. I was bullied a little bit in high school. Nothing like what your son endured. Based upon my reading of the comments I quoted, I am very concerned that you are unwittingly sending the wrong message to your son. When I read them, I see that you have related a very specific incident and have received some good advice. I also see that you are hesitant to act. By stating that you will be there this weekend, it sounds like you might only act if you witness something. Your son may be wondering that, as well. This may not be your intended message, and w/forums it is hard to tell, but it is what came to my mind.

 

I assume you know this boy's name. That is all your SM needs to know, the council has everything else on file and will be able to assist the SM with this issue. They most likely won't give the information to you due to privacy reasons. However, the SM should act aggressively to deal with this situation. If the SM does not act, then you need to make sure that your troop committee chair knows what is going on and go to the council office yourself and ask for someone to help you. I would also ask who the LIC is for this event, on that day, and let that person know as well. Let the scouting organization schedule any meetings between this boy, his family and your son and family. If no one acts, you need to call the police.

 

In any case, you need to seriously consider filing a police report. You need a paper trail. I hope you never have to use it.

 

Time is of the essence. Your son's heart is at stake. Every day you wait you are allowing him to be a little more tortured, making him weaker and the bully to be a little more self-satisfied, making him stronger. Failure to deal with this immediately and yet expect your son to return to the event next weekend puts your son at physical and emotional risk. Your son needs to know without a doubt that you are on his side.

 

Do this today.

Edited October 27, 2010 by TechWife

[jenL]

No new advice as you've already received wonderful advice already. My mama bear claws appeared as I read your post. You have every right to be angry. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Please keep us posted as to the turn of events as you address this.

[SweetMissMagnolia]

:iagree: lots of good advice...I agree-I'd have to speak with someone-and if it was at a scouting "event" then it would be the scoutmaster I guess..... :grouphug:

[Granny_Weatherwax]

Time is of the essence. Your son's heart is at stake. Every day you wait you are allowing him to be a little more tortured, making him weaker and the bully to be a little more self-satisfied, making him stronger. Failure to deal with this immediately and yet expect your son to return to the event next weekend puts your son at physical and emotional risk. Your son needs to know without a doubt that you are on his side.

 

Do this today.

 

Thank you for your reply. I can tell you that my DS knows where we stand. We are not waiting to see if anything happens on Friday before we act. We will be going so we can speak to both scout leaders at the same time and verify that something will be said to this kid.

[TechWife]

.

Edited October 27, 2010 by TechWife
never mind

[LBS]

but I would advise you start with the Scoutmasters of both troops. Tell your own Scoutmaster and ask for a meeting with him and the other troop's Scoutmaster. Adult leaders should have been nearby, somebody likely witnessed the incident at the Troop activity. This is a great area to get positive resolution started. I would approach the bully-boy's parents at the same time. The Scoutmasters may have excellent Commissioners who can help or can take it to the District Commissioner. I advise trying to straighten this out, and advocate for your son, thru Scouting because I feel sure it will be handled better there than in public school.

 

For the future, while working on the Scout front, I'd go talk to his counselor at the high school. There will be one assigned to him, that likely will be with his whole grade level the whole four years of high school. Likely a principal also. I'd get on board with them, so they know the situation, and IF it starts when he is in high school, they'll have the history and can handle it knowledgeably, from the get-go. His counselor in high school will be his best advocate....he should know that at any time, if he has a problem he can walk to that counselor (and a principal or special teacher, too, if possible.) You can make sure your son does not ever have a class with this kid. You can let his teachers know.

 

My quiet, introverted daughter was the object of a couple of really odd bullying situations. One was a boy who would grab her arm in the lunchroom. She is a very talented fencer. I was actually afraid she was going to react and floor him, in which case she'd get punished, so I went to a principal. He was amazing, said he did not tolerate bullying of any kind, and the next day, at lunch (I was volunteering) I actually saw him chasing down this kid, across the lunchroom.....hilarious. Ridiculous. Sad. This principal is truly one of the good guys, though.

 

Good luck resolving your situation,

LBS

[Pippen]

:iagree: And then I would call the boy's mother, and let her know. I would also let them know, that if this boy ever laid a hand on my son again, I would be calling the police and pressing charges. Nothing was being done about the kid bullying my son (at scouts) until I made that comment. Haven't had a problem since.

 

:iagree: I'm with them. Scoutmaster first, then the boy's parents with a warning about calling the police should there be any further bullying.

 

Good leaders have a way of stopping bullies. I've seen it my kids' public schools on a number of occasions, once last year by a school staff member who did it in such a manner that neither the kids involved or anyone who was aware of it would even dream of trying it again.

[Quiver0f10]

Frankly, I think going to the scout master or the parents isn't enough. I think the police need to be called in, if nothing more than to scare the carp out of the bully. That is just intolerable!

 

I'm sorry for your son and what he experienced. :grouphug:

 

 

I agree. He threatened your son. Call the police.

[Tammyla]

I would call the principle, scout master and his parents...maybe even the police. That kind of threat needs to be documented and stopped.

:grouphug:

 

Zero tolerance is a bunch of donkey-poo imo.

 

DS got into a fight right before we took him out of 6th grade. He has Tourette Syndrome and this one boy bullied him something firece. The fight that finally indicated enough was enough occurred during wrestling practice. The bully threw DS into a wall of lockers and was being about as mean as could be. DS finally had enough and fought back (yeah, DS!!). Well, DS was caught hitting the other kid and suspended for three days. Nothing happened to the bully. We had DS serve the suspension and when the three days were up we withdrew him from public school.

 

Fast forward to this past weekend - DS was working his Boy SCout Toopr's haunted house and this same bully (also a Boy Scout) was there with some boys from another Troop. This kid laid into DS like you wouldn't believe. Told him that everyone at the junior high hated him and he had better not be thinking about going to high school because he would regret it, etc...

 

DS worked his shift but came home physically ill. He has been looking forward to high school next year and we have been praying that everything would be different. He is so stressed out and sad over this that he is ticcing again (he hasn't ticced in months) and feels defeated.

 

Part of me wants to call up this boy's scout master and say WTH? Is this what you teach your scouts? What happened to every scout is a brother? What about the Oath and the Law?

 

And then I want to call this kid's parents and say WTH? Is this how you are raising your son? Glad to know compassion, acceptance and grace are at the top of the list.

 

This fight occurred more than two years ago when they were 10 or 11 and DS took the punishment. Nothing whatsoever happened to this kid so why in the world would he be harboring ill will toward my DS? This kid started the fight with his intolerance and hatred.

 

Thanks for reading. This has been bothering me since Sat. night and I am praying for clarity and guidance but my momma heart is in 'bear mode' and wants to ...well, do angry momma bear things.