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Guess my mom won't know we've moved.


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I don't know her address or phone number, and now her email is no longer valid. I guess she won't know we moved just like she didn't know we lost a baby to late miscarriage or had another baby. She emails me once every year or two, but my email address will change with the move. My phone number will stay the same so there is a small chance that we'll hear from her again in the distant future.

 

Oh, well. It wasn't like she actually cared much for me and my family anyway. She didn't come to my wedding. She's never met my husband or three of my children (she met the oldest when she was 2 months old). She's never even talked to them on the phone, sent them a letter/card/gift, etc.

 

Why is it so hard to just let go of the idea of having a mother?

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Why is it so hard to just let go of the idea of having a mother?

 

Because as mothers, we feel a need to connect to our own mothers. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I'm sorry your mother is missing out on a wonderful daughter and grandchildren. And I'm sorry you and your children are missing out on a mother and grandmother. :grouphug:

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I don't know her address or phone number, and now her email is no longer valid. I guess she won't know we moved just like she didn't know we lost a baby to late miscarriage or had another baby. She emails me once every year or two, but my email address will change with the move. My phone number will stay the same so there is a small chance that we'll hear from her again in the distant future.

 

Oh, well. It wasn't like she actually cared much for me and my family anyway. She didn't come to my wedding. She's never met my husband or three of my children (she met the oldest when she was 2 months old). She's never even talked to them on the phone, sent them a letter/card/gift, etc.

 

Why is it so hard to just let go of the idea of having a mother?

 

:grouphug::grouphug: Well that just stinks. I'm sorry. You have always come across as a beautiful caring person, I made the false assumption you had a good role model type mother growing up.

 

Your family is blessed and she is the one missing out.

 

I'm sorry. :grouphug::grouphug:

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I'm in the same boat with you. Mine will send b-day cards to the kids but makes NO other effort at all. She and sister #1 have caused tremendous pain to my family and I'm in a quandry right now about whether to attend the other sister#2's daughter's wedding in January. I love my niece and want to show her God's love but the heartache associated with my mother and Sister #1 makes it scary. If you have any suggestions, I'm all :bigear:s. Blessings on you....middle-aged women still need a mom sometimes.

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I

 

Why is it so hard to just let go of the idea of having a mother?

 

Because NOBODY should ever be forced to. That is SO sad. I can't even imagine.

 

I'm so sorry for you. There must be a huge hole in your heart that has never been filled. I'm just so sorry. I do hope someday you can make COMPLETE peace with this.:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

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I wish I knew the answer because then I would stop striving to get acceptance and validation from a woman who will never give it to me. :grouphug:

 

you will NEVER be happy until you let that go. I learned the hard way, and once I stopped caring, the loving support came. I am fortunate to have enjoyed a beatiful decade with my mother before she died, but I had deep pain before that. It was me that needed to change, to accept my mother for who she was. Only then did I stop hurting for what she wasn't to me, and then learned to love her anyway. I always gave her more than I ever received, all the way to the end. But I do know she loved me.

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I don't know her address or phone number, and now her email is no longer valid. I guess she won't know we moved just like she didn't know we lost a baby to late miscarriage or had another baby. She emails me once every year or two, but my email address will change with the move. My phone number will stay the same so there is a small chance that we'll hear from her again in the distant future.

 

Oh, well. It wasn't like she actually cared much for me and my family anyway. She didn't come to my wedding. She's never met my husband or three of my children (she met the oldest when she was 2 months old). She's never even talked to them on the phone, sent them a letter/card/gift, etc.

 

Why is it so hard to just let go of the idea of having a mother?

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

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I had a lot of pain with my mum for many years too. Its ok now, but I have done a lot of healing work around it. I felt she betrayed me as a teenager - but over the years I have just learned to let go and forgive and see that she was actually doing her best.

 

I have really learned to let go into my own mothering energy and tune into the universal mother energy found all over the place, from Mother Mary, to Quan Yin, to Amma, to Mother Earth...there are many manifestations of teh all loving Mother that we can use to heal that hurt. For Christians, even non Catholics, I think Mother Mary is incredibly beautiful.

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I am sorry, I know it hurts. :grouphug::grouphug: It hurts because you are mourning a loss of a mother that you never had but held out hope that someday you might get. YOU are an awsome mom. :grouphug::grouphug:Try and see it as a blessing, like pulling the bandaid off hairy legs. It will be better in the long run because you won't be waiting for the email, card or call that never comes unless MOM needs something.

 

Is it possible for you to have a heart to heart with your son and just explain to him that she is not ready and may never be ready to be part of our family, maybe one day but not now.

I am so sorry you are hurting and wish you warm, fuzzy hugs.:grouphug:

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it isn't my quote, but dr. laura's

 

we have two chances at mothers

the one we got and the one we can be

 

Thank you for posting that; I was trying to figure out how to say something similar.

 

Your children can either remember you fondly, or they can compare you to the amorphous grandma they heard you harp about their entire lives. The choice is up to you.

 

I know it sounds harsh, but no one in the world had perfect parents. It is how we dealt with the relationship we had, and how we deal with whatever we have (or don't have) left that defines us as a person (and a parent) today.

 

Our children are watching us and learning not only how they should behave as parents, but how they should respond to our perceived failings. Grace goes a long way.

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you are mourning a loss of a mother that you never had but held out hope that someday you might get.

 

I agree with amethyst.

 

Even though we logically *know* we're not going to have the kind of mother we long for, we harbor a tiny hope that someday... maybe... a miracle perhaps?

 

So many people have mothers who are actually mothers. When I see that I, to be honest, get a little twinge of envy. Then there's the sigh and the resignation. ("I'm not going to have that.")

 

Ah, well. I also agree with what Peela said: Mary is beautiful. For Christians everywhere Mary is the ultimate mother. And she's mother to us all. Thank You, Jesus.

 

The pp who mentioned being the mother that you never had has a good point. I'm sure this is behind my need to be a good mother to my children.

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