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Giving up on IVF - now looking at adoption


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DH and I have been doing IVF because I had ovarian cancer in HS and don't have ovaries. It's been a long and expensive procedure and after a few setbacks we finally had our first embryo transfer two weeks ago. We were very optmistic until we found out that the seven embryos we thought we'd have to freeze didn't make it the additional day to freeze. This was a very bad sign for the embryos that transfered and yesterday we found out that they didn't take. So if we were to do IVF again we'd have to start at the beginning and then we still might end up without a baby. After much discussin between my DH and I we are instead looking at adoption.

 

What can you guys tell me about domestic adoption? We are looking at Catholic Charities just because I'm Catholic and am at least familiar with the name. Are there other agencies anyone could recommend? (We're near Kansas City, Missouri if that makes a difference.) How else can we do it besides going to an agency? What types of things should I ask the agency? Any books to recommend or websites?

 

Thanks so much.

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We adopted domestically through an adoption attorney. The only thing our attorney handled was adoption, so he was thoroughly familiar with the law, closing all the loopholes, etc. It was a fantastic, wonderful experience for us.

 

Feel free to pm me with specific questions.

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I'm so sorry. Infertility is such a difficult road. After years (off and on, an entire decade) of less invasive measures, we chose adoption. (I then later got pregnant through GIFT, but when the end goal was the baby, adoption was so much more predictable.)

 

Even before you begin looking at the means (the agency), I think you should consider the end. What baby are you looking for? Does he or she need to be a newborn? What possibilities are you open to in terms of race? Do you need to be able to choose the gender? What possibilities are you open to in terms of disability or infant addiction? What are you looking for in terms of relationship with the birth parents?

 

A good agency can help you think through all of those, but it would be wise to have the answers to some of those in your head before you begin.

 

I no longer know the website, but I do know that there is one where adoptive parents write reviews about their experiences with agencies.

 

Good luck.

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Sorry. I thought you were in the state of Kansas. I don't know if the agency I posted works w/families in Missouri.

 

ETA: I just checked. It does!

 

No, I am in Kansas actually. It's a suburb of Kansas City but on the Kansas side. Thanks for the recommendation.

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We adopted through the foster care system. I'm in California (Los Angeles County). I'm not sure if you are interested in going that route or not but it was essentially free.

 

There are some wonderful private agencies out there too. Bethany Christian Services is supposed to be really reputable and a good agency. I checked and there are two offices in Missouri (Springfield and St. Louis).

 

 

http://adoptuskids.org/ This website has tons of resources on it as well. There is also a database of children waiting for adoption that you can browse through. I believe there is even an area there where you can search for agencies close to you.

 

Good luck and feel free to pm me anytime if you have more specific questions about adoption :)

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I'm really sorry about your IVF. :grouphug: I know how hard it is to walk away from treatments. :grouphug:

 

We adopted both of our kids from Catholic Charities, 9 & 10 years ago. We're not Catholic but we loved the agency and I'd recommend them. They were more reasonable with their pricing (sliding scale based on income) than other agencies and they worked closely with us to find good matches. We have open adoptions, but they didn't push us into them, just let us figure out what we wanted, along with the birth families. Feel free to ask here or pm me with any specific questions.

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No, I am in Kansas actually. It's a suburb of Kansas City but on the Kansas side. Thanks for the recommendation.

 

 

I hope it helps. :)

 

I am not in KS or MO, but am familiar with working with an international agency. PM if you feel inclined. :)

Edited by LibraryLover
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I'm sorry about the IVF. I don't have ovaries either, due to really bad endrometriosis. My DH and I looked briefly at donor egg IVF, but in the end decided to go the adoption route right from the beginning.

 

We have 3 GORGEOUS kids (am I allowed to say that??) - a 9 yr old daughter from Guatemala, a 7 yr old son from Korea, and a daughter who is almost 2, adopted domestically (she is AA, so we are quite the "rainbow" family!). We are hoping to adopt one more baby in the near future.

 

I'm pretty familiar with a lot of adoption options, so please, feel free to email me privately.

 

BTW, I have always heard good things about adopting thru Catholic Charities all across the US.

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Bethany Christian Services has several offices across the nation. They handle both international and domestic adoptions. We used the local Bethany office here for our homestudy and post placement requirements (we adopted internationally but via a different placing agency than Bethany because we wanted a country specific agency). Our social worker through Bethany was wonderful. I know they have lots of options including embryo adoption (in case you still feel a desire to try to give birth).

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We adopted both of our sons.

 

They are the best.

 

The books I liked best about the whole issue

Childless is not less by Vicki Love

and the Adoption resource book by lois Gilman

http://www.amazon.com/Adoption-Resource-Book-4th/dp/0062733613

 

I liked it because it was very clear about the many issues you should look at, and the questions from the homestudy.

 

I too agree you need to make decisions about the ages of children you would be willing to take, issues they may have, physical problems or possible mental issues. Since you have children in the home my advice is to not get any children older than the youngest in the house, and I think it should be a few years apart.

Edited by ZooRho
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DH and I adopted all three of our children because of infertility. We did not go down the infertility treatment road because I just didn't want the heartbreak. Our three children are wonderful blessings. I can't imagine loving a biological child more. We adopted out of the foster care sytem.

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I'm sorry for your baby delay. It's hard to take a new road. I would also recommend reading as much as you can while you are contacting agencies and getting things worked out. It helped me understand the process and get excited about adoption possibilities.

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